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""One day I walked in on the Queen in the bathroom, and she was sucking her...""

..."t**s"

Did anybody else see that Shirley Ghostman programme on BBC3? It was excellent! A parody of Most Haunted (which is a pardoy in itself), Mark Wooton is just one of those people that makes me laugh. He was the 'best friend' in My New Best Friend, and he was on a spoof game show which was only ever on BBC3 at 2 in the morning, and that was great too.

Oh, and in that quote he was being possessed by the ghost of Princess Diana...

I saw that fake gameshow thing. I thought it was hilarious, made me laugh a belly full, but then I never found it again.

"A man came up to me the other day" is possibly the best thing ever.

The World Record Attempt was the one that had me laughing like a terrorist at a beheading.

"And she wouldn't even get up!"

Ahhh, genius...

CLIVE:
He arrested me. Do you what technicality he got me on?
DEREK:
What?
CLIVE:
Murder.

Bwahahaha, excellent!

Lobsters is my fav, but Parking Offences was the one that made me wince in between tears of laughter.

Pete and Dud were ace, my Pa used to listen to them all the time, it was only when I grew up I realised there was some genuinely obscene stuff too. Interesting programme on them the other day, too.

Hmmm
Isn't it more obscene... involving mothers and other naughty words?

[URL]http://www.phespirit.info/derekandclive/[/URL] - that them? Hahaha, I know now. Full transcripts there too, I see why you though it was going to be them!

Oh and by the way, I wouldn't listen to Metallica if their tour van pulled up outside my house, Lars setup his drums in my front room, and Hetfield did that stupid metal pose into my face as I was taking a dump.

I've got a feeling I'm going to regret this.

*goes to google*

Derek & Clive.

You're already on the internet, use it for more than porn and stealing music from metallica