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Richard grabbed my hand, and began to pull me softly along the cracked pathway. At first I was reluctant…I’d never done this sort of thing before. Admittedly, I’d often thought about it…pondered how wonderful, how special…and how exciting it would be. But now that the moment had arrived, I hesitated. I simply wasn’t ready for this sort of thing. For one thing, I was too young to be getting involved in this kind of…sordid activity. And secondly, imagine what would happen if we were to be caught! My parents would never have expected this from any their boys, let alone Richard and I…
Timidly, I let Richard’s strong, smooth hand grip mine, and eventually I followed. The moon shone its torch directly through my head and my heart, the intrusive light illuminating my deepest thoughts, fears… and intentions. We walked slowly down the road, the outstretched elongated claws of elderly, angry trees uniting with the smiling beam of the moon, and the odd glare of an emotionless streetlight, creating a symphony of sharp and menacing silhouettes that scattered and danced across the ground.
I glanced around often at my surroundings. They threatened me. If I were to perform this deed, then, as Richard so eloquently put it, “something this dirty has to be done under the cover of night.” He was right, of course, but as I knew all too well myself, many preferred to be nocturnal. And whether it was night, or light, people were looking down at us. My poor cousin. My grandparents. My old Biology teacher…he certainly wouldn’t approve. And of course, God. Would he approve? General opinion would dictate not.
After an apparent eternity, we arrived at our destination. The stark, and seemingly rather random, inviting bush that stood in front of and protected the privacy of two large, modern houses…was to be our haven. My brother looked back at me, stared deeply into my eyes and smiled , somewhat cheekily.
We clambered our way inside, its leaves, twigs and brambles ticking and pleasuring our face, neck and arms. Hopefully, this was an omen. We eventually came to a space inside the bush that allowed us to both crouch down, and to move around with ample freedom. And from here, we could not be seen. We settled down, I took a deep breath, and looked up at Richard.
“Look!” He whispered loudly, pointing upwards, “ The model! The bedroom window, the light’s on and she’s getting her kit off! Jonny was right as well!”
I grinned playfully and glanced up, and was taken aback by the view. An elderly woman was taking off her dressing gown and getting into bed.
“You’re sick!” I seethed.
“No, no you bloody idiot! That’s the wrong house and…and the wrong woman!” He looked just as disgusted as I, and then pointed to my left. “I mean the other woman!”
Timidly, I let Richard’s strong, smooth hand grip mine, and eventually I followed. The moon shone its torch directly through my head and my heart, the intrusive light illuminating my deepest thoughts, fears… and intentions. We walked slowly down the road, the outstretched elongated claws of elderly, angry trees uniting with the smiling beam of the moon, and the odd glare of an emotionless streetlight, creating a symphony of sharp and menacing silhouettes that scattered and danced across the ground.
I glanced around often at my surroundings. They threatened me. If I were to perform this deed, then, as Richard so eloquently put it, “something this dirty has to be done under the cover of night.” He was right, of course, but as I knew all too well myself, many preferred to be nocturnal. And whether it was night, or light, people were looking down at us. My poor cousin. My grandparents. My old Biology teacher…he certainly wouldn’t approve. And of course, God. Would he approve? General opinion would dictate not.
After an apparent eternity, we arrived at our destination. The stark, and seemingly rather random, inviting bush that stood in front of and protected the privacy of two large, modern houses…was to be our haven. My brother looked back at me, stared deeply into my eyes and smiled , somewhat cheekily.
We clambered our way inside, its leaves, twigs and brambles ticking and pleasuring our face, neck and arms. Hopefully, this was an omen. We eventually came to a space inside the bush that allowed us to both crouch down, and to move around with ample freedom. And from here, we could not be seen. We settled down, I took a deep breath, and looked up at Richard.
“Look!” He whispered loudly, pointing upwards, “ The model! The bedroom window, the light’s on and she’s getting her kit off! Jonny was right as well!”
I grinned playfully and glanced up, and was taken aback by the view. An elderly woman was taking off her dressing gown and getting into bed.
“You’re sick!” I seethed.
“No, no you bloody idiot! That’s the wrong house and…and the wrong woman!” He looked just as disgusted as I, and then pointed to my left. “I mean the other woman!”
Nice one, Ant - really good.
The description was excellent and you got the atmosphere perfectly to send everyone in the wrong direction. The ending was a great twist, but I think it needs a little neatening up.
Otherwise, excellent.
The description was excellent and you got the atmosphere perfectly to send everyone in the wrong direction. The ending was a great twist, but I think it needs a little neatening up.
Otherwise, excellent.
That will teach me to be working out the ending before I get there - never saw that coming :)
Nice one.
Nice one.
Oooh I really like that one, held my attention and good use of emotive langauge. Nice twists at the end and using "the other woman" in the last line scores points with me lol.
Yeah, wondered where it was going, you certainly had me fooled there.
Nice story Ant...
Nice story Ant...
MrGlitch wrote:
> He sounds like hes gay "my brother stared deep into my
> eyes","his stong, smooth grip".
