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Don't get confused with the Intro of this essay. I've just adopted that method to make this essay about some weird Film sequences a bit more interesting. Also, while reading this essay, remember that Einstein's theories contradict those of Newton. Hope you'll enjoy this...
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Saturday The 13th - Newton Lives
We do not know what eternity holds in store for us after we die. Do we go to the heaven? Or do we get to rot in the hell? Do such places really exist? No one knows for sure. But then, one must believe that this is ought to be true. How else could Newton have lived for the second time to face some terrifying moments?
"How could Newton live for the second time?", the author hears you exclaim. So let the author (that is me) inform you that yes, on Saturday the 13th, Newton's soul reappeared on the earth. Here is the full account of that day...
Once upon a time when Newton and Einstein were debating upon Gravity in the eternal abode (I won't specify whether heaven or hell…), Mr. Hawking (Stephen Hawking, mind you) arrived there. As he waited for his accommodation details (heaven or hell?), he joined the two eminent scientists in the discussion to amuse himself. Newton was already depressed because he was being proved wrong by Einstein since the last 99 years. But now, Stephen Hawking joined into disproving him. Newton bluntly accepted in their face that he had completely lost confidence in himself. He also added that he would have already committed a suicide, but only, if he were alive.
But, Newton tried to gain some strength. He said to himself, "No, Eizzy (That’s what Isaac Newton called himself), No. You ain't that feeble. Give that a fight; a mighty final fight - with a vengeance".
And so, he put forward a proposal to his two successors that he will ask God to grant his soul the permission to return to earth for some days. As soon as he goes back to earth, he will do his level best to prove himself. He'd do anything, but he'd never return to them until he had accomplished his mammoth task.
On Saturday the 13th, Newton's soul was sent to the earth. Newton visited every library on this earth, searched through every book he got the hold of and flipped through their pages like a paranoid. After some hours he got tired of reading all that non-sensual stuff which spoke the triumph of Einstein. He just lost the will to carry on. But no, Eizzy had to continue.
And then, his mind flashed. He had heard from people (who had approached him for his autograph), that humans had invented a thing called movies which they used for amusement. Was that the thing that poor Newton needed? To decide, he went through the shelves searching for any periodical/book on movies. He scanned with his fingers traveling, "movies, movies, err, moving, no, movies, no this one neither. Aaaah, Yeah here is one...". At last, he laid his hands on a mag called "Bollywood Movies". It was so unfortunate for him, that his first experience was going to be with some crazy Indian movies rather than the sensual ones.
Newton procured all the information that he required on how to watch a movie. He learnt how to play DVDs, and how to control the movie playback etc. Finally, he entered a shut DVD rental store, and picked up some praised DVDs.
He was simply amazed by this invention of man. These were pictures that could be seen on a screen, and they seemed like the scene was happening in reality. He immediately deduced that this "movie" thingy was nothing but a series of pictures that were displayed so quickly that you couldn't make out the difference. Newton smiled, after a lapse of many decades. After all, this was his first correct logic since Albert's (read Einstein's) birth. He thought ahead, "these pictures were just recorded somewhere on a retrievable medium, from where they were projected back on screen. Nothing more than that, nah". Unfortunately for Newton, he never thought about special effects. If he had known about special effects, he would not have been tricked into believing that all the scenes were shot in real-time.
Every Indian movie that he watched one by one contributed in making Newton go madder. Newton's head started spinning. He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done. What was that he saw?
Let me tell you one by one,
(1) From the magazine, he came to know that Shahrukh Khan's movie "Main Hoon Na" had topped the UK charts. So he put the disc in the player. Wow! The story was brilliant! And the chemistry between the student (SRK) and the teacher (Sus Sen), just arousing! Then, the climax started. SRK was being bitten up by Shetty. Shetty tossed King Khan in air (slow motion). Shetty waited till he was halfway through his fall. And while Khan was still falling in slow motion, Shetty turned around at full speed and hit him. Shahrukh fell down on the ground with a thud. Poor Newton could not believe this. His laws about acceleration due to gravity, all a junk... He sat with a paper pad and a pen for the next few hours and made numerous calculations to associate his theories and the fight sequence. He didn't succeed, and was forced to accept that his idea about gravity was completely humbug. Being dog-tired, he jammed in another DVD.
