The "Creative Writing" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
SSC 26-This is a s**tory about a lass that I work with. She was off ill one day so I made a s**tory up about her. Please excuse any spelling or grammer mis**takes.
Firs**tly Ashlee wasn't ill yes**terday. She jus**t kept putting Vicks under her eyes. Its an old actors trick that I learned when I was touring with the royal Shakespeare theatre company. The reason that she did that is so she could have to day off. Cos for today she is off on a mission from the government, code named Barbie. Yes that right Barbie.
When Ashlee (or Steven as she is know by the government & MI6) has ever mentioned Barbie she wasn't talking about the plas**tic doll that some woman used as love toys, but her secret mission. The mission its self is to monitor the black market trade of potatoes from the Ireland to Arab countries which include Iraq. It is widely thought that the reason the British & Americans actually when to war with Iraq was not because of the weapons of mass des**truction but because of an increase in the number of illegal traders of potatoes between the Irish & Iraqis'.
You might be wondering what Ashlee's (Steven) mission is. Well its to find and terminate the head boss of this crime ring. With him gone there would be no one to take over the business. He is name is Paddy O'Patrick, code name Ken as he is known by MI6 & Ashlee (Steven).
Anyway Ashlee (Steven) was on her way to Kilkenny in Ireland, in her government issue car (A very old yellow Rover Metro with 1 green door) when she came across a road block. Ashlee s**tarted to panic a bit but then she remembered her training. She undid the top of her government issue shirt (A fetching pink number) so she was showing off a bit of cleavage & drove up to the road block. To poor Irish blokes didn't know what to do other than s**tair down her top and dribble. Needless to say she got though with out any fuss.
As she approached Kilkenny she thought that she would s**top of for some grub. So she s**topped outside a real posh cafe. When she got out of her car everyone in the cafe s**top & looked at her. And When to management saw the s**tate of the Rover metro they refused to let her in. Ashlee (Steven) was not happy. She found the neares**t public loos, got a plas**tic bag & proceeded to poo in it. She got back in her car, drove pas**t the cafe throwing to bag out her window. The bag hit the manager square in the forehead & blow up spreading Ashlees do do everywhere. Ashlee (Steven) drove off wetting her self laughing.
After a few hours of driving, & a few hours looking at herself in the mirror redoing her make up & hair, she arrived at the hide out of Paddy O'Patrick. She pulled up out side, got out her poor excuse of a car & grabbed her government issue shield of invisibility (a government proto-type being firs**t tes**ted on this mission). Ashlee (Steven) walked s**traight pas**t the security cameras and into to main hall. At this point Ashlee was hit over the head with a French s**tick & large carrot. It turns out that the shield of invisibility was actually a mouldy old 15inch pizza that MI6 found behind the fridge. Ashlee was out cold.
3 hours later she came round & found that she was on a aeroplane on route to Baghdad. She was tied to one of the wings of the plane. Ashlee was going mental as it was playing havoc with her hair & she had left her brush in the Metro.
The plane came into land in the middle of the desert. The potatoes rus**tlers got Ashlee off the wing of the plane & bundled her into a waiting van. They drove for about 1 hour for which mos**t of the time Ashlee was blind folded & the kidnapers kept feeding her raw potato & tell her, in a thick Irish accent, that it would put hairs on her ches**t.
When the van s**top Ashlee was taken out & marched into a room & thrown on the floor. She was blindfolded, her hand were tied & she was being treated like a piece of meat. Ashlee was getting a little turned on by this!!
Then she realised she had her Barbie exploding bra on. Once this bra is undone the timer is set there is a ten minute delay and then KABLAMO. So about 15 minutes later Paddy O'Patrick come in the give Ashlee a grilling. They take off her blindfold. She looks & to her amazement Paddy O'Patrick it a 15 year old, spotty school kid. He helps her off the floor & untied her. They both sat at the table. He was trying to find out who she works for, but Ashlee jus**t keeps playing the dumb blond, say she didn't what was going on. Then she delivers the kill line. "You can have my bra if you let me go. There is jus**t one problem, you will have to take it off for me." she said in her mos**t seductive voice (which made her sound like she was slightly retarded, but seeing as it was a 15 year old boy, it did the trick).