That was kinda the point, heh.
> He sounds like hes gay "my brother stared deep into my
> eyes","his stong, smooth grip".
That was kinda the point, heh.
He sounds like hes gay "my brother stared deep into my eyes","his stong, smooth grip".
Ah well. Liked it.
Ah well. Liked it.
Good one. No problems with the description there :) Lovely stuff, especially the 2nd paragraph.
Heh, thanks, but in reaction to the first comment I've never actually watched that particular movie. {:)
Guess who watched "There's Something About Mary"
Edit~
Now that I actually have time to comment properly I thought it was good and liked the fact that I didn't have a clue what the two boys were going to do until the end.
Edit~
Now that I actually have time to comment properly I thought it was good and liked the fact that I didn't have a clue what the two boys were going to do until the end.
Richard grabbed my hand, and began to pull me softly along the cracked pathway. At first I was reluctant…I’d never done this sort of thing before. Admittedly, I’d often thought about it…pondered how wonderful, how special…and how exciting it would be. But now that the moment had arrived, I hesitated. I simply wasn’t ready for this sort of thing. For one thing, I was too young to be getting involved in this kind of…sordid activity. And secondly, imagine what would happen if we were to be caught! My parents would never have expected this from any their boys, let alone Richard and I…
Timidly, I let Richard’s strong, smooth hand grip mine, and eventually I followed. The moon shone its torch directly through my head and my heart, the intrusive light illuminating my deepest thoughts, fears… and intentions. We walked slowly down the road, the outstretched elongated claws of elderly, angry trees uniting with the smiling beam of the moon, and the odd glare of an emotionless streetlight, creating a symphony of sharp and menacing silhouettes that scattered and danced across the ground.
I glanced around often at my surroundings. They threatened me. If I were to perform this deed, then, as Richard so eloquently put it, “something this dirty has to be done under the cover of night.” He was right, of course, but as I knew all too well myself, many preferred to be nocturnal. And whether it was night, or light, people were looking down at us. My poor cousin. My grandparents. My old Biology teacher…he certainly wouldn’t approve. And of course, God. Would he approve? General opinion would dictate not.
After an apparent eternity, we arrived at our destination. The stark, and seemingly rather random, inviting bush that stood in front of and protected the privacy of two large, modern houses…was to be our haven. My brother looked back at me, stared deeply into my eyes and smiled , somewhat cheekily.
We clambered our way inside, its leaves, twigs and brambles ticking and pleasuring our face, neck and arms. Hopefully, this was an omen. We eventually came to a space inside the bush that allowed us to both crouch down, and to move around with ample freedom. And from here, we could not be seen. We settled down, I took a deep breath, and looked up at Richard.
“Look!” He whispered loudly, pointing upwards, “ The model! The bedroom window, the light’s on and she’s getting her kit off! Jonny was right as well!”
I grinned playfully and glanced up, and was taken aback by the view. An elderly woman was taking off her dressing gown and getting into bed.
“You’re sick!” I seethed.
“No, no you bloody idiot! That’s the wrong house and…and the wrong woman!” He looked just as disgusted as I, and then pointed to my left. “I mean the other woman!”
Timidly, I let Richard’s strong, smooth hand grip mine, and eventually I followed. The moon shone its torch directly through my head and my heart, the intrusive light illuminating my deepest thoughts, fears… and intentions. We walked slowly down the road, the outstretched elongated claws of elderly, angry trees uniting with the smiling beam of the moon, and the odd glare of an emotionless streetlight, creating a symphony of sharp and menacing silhouettes that scattered and danced across the ground.
I glanced around often at my surroundings. They threatened me. If I were to perform this deed, then, as Richard so eloquently put it, “something this dirty has to be done under the cover of night.” He was right, of course, but as I knew all too well myself, many preferred to be nocturnal. And whether it was night, or light, people were looking down at us. My poor cousin. My grandparents. My old Biology teacher…he certainly wouldn’t approve. And of course, God. Would he approve? General opinion would dictate not.
After an apparent eternity, we arrived at our destination. The stark, and seemingly rather random, inviting bush that stood in front of and protected the privacy of two large, modern houses…was to be our haven. My brother looked back at me, stared deeply into my eyes and smiled , somewhat cheekily.
We clambered our way inside, its leaves, twigs and brambles ticking and pleasuring our face, neck and arms. Hopefully, this was an omen. We eventually came to a space inside the bush that allowed us to both crouch down, and to move around with ample freedom. And from here, we could not be seen. We settled down, I took a deep breath, and looked up at Richard.
“Look!” He whispered loudly, pointing upwards, “ The model! The bedroom window, the light’s on and she’s getting her kit off! Jonny was right as well!”
I grinned playfully and glanced up, and was taken aback by the view. An elderly woman was taking off her dressing gown and getting into bed.
“You’re sick!” I seethed.
“No, no you bloody idiot! That’s the wrong house and…and the wrong woman!” He looked just as disgusted as I, and then pointed to my left. “I mean the other woman!”