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Pokémon, the craze started in the mid 1990s that caused kids to trade cards, buy lots of fluffy toys and actually enjoy themselves for a little while, involved catching creatures to train and become the greatest Pokémon master of all time. These ‘Pocket Monsters’ could fit into tiny balls but were in most cases larger than a typical domestic cat. One of Nintendo’s finest cartoon series has featured way over two hundred of these monsters, and the videogames have starred more than three hundred with more to come! So what would the world be like if they actually existed? You know, electric mice, cats that can create money out of thin air, and monsters that actually helped out in medical centres. I for one have pondered this for a while and have come up with these theories.
First Scenario: You’re on a picnic with your family in your local park. You find a nice shady spot under a large tree and start nibbling on the sticky jam sandwiches your mum prepared for her quality time with you and the rest of the family. Before you know it, you hear a buzzing sound. Thinking nothing of it you carry on nibbling your sandwich. Suddenly, out of no where there’s a huge spear flying at you at more miles an hour than you can count on your fingers and toes impaling you to the ground! With a scream of pain you look up to discover a three foot Beedrill weighing approximately sixty-five pounds sticking out of your chest with two more stingers pointing at your throat. With what little strength you have, you throw the sandwich away and in desperation shout, “Take it! Take it! Please don’t kill me!”
Second Scenario: They say rats were the carriers of the ‘Black Death’ that killed a third of the population. They were carried around the world on trade ships and caused terrible suffering. A tell tale sign was the huge boils on the armpits. Apparently, we’re never more than six feet away from a rat. It’s a good thing they’re fairly small. However, what if they were between one and two feet tall? Disease ridden vermin with a tendency to be quite vicious and bite who wander the gardens killing cats and dogs, who attack sewer maintenance crew and who pop up quite frequently in long grass as you’re taking a walk! Sure, you’d be able to catch one in your Pokéball, but you’d be walking around with a disease in your pocket just waiting to inadvertently deliver a new super bug to plague the world! I for one would be terrified.
Third Scenario: You go to the fair ground and hand over a pound coin at a stall. The stall keeper provides you with three balls which you throw towards some metal cans on a shelf a number of metres away. Your three projectiles are successful in knocking them all down and the stall owner decides to hand over a huge bin liner full of water! In confusion, you look inside and see you have won yourself a two foot golden swimming about with very little room to explore! You have to dig out a large pond like a swimming pool in your garden to keep it in! No more tiny little goldfish in a bowl next to your TV. These are fish who can fight off the common seagull and have a rather unfortunate result if you try to ride one in the pool.
Fourth Scenario: You decide you can’t keep a fish as big as that in your garden and take it to the beach to set it free in a natural habitat. You decide that instead of taking the walkway down to the shore, you’ll climb down the rocks. It’s more fun that way. One of the rocks you step onto feels rather loose. You stumble on regaining your balance in your next step without thought. Suddenly you hear a rush of air from behind you. Looking around you see that same rock floating head height with a clenched fist held back. You open your mouth in shock and are suddenly struck at a force strong enough to dent Iron Man’s costume! Hours later you wake up to find your Goldeen is barely moving and the sun is on its way down. You decide next time you’ll take the proper route.
Fifth Scenario: So you decide to pop down to the doctors to get your face checked out. After all, being smashed in the face by a moving rock is bound to cause some problems. The doctor decides you ought to have a jab. Next thing you know there’s a three foot Chansey running in with a massive hypodermic with more enthusiasm than a Disney tour guide! As you sit in that chair and Chansey approaches, you faint to wake up a few seconds later with a large hole in your arm. You wonder how clean the needle actually was and whether you’ll deflate like a bike tyre before the day is up.
Sixth Scenario: When you get home you decide to turn on your TV. On all the main channels are news reports stating that the US government has been attacked! Mewtwo has taken command of the minds of key figures in the Whitehouse and has the codes to the nuclear weapons that could wipe out mankind for good. This creature has a hate for those who created it and isn’t afraid to make everyone suffer. Lets just hope enough Pokémon survive the whole thing so that their tears can bring back those dead as a result. Who’s to say it hasn’t already happened. Look at who’s running the Whitehouse at the moment…
Seventh Scenario: You turn on your radio expecting to hear some really cool R ‘n’ B ‘trax’ where fat guys have skinny women around them whilst they sing about themselves not doing anything wrong in cheating on their women with someone different every night, but instead you hear the sweet and calming melody of the Jigglypuff’s song. Unfortunately you were driving your car at the time and the road ahead wasn’t long and straight enough. Lets just say your car wouldn’t pass its MOT after that incident.