(2) This one was an Indian oldie. The hero, Dharmendra, was on the top floor of a 50-storeyed building. The villain was trying to escape in his car. He had to be stopped by Dharmendra, but how? The lift was probably too slow for that. Dharmendra took the shortcut. He jumped from the 50th floor, and voila! He landed just between the door of the car and the villain. Dharmendra took out his revolver, and shot the villain dead. Newton did nothing but to stare blindly.
(3) This one was Mithun Chakraborty's film. Mithunda (as Chakraborty is affectionately called) is busy in a fight with a bunch of gangsters. In the end, Mithunda is confronted by two gangsters. Mithunda has a Gun but unfortunately only one bullet. Guess what he does? He holds a knife near the mouth of his gun and fires. The knife cuts the bullet into two fragments, and kills both the gangsters. Then, Mithunda blows into his gun and utters "Apun ka naam hai HIRA, Apun ne sabko Chiraa". (I cut through everyone, so my name is Hira). Newton shook his head in disappointment.
(4) Mithunda is chased by a gangster. Mithunda has a revolver but he has got no bullets in it. What he did next, is not in you remotest of imaginations. Mithunda waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Mithunda opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang! The gangster dies....
(5) In the next film, Mithunda's loveline darling is tied to an electric chair and the remote control to that is in the hands of the villain who is about 100 km away. As usual, the villain challenges the hero to drop arms by threatening him the life of his love ("Hathiyar phek do warna main yeh remote ka button dabake tumhari mehbooba ko maar doonga"). The usual fight occurs and just as the hero makes the final blow, the villain dies. But, but, but, the villain does press the button of the damned remote control before he drops dead. Now, what to do? There is a horse nearby. Mithunda jumps on it, and utters some motivating words ("Chal mere sher, ada kar apne malik ke namak ki kimat"). Now there is a race: The current in the cable connected to the electric chair is moving fast but our hero and his horse are desperately trying to catch up. The race goes on for a few kilometers and just as the current would hit the chair, Mithunda jumps from the horse and picks the girl away from the chair. She is saved. The poor electric current gets to hit only an empty chair. Climax, taaalian. Hero! Hero!! Hero!!!
Newton burst into tears. Now he realized that he had been all wrong right from the time that he formulated his theories. He realized why his modern counterparts were so desperate in proving him wrong. "Gravity, Light, Motion, Dimensions, nothing is the way I conceptualized", he sighed. But then, he became light-hearted. Now that he had nothing to prove, why should he be tensed? He decided to watch another DVD and enjoy physics as it was meant to be. This time, the DVD was a Rajnikath movie. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world does not contradict what he said. Oops, he came to his conclusion a bit too early. The climax finally arrives.
Rajnikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajni can't jump - even if he tries those superman techniques of Mithunda. Rajnikanth has to kill the villain desperately because its the climax. To Newton's amazement, Rajni suddenly pulls out two guns from his pocket (Probably a backup). He throws one gun in the air and lets the gun reach the height of the wall. Then, using his second he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in the air. Now the first gun fires off and the villain is dead.
Newton faints.
Epilogue
When Newton finally regained his senses, he had become a paranoid. He had gone complete nuts. He went back to the place from where he had come. When he greeted Einstein & Hawking, both of them noticed that Newton had blonde hair.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
So, here is the making of this essay. I had written some similar humorous stuff before, like "Intelligent New Generation". When I couldn't think of any other comic idea, I just compiled these weird Indian movies' sequences (which I had received as an E-Mail forward).
I would like to clear up one thing though. Newton, Einstein & Hawking (I am sorry to treat him as a dead person in this work) are scientists. They are the people who work hard for science, and make humble comments that they were "just sitting on the shoulders of other giants". They are always away from things that the showbiz people want to get involved in. I have not tried to insult any of these great people. Just enjoy this thing light-heartedly.
Also, how was the epilogue?
A GAD attempt!
PS - The name is derived from the movie "Friday the 13th Part VI - Jason Lives". I've put Saturday the 13th, just for the heck of it. Sunday the 13th seemed pathetic...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Saturday The 13th - Newton Lives
We do not know what eternity holds in store for us after we die. Do we go to the heaven? Or do we get to rot in the hell? Do such places really exist? No one knows for sure. But then, one must believe that this is ought to be true. How else could Newton have lived for the second time to face some terrifying moments?
