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"The Righteous Beheading of Nando and his Rafa"

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Tue 16/08/05 at 12:32
Posts: 16,548
Once upon a time a man lived in his happy place. The man? Sir Milan of Baros. The place? The Garden of Anfield. These two fitted like a sweaty hand into a leather glove, and Milan was a happy man. His squire was Scott Carson and they were great friends:


But one evil day, a terrible shade was cast across this Scouse Garden of Eden. A malevolent tyrant had come to this promised land, and he slew all before him in a frightful rage for not being Spanish enough.

Only Sir Milan of Baros was brave enough to stand up to this tyrant:


Unfortuantely, the Bad Tyrant would not have this, and he took it upon himself to destroy Sir Milan. More fool the Bad Tyrant! Lo, Milan did escape, for he was both fleet of foot and quick of mind. He escaped the Garden of Anfield, for it had become a frightful place, with guarded by a terrible Orge known as Sissoko, or 'Not-Needed-Squad-Player' (though never to his ugly face), and a greasy greasy ally of the Bad Tyrant, known only as Nando.

Sir Milan knew he had to free the Garden of Anfield from the grasp of the Tyrant and Nando, so he decided to go on a quest with his faithful squire, Carson. There was only one wise enough and brave enough to know how to destroy the Bad Tryant, and he was known as the Mage of Berger. Verily, Sir Milan of Baros and Squire Carson did set off to consult the Mage of Berger and learn his most revered trickery:


Unfortunately, they took a wrong turn near Huddersfield, and ended up in America:


This did not dampen our heroes spirits (except for Carson, who was getting bored).

Sir Milan was a master of the sword, and a most chivalrous man. This was known to an inhabitant of America, called Lucas. Lucas did take Sir Milan into his confidence, and bequeath him a sword of fearsome power with which to destroy the Bad Tyrant:


Sir Milan was happy. Squire Carson was not, for he was given a sandwich instead of a blade, and he ate it, leaving the Squire with nothing. Lo, Carson was unhappy. But his bond with Sir Milan was strong, and together they set off back to the Garden of Anfield. Squire Carson ventured ahead one day, and peeked into the Garden, for he was both curious and wanting to see Stevie's wife naked. Instead of that, he discovered a most terrifying sight:


Sir Milan was quick to react, and hushed the hysterial Carson. Gathering all his strength, Sir Milan did stride into the Garden of Anfield and smote down the Nando and Bad Tyrant with all his power and guile. And it was to this end, fair people, that the Garden of Anfield was returned to the paradise that it once was:


"Players will come back here", declared Sir Milan, as he stood upon Rafa's severed head. "Players of such fame and skill that you will gasp. Players from far-flung lands of yore, like Croatia. And I shall tell Harry Kewell to lose some weight. For this is the Time of Baros, and it is a happy time."

To this end, the leader of Anfield, known as God Stevie, did rip asunder the fabled armband of captainship and offer it up unto Sir Milan, saying 'Eh, it falls down me arm anyway'. And Sir Milan did show his wisdom, and returned the armband to the God, and said 'My friend, you bow to no-one'. Peter Jackson did say 'That's from my film', but Josemi kicked him in the face, and peace fell once again on Anfield.

But alas for the Garden, for Sir Milan could not stay. The town of Vigo was under seige from a fearsome dragon known as Nunez and he knew he must slay it. But it was not the last they saw of our Hero, oh no. For he had seen James Bond films, and as he left, he gave unto them a banner, saying 'SIR MILAN WILL RETURN'. And Stevie's wife was happy.

Fortunately for the Garden, Carson also went with Sir Milan.

The End

Wed 17/08/05 at 13:43
"Going nowhere fast"
Posts: 6,574
> saying 'Eh, it falls down me arm anyway'.

Thanks. You got me in trouble for laughing while I was supposed to be doing some serious work!

But it was worth it :D
Wed 17/08/05 at 13:23
"Previously Vampyr"
Posts: 4,618
Stryke wrote:
> Vamp loves me , despite me ripping him on regualar occasions, heh.

I love you Stryke
Wed 17/08/05 at 02:28
"5 European Cups!!!"
Posts: 5,795
That was............... beautiful.

And the story was so captivating! :)
Tue 16/08/05 at 15:14
Posts: 11,373
Quality :D
Tue 16/08/05 at 14:54
"tokyo police club"
Posts: 12,540
Stryke wrote:
> I think I may take a new position on the MetroStars/Buddle debate.
> DC United all the way. I love that Adu.

You're dead to me.
Tue 16/08/05 at 14:36
Posts: 16,548
Vamp loves me , despite me ripping him on regualar occasions, heh.
Tue 16/08/05 at 14:25
Posts: 11,038
It was more a reply to Vampyr's ass kissing than a reply to you, that's why it was in brackets.
Tue 16/08/05 at 14:21
Posts: 16,548
I'll live, munn. :)
Tue 16/08/05 at 14:16
Posts: 11,038
(I didn't think it was all that funny).
Tue 16/08/05 at 13:55
Posts: 6,989
Quality Stryke.

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