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"SSC 31 - Pursuit"

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Thu 01/09/05 at 20:15
Regular
"Captain to you."
Posts: 4,609
The landscape was covered with a think white blanket, hiding all the things that had happened over the last year, the footprints in the ground, the fallen branches and the gravel footpath.

I ran quickly down the hill at the side of my house, my boots crushing the snow below them as I headed for the tree line. I could hear voices behind me, yelling that they were going to get me. Fear and exhilaration ran through my mind, could I escape them? I reached the trees and my pursuers were further behind me now, I dodged through the wooden maze around me trying to make my route harder to follow.

Suddenly a small projectile hit a tree near me, followed by several others around me, ‘what should I do? Turn and face them? No’. Just ahead I hear the stream trickling in it’s frozen surroundings, I leapt over the narrowest part, my hands embracing the frozen ground as I landed. I stood up and began to run again, my hands aching and my legs beginning to feel the strain.

I turned back to see if I could see them behind me, but just as I saw a glimpse of coat behind me, I fell forward and felt a sharp pain in one of my shins moments before I hit the ground. I had tripped over a log, the log that I had sat on a thousand times before, how could I have forgotten it was here, had the snow really changed the woods so much? I turned and sat up looking down at my now bleeding leg and the small dots of blood already beginning to freeze on top of the snow.

Then I realised that my pursuers were around me, they looked at me sitting on the floor cradling my injured leg and the small tear that left my eye. ‘What happened are you ok?’ my brother said, ‘I tripped over and hurt my leg’ I replied. With that my brother and our two friends threw their snowballs to the ground and helped me to my feet and we slowly walked back to our house.
Sat 10/09/05 at 17:52
Regular
"Captain to you."
Posts: 4,609
Thanks for the comments.

This is the first story i have written in about 7 years
(since school), i'll have to get back to writing more often.
Sat 10/09/05 at 17:47
"period drama"
Posts: 19,792
Heh, nice, really didn't see the ending coming.
Sat 10/09/05 at 09:44
Regular
"not dead"
Posts: 11,145
You maintain the pretence that he's in genuine peril well, through to the last paragraph when it's revealed. Decent writing, and nice ideas about the snow changing everything you know, and hiding the past, footprints etc.
Mon 05/09/05 at 10:20
Regular
"WhaleOilBeefHooked"
Posts: 12,425
I liked it, nice imagery too.
Sat 03/09/05 at 13:58
Regular
"Laughingstock"
Posts: 3,522
This kind of thing always works, but there have been many very short stories posted on here with similar twists, and as a result it wasn't that surprising.
Sat 03/09/05 at 01:23
Regular
"Catch it!"
Posts: 6,840
That was great I was liked worried when they were following him. Coz you didn't know if it was bullys or anyone but very good.
Fri 02/09/05 at 19:51
Regular
"It's so,so cold"
Posts: 386
I like that story.It is misleading as you create a very real sense of danger and then crush it at the end.Good.
Thu 01/09/05 at 20:15
Regular
"Captain to you."
Posts: 4,609
The landscape was covered with a think white blanket, hiding all the things that had happened over the last year, the footprints in the ground, the fallen branches and the gravel footpath.

I ran quickly down the hill at the side of my house, my boots crushing the snow below them as I headed for the tree line. I could hear voices behind me, yelling that they were going to get me. Fear and exhilaration ran through my mind, could I escape them? I reached the trees and my pursuers were further behind me now, I dodged through the wooden maze around me trying to make my route harder to follow.

Suddenly a small projectile hit a tree near me, followed by several others around me, ‘what should I do? Turn and face them? No’. Just ahead I hear the stream trickling in it’s frozen surroundings, I leapt over the narrowest part, my hands embracing the frozen ground as I landed. I stood up and began to run again, my hands aching and my legs beginning to feel the strain.

I turned back to see if I could see them behind me, but just as I saw a glimpse of coat behind me, I fell forward and felt a sharp pain in one of my shins moments before I hit the ground. I had tripped over a log, the log that I had sat on a thousand times before, how could I have forgotten it was here, had the snow really changed the woods so much? I turned and sat up looking down at my now bleeding leg and the small dots of blood already beginning to freeze on top of the snow.

Then I realised that my pursuers were around me, they looked at me sitting on the floor cradling my injured leg and the small tear that left my eye. ‘What happened are you ok?’ my brother said, ‘I tripped over and hurt my leg’ I replied. With that my brother and our two friends threw their snowballs to the ground and helped me to my feet and we slowly walked back to our house.

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