The "Creative Writing" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
This is based entirely on a train of thought from me and FinalFantasyFanatic in some thread in General Chat. If it offends you, I'm not fussed.
--
"Damn, it got away."
I looked up from the scattered pile of notes I was wearily sifting through. It wasn't supposed to be my job, ticking random boxes in meaningless boxes that meant nothing to anyone at all. I was a qualified doctor, for Christ's sake. Well, not his sake, obviously. Not in a place like this. Stay with me now. It'll get better.
"Are you sure it got away?"
"Well, obviously it did. Because it's not here."
The voices floated through the corridors, disembodied. I sighed, and put down the pen. It wasn't as if I needed any serious inclination to put down the pen. Hell, occasionally I put down the pen on a whim. A reckless whim. What you doing? It's a whim, I'd say. Oh, a WHIM. That's right. A whim. So, anyway, I got up from my desk and decided to follow the voices. Because I had nothing else to do except tick a few boxes. And even a monkey could do that, given the right inclination.
"Look, this is the reason I'm head of the ninjas in this hospital."
Did I hear that right? Here I am, fresh out of Oxford. A qualified doctor. My mother has a picture of me, hung up in the front hall. My sister, poor lass, scraped a degree in History of Art. And she's displayed in the cloak room. Behind some flowers. You knew you'd made it in my family if you made the front hall. So, where was I? Oh, yes. I was walking down a hospital corridor searching for a voice that had just mentioned ninjas. I'm sure there weren't any ninjas in this hospital. I nodded to the comely nurse that was manning the reception of the ward I was walking into. Nothing remotely ninja about her. She was hot, though.
"You may be the head ninja, but I'm the best ninja."
"Don't make me laugh!"
"You're not laughing."
"Well, yeah."
So, we have two ninjas, it seems like. I padded softly down the corridor. The voices were getting louder. It was the middle of the day, you understand. I thought ninjas only came out at night. Like moths, but with more slaughter. I turned the corner into the section with the bold letters ABORTION displayed above the door. This was definitely where the two ninjas were arguing.
"OK. Whatever. We're both qualified ninjas. You ninj, I ninj, whatever."
"Is that right? To ninj?"
"Look, we've got to ninj right the hell now."
A set of double doors ahead. The voices were clearly coming from behind there. I gulped. Not out of fear, you understand. I wasn't afraid of ninjas. I just felt like a gulp. Believe me, when you've spent 10 hours ticking boxes, a gulp is a treat. I pushed the door open. Something shot between my legs and out into the hospital large.
"You IDIOT!"
I looked up. Standing there were two doctors. Nothing odd about them. Two, standard doctors. White coats, stethescopes, the works. Oh, and they were both holding samurai swords.
"You've let it out!" said Doctor The First, who had the look of a Steve about him.
"Now we're going to have to get it." said Doctor the Second. I dubbed him Kyle.
"Get what, exactly?" I said.
"You stupid, or something?" said Steve. "The baby, of course."
"You're after a baby?"
"Of course!" said Kyle. "What do you think we've got these for?" Kyle waved the samurai sword in a very Kyle-like way.
"You're performing an abortion with samurai swords?" I asked, not really wanting to be answered.
"What? Are you stupid?" said Kyle. I was beginning to take an intense dislike to Kyle. "You don't perform an abortion with a SWORD. Haven't you trained as a doctor?"
"The swords are for after. Just so you know it's good and dead." assured Steve. I trusted Steve.
"But the baby got loose." muttered Kyle. I suspected it was Kyle's fault that the baby had eluded the swords. "And now we've got to go on The Hunt."
"The Hunt?"
"Aye, The Hunt, lad." said Steve, waving his sword. "Occasionally a baby will get loose. And it's imperative we find it...before...OH MY GOD!" he screamed, eyes transfixed on the door behind me.
"NO!" yelled Kyle. I liked the idea of Kyle being upset. "It's only gone and found the throwing stars!"
I dreaded to look behind me. But it had to be done. I turned, slowly. There, in the doorway....
Well, I can't tell exactly what was in the doorway. Kyle and Steve can't eiher. Because the thing that was in the doorway had throwing stars. And even ninjas can't dodge throwing stars.
But here's the thing. It didn't seem to want to attack me with the throwing stars. For the longest while, I wondered why. And then it struck me. I wasn't a threat. I couldn't perform an aborbtion.
So there's the lesson, kids. Think long and hard before you become a ninja.
--
Yeah, sorry about that.
--
"Damn, it got away."