Eigth Scenario: After reading a number of girls magazines because they show generic celebrities with their bits hanging out as “fashion disasters”, you fall asleep and start getting excited. Wouldn’t it be great to wake up as Rachel Stevens or Caroline Quentin for a day, you think to yourself. You’d certainly be able to come up with some ideas as to what you’d do. You wake up in the morning, drowsily stumble into the bathroom and look in the mirror and suddenly you’ve got chest potatoes! Someone has restarted your adventure and chosen you to be a girl! How ironic.
Ninth Scenario: Zubat.
Tenth Scenario: How many people suffer from Hayfever? I do. Someone cuts the grass and I get a tickly nose, my eyes itch and I sneeze over some unfortunate passer by. So what if, instead of being struck by Hayfever, you were struck by Leech Seed. That’s right, after every different thing you do, a bit of your energy gets drained so some bloody plant can become stronger. Not to mention that if you aggravate one of these plants, you could end up suffering from paralysis or even poison! You’d have to carry a pharmacist around with you to be able to survive the day!
Eleventh Scenario: Zubat
Twelfth Scenario: Could the four Ghostbusters really deal with a worldwide population of ghosts? And would they use special Pokémon catching traps?
Thirteenth Scenario: Zubat.
Fourteenth Scenario: What if Gastly stopped believing in ghosts?
Fifteenth Scenario: So you decide you want to trade Pokémon. You go to a Pokémon centre and decide to try out this brand spanking new wireless trading technology. You place your Pokéball in the machine and press go, and on the monitor you see your Pokémon dissolved into ones and zeroes. Next thing you know the lights go out! You tap the monitor and nothing happens. You even kick the damn trading machine and somebody shouts, “The damn fuse has blown again!”. Your Pokémon is now floating in the air somewhere as ones and zeroes and is irretrievable.
Sixteenth Scenario: Golbat.
Seventeenth Scenario: The government decides to make cut backs on hospital funding. British nurses can’t survive on their wages (despite getting more than a huge percentage of Civil Servants – as according to newspaper reports and the Job Centre) and so the government decide to pay Chansey’s from the Phillipines to do the same job for berries. It’s bad enough that they’d cut beds!
Eighteenth Scenario: The doctors recommend you eat five pieces of fruit a day, right? Well Pokéberries tend to be full of stimulants. Some increase strength, some increase stamina, others make you feel more healthy. If a healthy athlete took part in the Olympics, he or she would fail the urine tests! And most women would start losing their femininity and grow beards.
Ninteenth Scenario: You know about birds, right? The winged variety that plague our skies and make endless rackets on our roofs and in the trees? I’m not on about the songbirds that the cats go after, but the pigeons and seagulls. Well they would obviously become Pidgeots and Wingulls. Larger and noisier. And because Pokémon can only say their names, just imagine how annoying it would be to hear the shriek of “PIDGEOTTOOOOOOOOOO” in the early hours of the morning when they’re mating less than a metre from your open window. Yeah, go on! Imagine it!
Twentieth Scenario: Wouldn’t the RSBP and RSPCA love Pokémon. That’s right, catching creatures and storing them in tiny balls. I’ve got a couple tiny balls myself. Replicas. And if I tried to store anything larger than a woodlouse in them I would most certainly kill the poor thing. But there’s not only the catching side of things. The training to fight. It’d be like slavery all over again! After all, the animated series makes out Pokémon to be intelligent creatures that can make decisions for themselves. Despite the lack of speech, they are sentient beings, and to train them to fight, amongst other things, is surely a breech of their rights. Slavery! So what would the above organisations say to the use of “TMs and HMs”. They’re machines that enable Pokémon to learn new attacks. The Technical Machines must have to be plugged in somewhere, but what about the Hidden Machines. They sound even more intrusive! I’m sure there are some websites that would pay to see such an event.
