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The Door Swung open with a shuddering creak. The shop was open!
A man ran in, he was going to rob the place for all it's worth. He had a gun, and he was ready for the onslaught. Bang. He shot the fridge door, the glass shattered. Bang. The bullet in the head of the work geordie. He was dead. The man approached the counter, to find that the till was bone dry for cash. All it was containing was coppers. "O, dear". The man approached the fridge he had shot and grabbed a two litre bottle of Coke. He walked out, and grabbed a mountain bike from the street. He took a swig of drink and walked into town, for this was Jody Adams. And he was back!......
A man ran in, he was going to rob the place for all it's worth. He had a gun, and he was ready for the onslaught. Bang. He shot the fridge door, the glass shattered. Bang. The bullet in the head of the work geordie. He was dead. The man approached the counter, to find that the till was bone dry for cash. All it was containing was coppers. "O, dear". The man approached the fridge he had shot and grabbed a two litre bottle of Coke. He walked out, and grabbed a mountain bike from the street. He took a swig of drink and walked into town, for this was Jody Adams. And he was back!......
Wow, a work geordie. Always wanted to meet one of them
I believe the correct term would be where have you been?
Mike Swade where you been recently?
Was he grammatically retarded aswell?
I could just write another story about the character. He is a crazy guy, that's why the story was crazy.
Em
Right, good points first
...
Now the bad, the grammar and spelling was haphazard
I didn't think that it was that bad, the concept was original at least, just that it wasn't a very interesting story or one with any depth whatsoever.
Whacky beyond belief but if you could tailor this concept into a well punctuated, longer and more descriptive piece it could be really good
So, will you try that ?
Right, good points first
...
Now the bad, the grammar and spelling was haphazard
I didn't think that it was that bad, the concept was original at least, just that it wasn't a very interesting story or one with any depth whatsoever.
Whacky beyond belief but if you could tailor this concept into a well punctuated, longer and more descriptive piece it could be really good
So, will you try that ?
The Door Swung open with a shuddering creak. The shop was open!
A man ran in, he was going to rob the place for all it's worth. He had a gun, and he was ready for the onslaught. Bang. He shot the fridge door, the glass shattered. Bang. The bullet in the head of the work geordie. He was dead. The man approached the counter, to find that the till was bone dry for cash. All it was containing was coppers. "O, dear". The man approached the fridge he had shot and grabbed a two litre bottle of Coke. He walked out, and grabbed a mountain bike from the street. He took a swig of drink and walked into town, for this was Jody Adams. And he was back!......
A man ran in, he was going to rob the place for all it's worth. He had a gun, and he was ready for the onslaught. Bang. He shot the fridge door, the glass shattered. Bang. The bullet in the head of the work geordie. He was dead. The man approached the counter, to find that the till was bone dry for cash. All it was containing was coppers. "O, dear". The man approached the fridge he had shot and grabbed a two litre bottle of Coke. He walked out, and grabbed a mountain bike from the street. He took a swig of drink and walked into town, for this was Jody Adams. And he was back!......