I looked up from the scattered pile of notes I was wearily sifting through. It wasn't supposed to be my job, ticking random boxes in meaningless boxes that meant nothing to anyone at all. I was a qualified doctor, for Christ's sake. Well, not his sake, obviously. Not in a place like this. Stay with me now. It'll get better.
"Are you sure it got away?"
"Well, obviously it did. Because it's not here."
The voices floated through the corridors, disembodied. I sighed, and put down the pen. It wasn't as if I needed any serious inclination to put down the pen. Hell, occasionally I put down the pen on a whim. A reckless whim. What you doing? It's a whim, I'd say. Oh, a WHIM. That's right. A whim. So, anyway, I got up from my desk and decided to follow the voices. Because I had nothing else to do except tick a few boxes. And even a monkey could do that, given the right inclination.
"Look, this is the reason I'm head of the ninjas in this hospital."
Did I hear that right? Here I am, fresh out of Oxford. A qualified doctor. My mother has a picture of me, hung up in the front hall. My sister, poor lass, scraped a degree in History of Art. And she's displayed in the cloak room. Behind some flowers. You knew you'd made it in my family if you made the front hall. So, where was I? Oh, yes. I was walking down a hospital corridor searching for a voice that had just mentioned ninjas. I'm sure there weren't any ninjas in this hospital. I nodded to the comely nurse that was manning the reception of the ward I was walking into. Nothing remotely ninja about her. She was hot, though.
"You may be the head ninja, but I'm the best ninja."
"Don't make me laugh!"
"You're not laughing."
"Well, yeah."
So, we have two ninjas, it seems like. I padded softly down the corridor. The voices were getting louder. It was the middle of the day, you understand. I thought ninjas only came out at night. Like moths, but with more slaughter. I turned the corner into the section with the bold letters ABORTION displayed above the door. This was definitely where the two ninjas were arguing.
"OK. Whatever. We're both qualified ninjas. You ninj, I ninj, whatever."
"Is that right? To ninj?"
"Look, we've got to ninj right the hell now."
A set of double doors ahead. The voices were clearly coming from behind there. I gulped. Not out of fear, you understand. I wasn't afraid of ninjas. I just felt like a gulp. Believe me, when you've spent 10 hours ticking boxes, a gulp is a treat. I pushed the door open. Something shot between my legs and out into the hospital large.
"You IDIOT!"
I looked up. Standing there were two doctors. Nothing odd about them. Two, standard doctors. White coats, stethescopes, the works. Oh, and they were both holding samurai swords.
"You've let it out!" said Doctor The First, who had the look of a Steve about him.
"Now we're going to have to get it." said Doctor the Second. I dubbed him Kyle.
"Get what, exactly?" I said.
"You stupid, or something?" said Steve. "The baby, of course."
"You're after a baby?"
"Of course!" said Kyle. "What do you think we've got these for?" Kyle waved the samurai sword in a very Kyle-like way.
"You're performing an abortion with samurai swords?" I asked, not really wanting to be answered.
"What? Are you stupid?" said Kyle. I was beginning to take an intense dislike to Kyle. "You don't perform an abortion with a SWORD. Haven't you trained as a doctor?"
"The swords are for after. Just so you know it's good and dead." assured Steve. I trusted Steve.
"But the baby got loose." muttered Kyle. I suspected it was Kyle's fault that the baby had eluded the swords. "And now we've got to go on The Hunt."
"The Hunt?"
"Aye, The Hunt, lad." said Steve, waving his sword. "Occasionally a baby will get loose. And it's imperative we find it...before...OH MY GOD!" he screamed, eyes transfixed on the door behind me.
"NO!" yelled Kyle. I liked the idea of Kyle being upset. "It's only gone and found the throwing stars!"
I dreaded to look behind me. But it had to be done. I turned, slowly. There, in the doorway....
Well, I can't tell exactly what was in the doorway. Kyle and Steve can't eiher. Because the thing that was in the doorway had throwing stars. And even ninjas can't dodge throwing stars.
But here's the thing. It didn't seem to want to attack me with the throwing stars. For the longest while, I wondered why. And then it struck me. I wasn't a threat. I couldn't perform an aborbtion.
So there's the lesson, kids. Think long and hard before you become a ninja.
--
Yeah, sorry about that.
I liked it, would kinda go well as a flash animation or as a comic strip.
Ignore this
Excellent idea :) I was debating doing a sequel where they actually have to hunt the ninja-baby, but it's hunting them Predator style.
But I fell asleep. I'll do it soon.
Edit: I imagined "I" as Paul McGann in Withnail & I. I don't know why.
