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“You’re a wizard, Dullan!”
“Oh”
“C’mon, I expected to get a bit more of a reaction…”
And that’s how he got there. To platform 8, 9. Where the hell was platform 9 and three quarters? He kind of needed to get there quickly, to be with the other students. Though he was 52, he still wore the cloak and hat, and carried an owl and a broomstick. Well, a mop. He thought people might think he looked a bit peculiar.
“Aaaah” he sighed. He turned and ran towards the brick archway.
He woke up in the station medical room and he clutched his head.
“Auwgh” he gurgled. Stupid Harry Potter. Dullan should’ve known he’d do that too him. After the sixteenth book, Harry had travelled through time, saved his parents, gone to the moon and had a sex change, and Dullan was getting quite bored of him. He thought he might even throw away his Harry Potter alarm clock.
“Nah” he thought aloud.
“Sorry?” asked the patient next to him. He turned his head, to reveal an uncut ginger mop on top of his dirty un even face. His nose was dirty, and his teeth were falling out.
“ Ron?” Dullan’s head exploded.
“Yeah, I worked for ‘im a bit, in ‘is magic mansion, ‘till the operation. Now she’s tryin’ to get some more books done. JK Rowling ‘aint gonna’ do it, though. She’s worn both ‘er arms down to stumps.”
Dullan and Ron were sitting on a bench, outside platform nine.
“Ron, I tried to get on the Hogwarts Express, but the gateways closed. I need to get to Hogwarts.”
“Oh yeah, that. They moved it to platform eight. Im surprised yeh didn’t notice it. Oh yeah. It’s called the Hogwarts Bullet now, though”
Dullan was slightly taken aback by the new improved express. And the new, improved students. The train, which used to be a classic steam engine, now resembled a tube train, a long with graffiti and urine splattered along the side.
The students, now sporting the new uniform, black hoodie, Levi jeans and pump trainers, were smoking crude Dunhill players and spitting at OAPs.
“They changed it?” squealed Dullan. Teenagers made him nervous.
“Yup” answered Ron, and went to get a sandwich. One of the students saw Dullan and sniggered, and some of his mates came over, also sniggering. Teenagers made Dullan nervous. Sniggering teenagers, now drawing their wands, made Dullan cry.
“Now now” he sobbed, “ Im sure we can work things out….”
Ron was looking at the sandwiches. Choices were quite slim.
“In my day, there was more choice than Simple Cheese and Cheese. What is simple cheese, anyway?” he thought. “All day breakfast? That hardly makes sense now does it! How can you have an all day breakfast? Oh, ok. Ill just have turkey and cheese”
“There you are sir,” Said the spotty, sweaty greasy seventeen years old behind the counter. Ron was tempted to zap away the spots with his wand. He thought again. The last time that happened, the poor boy was breathing through a tube and eating with a straw for eighteen years. He took a bite.
“These just aren’t the same without gravy” he muttered
“Oh”
“C’mon, I expected to get a bit more of a reaction…”
And that’s how he got there. To platform 8, 9. Where the hell was platform 9 and three quarters? He kind of needed to get there quickly, to be with the other students. Though he was 52, he still wore the cloak and hat, and carried an owl and a broomstick. Well, a mop. He thought people might think he looked a bit peculiar.
“Aaaah” he sighed. He turned and ran towards the brick archway.
He woke up in the station medical room and he clutched his head.
“Auwgh” he gurgled. Stupid Harry Potter. Dullan should’ve known he’d do that too him. After the sixteenth book, Harry had travelled through time, saved his parents, gone to the moon and had a sex change, and Dullan was getting quite bored of him. He thought he might even throw away his Harry Potter alarm clock.
“Nah” he thought aloud.
“Sorry?” asked the patient next to him. He turned his head, to reveal an uncut ginger mop on top of his dirty un even face. His nose was dirty, and his teeth were falling out.
“ Ron?” Dullan’s head exploded.
“Yeah, I worked for ‘im a bit, in ‘is magic mansion, ‘till the operation. Now she’s tryin’ to get some more books done. JK Rowling ‘aint gonna’ do it, though. She’s worn both ‘er arms down to stumps.”