Paddy was obviously excited (trouser tent in full effect) at the prospect of actually taking a bra off a person & not off a pillow so he agreed. He jumped up & jus**t s**tarted to pull at it. Ashlee by now was thinking how she was going to get out the place in less than 10 minutes. After a lot of tugging the bra finally came off & Ashlee was allowed to go. She headed s**traight out the door leaving Paddy sitting there smelling the Barbie bar. What she hadn't realised was that all the pulling and tugging on the bra had set the timer to go off earlier. She had less that 1 minute to get out. She run s**traight out of the room and s**traight across the hall to the front door. As she was running out the front door, her now unprotected melons were wobbling all over the show attracting attention from the local Baghdad men. She fought her way though the crowd & came to a clearing. Then KABLAMO. The force of the explosion threw her to the floor & her face ended up in a pile of camel sh*t. As she got up, wiping the camel cr*p from her face she was think "I NEED A MIRROR & MAKE UP, NOW". So with out a thought about jus**t blowing up a 15 year old or the fact that she has jus**t put about 15,000 potato smuggles out of work she rushed off to find some make up, a brush & a mirror.
By now she is probably at Baghdad airport waiting to catch her plane home. Thats what I think anyway.
Firs**tly Ashlee wasn't ill yes**terday. She jus**t kept putting Vicks under her eyes. Its an old actors trick that I learned when I was touring with the royal Shakespeare theatre company. The reason that she did that is so she could have to day off. Cos for today she is off on a mission from the government, code named Barbie. Yes that right Barbie.
When Ashlee (or Steven as she is know by the government & MI6) has ever mentioned Barbie she wasn't talking about the plas**tic doll that some woman used as love toys, but her secret mission. The mission its self is to monitor the black market trade of potatoes from the Ireland to Arab countries which include Iraq. It is widely thought that the reason the British & Americans actually when to war with Iraq was not because of the weapons of mass des**truction but because of an increase in the number of illegal traders of potatoes between the Irish & Iraqis'.
You might be wondering what Ashlee's (Steven) mission is. Well its to find and terminate the head boss of this crime ring. With him gone there would be no one to take over the business. He is name is Paddy O'Patrick, code name Ken as he is known by MI6 & Ashlee (Steven).
Anyway Ashlee (Steven) was on her way to Kilkenny in Ireland, in her government issue car (A very old yellow Rover Metro with 1 green door) when she came across a road block. Ashlee s**tarted to panic a bit but then she remembered her training. She undid the top of her government issue shirt (A fetching pink number) so she was showing off a bit of cleavage & drove up to the road block. To poor Irish blokes didn't know what to do other than s**tair down her top and dribble. Needless to say she got though with out any fuss.
As she approached Kilkenny she thought that she would s**top of for some grub. So she s**topped outside a real posh cafe. When she got out of her car everyone in the cafe s**top & looked at her. And When to management saw the s**tate of the Rover metro they refused to let her in. Ashlee (Steven) was not happy. She found the neares**t public loos, got a plas**tic bag & proceeded to poo in it. She got back in her car, drove pas**t the cafe throwing to bag out her window. The bag hit the manager square in the forehead & blow up spreading Ashlees do do everywhere. Ashlee (Steven) drove off wetting her self laughing.
After a few hours of driving, & a few hours looking at herself in the mirror redoing her make up & hair, she arrived at the hide out of Paddy O'Patrick. She pulled up out side, got out her poor excuse of a car & grabbed her government issue shield of invisibility (a government proto-type being firs**t tes**ted on this mission). Ashlee (Steven) walked s**traight pas**t the security cameras and into to main hall. At this point Ashlee was hit over the head with a French s**tick & large carrot. It turns out that the shield of invisibility was actually a mouldy old 15inch pizza that MI6 found behind the fridge. Ashlee was out cold.
3 hours later she came round & found that she was on a aeroplane on route to Baghdad. She was tied to one of the wings of the plane. Ashlee was going mental as it was playing havoc with her hair & she had left her brush in the Metro.
The plane came into land in the middle of the desert. The potatoes rus**tlers got Ashlee off the wing of the plane & bundled her into a waiting van. They drove for about 1 hour for which mos**t of the time Ashlee was blind folded & the kidnapers kept feeding her raw potato & tell her, in a thick Irish accent, that it would put hairs on her ches**t.
When the van s**top Ashlee was taken out & marched into a room & thrown on the floor. She was blindfolded, her hand were tied & she was being treated like a piece of meat. Ashlee was getting a little turned on by this!!