Twenty-first Scenario: Whilst orbiting a newly discovered ‘Dyson Sphere’ in the twenty-fourth century, the crew of the Enterprise discover a federation shuttle crashed on the surface. Chief Engineer La-Forge discovers three patterns stuck in a continuous loop in the pattern buffer of the transporter. He manages to pull Captain Scotty of starship NCC-1701A out of the buffer and loses the second pattern. However the third pattern is successfully. Somehow, the Pokémon you failed to trade three hundred years in the past had reached the computer of the shuttle as zeroes and ones and had been rescued! Stranger things have happened…
So there we are. Twenty-one scenarios illustrating what the world could be like should Pokémon really exist. I’m sure you’re all glad they don’t. The world would be a much different place, and not necessarily for the better. I’m sure there are many more examples you could think of mind, such as:
What if Blastoise consumed too much alcohol?
What if Mareep visited Wales?
What if Togepi got scramblesd?
What if Slowpoke fell asleep on he M25?
What if Piloswine got fleas?
As you can see, the possibilities are countless! So as much as it may be great to destroy your classmates ego with a Charizard, or fry an attempted mugger with a Raichu, just remember that you wouldn’t be the only one with Pokémon. Things could get a lot worse. It is a good thing they’re not real. A very good thing.
Throws a ball at neighbours cat….damn, she got away.
First Scenario: You’re on a picnic with your family in your local park. You find a nice shady spot under a large tree and start nibbling on the sticky jam sandwiches your mum prepared for her quality time with you and the rest of the family. Before you know it, you hear a buzzing sound. Thinking nothing of it you carry on nibbling your sandwich. Suddenly, out of no where there’s a huge spear flying at you at more miles an hour than you can count on your fingers and toes impaling you to the ground! With a scream of pain you look up to discover a three foot Beedrill weighing approximately sixty-five pounds sticking out of your chest with two more stingers pointing at your throat. With what little strength you have, you throw the sandwich away and in desperation shout, “Take it! Take it! Please don’t kill me!”
Second Scenario: They say rats were the carriers of the ‘Black Death’ that killed a third of the population. They were carried around the world on trade ships and caused terrible suffering. A tell tale sign was the huge boils on the armpits. Apparently, we’re never more than six feet away from a rat. It’s a good thing they’re fairly small. However, what if they were between one and two feet tall? Disease ridden vermin with a tendency to be quite vicious and bite who wander the gardens killing cats and dogs, who attack sewer maintenance crew and who pop up quite frequently in long grass as you’re taking a walk! Sure, you’d be able to catch one in your Pokéball, but you’d be walking around with a disease in your pocket just waiting to inadvertently deliver a new super bug to plague the world! I for one would be terrified.
Third Scenario: You go to the fair ground and hand over a pound coin at a stall. The stall keeper provides you with three balls which you throw towards some metal cans on a shelf a number of metres away. Your three projectiles are successful in knocking them all down and the stall owner decides to hand over a huge bin liner full of water! In confusion, you look inside and see you have won yourself a two foot golden swimming about with very little room to explore! You have to dig out a large pond like a swimming pool in your garden to keep it in! No more tiny little goldfish in a bowl next to your TV. These are fish who can fight off the common seagull and have a rather unfortunate result if you try to ride one in the pool.
Fourth Scenario: You decide you can’t keep a fish as big as that in your garden and take it to the beach to set it free in a natural habitat. You decide that instead of taking the walkway down to the shore, you’ll climb down the rocks. It’s more fun that way. One of the rocks you step onto feels rather loose. You stumble on regaining your balance in your next step without thought. Suddenly you hear a rush of air from behind you. Looking around you see that same rock floating head height with a clenched fist held back. You open your mouth in shock and are suddenly struck at a force strong enough to dent Iron Man’s costume! Hours later you wake up to find your Goldeen is barely moving and the sun is on its way down. You decide next time you’ll take the proper route.
