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If it's good enough for my english teacher, it's good enough for you guys. Constructive critcism would be appreciated.
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When I saw her, it warmed my blood
More beautiful than a crystal flood
I got to know her, than one night
Discovered her heart was full of malice and spite
Still her looks they tore at my soul
A glance from her could make gold from coal
I was drawn to her, moth to flame
A relationship ablaze with pain
A figure watched from far away
And sought to douse out burning flame
As we sat atop our hill
The night was calm, the trees were still
I held her hand, her skin was soft
The stalker came, his knife aloft
I struck at him, he struck me first
He sliced my arm heart fit to burst
I fell straight down , my vision red
The psycho turned and thought me dead
I saw his face, 'twas my best friend
I knew this madness had to end
I grabbed his leg, he tripped and fell
And pierced my love, my girl, my private hell
My eyes were wet but hers were wetter
I kiss her but this blood tastes better
--------------------
When I saw her, it warmed my blood
More beautiful than a crystal flood
I got to know her, than one night
Discovered her heart was full of malice and spite
Still her looks they tore at my soul
A glance from her could make gold from coal
I was drawn to her, moth to flame
A relationship ablaze with pain
A figure watched from far away
And sought to douse out burning flame
As we sat atop our hill
The night was calm, the trees were still
I held her hand, her skin was soft
The stalker came, his knife aloft
I struck at him, he struck me first
He sliced my arm heart fit to burst
I fell straight down , my vision red
The psycho turned and thought me dead
I saw his face, 'twas my best friend
I knew this madness had to end
I grabbed his leg, he tripped and fell
And pierced my love, my girl, my private hell
My eyes were wet but hers were wetter
I kiss her but this blood tastes better
It's very good.
Maybe in need of more punctuation and a slight change of emphasis on some of the lines (particularly on the first stanza where it doesn't quite scan)
Maybe in need of more punctuation and a slight change of emphasis on some of the lines (particularly on the first stanza where it doesn't quite scan)
Not that twisted :/
Good, but twisted, just how I like poems :P
If it's good enough for my english teacher, it's good enough for you guys. Constructive critcism would be appreciated.
--------------------
When I saw her, it warmed my blood
More beautiful than a crystal flood
I got to know her, than one night
Discovered her heart was full of malice and spite
Still her looks they tore at my soul
A glance from her could make gold from coal
I was drawn to her, moth to flame
A relationship ablaze with pain
A figure watched from far away
And sought to douse out burning flame
As we sat atop our hill
The night was calm, the trees were still
I held her hand, her skin was soft
The stalker came, his knife aloft
I struck at him, he struck me first
He sliced my arm heart fit to burst
I fell straight down , my vision red
The psycho turned and thought me dead
I saw his face, 'twas my best friend
I knew this madness had to end
I grabbed his leg, he tripped and fell
And pierced my love, my girl, my private hell
My eyes were wet but hers were wetter
I kiss her but this blood tastes better
--------------------
When I saw her, it warmed my blood
More beautiful than a crystal flood
I got to know her, than one night
Discovered her heart was full of malice and spite
Still her looks they tore at my soul
A glance from her could make gold from coal
I was drawn to her, moth to flame
A relationship ablaze with pain
A figure watched from far away
And sought to douse out burning flame
As we sat atop our hill
The night was calm, the trees were still
I held her hand, her skin was soft
The stalker came, his knife aloft
I struck at him, he struck me first
He sliced my arm heart fit to burst
I fell straight down , my vision red
The psycho turned and thought me dead
I saw his face, 'twas my best friend
I knew this madness had to end
I grabbed his leg, he tripped and fell
And pierced my love, my girl, my private hell
My eyes were wet but hers were wetter
I kiss her but this blood tastes better