Then she realised she had her Barbie exploding bra on. Once this bra is undone the timer is set there is a ten minute delay and then KABLAMO. So about 15 minutes later Paddy O'Patrick come in the give Ashlee a grilling. They take off her blindfold. She looks & to her amazement Paddy O'Patrick it a 15 year old, spotty school kid. He helps her off the floor & untied her. They both sat at the table. He was trying to find out who she works for, but Ashlee jus**t keeps playing the dumb blond, say she didn't what was going on. Then she delivers the kill line. "You can have my bra if you let me go. There is jus**t one problem, you will have to take it off for me." she said in her mos**t seductive voice (which made her sound like she was slightly retarded, but seeing as it was a 15 year old boy, it did the trick).
Paddy was obviously excited (trouser tent in full effect) at the prospect of actually taking a bra off a person & not off a pillow so he agreed. He jumped up & jus**t s**tarted to pull at it. Ashlee by now was thinking how she was going to get out the place in less than 10 minutes. After a lot of tugging the bra finally came off & Ashlee was allowed to go. She headed s**traight out the door leaving Paddy sitting there smelling the Barbie bar. What she hadn't realised was that all the pulling and tugging on the bra had set the timer to go off earlier. She had less that 1 minute to get out. She run s**traight out of the room and s**traight across the hall to the front door. As she was running out the front door, her now unprotected melons were wobbling all over the show attracting attention from the local Baghdad men. She fought her way though the crowd & came to a clearing. Then KABLAMO. The force of the explosion threw her to the floor & her face ended up in a pile of camel sh*t. As she got up, wiping the camel cr*p from her face she was think "I NEED A MIRROR & MAKE UP, NOW". So with out a thought about jus**t blowing up a 15 year old or the fact that she has jus**t put about 15,000 potato smuggles out of work she rushed off to find some make up, a brush & a mirror.
By now she is probably at Baghdad airport waiting to catch her plane home. Thats what I think anyway.
Can you win game of the day for these stories?
thanks, just a bit of randomness.
Well, liked it
Oh well. I was just bored at work one day & one of my friends wasn't in, so I decided to write a story about her. Was looking throw my personal e'mail folder yesterday & found it and thought I would wake it on here.
I didn't like it to be honest, I can't actually put my finger on why though.
Done.
Like he said do some paragraphs then I will read it. Its hurting my brain right now but it looks good.
Would it hurt to make paragraphs?
SSC 26-This is a s**tory about a lass that I work with. She was off ill one day so I made a s**tory up about her. Please excuse any spelling or grammer mis**takes.
Firs**tly Ashlee wasn't ill yes**terday. She jus**t kept putting Vicks under her eyes. Its an old actors trick that I learned when I was touring with the royal Shakespeare theatre company. The reason that she did that is so she could have to day off. Cos for today she is off on a mission from the government, code named Barbie. Yes that right Barbie.
When Ashlee (or Steven as she is know by the government & MI6) has ever mentioned Barbie she wasn't talking about the plas**tic doll that some woman used as love toys, but her secret mission. The mission its self is to monitor the black market trade of potatoes from the Ireland to Arab countries which include Iraq. It is widely thought that the reason the British & Americans actually when to war with Iraq was not because of the weapons of mass des**truction but because of an increase in the number of illegal traders of potatoes between the Irish & Iraqis'.
You might be wondering what Ashlee's (Steven) mission is. Well its to find and terminate the head boss of this crime ring. With him gone there would be no one to take over the business. He is name is Paddy O'Patrick, code name Ken as he is known by MI6 & Ashlee (Steven).
Anyway Ashlee (Steven) was on her way to Kilkenny in Ireland, in her government issue car (A very old yellow Rover Metro with 1 green door) when she came across a road block. Ashlee s**tarted to panic a bit but then she remembered her training. She undid the top of her government issue shirt (A fetching pink number) so she was showing off a bit of cleavage & drove up to the road block. To poor Irish blokes didn't know what to do other than s**tair down her top and dribble. Needless to say she got though with out any fuss.
As she approached Kilkenny she thought that she would s**top of for some grub. So she s**topped outside a real posh cafe. When she got out of her car everyone in the cafe s**top & looked at her. And When to management saw the s**tate of the Rover metro they refused to let her in. Ashlee (Steven) was not happy. She found the neares**t public loos, got a plas**tic bag & proceeded to poo in it. She got back in her car, drove pas**t the cafe throwing to bag out her window. The bag hit the manager square in the forehead & blow up spreading Ashlees do do everywhere. Ashlee (Steven) drove off wetting her self laughing.