Fifth Scenario: So you decide to pop down to the doctors to get your face checked out. After all, being smashed in the face by a moving rock is bound to cause some problems. The doctor decides you ought to have a jab. Next thing you know there’s a three foot Chansey running in with a massive hypodermic with more enthusiasm than a Disney tour guide! As you sit in that chair and Chansey approaches, you faint to wake up a few seconds later with a large hole in your arm. You wonder how clean the needle actually was and whether you’ll deflate like a bike tyre before the day is up.
Sixth Scenario: When you get home you decide to turn on your TV. On all the main channels are news reports stating that the US government has been attacked! Mewtwo has taken command of the minds of key figures in the Whitehouse and has the codes to the nuclear weapons that could wipe out mankind for good. This creature has a hate for those who created it and isn’t afraid to make everyone suffer. Lets just hope enough Pokémon survive the whole thing so that their tears can bring back those dead as a result. Who’s to say it hasn’t already happened. Look at who’s running the Whitehouse at the moment…
Seventh Scenario: You turn on your radio expecting to hear some really cool R ‘n’ B ‘trax’ where fat guys have skinny women around them whilst they sing about themselves not doing anything wrong in cheating on their women with someone different every night, but instead you hear the sweet and calming melody of the Jigglypuff’s song. Unfortunately you were driving your car at the time and the road ahead wasn’t long and straight enough. Lets just say your car wouldn’t pass its MOT after that incident.
Eigth Scenario: After reading a number of girls magazines because they show generic celebrities with their bits hanging out as “fashion disasters”, you fall asleep and start getting excited. Wouldn’t it be great to wake up as Rachel Stevens or Caroline Quentin for a day, you think to yourself. You’d certainly be able to come up with some ideas as to what you’d do. You wake up in the morning, drowsily stumble into the bathroom and look in the mirror and suddenly you’ve got chest potatoes! Someone has restarted your adventure and chosen you to be a girl! How ironic.
Ninth Scenario: Zubat.
Tenth Scenario: How many people suffer from Hayfever? I do. Someone cuts the grass and I get a tickly nose, my eyes itch and I sneeze over some unfortunate passer by. So what if, instead of being struck by Hayfever, you were struck by Leech Seed. That’s right, after every different thing you do, a bit of your energy gets drained so some bloody plant can become stronger. Not to mention that if you aggravate one of these plants, you could end up suffering from paralysis or even poison! You’d have to carry a pharmacist around with you to be able to survive the day!
Eleventh Scenario: Zubat
Twelfth Scenario: Could the four Ghostbusters really deal with a worldwide population of ghosts? And would they use special Pokémon catching traps?
Thirteenth Scenario: Zubat.
Fourteenth Scenario: What if Gastly stopped believing in ghosts?
Fifteenth Scenario: So you decide you want to trade Pokémon. You go to a Pokémon centre and decide to try out this brand spanking new wireless trading technology. You place your Pokéball in the machine and press go, and on the monitor you see your Pokémon dissolved into ones and zeroes. Next thing you know the lights go out! You tap the monitor and nothing happens. You even kick the damn trading machine and somebody shouts, “The damn fuse has blown again!”. Your Pokémon is now floating in the air somewhere as ones and zeroes and is irretrievable.
Sixteenth Scenario: Golbat.
Seventeenth Scenario: The government decides to make cut backs on hospital funding. British nurses can’t survive on their wages (despite getting more than a huge percentage of Civil Servants – as according to newspaper reports and the Job Centre) and so the government decide to pay Chansey’s from the Phillipines to do the same job for berries. It’s bad enough that they’d cut beds!
Eighteenth Scenario: The doctors recommend you eat five pieces of fruit a day, right? Well Pokéberries tend to be full of stimulants. Some increase strength, some increase stamina, others make you feel more healthy. If a healthy athlete took part in the Olympics, he or she would fail the urine tests! And most women would start losing their femininity and grow beards.
Ninteenth Scenario: You know about birds, right? The winged variety that plague our skies and make endless rackets on our roofs and in the trees? I’m not on about the songbirds that the cats go after, but the pigeons and seagulls. Well they would obviously become Pidgeots and Wingulls. Larger and noisier. And because Pokémon can only say their names, just imagine how annoying it would be to hear the shriek of “PIDGEOTTOOOOOOOOOO” in the early hours of the morning when they’re mating less than a metre from your open window. Yeah, go on! Imagine it!
