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My serious stories are mostly boring, so here is a more deranged story that popped in my head while trying to sleep last night. It has some relevance to the competition that is running at the moment, so I’ll enter this for that. It also contains Baseball terminology, which may cause a problem for some readers. It's also my first story in a Short Story competition so be gentle. :)
It was a nice September morning in early May and Baseball season was almost over. Eagle-eyed viewers may have realised that Baseball season ends in October/November, not May. Well, we’ve been overusing our calendar and at the rate we were using it (once a day), we were going to run out and we would have had to wait until next year to get a new one.
Baseball season replaced Autumn as a season as World War 3 nearly erupted over which the season, whether it was Autumn or Fall. A settlement was reached and Baseball was agreed upon. With only a few days left of the regular Baseball season, the remaining 2 teams were competing in something akin to Groundhog Day, to make Baseball season last that little bit longer or have to suffer a long harsh Winter.
The story begins 2 paragraphs earlier for all those latecomers. Do keep up! 2 teams had identical records (Greatest Hits of Des O’Connor) and it comes down to the final 3 games of the regular season and they are against each other in a crunch series (Cadbury’s Crunch – Feel the Crunch of nuts or your money back!)
The two teams split the first two games because they couldn’t be bothered to play them and so it came down to the final game. Both teams play in the Anabolic league. It’s Massajuiceetts Abusers versus Maine Juice at Needles Stadium. Unfortunately, Massajuiceetts had problems leading up to the match.
Two Massajuiceetts players, Terry Wrist and Al Kyder, were arrested on the flight to Maine when they were caught packing heat, which they stored in the overheard compartments. The heat was analysed to be UK heat, which is why the UK has been so cold. The heat has been returned but has required psychiatric counselling.
The fate of Massajuiceetts relies on one man, O.J, as the rest of the players are useless. The final few minutes before game time were ebbing away and O.J was feeling the pressure, so had a beer to calm his nerves.
The pitcher for Maine Juice was pitching some ideas. His most notable one was about mechanical politicians where they debate, at length, about drilling holes in a show entitled ‘Robot Bores’. Needless to say, he was ejected from the game immediately.
Despite this setback, Maine Juice took the lead 1-0. O.J was still nervous as he approached the plate. He couldn’t eat anything, so he went to bat. He showed no fear as he smashed a ball to centre field, which was some shot considering centre field was downtown Chicago and that tied the game at 1-1.
The Abusers were not getting any joy as Maine Juice conceived another lead and the pressure was back on poor O.J. Somehow though, the bases were loaded and O.J’s finger was on the trigger. It was the bottom of the ninth, so he finished his 9th beer and went to bat. It would be the final few pitches of the game and just a hit would be enough to win the game.
STRIKE 1!
O.J swung and missed!
STRIKE 2!
Well, one strike and the match will be lit. One more strike in this game and the game will over. O.J looks for the ball, turns round and sees it in the pitchers hand. O.J was facing the wrong way! He’s ready now…
STRIKE 3! YEEEEERRRR OUT!
O.J blew it and handed Maine Juice the game. O.J was bitter with defeat, aware that Dee’s feet hadn’t been washed in over 6 months. O.J took a few final steps and passed out.
The morale of the story: Don’t drink 9 pints of beer.
It was a nice September morning in early May and Baseball season was almost over. Eagle-eyed viewers may have realised that Baseball season ends in October/November, not May. Well, we’ve been overusing our calendar and at the rate we were using it (once a day), we were going to run out and we would have had to wait until next year to get a new one.
Baseball season replaced Autumn as a season as World War 3 nearly erupted over which the season, whether it was Autumn or Fall. A settlement was reached and Baseball was agreed upon. With only a few days left of the regular Baseball season, the remaining 2 teams were competing in something akin to Groundhog Day, to make Baseball season last that little bit longer or have to suffer a long harsh Winter.
The story begins 2 paragraphs earlier for all those latecomers. Do keep up! 2 teams had identical records (Greatest Hits of Des O’Connor) and it comes down to the final 3 games of the regular season and they are against each other in a crunch series (Cadbury’s Crunch – Feel the Crunch of nuts or your money back!)
The two teams split the first two games because they couldn’t be bothered to play them and so it came down to the final game. Both teams play in the Anabolic league. It’s Massajuiceetts Abusers versus Maine Juice at Needles Stadium. Unfortunately, Massajuiceetts had problems leading up to the match.
