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I admit, this is a bit crap, but I haven't written a story in a few years
________________
She should be on the plane
Gordy pranced around excitedly, chasing his thin slender tail around the coffee table. The dull arid weather outside seemed to cast a shadow over the television, giving the neutral warm living room a cold gray tone. He isn't usually as restless as this, although Mrs. Yarn did warn me, Jack Russell's did have spontaneous tendencies.
She was a nice old lady, her face was dark, creased, and yet seemed to hold an element of warmth. Obviously her life as a dog breeder reflected in her humble abode, it was neat and organized, pictures of her beloved four legged friends littered the walls, you could smell the lurid canine musk which dominated the air. I sat on one of the leather sofas, feeling the soft yet tough material adjust to my body.
"Yer don't have any nice furniture do yer?", shouted the lady in the next room, her regional accent seemed to bellow through the paper like walls. Before I was able to answer, she was back in the room, caressing a small rodent like creature, staring at it lovingly.
My experience with animals, dogs especially, was minimal at best. After a few weeks in the house alone, I felt it was time to bring a canine into the house, a companion who is always compassionate. Judging by his excitable, child like behavior, I doubted he'd be useful as a guard dog, yet he held that irresistible charm that you would want from a pet.
She'll be so pleased to see the new addition to the family.
The clock struck three, the traditional bell like sound pierced the deafening silence, Gordy watched the clock, ears erect, curious like a cat. Everything looked new to him here, obviously his time as a pup was only spent sleeping next to his mother. All this waiting around on a Sunday was becoming a laborious task. Maybe I should be doing something productive, but the thought of seeing her again was governing my mind. The dog leapt onto my lap and curled up, tired from his actions.
The last time I saw her was in the States, Mary had invited me over to stay, even though I felt uncomfortable sleeping in the same house as her and him. Our divorce settlement was quick and painless, but they got custody of Sophie, apparently because my job as an I.T. specialist was too intensive to look after a child. She was only seven at that time, her remote understanding of the adult world was rather minimal.
Now, she is twelve. It's been five years since we last saw each other, face to face. Mary's apparent 'husband' turned out to be a raging psychopath and took my girl away, my only contact with her was through rare anonymous phone calls. Eventually the FBI caught up with him, one of our latest calls was traced to their exact location, somewhere in Ohio.
Now it all comes to today; the second of August 2005. This is the date that was marked on my calender over a year ago. This is the date she will be coming home, the date when Father and Daughter can be together, forever. This day was dawning on me for weeks, the anticipation had been building up to an immense scale. Questions had been flowing in and out of my ear lobes like congested traffic. What will she look like? What are her interests nowadays? Our brief telephone conversations were never conversations, they were protocol.
"How are you", "I love you", "bye bye now", three word sentences were all that was exchanged between us before the conversation was terminated. I felt helpless, over here, whilst she was being held hostage by a mass murderer. All I could do was rely on the Police force and their connections with the FBI to find them.
The clock struck four. It's been an hour already?. Sophie's plane was due to touch down at three fifty. She'll be here soon. The police specifically said not to meet her at the airport as they'll be bringing her here. A liaison officer will pick her up and escort her to the flat. Where she belongs.
All this sitting around was getting me nowhere, I just had to speak to her, staring at the walls is just making the situation worse. Maybe I could ring her? Her mobile phone should be on by now, she'll be so pleased to speak to me, I just need to hear her voice.
John steadily picked up the green handset from the table beside him, he punched in the number and waited whilst Gordy slept....
---
"We apologize for the slight delay in take off, local time is 12:45pm. Will all travelers be reminded that mobile phones do require to be switched off during flight"
The cabin assistant was running through the usual safety procedures as Sophie sat patiently and waited for the plane to take to the skies, her female police escort sat on the outside row of the two seats so the little girl could see outside of the window.
Poor girl, Katie thought to herself. Her job as a Police liaison officer did have its downsides when it came to looking after children who have been through horrific ordeals. Hopefully she'll be happy with her father.
As the Boeing 757 left the ground like a soaring Eagle, Sophie sighed to herself, adapting to the concept of another seven hour flight to sit through. She thumbed through the free magazines and occasionally peered out of the small rounded window. Only cloud and the sky above could be seen, her interests in the flight were waining. Even though she hadn't seen her Dad for 3 or so years, she felt apprehensive about today, and eventually fell into a slight slumber.
How can a child sleep in these conditions? The engines were roaring with anger as the economy class seats failed to keep Katie's rear comfortable. She looked down the bottom of the galley, a green "vacant" light appeared above where the toilets were located, she felt this would be a prime opportunity to go. After prizing her seat belt off and getting out, she looked back at Sophie and smiled before walking elegantly towards the passenger toilets.