After a few hours of driving, & a few hours looking at herself in the mirror redoing her make up & hair, she arrived at the hide out of Paddy O'Patrick. She pulled up out side, got out her poor excuse of a car & grabbed her government issue shield of invisibility (a government proto-type being firs**t tes**ted on this mission). Ashlee (Steven) walked s**traight pas**t the security cameras and into to main hall. At this point Ashlee was hit over the head with a French s**tick & large carrot. It turns out that the shield of invisibility was actually a mouldy old 15inch pizza that MI6 found behind the fridge. Ashlee was out cold.
3 hours later she came round & found that she was on a aeroplane on route to Baghdad. She was tied to one of the wings of the plane. Ashlee was going mental as it was playing havoc with her hair & she had left her brush in the Metro.
The plane came into land in the middle of the desert. The potatoes rus**tlers got Ashlee off the wing of the plane & bundled her into a waiting van. They drove for about 1 hour for which mos**t of the time Ashlee was blind folded & the kidnapers kept feeding her raw potato & tell her, in a thick Irish accent, that it would put hairs on her ches**t.
When the van s**top Ashlee was taken out & marched into a room & thrown on the floor. She was blindfolded, her hand were tied & she was being treated like a piece of meat. Ashlee was getting a little turned on by this!!
Then she realised she had her Barbie exploding bra on. Once this bra is undone the timer is set there is a ten minute delay and then KABLAMO. So about 15 minutes later Paddy O'Patrick come in the give Ashlee a grilling. They take off her blindfold. She looks & to her amazement Paddy O'Patrick it a 15 year old, spotty school kid. He helps her off the floor & untied her. They both sat at the table. He was trying to find out who she works for, but Ashlee jus**t keeps playing the dumb blond, say she didn't what was going on. Then she delivers the kill line. "You can have my bra if you let me go. There is jus**t one problem, you will have to take it off for me." she said in her mos**t seductive voice (which made her sound like she was slightly retarded, but seeing as it was a 15 year old boy, it did the trick).
Paddy was obviously excited (trouser tent in full effect) at the prospect of actually taking a bra off a person & not off a pillow so he agreed. He jumped up & jus**t s**tarted to pull at it. Ashlee by now was thinking how she was going to get out the place in less than 10 minutes. After a lot of tugging the bra finally came off & Ashlee was allowed to go. She headed s**traight out the door leaving Paddy sitting there smelling the Barbie bar. What she hadn't realised was that all the pulling and tugging on the bra had set the timer to go off earlier. She had less that 1 minute to get out. She run s**traight out of the room and s**traight across the hall to the front door. As she was running out the front door, her now unprotected melons were wobbling all over the show attracting attention from the local Baghdad men. She fought her way though the crowd & came to a clearing. Then KABLAMO. The force of the explosion threw her to the floor & her face ended up in a pile of camel sh*t. As she got up, wiping the camel cr*p from her face she was think "I NEED A MIRROR & MAKE UP, NOW". So with out a thought about jus**t blowing up a 15 year old or the fact that she has jus**t put about 15,000 potato smuggles out of work she rushed off to find some make up, a brush & a mirror.
By now she is probably at Baghdad airport waiting to catch her plane home. Thats what I think anyway.
Firs**tly Ashlee wasn't ill yes**terday. She jus**t kept putting Vicks under her eyes. Its an old actors trick that I learned when I was touring with the royal Shakespeare theatre company. The reason that she did that is so she could have to day off. Cos for today she is off on a mission from the government, code named Barbie. Yes that right Barbie.
When Ashlee (or Steven as she is know by the government & MI6) has ever mentioned Barbie she wasn't talking about the plas**tic doll that some woman used as love toys, but her secret mission. The mission its self is to monitor the black market trade of potatoes from the Ireland to Arab countries which include Iraq. It is widely thought that the reason the British & Americans actually when to war with Iraq was not because of the weapons of mass des**truction but because of an increase in the number of illegal traders of potatoes between the Irish & Iraqis'.