But I fell asleep. I'll do it soon.
Edit: I imagined "I" as Paul McGann in Withnail & I. I don't know why.
Ahh, yeah, that's the stuff.
Excellent.
I might have a crack at the next one in the legendry Ninja Baby saga.
Excellent.
I might have a crack at the next one in the legendry Ninja Baby saga.
This is based entirely on a train of thought from me and FinalFantasyFanatic in some thread in General Chat. If it offends you, I'm not fussed.
--
"Damn, it got away."
I looked up from the scattered pile of notes I was wearily sifting through. It wasn't supposed to be my job, ticking random boxes in meaningless boxes that meant nothing to anyone at all. I was a qualified doctor, for Christ's sake. Well, not his sake, obviously. Not in a place like this. Stay with me now. It'll get better.
"Are you sure it got away?"
"Well, obviously it did. Because it's not here."
The voices floated through the corridors, disembodied. I sighed, and put down the pen. It wasn't as if I needed any serious inclination to put down the pen. Hell, occasionally I put down the pen on a whim. A reckless whim. What you doing? It's a whim, I'd say. Oh, a WHIM. That's right. A whim. So, anyway, I got up from my desk and decided to follow the voices. Because I had nothing else to do except tick a few boxes. And even a monkey could do that, given the right inclination.
"Look, this is the reason I'm head of the ninjas in this hospital."
Did I hear that right? Here I am, fresh out of Oxford. A qualified doctor. My mother has a picture of me, hung up in the front hall. My sister, poor lass, scraped a degree in History of Art. And she's displayed in the cloak room. Behind some flowers. You knew you'd made it in my family if you made the front hall. So, where was I? Oh, yes. I was walking down a hospital corridor searching for a voice that had just mentioned ninjas. I'm sure there weren't any ninjas in this hospital. I nodded to the comely nurse that was manning the reception of the ward I was walking into. Nothing remotely ninja about her. She was hot, though.
"You may be the head ninja, but I'm the best ninja."
"Don't make me laugh!"
"You're not laughing."
"Well, yeah."
So, we have two ninjas, it seems like. I padded softly down the corridor. The voices were getting louder. It was the middle of the day, you understand. I thought ninjas only came out at night. Like moths, but with more slaughter. I turned the corner into the section with the bold letters ABORTION displayed above the door. This was definitely where the two ninjas were arguing.
"OK. Whatever. We're both qualified ninjas. You ninj, I ninj, whatever."
"Is that right? To ninj?"
"Look, we've got to ninj right the hell now."
A set of double doors ahead. The voices were clearly coming from behind there. I gulped. Not out of fear, you understand. I wasn't afraid of ninjas. I just felt like a gulp. Believe me, when you've spent 10 hours ticking boxes, a gulp is a treat. I pushed the door open. Something shot between my legs and out into the hospital large.
"You IDIOT!"
I looked up. Standing there were two doctors. Nothing odd about them. Two, standard doctors. White coats, stethescopes, the works. Oh, and they were both holding samurai swords.
"You've let it out!" said Doctor The First, who had the look of a Steve about him.
"Now we're going to have to get it." said Doctor the Second. I dubbed him Kyle.
"Get what, exactly?" I said.
"You stupid, or something?" said Steve. "The baby, of course."
"You're after a baby?"
"Of course!" said Kyle. "What do you think we've got these for?" Kyle waved the samurai sword in a very Kyle-like way.
"You're performing an abortion with samurai swords?" I asked, not really wanting to be answered.
"What? Are you stupid?" said Kyle. I was beginning to take an intense dislike to Kyle. "You don't perform an abortion with a SWORD. Haven't you trained as a doctor?"
"The swords are for after. Just so you know it's good and dead." assured Steve. I trusted Steve.
"But the baby got loose." muttered Kyle. I suspected it was Kyle's fault that the baby had eluded the swords. "And now we've got to go on The Hunt."
"The Hunt?"
"Aye, The Hunt, lad." said Steve, waving his sword. "Occasionally a baby will get loose. And it's imperative we find it...before...OH MY GOD!" he screamed, eyes transfixed on the door behind me.
"NO!" yelled Kyle. I liked the idea of Kyle being upset. "It's only gone and found the throwing stars!"
I dreaded to look behind me. But it had to be done. I turned, slowly. There, in the doorway....
Well, I can't tell exactly what was in the doorway. Kyle and Steve can't eiher. Because the thing that was in the doorway had throwing stars. And even ninjas can't dodge throwing stars.