The plane dipped slightly as it entered turbulent air, Sophie roused from the sudden vibration and checked her new Mickey Mouse watch, it had just gone four o'clock. The escort had gone somewhere, probably to the toilet.
Suddenly, something vibrated in her pocket.
My phone. Tears welled in her eyes. I forgot to turn it off, she reached into the depths of her jeans and pulled out the tiny flip phone device, obscuring it from the view of anyone walking past. It said "Dad" on the display, she immediately lifted the top and propped it to her left ear, away from view. Closing her eyes, she tried her best to make it look like she was still asleep.
"Hello, Sophie? Are you there?", "I'm on the plane daddy, the plane was delayed!", Sophie whispered in a hushed tone. "Oh,um, right, I think it's best if you turn your phone off dear", "okay, I love you".
Katie washed her hands under the pressure taps in the cramped toilet compartments and checked her face in the mirror. Her mascara seemed to be running slightly, probably down to the change in moisture. She reached into her bag and extracted her makeup kit. The plane seemed to be taking a sharp turn as she pulled the tube of No. 5 out. Odd.... Suddenly it seemed to camber violently to the left. All her makeup was rolling out of the bag, escaping towards the other side of the compartment. Katie let out a cry as she slipped and banged her head against the door, knocking her out cold.
The seat belt bell sounded and lights appeared above Sophie's seat. She opened her eyes and felt the plane tipping on it's side. What's going on? People started to scream and shout, huddling each other and embracing.
The plane seemed to be dropping.
---
The phone rested on its handset. I'd finally spoken to her, but her plane was delayed? Why didn't anyone inform me on this? More importantly, why was her phone on, surely the Police officer will of told her to turn it off. My experience with the Police was of a mixed bag, some of them can be extremely incompetent at times.
My wait will have to continue. A television remote lied just next to Gordy, I stroked his tiny head, his ears erected to attention, then dropped. After a few presses of the remote, the 32 inch wide screen beauty fired into life, beaming it's Sky television signal into my retinas. Usually when I watch TV, my first port of call would be the vast range of music channels, but today seemed different. The weather must surely be improving soon. I changed the channel to Sky News, there seemed to be some commotion, helicopters were filming the sea, the reporter talked violently and quickly, like it was their first report. Has another submarine sunk or something?.
"THIS IS BREAKING NEWS: We can confirm that BMI Flight BM7045B has crashed into the North Atlantic, 145 miles outside of Britain, no other information has been released"
John dropped the remote and stood up.
That's her plane!!
_____
It was later found out, after investigation, that BMI Flight BM7045B had been brought down by a severe computer error which overrode the pilots manual control system. Possible causes include fire or interference from a transmitting device, including mobile phones.
No one survived the tragedy, 240 people died on the 2nd of August 2005.
All travelers are reminded that mobile phones do require to be switched off during flight
________________
She should be on the plane
Gordy pranced around excitedly, chasing his thin slender tail around the coffee table. The dull arid weather outside seemed to cast a shadow over the television, giving the neutral warm living room a cold gray tone. He isn't usually as restless as this, although Mrs. Yarn did warn me, Jack Russell's did have spontaneous tendencies.
She was a nice old lady, her face was dark, creased, and yet seemed to hold an element of warmth. Obviously her life as a dog breeder reflected in her humble abode, it was neat and organized, pictures of her beloved four legged friends littered the walls, you could smell the lurid canine musk which dominated the air. I sat on one of the leather sofas, feeling the soft yet tough material adjust to my body.
"Yer don't have any nice furniture do yer?", shouted the lady in the next room, her regional accent seemed to bellow through the paper like walls. Before I was able to answer, she was back in the room, caressing a small rodent like creature, staring at it lovingly.
My experience with animals, dogs especially, was minimal at best. After a few weeks in the house alone, I felt it was time to bring a canine into the house, a companion who is always compassionate. Judging by his excitable, child like behavior, I doubted he'd be useful as a guard dog, yet he held that irresistible charm that you would want from a pet.
She'll be so pleased to see the new addition to the family.
The clock struck three, the traditional bell like sound pierced the deafening silence, Gordy watched the clock, ears erect, curious like a cat. Everything looked new to him here, obviously his time as a pup was only spent sleeping next to his mother. All this waiting around on a Sunday was becoming a laborious task. Maybe I should be doing something productive, but the thought of seeing her again was governing my mind. The dog leapt onto my lap and curled up, tired from his actions.
The last time I saw her was in the States, Mary had invited me over to stay, even though I felt uncomfortable sleeping in the same house as her and him. Our divorce settlement was quick and painless, but they got custody of Sophie, apparently because my job as an I.T. specialist was too intensive to look after a child. She was only seven at that time, her remote understanding of the adult world was rather minimal.