Two Massajuiceetts players, Terry Wrist and Al Kyder, were arrested on the flight to Maine when they were caught packing heat, which they stored in the overheard compartments. The heat was analysed to be UK heat, which is why the UK has been so cold. The heat has been returned but has required psychiatric counselling.
The fate of Massajuiceetts relies on one man, O.J, as the rest of the players are useless. The final few minutes before game time were ebbing away and O.J was feeling the pressure, so had a beer to calm his nerves.
The pitcher for Maine Juice was pitching some ideas. His most notable one was about mechanical politicians where they debate, at length, about drilling holes in a show entitled ‘Robot Bores’. Needless to say, he was ejected from the game immediately.
Despite this setback, Maine Juice took the lead 1-0. O.J was still nervous as he approached the plate. He couldn’t eat anything, so he went to bat. He showed no fear as he smashed a ball to centre field, which was some shot considering centre field was downtown Chicago and that tied the game at 1-1.
The Abusers were not getting any joy as Maine Juice conceived another lead and the pressure was back on poor O.J. Somehow though, the bases were loaded and O.J’s finger was on the trigger. It was the bottom of the ninth, so he finished his 9th beer and went to bat. It would be the final few pitches of the game and just a hit would be enough to win the game.
STRIKE 1!
O.J swung and missed!
STRIKE 2!
Well, one strike and the match will be lit. One more strike in this game and the game will over. O.J looks for the ball, turns round and sees it in the pitchers hand. O.J was facing the wrong way! He’s ready now…
STRIKE 3! YEEEEERRRR OUT!
O.J blew it and handed Maine Juice the game. O.J was bitter with defeat, aware that Dee’s feet hadn’t been washed in over 6 months. O.J took a few final steps and passed out.
The morale of the story: Don’t drink 9 pints of beer.
Don't know about you being delirious. I seriously think you must have been lacking oxygen :D
Some of the one-liners here remind me of the kind of humour I'd expect from an Airplane movie. The problem with it is that it's being pitched (sorry) to an audience unlikely to be able to grasp the majority of the jokes.
I think there are some point of view issues here as well, or maybe I didn't quite get it.
Anyway, it's nice to read something that's a little away from the norm, even if it started a rhythmic throbbing at the front of my skull.
I think there are some point of view issues here as well, or maybe I didn't quite get it.
Anyway, it's nice to read something that's a little away from the norm, even if it started a rhythmic throbbing at the front of my skull.
It's just something I came up with while I was in a dream state trying to get to sleep one night. Maybe I was delirious, I don't know. :)
My head hurts. I'm still trying to work out if it was classed as an entertaining story or a dangerous substance...
Yes it is deranged. A little too much so. Zany is probably the word to sum it up ... Humour that kinda destroys itself as soon as the quirky punchlines are delivered. Hm. Err. It's left me somewhat baffled.
My serious stories are mostly boring, so here is a more deranged story that popped in my head while trying to sleep last night. It has some relevance to the competition that is running at the moment, so I’ll enter this for that. It also contains Baseball terminology, which may cause a problem for some readers. It's also my first story in a Short Story competition so be gentle. :)
It was a nice September morning in early May and Baseball season was almost over. Eagle-eyed viewers may have realised that Baseball season ends in October/November, not May. Well, we’ve been overusing our calendar and at the rate we were using it (once a day), we were going to run out and we would have had to wait until next year to get a new one.
Baseball season replaced Autumn as a season as World War 3 nearly erupted over which the season, whether it was Autumn or Fall. A settlement was reached and Baseball was agreed upon. With only a few days left of the regular Baseball season, the remaining 2 teams were competing in something akin to Groundhog Day, to make Baseball season last that little bit longer or have to suffer a long harsh Winter.
The story begins 2 paragraphs earlier for all those latecomers. Do keep up! 2 teams had identical records (Greatest Hits of Des O’Connor) and it comes down to the final 3 games of the regular season and they are against each other in a crunch series (Cadbury’s Crunch – Feel the Crunch of nuts or your money back!)
The two teams split the first two games because they couldn’t be bothered to play them and so it came down to the final game. Both teams play in the Anabolic league. It’s Massajuiceetts Abusers versus Maine Juice at Needles Stadium. Unfortunately, Massajuiceetts had problems leading up to the match.
Two Massajuiceetts players, Terry Wrist and Al Kyder, were arrested on the flight to Maine when they were caught packing heat, which they stored in the overheard compartments. The heat was analysed to be UK heat, which is why the UK has been so cold. The heat has been returned but has required psychiatric counselling.