"How could Newton live for the second time?", the author hears you exclaim. So let the author (that is me) inform you that yes, on Saturday the 13th, Newton's soul reappeared on the earth. Here is the full account of that day...
Once upon a time when Newton and Einstein were debating upon Gravity in the eternal abode (I won't specify whether heaven or hell…), Mr. Hawking (Stephen Hawking, mind you) arrived there. As he waited for his accommodation details (heaven or hell?), he joined the two eminent scientists in the discussion to amuse himself. Newton was already depressed because he was being proved wrong by Einstein since the last 99 years. But now, Stephen Hawking joined into disproving him. Newton bluntly accepted in their face that he had completely lost confidence in himself. He also added that he would have already committed a suicide, but only, if he were alive.
But, Newton tried to gain some strength. He said to himself, "No, Eizzy (That’s what Isaac Newton called himself), No. You ain't that feeble. Give that a fight; a mighty final fight - with a vengeance".
And so, he put forward a proposal to his two successors that he will ask God to grant his soul the permission to return to earth for some days. As soon as he goes back to earth, he will do his level best to prove himself. He'd do anything, but he'd never return to them until he had accomplished his mammoth task.
On Saturday the 13th, Newton's soul was sent to the earth. Newton visited every library on this earth, searched through every book he got the hold of and flipped through their pages like a paranoid. After some hours he got tired of reading all that non-sensual stuff which spoke the triumph of Einstein. He just lost the will to carry on. But no, Eizzy had to continue.
And then, his mind flashed. He had heard from people (who had approached him for his autograph), that humans had invented a thing called movies which they used for amusement. Was that the thing that poor Newton needed? To decide, he went through the shelves searching for any periodical/book on movies. He scanned with his fingers traveling, "movies, movies, err, moving, no, movies, no this one neither. Aaaah, Yeah here is one...". At last, he laid his hands on a mag called "Bollywood Movies". It was so unfortunate for him, that his first experience was going to be with some crazy Indian movies rather than the sensual ones.
Newton procured all the information that he required on how to watch a movie. He learnt how to play DVDs, and how to control the movie playback etc. Finally, he entered a shut DVD rental store, and picked up some praised DVDs.
He was simply amazed by this invention of man. These were pictures that could be seen on a screen, and they seemed like the scene was happening in reality. He immediately deduced that this "movie" thingy was nothing but a series of pictures that were displayed so quickly that you couldn't make out the difference. Newton smiled, after a lapse of many decades. After all, this was his first correct logic since Albert's (read Einstein's) birth. He thought ahead, "these pictures were just recorded somewhere on a retrievable medium, from where they were projected back on screen. Nothing more than that, nah". Unfortunately for Newton, he never thought about special effects. If he had known about special effects, he would not have been tricked into believing that all the scenes were shot in real-time.
Every Indian movie that he watched one by one contributed in making Newton go madder. Newton's head started spinning. He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done. What was that he saw?
Let me tell you one by one,
(1) From the magazine, he came to know that Shahrukh Khan's movie "Main Hoon Na" had topped the UK charts. So he put the disc in the player. Wow! The story was brilliant! And the chemistry between the student (SRK) and the teacher (Sus Sen), just arousing! Then, the climax started. SRK was being bitten up by Shetty. Shetty tossed King Khan in air (slow motion). Shetty waited till he was halfway through his fall. And while Khan was still falling in slow motion, Shetty turned around at full speed and hit him. Shahrukh fell down on the ground with a thud. Poor Newton could not believe this. His laws about acceleration due to gravity, all a junk... He sat with a paper pad and a pen for the next few hours and made numerous calculations to associate his theories and the fight sequence. He didn't succeed, and was forced to accept that his idea about gravity was completely humbug. Being dog-tired, he jammed in another DVD.
(2) This one was an Indian oldie. The hero, Dharmendra, was on the top floor of a 50-storeyed building. The villain was trying to escape in his car. He had to be stopped by Dharmendra, but how? The lift was probably too slow for that. Dharmendra took the shortcut. He jumped from the 50th floor, and voila! He landed just between the door of the car and the villain. Dharmendra took out his revolver, and shot the villain dead. Newton did nothing but to stare blindly.