Now, she is twelve. It's been five years since we last saw each other, face to face. Mary's apparent 'husband' turned out to be a raging psychopath and took my girl away, my only contact with her was through rare anonymous phone calls. Eventually the FBI caught up with him, one of our latest calls was traced to their exact location, somewhere in Ohio.
Now it all comes to today; the second of August 2005. This is the date that was marked on my calender over a year ago. This is the date she will be coming home, the date when Father and Daughter can be together, forever. This day was dawning on me for weeks, the anticipation had been building up to an immense scale. Questions had been flowing in and out of my ear lobes like congested traffic. What will she look like? What are her interests nowadays? Our brief telephone conversations were never conversations, they were protocol.
"How are you", "I love you", "bye bye now", three word sentences were all that was exchanged between us before the conversation was terminated. I felt helpless, over here, whilst she was being held hostage by a mass murderer. All I could do was rely on the Police force and their connections with the FBI to find them.
The clock struck four. It's been an hour already?. Sophie's plane was due to touch down at three fifty. She'll be here soon. The police specifically said not to meet her at the airport as they'll be bringing her here. A liaison officer will pick her up and escort her to the flat. Where she belongs.
All this sitting around was getting me nowhere, I just had to speak to her, staring at the walls is just making the situation worse. Maybe I could ring her? Her mobile phone should be on by now, she'll be so pleased to speak to me, I just need to hear her voice.
John steadily picked up the green handset from the table beside him, he punched in the number and waited whilst Gordy slept....
---
"We apologize for the slight delay in take off, local time is 12:45pm. Will all travelers be reminded that mobile phones do require to be switched off during flight"
The cabin assistant was running through the usual safety procedures as Sophie sat patiently and waited for the plane to take to the skies, her female police escort sat on the outside row of the two seats so the little girl could see outside of the window.
Poor girl, Katie thought to herself. Her job as a Police liaison officer did have its downsides when it came to looking after children who have been through horrific ordeals. Hopefully she'll be happy with her father.
As the Boeing 757 left the ground like a soaring Eagle, Sophie sighed to herself, adapting to the concept of another seven hour flight to sit through. She thumbed through the free magazines and occasionally peered out of the small rounded window. Only cloud and the sky above could be seen, her interests in the flight were waining. Even though she hadn't seen her Dad for 3 or so years, she felt apprehensive about today, and eventually fell into a slight slumber.
How can a child sleep in these conditions? The engines were roaring with anger as the economy class seats failed to keep Katie's rear comfortable. She looked down the bottom of the galley, a green "vacant" light appeared above where the toilets were located, she felt this would be a prime opportunity to go. After prizing her seat belt off and getting out, she looked back at Sophie and smiled before walking elegantly towards the passenger toilets.
The plane dipped slightly as it entered turbulent air, Sophie roused from the sudden vibration and checked her new Mickey Mouse watch, it had just gone four o'clock. The escort had gone somewhere, probably to the toilet.
Suddenly, something vibrated in her pocket.
My phone. Tears welled in her eyes. I forgot to turn it off, she reached into the depths of her jeans and pulled out the tiny flip phone device, obscuring it from the view of anyone walking past. It said "Dad" on the display, she immediately lifted the top and propped it to her left ear, away from view. Closing her eyes, she tried her best to make it look like she was still asleep.
"Hello, Sophie? Are you there?", "I'm on the plane daddy, the plane was delayed!", Sophie whispered in a hushed tone. "Oh,um, right, I think it's best if you turn your phone off dear", "okay, I love you".
Katie washed her hands under the pressure taps in the cramped toilet compartments and checked her face in the mirror. Her mascara seemed to be running slightly, probably down to the change in moisture. She reached into her bag and extracted her makeup kit. The plane seemed to be taking a sharp turn as she pulled the tube of No. 5 out. Odd.... Suddenly it seemed to camber violently to the left. All her makeup was rolling out of the bag, escaping towards the other side of the compartment. Katie let out a cry as she slipped and banged her head against the door, knocking her out cold.
The seat belt bell sounded and lights appeared above Sophie's seat. She opened her eyes and felt the plane tipping on it's side. What's going on? People started to scream and shout, huddling each other and embracing.
The plane seemed to be dropping.
---
The phone rested on its handset. I'd finally spoken to her, but her plane was delayed? Why didn't anyone inform me on this? More importantly, why was her phone on, surely the Police officer will of told her to turn it off. My experience with the Police was of a mixed bag, some of them can be extremely incompetent at times.
My wait will have to continue. A television remote lied just next to Gordy, I stroked his tiny head, his ears erected to attention, then dropped. After a few presses of the remote, the 32 inch wide screen beauty fired into life, beaming it's Sky television signal into my retinas. Usually when I watch TV, my first port of call would be the vast range of music channels, but today seemed different. The weather must surely be improving soon. I changed the channel to Sky News, there seemed to be some commotion, helicopters were filming the sea, the reporter talked violently and quickly, like it was their first report. Has another submarine sunk or something?.
