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"I went to the shiva..."

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Sat 26/03/05 at 16:07
Regular
"For One Night Only"
Posts: 3,773
Mentioned in my other thread, "A Shiver", a good friend of mine lost her father nearly two weeks ago. Being Jewish, he was buried the following day, and then a shiva was held. Shivas last seven nights and take place at the house of a close relative of the deceased.

A good twelve of my friends went on the Monday, I couldn't because I had to work. It didn't feel right to take the night off as I've only worked there six weeks and have already missed two of 'em.

And so, all by my curious self, I went on the Tuesday - the last night of the shiva. As I walked in, I thought to myself "I should be wearing black". But I was well-dressed, and there were others who were not wearing black, aswell. One girl was wearing bright orange.

As I walked through the door, a mass of Jewish faces turned round (some quite accusingly) and glared at the only Christian present. No-one welcomed me, no conversation what-so-ever. I found my grieving friend Jaynie. She was so happy to see me, very smiley, and what-not. She's a strong girl, but I can't help but wonder whether it was just an act. I can't imagine her upset.

I was asked to leave the room by some old grump and wait in the kitchen while the service was carried out. He had a good reason, I didn't have a covered head, but he could've asked nicer. The rabbi led the way, and at the end, the brother of Jaynie's father made a nice, funny, and touching speech.

We said our goodbyes, and I casually strolled out.



It's made me question the whole Jewish faith. Can they get divorced? Are they allowed to re-marry after their partner dies? There were a lot more, but I've forgotten since. Whether this bored you or not doesn't matter to me, it was an interesting experience that I doubt many of you will ever have to go through...
Sat 26/03/05 at 18:01
Regular
"For One Night Only"
Posts: 3,773
Great answer, actually.

I wondered how you spelt yarmulka.
Sat 26/03/05 at 17:37
Regular
"Infantalised Forums"
Posts: 23,089
Yes you can divorce if you're Jewish and yes you can remarry - although you cannot remarry each other.
To obtain a divorce you need what is called a "get", usually hand-written in Aramaic. Without a get, any child born in that marriage is considered illegitimate.
It's like an "official" divorce certificate and basically allows both parties to remarry. Of course they can, just not with a traditional Jewish ceremony.
As for being asked to leave, unless you are wearing a yarmulka it is considered gravely offensive to the point of not allowed. It would be like turning up to a Christian funeral wearing a clown's suit and swearing profusely to the vicar.

The Jewish tradition is centuries old and has withstood all manner of persecution and hatred from The Romans to The Nazis, their rituals and customs are sacrosanct and millions of Jews have died for their faith. So it's possible that older, more orthodox people (especially Rabbis, notoriously ill-humoured) may feel slighted at a goyim arriving and saying hello.

*shrugs*
Hope that answered some of yr questions
Sat 26/03/05 at 16:41
Regular
"For One Night Only"
Posts: 3,773
I think if you can't face it, don't go. You can pay your respects your own way. Though there's no shame in crying your eyes out infront of everyone you know at a funeral.
Sat 26/03/05 at 16:38
Regular
Posts: 23,216
The Hibernator wrote:
"Are they allowed to re-marry after their partner dies?"

I only know about that from the South Park song "I can't remarry, because I'm hebrew, I'm a jew, a lonely jew, at Christmas."

I've never been to a funeral. Either I barely knew them, or we were too close and I couldn't bare to go, or I was just unable to go. There's been a few very close people who've died, I kinda wonder to myself if I truly made the effort to respect them at death.. one time I was very young, the other I was too far away.

I don't know. Is it right to not go to funerals if you feel you can't face it? I could never work that one out.
Sat 26/03/05 at 16:07
Regular
"For One Night Only"
Posts: 3,773
Mentioned in my other thread, "A Shiver", a good friend of mine lost her father nearly two weeks ago. Being Jewish, he was buried the following day, and then a shiva was held. Shivas last seven nights and take place at the house of a close relative of the deceased.

A good twelve of my friends went on the Monday, I couldn't because I had to work. It didn't feel right to take the night off as I've only worked there six weeks and have already missed two of 'em.

And so, all by my curious self, I went on the Tuesday - the last night of the shiva. As I walked in, I thought to myself "I should be wearing black". But I was well-dressed, and there were others who were not wearing black, aswell. One girl was wearing bright orange.

As I walked through the door, a mass of Jewish faces turned round (some quite accusingly) and glared at the only Christian present. No-one welcomed me, no conversation what-so-ever. I found my grieving friend Jaynie. She was so happy to see me, very smiley, and what-not. She's a strong girl, but I can't help but wonder whether it was just an act. I can't imagine her upset.

I was asked to leave the room by some old grump and wait in the kitchen while the service was carried out. He had a good reason, I didn't have a covered head, but he could've asked nicer. The rabbi led the way, and at the end, the brother of Jaynie's father made a nice, funny, and touching speech.

We said our goodbyes, and I casually strolled out.



It's made me question the whole Jewish faith. Can they get divorced? Are they allowed to re-marry after their partner dies? There were a lot more, but I've forgotten since. Whether this bored you or not doesn't matter to me, it was an interesting experience that I doubt many of you will ever have to go through...

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