(3) This one was Mithun Chakraborty's film. Mithunda (as Chakraborty is affectionately called) is busy in a fight with a bunch of gangsters. In the end, Mithunda is confronted by two gangsters. Mithunda has a Gun but unfortunately only one bullet. Guess what he does? He holds a knife near the mouth of his gun and fires. The knife cuts the bullet into two fragments, and kills both the gangsters. Then, Mithunda blows into his gun and utters "Apun ka naam hai HIRA, Apun ne sabko Chiraa". (I cut through everyone, so my name is Hira). Newton shook his head in disappointment.
(4) Mithunda is chased by a gangster. Mithunda has a revolver but he has got no bullets in it. What he did next, is not in you remotest of imaginations. Mithunda waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Mithunda opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang! The gangster dies....
(5) In the next film, Mithunda's loveline darling is tied to an electric chair and the remote control to that is in the hands of the villain who is about 100 km away. As usual, the villain challenges the hero to drop arms by threatening him the life of his love ("Hathiyar phek do warna main yeh remote ka button dabake tumhari mehbooba ko maar doonga"). The usual fight occurs and just as the hero makes the final blow, the villain dies. But, but, but, the villain does press the button of the damned remote control before he drops dead. Now, what to do? There is a horse nearby. Mithunda jumps on it, and utters some motivating words ("Chal mere sher, ada kar apne malik ke namak ki kimat"). Now there is a race: The current in the cable connected to the electric chair is moving fast but our hero and his horse are desperately trying to catch up. The race goes on for a few kilometers and just as the current would hit the chair, Mithunda jumps from the horse and picks the girl away from the chair. She is saved. The poor electric current gets to hit only an empty chair. Climax, taaalian. Hero! Hero!! Hero!!!
Newton burst into tears. Now he realized that he had been all wrong right from the time that he formulated his theories. He realized why his modern counterparts were so desperate in proving him wrong. "Gravity, Light, Motion, Dimensions, nothing is the way I conceptualized", he sighed. But then, he became light-hearted. Now that he had nothing to prove, why should he be tensed? He decided to watch another DVD and enjoy physics as it was meant to be. This time, the DVD was a Rajnikath movie. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world does not contradict what he said. Oops, he came to his conclusion a bit too early. The climax finally arrives.
Rajnikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajni can't jump - even if he tries those superman techniques of Mithunda. Rajnikanth has to kill the villain desperately because its the climax. To Newton's amazement, Rajni suddenly pulls out two guns from his pocket (Probably a backup). He throws one gun in the air and lets the gun reach the height of the wall. Then, using his second he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in the air. Now the first gun fires off and the villain is dead.
Newton faints.
Epilogue
When Newton finally regained his senses, he had become a paranoid. He had gone complete nuts. He went back to the place from where he had come. When he greeted Einstein & Hawking, both of them noticed that Newton had blonde hair.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
So, here is the making of this essay. I had written some similar humorous stuff before, like "Intelligent New Generation". When I couldn't think of any other comic idea, I just compiled these weird Indian movies' sequences (which I had received as an E-Mail forward).
I would like to clear up one thing though. Newton, Einstein & Hawking (I am sorry to treat him as a dead person in this work) are scientists. They are the people who work hard for science, and make humble comments that they were "just sitting on the shoulders of other giants". They are always away from things that the showbiz people want to get involved in. I have not tried to insult any of these great people. Just enjoy this thing light-heartedly.
Also, how was the epilogue?
A GAD attempt!
PS - The name is derived from the movie "Friday the 13th Part VI - Jason Lives". I've put Saturday the 13th, just for the heck of it. Sunday the 13th seemed pathetic...
Don't get confused with the Intro of this essay. I've just adopted that method to make this essay about some weird Film sequences a bit more interesting. Also, while reading this essay, remember that Einstein's theories contradict those of Newton. Hope you'll enjoy this...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Saturday The 13th - Newton Lives
We do not know what eternity holds in store for us after we die. Do we go to the heaven? Or do we get to rot in the hell? Do such places really exist? No one knows for sure. But then, one must believe that this is ought to be true. How else could Newton have lived for the second time to face some terrifying moments?
