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“Look, mum. Look at my hands. I broke them”.
Little Johnny Tucker stretched out his hands and showed them to his mother. His mother, Big Julie Tucker, looked at them, slightly worried. Little Johnny was always getting into trouble about his hands. When he was first born, the first thing Little Johnny had done was got his hand trapped in the midwifes mouth. Being ravenous, she had bit it clean off, and so Johnny had to be put back inside Big Julie Tucker to incubate for a bit longer so he could grow an extra hand.
Big Julie expected Little Johnny’s hands to be cut a little. Maybe even a lot. She also expected some things that she knew most mothers did not need to expect, such as Johnny’s hands to have turned into a pair of rakes. It was quite a shock to her that she was shocked by Johnny’s hands. They were not broken, but they had upon them the Juice of the Apocalypse.
There is a long story behind the Juice of the Apocalypse, involving the Rose Tint biker gang and a 500 foot square deep fat fryer, but that is another story for another time. All that you, my dear, dear reader, whom later I am to give a good seeing to, need to know is that it looks a lot like you. If you were melted down into a strange paste, that is what the Juice of the Apocalypse looks like.
It was on Johnny’s hands, so he tried to wipe them on his mother, Big Julie, which unfortunately killed her. This made Johnny cry, which made him wipe away the tears with his hands, which unfortunately killed Little Johnny. The hand then, in remorse, scuttled away and went to a barbeque at the house of a man called Barrance, and jumped onto the barbeque in an attempt at suicide. It worked - the hand lay dead next to the sausages.
Unfortunately at that moment Bono was driving past on his way home from Live Aid and smelt the smell of burning apocalypse hand, which he liked because it reminded him of the time he had shaken the hand of George Bush, whose hand also smelt like apocalypse. So Bono stopped the car, jumped out, grabbed the hand, jumped back into his car, and devoured it.
It killed him, which made me happy.
Little Johnny Tucker stretched out his hands and showed them to his mother. His mother, Big Julie Tucker, looked at them, slightly worried. Little Johnny was always getting into trouble about his hands. When he was first born, the first thing Little Johnny had done was got his hand trapped in the midwifes mouth. Being ravenous, she had bit it clean off, and so Johnny had to be put back inside Big Julie Tucker to incubate for a bit longer so he could grow an extra hand.
Big Julie expected Little Johnny’s hands to be cut a little. Maybe even a lot. She also expected some things that she knew most mothers did not need to expect, such as Johnny’s hands to have turned into a pair of rakes. It was quite a shock to her that she was shocked by Johnny’s hands. They were not broken, but they had upon them the Juice of the Apocalypse.
There is a long story behind the Juice of the Apocalypse, involving the Rose Tint biker gang and a 500 foot square deep fat fryer, but that is another story for another time. All that you, my dear, dear reader, whom later I am to give a good seeing to, need to know is that it looks a lot like you. If you were melted down into a strange paste, that is what the Juice of the Apocalypse looks like.
It was on Johnny’s hands, so he tried to wipe them on his mother, Big Julie, which unfortunately killed her. This made Johnny cry, which made him wipe away the tears with his hands, which unfortunately killed Little Johnny. The hand then, in remorse, scuttled away and went to a barbeque at the house of a man called Barrance, and jumped onto the barbeque in an attempt at suicide. It worked - the hand lay dead next to the sausages.
Unfortunately at that moment Bono was driving past on his way home from Live Aid and smelt the smell of burning apocalypse hand, which he liked because it reminded him of the time he had shaken the hand of George Bush, whose hand also smelt like apocalypse. So Bono stopped the car, jumped out, grabbed the hand, jumped back into his car, and devoured it.
It killed him, which made me happy.
A man, much wiser than me, once said 'Between insanity and sanity there lies a thin line'.
Not as good as past gems, but I'm not complaining.
Ah, Mouldy. A little gleaming golden nugget amongst endless heaps of bumdregs.
"Based on a true story."
This kids, is what Skunk does to you.
:)
Oh dear God I love you.
“Look, mum. Look at my hands. I broke them”.
Little Johnny Tucker stretched out his hands and showed them to his mother. His mother, Big Julie Tucker, looked at them, slightly worried. Little Johnny was always getting into trouble about his hands. When he was first born, the first thing Little Johnny had done was got his hand trapped in the midwifes mouth. Being ravenous, she had bit it clean off, and so Johnny had to be put back inside Big Julie Tucker to incubate for a bit longer so he could grow an extra hand.
Big Julie expected Little Johnny’s hands to be cut a little. Maybe even a lot. She also expected some things that she knew most mothers did not need to expect, such as Johnny’s hands to have turned into a pair of rakes. It was quite a shock to her that she was shocked by Johnny’s hands. They were not broken, but they had upon them the Juice of the Apocalypse.
There is a long story behind the Juice of the Apocalypse, involving the Rose Tint biker gang and a 500 foot square deep fat fryer, but that is another story for another time. All that you, my dear, dear reader, whom later I am to give a good seeing to, need to know is that it looks a lot like you. If you were melted down into a strange paste, that is what the Juice of the Apocalypse looks like.
It was on Johnny’s hands, so he tried to wipe them on his mother, Big Julie, which unfortunately killed her. This made Johnny cry, which made him wipe away the tears with his hands, which unfortunately killed Little Johnny. The hand then, in remorse, scuttled away and went to a barbeque at the house of a man called Barrance, and jumped onto the barbeque in an attempt at suicide. It worked - the hand lay dead next to the sausages.
Unfortunately at that moment Bono was driving past on his way home from Live Aid and smelt the smell of burning apocalypse hand, which he liked because it reminded him of the time he had shaken the hand of George Bush, whose hand also smelt like apocalypse. So Bono stopped the car, jumped out, grabbed the hand, jumped back into his car, and devoured it.
It killed him, which made me happy.
Little Johnny Tucker stretched out his hands and showed them to his mother. His mother, Big Julie Tucker, looked at them, slightly worried. Little Johnny was always getting into trouble about his hands. When he was first born, the first thing Little Johnny had done was got his hand trapped in the midwifes mouth. Being ravenous, she had bit it clean off, and so Johnny had to be put back inside Big Julie Tucker to incubate for a bit longer so he could grow an extra hand.
Big Julie expected Little Johnny’s hands to be cut a little. Maybe even a lot. She also expected some things that she knew most mothers did not need to expect, such as Johnny’s hands to have turned into a pair of rakes. It was quite a shock to her that she was shocked by Johnny’s hands. They were not broken, but they had upon them the Juice of the Apocalypse.
There is a long story behind the Juice of the Apocalypse, involving the Rose Tint biker gang and a 500 foot square deep fat fryer, but that is another story for another time. All that you, my dear, dear reader, whom later I am to give a good seeing to, need to know is that it looks a lot like you. If you were melted down into a strange paste, that is what the Juice of the Apocalypse looks like.
It was on Johnny’s hands, so he tried to wipe them on his mother, Big Julie, which unfortunately killed her. This made Johnny cry, which made him wipe away the tears with his hands, which unfortunately killed Little Johnny. The hand then, in remorse, scuttled away and went to a barbeque at the house of a man called Barrance, and jumped onto the barbeque in an attempt at suicide. It worked - the hand lay dead next to the sausages.
Unfortunately at that moment Bono was driving past on his way home from Live Aid and smelt the smell of burning apocalypse hand, which he liked because it reminded him of the time he had shaken the hand of George Bush, whose hand also smelt like apocalypse. So Bono stopped the car, jumped out, grabbed the hand, jumped back into his car, and devoured it.
It killed him, which made me happy.