But here's the thing. It didn't seem to want to attack me with the throwing stars. For the longest while, I wondered why. And then it struck me. I wasn't a threat. I couldn't perform an aborbtion.
So there's the lesson, kids. Think long and hard before you become a ninja.
--
Yeah, sorry about that.
--
"Damn, it got away."
I looked up from the scattered pile of notes I was wearily sifting through. It wasn't supposed to be my job, ticking random boxes in meaningless boxes that meant nothing to anyone at all. I was a qualified doctor, for Christ's sake. Well, not his sake, obviously. Not in a place like this. Stay with me now. It'll get better.
"Are you sure it got away?"
"Well, obviously it did. Because it's not here."
The voices floated through the corridors, disembodied. I sighed, and put down the pen. It wasn't as if I needed any serious inclination to put down the pen. Hell, occasionally I put down the pen on a whim. A reckless whim. What you doing? It's a whim, I'd say. Oh, a WHIM. That's right. A whim. So, anyway, I got up from my desk and decided to follow the voices. Because I had nothing else to do except tick a few boxes. And even a monkey could do that, given the right inclination.
"Look, this is the reason I'm head of the ninjas in this hospital."
Did I hear that right? Here I am, fresh out of Oxford. A qualified doctor. My mother has a picture of me, hung up in the front hall. My sister, poor lass, scraped a degree in History of Art. And she's displayed in the cloak room. Behind some flowers. You knew you'd made it in my family if you made the front hall. So, where was I? Oh, yes. I was walking down a hospital corridor searching for a voice that had just mentioned ninjas. I'm sure there weren't any ninjas in this hospital. I nodded to the comely nurse that was manning the reception of the ward I was walking into. Nothing remotely ninja about her. She was hot, though.
"You may be the head ninja, but I'm the best ninja."
"Don't make me laugh!"
"You're not laughing."
"Well, yeah."
So, we have two ninjas, it seems like. I padded softly down the corridor. The voices were getting louder. It was the middle of the day, you understand. I thought ninjas only came out at night. Like moths, but with more slaughter. I turned the corner into the section with the bold letters ABORTION displayed above the door. This was definitely where the two ninjas were arguing.
"OK. Whatever. We're both qualified ninjas. You ninj, I ninj, whatever."
"Is that right? To ninj?"
"Look, we've got to ninj right the hell now."
A set of double doors ahead. The voices were clearly coming from behind there. I gulped. Not out of fear, you understand. I wasn't afraid of ninjas. I just felt like a gulp. Believe me, when you've spent 10 hours ticking boxes, a gulp is a treat. I pushed the door open. Something shot between my legs and out into the hospital large.
"You IDIOT!"
I looked up. Standing there were two doctors. Nothing odd about them. Two, standard doctors. White coats, stethescopes, the works. Oh, and they were both holding samurai swords.
"You've let it out!" said Doctor The First, who had the look of a Steve about him.
"Now we're going to have to get it." said Doctor the Second. I dubbed him Kyle.
"Get what, exactly?" I said.
"You stupid, or something?" said Steve. "The baby, of course."
"You're after a baby?"
"Of course!" said Kyle. "What do you think we've got these for?" Kyle waved the samurai sword in a very Kyle-like way.
"You're performing an abortion with samurai swords?" I asked, not really wanting to be answered.
"What? Are you stupid?" said Kyle. I was beginning to take an intense dislike to Kyle. "You don't perform an abortion with a SWORD. Haven't you trained as a doctor?"
"The swords are for after. Just so you know it's good and dead." assured Steve. I trusted Steve.
"But the baby got loose." muttered Kyle. I suspected it was Kyle's fault that the baby had eluded the swords. "And now we've got to go on The Hunt."
"The Hunt?"
"Aye, The Hunt, lad." said Steve, waving his sword. "Occasionally a baby will get loose. And it's imperative we find it...before...OH MY GOD!" he screamed, eyes transfixed on the door behind me.
"NO!" yelled Kyle. I liked the idea of Kyle being upset. "It's only gone and found the throwing stars!"
I dreaded to look behind me. But it had to be done. I turned, slowly. There, in the doorway....
Well, I can't tell exactly what was in the doorway. Kyle and Steve can't eiher. Because the thing that was in the doorway had throwing stars. And even ninjas can't dodge throwing stars.
But here's the thing. It didn't seem to want to attack me with the throwing stars. For the longest while, I wondered why. And then it struck me. I wasn't a threat. I couldn't perform an aborbtion.
So there's the lesson, kids. Think long and hard before you become a ninja.
--
Yeah, sorry about that.