"THIS IS BREAKING NEWS: We can confirm that BMI Flight BM7045B has crashed into the North Atlantic, 145 miles outside of Britain, no other information has been released"
John dropped the remote and stood up.
That's her plane!!
_____
It was later found out, after investigation, that BMI Flight BM7045B had been brought down by a severe computer error which overrode the pilots manual control system. Possible causes include fire or interference from a transmitting device, including mobile phones.
No one survived the tragedy, 240 people died on the 2nd of August 2005.
All travelers are reminded that mobile phones do require to be switched off during flight
Page:
Good one, I liked it. A few mistakes here and there, but still a great story overall, nicely built up.
So, when are you going to write another story gamesfreak?
Very nice line to finish it off with. Sad story, and all-in-all was pretty good, I certainly felt connected to your characters, and the impending doom of the flight saddened me. The only advice I can really give is sometimes you repeat words/phrases a teensy bit often, like the "minimal" in the first few paras. Also, I would say that the "That's her plane!" line wasn't really needed, but that's up to you really. I'm guilty of the same sort of thing sometimes, underestimating the intelligence of my readers. :P
Anyways, well done, write more.
Anyways, well done, write more.
Mike Swade wrote:
> So when are you going to write another story? This one really wasn't
> too bad.
I'm going to start writing next week, I have some ideas about schizophrenia which is what it might be themed on.
> So when are you going to write another story? This one really wasn't
> too bad.
I'm going to start writing next week, I have some ideas about schizophrenia which is what it might be themed on.
MrGlitch wrote:
> >420 people died
>
> Big plane....
Hahaha, oops.
Corrected, just a common typo (240).
> I really liked that, original, interesting and..umm..educational?
> Keep up the good work
Thanks!
> >420 people died
>
> Big plane....
Hahaha, oops.
Corrected, just a common typo (240).
> I really liked that, original, interesting and..umm..educational?
> Keep up the good work
Thanks!
>420 people died
Big plane....
I really liked that, origianal, interesting and..umm..educational?
Keep up the good work
Big plane....
I really liked that, origianal, interesting and..umm..educational?
Keep up the good work
So when are you going to write another story? This one really wasn't too bad.
That's still interference with instruments rather than messing with the program itself. So he was getting fuzzy landing data rather than the system going mental...
But hey, I no expert on how a plane works.
For all I know it could happen. :-)
But hey, I no expert on how a plane works.
For all I know it could happen. :-)
Strafio wrote:
> I think the effect of the Mobile Phone was a bit too exadurated.
> I don't think they cause errors as such, just give a bit of
> interference to the instruments on the plane, but hey a nice story
> otherwise...
I read an article on BBC news which basically inspired me to write the story. Whether it's true or not, I don't know, but mobile phones do have an effect...
Any pilot who flies passenger jets can tell stories of mobile phones jeopardising passenger flights.
Dan Hawkes, head of avionic systems at the Civil Aviation Authority (CAA), cites a typical incident.
"A go-around was initiated by the flight crew - that is, he aborted the landing, because of interference from a mobile phone.
"He heard the interference in his headphones, and at the same time his automatic landing system was showing anomalous behaviour. He decided it was unsafe to continue with the automatic approach."
In another incident, the stick-shaker in the cockpit, a warning signal that the plane is about to stall, started to operate. The plane was on the ground at the time. A passenger at the back was found to be using a mobile phone.
> I think the effect of the Mobile Phone was a bit too exadurated.
> I don't think they cause errors as such, just give a bit of
> interference to the instruments on the plane, but hey a nice story
> otherwise...
I read an article on BBC news which basically inspired me to write the story. Whether it's true or not, I don't know, but mobile phones do have an effect...
Any pilot who flies passenger jets can tell stories of mobile phones jeopardising passenger flights.
Dan Hawkes, head of avionic systems at the Civil Aviation Authority (CAA), cites a typical incident.
"A go-around was initiated by the flight crew - that is, he aborted the landing, because of interference from a mobile phone.
"He heard the interference in his headphones, and at the same time his automatic landing system was showing anomalous behaviour. He decided it was unsafe to continue with the automatic approach."
In another incident, the stick-shaker in the cockpit, a warning signal that the plane is about to stall, started to operate. The plane was on the ground at the time. A passenger at the back was found to be using a mobile phone.
I think the effect of the Mobile Phone was a bit too exadurated.
I don't think they cause errors as such, just give a bit of interference to the instruments on the plane, but hey a nice story otherwise...
if by "nice" I mean horribly depressing! Poor people... :-(
I don't think they cause errors as such, just give a bit of interference to the instruments on the plane, but hey a nice story otherwise...
if by "nice" I mean horribly depressing! Poor people... :-(
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