Viewing Thread:
"SSC23 - The Buzz"

Here I lie.

The world outside flys past in a dizzying dream. Here I am, a foreign object in my own mind. The soft lights twist into malicious beasts all clamouring for my blood.

Here I lie.

The malignant sounds of the computers, them, whirring and screeching their ethereal voices across the house, across the road, from all directions. It may aswell be across a void.

Here I lie.

The stairs are like a mirage, a million miles away. Outside is like another world. Voices can be heard, screaming laughing shouting. At last someone's here. I should go out. I'll just get my coat. But .. what if they don't like me? Are those screams really happy? What if it's a trick ?!

Here I lie.

Maybe I could fix that loose wire? But ... then I'll increase my techno-profiency. They already say I'm a geek. I can hear them. Taunting me from another place - a subconscious realm.

Here I lie.

Another hour. The book lies sprawled across the floor, forgotten, much like myself. The t.v's in the next room, but, too far. It's raining, so, it's inside! But ... what if lightning strikes? I could be holding the remote just as it does!

Here I lie.

Perhaps I could finish that essay, surpass them all. Wipe the grins off their smug faces. But then, what difference would that make? Would they like me any more?

Here I lie.

Aha. There is one thing left to do. The finale of this fatal scene. Me the hero, the cowards' way out. They'll never forget me. I'll be famous. Everyone will know and love me! I'll be famous.

I'll do it. Andd this is where it ends, in my cupboard. That loose wire will come in handy. All that medical experience will come in handy - but, what if the razor fails? No. The wire is the way.

I choke my last response and pass on, goodbye cruel world ...

Hmmm, didn't really sit well with me, a lot of that. The "Here I lie" needed to be more infrequent and, like others have said, the suicide ending seemed a bit obvious. A lot of the interspersed sentences were actually quite good, but try something different next time.

Not bad. The repeated line does give it a poetic feel though, with the short paragraphs. I think if each was expanded a little it would be more effective.

Suicide ending was a little clichéd, but nevermind.

Aye, pretty decent. Well-formed.

Although ending with 'goodbye cruel world' is a no-no.

Pretty good. Neat and tidy. I liked the repetition of here I am. The suicide ending was a little pretentious, mind.

Nice concept, but it needs to be developed, giving more description and possibly restricting "Here I lie" to every few paragraphs.

I love the way you spell the first word of the entire story wrong. Just for that i'm not reading it. So there. :P

Here I lie.

The world outside flys past in a dizzying dream. Here I am, a foreign object in my own mind. The soft lights twist into malicious beasts all clamouring for my blood.

Here I lie.

The malignant sounds of the computers, them, whirring and screeching their ethereal voices across the house, across the road, from all directions. It may aswell be across a void.

Here I lie.

The stairs are like a mirage, a million miles away. Outside is like another world. Voices can be heard, screaming laughing shouting. At last someone's here. I should go out. I'll just get my coat. But .. what if they don't like me? Are those screams really happy? What if it's a trick ?!

Here I lie.

Maybe I could fix that loose wire? But ... then I'll increase my techno-profiency. They already say I'm a geek. I can hear them. Taunting me from another place - a subconscious realm.

Here I lie.

Another hour. The book lies sprawled across the floor, forgotten, much like myself. The t.v's in the next room, but, too far. It's raining, so, it's inside! But ... what if lightning strikes? I could be holding the remote just as it does!

Here I lie.

Perhaps I could finish that essay, surpass them all. Wipe the grins off their smug faces. But then, what difference would that make? Would they like me any more?

Here I lie.

Aha. There is one thing left to do. The finale of this fatal scene. Me the hero, the cowards' way out. They'll never forget me. I'll be famous. Everyone will know and love me! I'll be famous.

I'll do it. Andd this is where it ends, in my cupboard. That loose wire will come in handy. All that medical experience will come in handy - but, what if the razor fails? No. The wire is the way.

I choke my last response and pass on, goodbye cruel world ...