You might be wondering what Ashlee's (Steven) mission is. Well its to find and terminate the head boss of this crime ring. With him gone there would be no one to take over the business. He is name is Paddy O'Patrick, code name Ken as he is known by MI6 & Ashlee (Steven).
Anyway Ashlee (Steven) was on her way to Kilkenny in Ireland, in her government issue car (A very old yellow Rover Metro with 1 green door) when she came across a road block. Ashlee s**tarted to panic a bit but then she remembered her training. She undid the top of her government issue shirt (A fetching pink number) so she was showing off a bit of cleavage & drove up to the road block. To poor Irish blokes didn't know what to do other than s**tair down her top and dribble. Needless to say she got though with out any fuss.
As she approached Kilkenny she thought that she would s**top of for some grub. So she s**topped outside a real posh cafe. When she got out of her car everyone in the cafe s**top & looked at her. And When to management saw the s**tate of the Rover metro they refused to let her in. Ashlee (Steven) was not happy. She found the neares**t public loos, got a plas**tic bag & proceeded to poo in it. She got back in her car, drove pas**t the cafe throwing to bag out her window. The bag hit the manager square in the forehead & blow up spreading Ashlees do do everywhere. Ashlee (Steven) drove off wetting her self laughing.
After a few hours of driving, & a few hours looking at herself in the mirror redoing her make up & hair, she arrived at the hide out of Paddy O'Patrick. She pulled up out side, got out her poor excuse of a car & grabbed her government issue shield of invisibility (a government proto-type being firs**t tes**ted on this mission). Ashlee (Steven) walked s**traight pas**t the security cameras and into to main hall. At this point Ashlee was hit over the head with a French s**tick & large carrot. It turns out that the shield of invisibility was actually a mouldy old 15inch pizza that MI6 found behind the fridge. Ashlee was out cold.
3 hours later she came round & found that she was on a aeroplane on route to Baghdad. She was tied to one of the wings of the plane. Ashlee was going mental as it was playing havoc with her hair & she had left her brush in the Metro.
The plane came into land in the middle of the desert. The potatoes rus**tlers got Ashlee off the wing of the plane & bundled her into a waiting van. They drove for about 1 hour for which mos**t of the time Ashlee was blind folded & the kidnapers kept feeding her raw potato & tell her, in a thick Irish accent, that it would put hairs on her ches**t.
When the van s**top Ashlee was taken out & marched into a room & thrown on the floor. She was blindfolded, her hand were tied & she was being treated like a piece of meat. Ashlee was getting a little turned on by this!!
Then she realised she had her Barbie exploding bra on. Once this bra is undone the timer is set there is a ten minute delay and then KABLAMO. So about 15 minutes later Paddy O'Patrick come in the give Ashlee a grilling. They take off her blindfold. She looks & to her amazement Paddy O'Patrick it a 15 year old, spotty school kid. He helps her off the floor & untied her. They both sat at the table. He was trying to find out who she works for, but Ashlee jus**t keeps playing the dumb blond, say she didn't what was going on. Then she delivers the kill line. "You can have my bra if you let me go. There is jus**t one problem, you will have to take it off for me." she said in her mos**t seductive voice (which made her sound like she was slightly retarded, but seeing as it was a 15 year old boy, it did the trick).
Paddy was obviously excited (trouser tent in full effect) at the prospect of actually taking a bra off a person & not off a pillow so he agreed. He jumped up & jus**t s**tarted to pull at it. Ashlee by now was thinking how she was going to get out the place in less than 10 minutes. After a lot of tugging the bra finally came off & Ashlee was allowed to go. She headed s**traight out the door leaving Paddy sitting there smelling the Barbie bar. What she hadn't realised was that all the pulling and tugging on the bra had set the timer to go off earlier. She had less that 1 minute to get out. She run s**traight out of the room and s**traight across the hall to the front door. As she was running out the front door, her now unprotected melons were wobbling all over the show attracting attention from the local Baghdad men. She fought her way though the crowd & came to a clearing. Then KABLAMO. The force of the explosion threw her to the floor & her face ended up in a pile of camel sh*t. As she got up, wiping the camel cr*p from her face she was think "I NEED A MIRROR & MAKE UP, NOW". So with out a thought about jus**t blowing up a 15 year old or the fact that she has jus**t put about 15,000 potato smuggles out of work she rushed off to find some make up, a brush & a mirror.
By now she is probably at Baghdad airport waiting to catch her plane home. Thats what I think anyway.