Twentieth Scenario: Wouldn’t the RSBP and RSPCA love Pokémon. That’s right, catching creatures and storing them in tiny balls. I’ve got a couple tiny balls myself. Replicas. And if I tried to store anything larger than a woodlouse in them I would most certainly kill the poor thing. But there’s not only the catching side of things. The training to fight. It’d be like slavery all over again! After all, the animated series makes out Pokémon to be intelligent creatures that can make decisions for themselves. Despite the lack of speech, they are sentient beings, and to train them to fight, amongst other things, is surely a breech of their rights. Slavery! So what would the above organisations say to the use of “TMs and HMs”. They’re machines that enable Pokémon to learn new attacks. The Technical Machines must have to be plugged in somewhere, but what about the Hidden Machines. They sound even more intrusive! I’m sure there are some websites that would pay to see such an event.
Twenty-first Scenario: Whilst orbiting a newly discovered ‘Dyson Sphere’ in the twenty-fourth century, the crew of the Enterprise discover a federation shuttle crashed on the surface. Chief Engineer La-Forge discovers three patterns stuck in a continuous loop in the pattern buffer of the transporter. He manages to pull Captain Scotty of starship NCC-1701A out of the buffer and loses the second pattern. However the third pattern is successfully. Somehow, the Pokémon you failed to trade three hundred years in the past had reached the computer of the shuttle as zeroes and ones and had been rescued! Stranger things have happened…
So there we are. Twenty-one scenarios illustrating what the world could be like should Pokémon really exist. I’m sure you’re all glad they don’t. The world would be a much different place, and not necessarily for the better. I’m sure there are many more examples you could think of mind, such as:
What if Blastoise consumed too much alcohol?
What if Mareep visited Wales?
What if Togepi got scramblesd?
What if Slowpoke fell asleep on he M25?
What if Piloswine got fleas?
As you can see, the possibilities are countless! So as much as it may be great to destroy your classmates ego with a Charizard, or fry an attempted mugger with a Raichu, just remember that you wouldn’t be the only one with Pokémon. Things could get a lot worse. It is a good thing they’re not real. A very good thing.
Throws a ball at neighbours cat….damn, she got away.
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I have these stints of not going on for a year or so. Quite a while really.
Sarcasm enabled wrote:
> I've been here over 3 years... nearly 4 now.
>
> I was never a JAT... but i was def a noob
Yet you've posted twice as little as me :)
> I've been here over 3 years... nearly 4 now.
>
> I was never a JAT... but i was def a noob
Yet you've posted twice as little as me :)
tphi wrote:
> Edgy wrote:
> No, I was here long enough never to be one - the noob system only
> came
> in a couple years ago :P
>
> It was? I never knew that and I've been here over two and a half
> years..
I've been here over 3 years... nearly 4 now.
I was never a JAT... but i was def a noob
> Edgy wrote:
> No, I was here long enough never to be one - the noob system only
> came
> in a couple years ago :P
>
> It was? I never knew that and I've been here over two and a half
> years..
I've been here over 3 years... nearly 4 now.
I was never a JAT... but i was def a noob
Edgy wrote:
> No, I was here long enough never to be one - the noob system only came
> in a couple years ago :P
It was? I never knew that and I've been here over two and a half years..
> No, I was here long enough never to be one - the noob system only came
> in a couple years ago :P
It was? I never knew that and I've been here over two and a half years..
Every three months or so there is a vote.
If you're classed as a Regular and get the most votes, you get to have your name in a lovely shade of urine.
If you're classed as a Regular and get the most votes, you get to have your name in a lovely shade of urine.
How do you get to be a Notable anyway?
No, I was here long enough never to be one - the noob system only came in a couple years ago :P
No... you were just "special"
Anyway I'm outtie. Night all.
Anyway I'm outtie. Night all.
I was never a noob.
Edgy wrote:
> hehe aye.
>
> Think of the fun that could be had with noobs.
Ah, I remember being a noob once. They say those are the best days of your (SR) life.
> hehe aye.
>
> Think of the fun that could be had with noobs.
Ah, I remember being a noob once. They say those are the best days of your (SR) life.
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