Dullan and Ron were sitting on a bench, outside platform nine.
“Ron, I tried to get on the Hogwarts Express, but the gateways closed. I need to get to Hogwarts.”
“Oh yeah, that. They moved it to platform eight. Im surprised yeh didn’t notice it. Oh yeah. It’s called the Hogwarts Bullet now, though”
Dullan was slightly taken aback by the new improved express. And the new, improved students. The train, which used to be a classic steam engine, now resembled a tube train, a long with graffiti and urine splattered along the side.
The students, now sporting the new uniform, black hoodie, Levi jeans and pump trainers, were smoking crude Dunhill players and spitting at OAPs.
“They changed it?” squealed Dullan. Teenagers made him nervous.
“Yup” answered Ron, and went to get a sandwich. One of the students saw Dullan and sniggered, and some of his mates came over, also sniggering. Teenagers made Dullan nervous. Sniggering teenagers, now drawing their wands, made Dullan cry.
“Now now” he sobbed, “ Im sure we can work things out….”
Ron was looking at the sandwiches. Choices were quite slim.
“In my day, there was more choice than Simple Cheese and Cheese. What is simple cheese, anyway?” he thought. “All day breakfast? That hardly makes sense now does it! How can you have an all day breakfast? Oh, ok. Ill just have turkey and cheese”
“There you are sir,” Said the spotty, sweaty greasy seventeen years old behind the counter. Ron was tempted to zap away the spots with his wand. He thought again. The last time that happened, the poor boy was breathing through a tube and eating with a straw for eighteen years. He took a bite.
“These just aren’t the same without gravy” he muttered
Loved this bit:
She’s worn both ‘er arms down to stumps.”
She’s worn both ‘er arms down to stumps.”
Read part two now! Out in all good book stores!
"Absolutley incredibley fantastic" New York Times
" Tasty " Book of the month
"hmmmmmmmmm" That guy with the beard whos always in the corner of the library kids section reading "How you were made".
"Absolutley incredibley fantastic" New York Times
" Tasty " Book of the month
"hmmmmmmmmm" That guy with the beard whos always in the corner of the library kids section reading "How you were made".
Be patient
Very good I liked that whats going to happen?
yes. ah
Ah.
To be continued.......
That was quite funny. But what happened to Dullan?
“You’re a wizard, Dullan!”
“Oh”
“C’mon, I expected to get a bit more of a reaction…”
And that’s how he got there. To platform 8, 9. Where the hell was platform 9 and three quarters? He kind of needed to get there quickly, to be with the other students. Though he was 52, he still wore the cloak and hat, and carried an owl and a broomstick. Well, a mop. He thought people might think he looked a bit peculiar.
“Aaaah” he sighed. He turned and ran towards the brick archway.
He woke up in the station medical room and he clutched his head.
“Auwgh” he gurgled. Stupid Harry Potter. Dullan should’ve known he’d do that too him. After the sixteenth book, Harry had travelled through time, saved his parents, gone to the moon and had a sex change, and Dullan was getting quite bored of him. He thought he might even throw away his Harry Potter alarm clock.
“Nah” he thought aloud.
“Sorry?” asked the patient next to him. He turned his head, to reveal an uncut ginger mop on top of his dirty un even face. His nose was dirty, and his teeth were falling out.
“ Ron?” Dullan’s head exploded.
“Yeah, I worked for ‘im a bit, in ‘is magic mansion, ‘till the operation. Now she’s tryin’ to get some more books done. JK Rowling ‘aint gonna’ do it, though. She’s worn both ‘er arms down to stumps.”
Dullan and Ron were sitting on a bench, outside platform nine.
“Ron, I tried to get on the Hogwarts Express, but the gateways closed. I need to get to Hogwarts.”
“Oh yeah, that. They moved it to platform eight. Im surprised yeh didn’t notice it. Oh yeah. It’s called the Hogwarts Bullet now, though”
Dullan was slightly taken aback by the new improved express. And the new, improved students. The train, which used to be a classic steam engine, now resembled a tube train, a long with graffiti and urine splattered along the side.