"How could Newton live for the second time?", the author hears you exclaim. So let the author (that is me) inform you that yes, on Saturday the 13th, Newton's soul reappeared on the earth. Here is the full account of that day...
Once upon a time when Newton and Einstein were debating upon Gravity in the eternal abode (I won't specify whether heaven or hell…), Mr. Hawking (Stephen Hawking, mind you) arrived there. As he waited for his accommodation details (heaven or hell?), he joined the two eminent scientists in the discussion to amuse himself. Newton was already depressed because he was being proved wrong by Einstein since the last 99 years. But now, Stephen Hawking joined into disproving him. Newton bluntly accepted in their face that he had completely lost confidence in himself. He also added that he would have already committed a suicide, but only, if he were alive.
But, Newton tried to gain some strength. He said to himself, "No, Eizzy (That’s what Isaac Newton called himself), No. You ain't that feeble. Give that a fight; a mighty final fight - with a vengeance".
And so, he put forward a proposal to his two successors that he will ask God to grant his soul the permission to return to earth for some days. As soon as he goes back to earth, he will do his level best to prove himself. He'd do anything, but he'd never return to them until he had accomplished his mammoth task.
On Saturday the 13th, Newton's soul was sent to the earth. Newton visited every library on this earth, searched through every book he got the hold of and flipped through their pages like a paranoid. After some hours he got tired of reading all that non-sensual stuff which spoke the triumph of Einstein. He just lost the will to carry on. But no, Eizzy had to continue.
And then, his mind flashed. He had heard from people (who had approached him for his autograph), that humans had invented a thing called movies which they used for amusement. Was that the thing that poor Newton needed? To decide, he went through the shelves searching for any periodical/book on movies. He scanned with his fingers traveling, "movies, movies, err, moving, no, movies, no this one neither. Aaaah, Yeah here is one...". At last, he laid his hands on a mag called "Bollywood Movies". It was so unfortunate for him, that his first experience was going to be with some crazy Indian movies rather than the sensual ones.
Newton procured all the information that he required on how to watch a movie. He learnt how to play DVDs, and how to control the movie playback etc. Finally, he entered a shut DVD rental store, and picked up some praised DVDs.
He was simply amazed by this invention of man. These were pictures that could be seen on a screen, and they seemed like the scene was happening in reality. He immediately deduced that this "movie" thingy was nothing but a series of pictures that were displayed so quickly that you couldn't make out the difference. Newton smiled, after a lapse of many decades. After all, this was his first correct logic since Albert's (read Einstein's) birth. He thought ahead, "these pictures were just recorded somewhere on a retrievable medium, from where they were projected back on screen. Nothing more than that, nah". Unfortunately for Newton, he never thought about special effects. If he had known about special effects, he would not have been tricked into believing that all the scenes were shot in real-time.
Every Indian movie that he watched one by one contributed in making Newton go madder. Newton's head started spinning. He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done. What was that he saw?
Let me tell you one by one,
(1) From the magazine, he came to know that Shahrukh Khan's movie "Main Hoon Na" had topped the UK charts. So he put the disc in the player. Wow! The story was brilliant! And the chemistry between the student (SRK) and the teacher (Sus Sen), just arousing! Then, the climax started. SRK was being bitten up by Shetty. Shetty tossed King Khan in air (slow motion). Shetty waited till he was halfway through his fall. And while Khan was still falling in slow motion, Shetty turned around at full speed and hit him. Shahrukh fell down on the ground with a thud. Poor Newton could not believe this. His laws about acceleration due to gravity, all a junk... He sat with a paper pad and a pen for the next few hours and made numerous calculations to associate his theories and the fight sequence. He didn't succeed, and was forced to accept that his idea about gravity was completely humbug. Being dog-tired, he jammed in another DVD.
(2) This one was an Indian oldie. The hero, Dharmendra, was on the top floor of a 50-storeyed building. The villain was trying to escape in his car. He had to be stopped by Dharmendra, but how? The lift was probably too slow for that. Dharmendra took the shortcut. He jumped from the 50th floor, and voila! He landed just between the door of the car and the villain. Dharmendra took out his revolver, and shot the villain dead. Newton did nothing but to stare blindly.