The fate of Massajuiceetts relies on one man, O.J, as the rest of the players are useless. The final few minutes before game time were ebbing away and O.J was feeling the pressure, so had a beer to calm his nerves.
The pitcher for Maine Juice was pitching some ideas. His most notable one was about mechanical politicians where they debate, at length, about drilling holes in a show entitled ‘Robot Bores’. Needless to say, he was ejected from the game immediately.
Despite this setback, Maine Juice took the lead 1-0. O.J was still nervous as he approached the plate. He couldn’t eat anything, so he went to bat. He showed no fear as he smashed a ball to centre field, which was some shot considering centre field was downtown Chicago and that tied the game at 1-1.
The Abusers were not getting any joy as Maine Juice conceived another lead and the pressure was back on poor O.J. Somehow though, the bases were loaded and O.J’s finger was on the trigger. It was the bottom of the ninth, so he finished his 9th beer and went to bat. It would be the final few pitches of the game and just a hit would be enough to win the game.
STRIKE 1!
O.J swung and missed!
STRIKE 2!
Well, one strike and the match will be lit. One more strike in this game and the game will over. O.J looks for the ball, turns round and sees it in the pitchers hand. O.J was facing the wrong way! He’s ready now…
STRIKE 3! YEEEEERRRR OUT!
O.J blew it and handed Maine Juice the game. O.J was bitter with defeat, aware that Dee’s feet hadn’t been washed in over 6 months. O.J took a few final steps and passed out.
The morale of the story: Don’t drink 9 pints of beer.
It was a nice September morning in early May and Baseball season was almost over. Eagle-eyed viewers may have realised that Baseball season ends in October/November, not May. Well, we’ve been overusing our calendar and at the rate we were using it (once a day), we were going to run out and we would have had to wait until next year to get a new one.
Baseball season replaced Autumn as a season as World War 3 nearly erupted over which the season, whether it was Autumn or Fall. A settlement was reached and Baseball was agreed upon. With only a few days left of the regular Baseball season, the remaining 2 teams were competing in something akin to Groundhog Day, to make Baseball season last that little bit longer or have to suffer a long harsh Winter.
The story begins 2 paragraphs earlier for all those latecomers. Do keep up! 2 teams had identical records (Greatest Hits of Des O’Connor) and it comes down to the final 3 games of the regular season and they are against each other in a crunch series (Cadbury’s Crunch – Feel the Crunch of nuts or your money back!)
The two teams split the first two games because they couldn’t be bothered to play them and so it came down to the final game. Both teams play in the Anabolic league. It’s Massajuiceetts Abusers versus Maine Juice at Needles Stadium. Unfortunately, Massajuiceetts had problems leading up to the match.
Two Massajuiceetts players, Terry Wrist and Al Kyder, were arrested on the flight to Maine when they were caught packing heat, which they stored in the overheard compartments. The heat was analysed to be UK heat, which is why the UK has been so cold. The heat has been returned but has required psychiatric counselling.
The fate of Massajuiceetts relies on one man, O.J, as the rest of the players are useless. The final few minutes before game time were ebbing away and O.J was feeling the pressure, so had a beer to calm his nerves.
The pitcher for Maine Juice was pitching some ideas. His most notable one was about mechanical politicians where they debate, at length, about drilling holes in a show entitled ‘Robot Bores’. Needless to say, he was ejected from the game immediately.
Despite this setback, Maine Juice took the lead 1-0. O.J was still nervous as he approached the plate. He couldn’t eat anything, so he went to bat. He showed no fear as he smashed a ball to centre field, which was some shot considering centre field was downtown Chicago and that tied the game at 1-1.
The Abusers were not getting any joy as Maine Juice conceived another lead and the pressure was back on poor O.J. Somehow though, the bases were loaded and O.J’s finger was on the trigger. It was the bottom of the ninth, so he finished his 9th beer and went to bat. It would be the final few pitches of the game and just a hit would be enough to win the game.
STRIKE 1!
O.J swung and missed!
STRIKE 2!
Well, one strike and the match will be lit. One more strike in this game and the game will over. O.J looks for the ball, turns round and sees it in the pitchers hand. O.J was facing the wrong way! He’s ready now…
STRIKE 3! YEEEEERRRR OUT!
O.J blew it and handed Maine Juice the game. O.J was bitter with defeat, aware that Dee’s feet hadn’t been washed in over 6 months. O.J took a few final steps and passed out.
The morale of the story: Don’t drink 9 pints of beer.