The students, now sporting the new uniform, black hoodie, Levi jeans and pump trainers, were smoking crude Dunhill players and spitting at OAPs.
“They changed it?” squealed Dullan. Teenagers made him nervous.
“Yup” answered Ron, and went to get a sandwich. One of the students saw Dullan and sniggered, and some of his mates came over, also sniggering. Teenagers made Dullan nervous. Sniggering teenagers, now drawing their wands, made Dullan cry.
“Now now” he sobbed, “ Im sure we can work things out….”
Ron was looking at the sandwiches. Choices were quite slim.
“In my day, there was more choice than Simple Cheese and Cheese. What is simple cheese, anyway?” he thought. “All day breakfast? That hardly makes sense now does it! How can you have an all day breakfast? Oh, ok. Ill just have turkey and cheese”
“There you are sir,” Said the spotty, sweaty greasy seventeen years old behind the counter. Ron was tempted to zap away the spots with his wand. He thought again. The last time that happened, the poor boy was breathing through a tube and eating with a straw for eighteen years. He took a bite.
“These just aren’t the same without gravy” he muttered
“Oh”
“C’mon, I expected to get a bit more of a reaction…”
And that’s how he got there. To platform 8, 9. Where the hell was platform 9 and three quarters? He kind of needed to get there quickly, to be with the other students. Though he was 52, he still wore the cloak and hat, and carried an owl and a broomstick. Well, a mop. He thought people might think he looked a bit peculiar.
“Aaaah” he sighed. He turned and ran towards the brick archway.
He woke up in the station medical room and he clutched his head.
“Auwgh” he gurgled. Stupid Harry Potter. Dullan should’ve known he’d do that too him. After the sixteenth book, Harry had travelled through time, saved his parents, gone to the moon and had a sex change, and Dullan was getting quite bored of him. He thought he might even throw away his Harry Potter alarm clock.
“Nah” he thought aloud.
“Sorry?” asked the patient next to him. He turned his head, to reveal an uncut ginger mop on top of his dirty un even face. His nose was dirty, and his teeth were falling out.
“ Ron?” Dullan’s head exploded.
“Yeah, I worked for ‘im a bit, in ‘is magic mansion, ‘till the operation. Now she’s tryin’ to get some more books done. JK Rowling ‘aint gonna’ do it, though. She’s worn both ‘er arms down to stumps.”
Dullan and Ron were sitting on a bench, outside platform nine.
“Ron, I tried to get on the Hogwarts Express, but the gateways closed. I need to get to Hogwarts.”
“Oh yeah, that. They moved it to platform eight. Im surprised yeh didn’t notice it. Oh yeah. It’s called the Hogwarts Bullet now, though”
Dullan was slightly taken aback by the new improved express. And the new, improved students. The train, which used to be a classic steam engine, now resembled a tube train, a long with graffiti and urine splattered along the side.
The students, now sporting the new uniform, black hoodie, Levi jeans and pump trainers, were smoking crude Dunhill players and spitting at OAPs.
“They changed it?” squealed Dullan. Teenagers made him nervous.
“Yup” answered Ron, and went to get a sandwich. One of the students saw Dullan and sniggered, and some of his mates came over, also sniggering. Teenagers made Dullan nervous. Sniggering teenagers, now drawing their wands, made Dullan cry.
“Now now” he sobbed, “ Im sure we can work things out….”
Ron was looking at the sandwiches. Choices were quite slim.
“In my day, there was more choice than Simple Cheese and Cheese. What is simple cheese, anyway?” he thought. “All day breakfast? That hardly makes sense now does it! How can you have an all day breakfast? Oh, ok. Ill just have turkey and cheese”
“There you are sir,” Said the spotty, sweaty greasy seventeen years old behind the counter. Ron was tempted to zap away the spots with his wand. He thought again. The last time that happened, the poor boy was breathing through a tube and eating with a straw for eighteen years. He took a bite.
“These just aren’t the same without gravy” he muttered