(3) This one was Mithun Chakraborty's film. Mithunda (as Chakraborty is affectionately called) is busy in a fight with a bunch of gangsters. In the end, Mithunda is confronted by two gangsters. Mithunda has a Gun but unfortunately only one bullet. Guess what he does? He holds a knife near the mouth of his gun and fires. The knife cuts the bullet into two fragments, and kills both the gangsters. Then, Mithunda blows into his gun and utters "Apun ka naam hai HIRA, Apun ne sabko Chiraa". (I cut through everyone, so my name is Hira). Newton shook his head in disappointment.
(4) Mithunda is chased by a gangster. Mithunda has a revolver but he has got no bullets in it. What he did next, is not in you remotest of imaginations. Mithunda waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Mithunda opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang! The gangster dies....
(5) In the next film, Mithunda's loveline darling is tied to an electric chair and the remote control to that is in the hands of the villain who is about 100 km away. As usual, the villain challenges the hero to drop arms by threatening him the life of his love ("Hathiyar phek do warna main yeh remote ka button dabake tumhari mehbooba ko maar doonga"). The usual fight occurs and just as the hero makes the final blow, the villain dies. But, but, but, the villain does press the button of the damned remote control before he drops dead. Now, what to do? There is a horse nearby. Mithunda jumps on it, and utters some motivating words ("Chal mere sher, ada kar apne malik ke namak ki kimat"). Now there is a race: The current in the cable connected to the electric chair is moving fast but our hero and his horse are desperately trying to catch up. The race goes on for a few kilometers and just as the current would hit the chair, Mithunda jumps from the horse and picks the girl away from the chair. She is saved. The poor electric current gets to hit only an empty chair. Climax, taaalian. Hero! Hero!! Hero!!!
Newton burst into tears. Now he realized that he had been all wrong right from the time that he formulated his theories. He realized why his modern counterparts were so desperate in proving him wrong. "Gravity, Light, Motion, Dimensions, nothing is the way I conceptualized", he sighed. But then, he became light-hearted. Now that he had nothing to prove, why should he be tensed? He decided to watch another DVD and enjoy physics as it was meant to be. This time, the DVD was a Rajnikath movie. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world does not contradict what he said. Oops, he came to his conclusion a bit too early. The climax finally arrives.
Rajnikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajni can't jump - even if he tries those superman techniques of Mithunda. Rajnikanth has to kill the villain desperately because its the climax. To Newton's amazement, Rajni suddenly pulls out two guns from his pocket (Probably a backup). He throws one gun in the air and lets the gun reach the height of the wall. Then, using his second he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in the air. Now the first gun fires off and the villain is dead.
Newton faints.
Epilogue
When Newton finally regained his senses, he had become a paranoid. He had gone complete nuts. He went back to the place from where he had come. When he greeted Einstein & Hawking, both of them noticed that Newton had blonde hair.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
So, here is the making of this essay. I had written some similar humorous stuff before, like "Intelligent New Generation". When I couldn't think of any other comic idea, I just compiled these weird Indian movies' sequences (which I had received as an E-Mail forward).
I would like to clear up one thing though. Newton, Einstein & Hawking (I am sorry to treat him as a dead person in this work) are scientists. They are the people who work hard for science, and make humble comments that they were "just sitting on the shoulders of other giants". They are always away from things that the showbiz people want to get involved in. I have not tried to insult any of these great people. Just enjoy this thing light-heartedly.
Also, how was the epilogue?
A GAD attempt!
PS - The name is derived from the movie "Friday the 13th Part VI - Jason Lives". I've put Saturday the 13th, just for the heck of it. Sunday the 13th seemed pathetic...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Saturday The 13th - Newton Lives
We do not know what eternity holds in store for us after we die. Do we go to the heaven? Or do we get to rot in the hell? Do such places really exist? No one knows for sure. But then, one must believe that this is ought to be true. How else could Newton have lived for the second time to face some terrifying moments?
"How could Newton live for the second time?", the author hears you exclaim. So let the author (that is me) inform you that yes, on Saturday the 13th, Newton's soul reappeared on the earth. Here is the full account of that day...
Once upon a time when Newton and Einstein were debating upon Gravity in the eternal abode (I won't specify whether heaven or hell…), Mr. Hawking (Stephen Hawking, mind you) arrived there. As he waited for his accommodation details (heaven or hell?), he joined the two eminent scientists in the discussion to amuse himself. Newton was already depressed because he was being proved wrong by Einstein since the last 99 years. But now, Stephen Hawking joined into disproving him. Newton bluntly accepted in their face that he had completely lost confidence in himself. He also added that he would have already committed a suicide, but only, if he were alive.
But, Newton tried to gain some strength. He said to himself, "No, Eizzy (That’s what Isaac Newton called himself), No. You ain't that feeble. Give that a fight; a mighty final fight - with a vengeance".
And so, he put forward a proposal to his two successors that he will ask God to grant his soul the permission to return to earth for some days. As soon as he goes back to earth, he will do his level best to prove himself. He'd do anything, but he'd never return to them until he had accomplished his mammoth task.
On Saturday the 13th, Newton's soul was sent to the earth. Newton visited every library on this earth, searched through every book he got the hold of and flipped through their pages like a paranoid. After some hours he got tired of reading all that non-sensual stuff which spoke the triumph of Einstein. He just lost the will to carry on. But no, Eizzy had to continue.
And then, his mind flashed. He had heard from people (who had approached him for his autograph), that humans had invented a thing called movies which they used for amusement. Was that the thing that poor Newton needed? To decide, he went through the shelves searching for any periodical/book on movies. He scanned with his fingers traveling, "movies, movies, err, moving, no, movies, no this one neither. Aaaah, Yeah here is one...". At last, he laid his hands on a mag called "Bollywood Movies". It was so unfortunate for him, that his first experience was going to be with some crazy Indian movies rather than the sensual ones.
Newton procured all the information that he required on how to watch a movie. He learnt how to play DVDs, and how to control the movie playback etc. Finally, he entered a shut DVD rental store, and picked up some praised DVDs.
He was simply amazed by this invention of man. These were pictures that could be seen on a screen, and they seemed like the scene was happening in reality. He immediately deduced that this "movie" thingy was nothing but a series of pictures that were displayed so quickly that you couldn't make out the difference. Newton smiled, after a lapse of many decades. After all, this was his first correct logic since Albert's (read Einstein's) birth. He thought ahead, "these pictures were just recorded somewhere on a retrievable medium, from where they were projected back on screen. Nothing more than that, nah". Unfortunately for Newton, he never thought about special effects. If he had known about special effects, he would not have been tricked into believing that all the scenes were shot in real-time.
Every Indian movie that he watched one by one contributed in making Newton go madder. Newton's head started spinning. He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done. What was that he saw?
Let me tell you one by one,
(1) From the magazine, he came to know that Shahrukh Khan's movie "Main Hoon Na" had topped the UK charts. So he put the disc in the player. Wow! The story was brilliant! And the chemistry between the student (SRK) and the teacher (Sus Sen), just arousing! Then, the climax started. SRK was being bitten up by Shetty. Shetty tossed King Khan in air (slow motion). Shetty waited till he was halfway through his fall. And while Khan was still falling in slow motion, Shetty turned around at full speed and hit him. Shahrukh fell down on the ground with a thud. Poor Newton could not believe this. His laws about acceleration due to gravity, all a junk... He sat with a paper pad and a pen for the next few hours and made numerous calculations to associate his theories and the fight sequence. He didn't succeed, and was forced to accept that his idea about gravity was completely humbug. Being dog-tired, he jammed in another DVD.
(2) This one was an Indian oldie. The hero, Dharmendra, was on the top floor of a 50-storeyed building. The villain was trying to escape in his car. He had to be stopped by Dharmendra, but how? The lift was probably too slow for that. Dharmendra took the shortcut. He jumped from the 50th floor, and voila! He landed just between the door of the car and the villain. Dharmendra took out his revolver, and shot the villain dead. Newton did nothing but to stare blindly.
(3) This one was Mithun Chakraborty's film. Mithunda (as Chakraborty is affectionately called) is busy in a fight with a bunch of gangsters. In the end, Mithunda is confronted by two gangsters. Mithunda has a Gun but unfortunately only one bullet. Guess what he does? He holds a knife near the mouth of his gun and fires. The knife cuts the bullet into two fragments, and kills both the gangsters. Then, Mithunda blows into his gun and utters "Apun ka naam hai HIRA, Apun ne sabko Chiraa". (I cut through everyone, so my name is Hira). Newton shook his head in disappointment.
(4) Mithunda is chased by a gangster. Mithunda has a revolver but he has got no bullets in it. What he did next, is not in you remotest of imaginations. Mithunda waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Mithunda opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang! The gangster dies....
(5) In the next film, Mithunda's loveline darling is tied to an electric chair and the remote control to that is in the hands of the villain who is about 100 km away. As usual, the villain challenges the hero to drop arms by threatening him the life of his love ("Hathiyar phek do warna main yeh remote ka button dabake tumhari mehbooba ko maar doonga"). The usual fight occurs and just as the hero makes the final blow, the villain dies. But, but, but, the villain does press the button of the damned remote control before he drops dead. Now, what to do? There is a horse nearby. Mithunda jumps on it, and utters some motivating words ("Chal mere sher, ada kar apne malik ke namak ki kimat"). Now there is a race: The current in the cable connected to the electric chair is moving fast but our hero and his horse are desperately trying to catch up. The race goes on for a few kilometers and just as the current would hit the chair, Mithunda jumps from the horse and picks the girl away from the chair. She is saved. The poor electric current gets to hit only an empty chair. Climax, taaalian. Hero! Hero!! Hero!!!
Newton burst into tears. Now he realized that he had been all wrong right from the time that he formulated his theories. He realized why his modern counterparts were so desperate in proving him wrong. "Gravity, Light, Motion, Dimensions, nothing is the way I conceptualized", he sighed. But then, he became light-hearted. Now that he had nothing to prove, why should he be tensed? He decided to watch another DVD and enjoy physics as it was meant to be. This time, the DVD was a Rajnikath movie. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world does not contradict what he said. Oops, he came to his conclusion a bit too early. The climax finally arrives.
Rajnikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajni can't jump - even if he tries those superman techniques of Mithunda. Rajnikanth has to kill the villain desperately because its the climax. To Newton's amazement, Rajni suddenly pulls out two guns from his pocket (Probably a backup). He throws one gun in the air and lets the gun reach the height of the wall. Then, using his second he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in the air. Now the first gun fires off and the villain is dead.
Newton faints.
Epilogue
When Newton finally regained his senses, he had become a paranoid. He had gone complete nuts. He went back to the place from where he had come. When he greeted Einstein & Hawking, both of them noticed that Newton had blonde hair.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
So, here is the making of this essay. I had written some similar humorous stuff before, like "Intelligent New Generation". When I couldn't think of any other comic idea, I just compiled these weird Indian movies' sequences (which I had received as an E-Mail forward).
I would like to clear up one thing though. Newton, Einstein & Hawking (I am sorry to treat him as a dead person in this work) are scientists. They are the people who work hard for science, and make humble comments that they were "just sitting on the shoulders of other giants". They are always away from things that the showbiz people want to get involved in. I have not tried to insult any of these great people. Just enjoy this thing light-heartedly.
Also, how was the epilogue?
A GAD attempt!
PS - The name is derived from the movie "Friday the 13th Part VI - Jason Lives". I've put Saturday the 13th, just for the heck of it. Sunday the 13th seemed pathetic...
Hmm. A lot of words but didn't pick up much of a story. Sounded more like film reviews to me. I thought for a moment I was in the wrong forum :)
Sorry.
Sorry.
You might have skipped on directly to the bullets [you know, the place from where I started (1), (2) and so on]. How was the first part.
Yeah, its not a story actually. Why would I refer to it as "essay" if it was a story?
Yeah, its not a story actually. Why would I refer to it as "essay" if it was a story?
Possibly because an essay can be a short story?
.. and I read from the beginning.
.. and I read from the beginning.
Ineedsleep wrote:
> Possibly because an essay can be a short story?
>
> .. and I read from the beginning.
Hmmm, I'll have to writing make the story more interesting next time...
*Takes note of this in panner*
*shuts the planner*
*begins to think real hard*
> Possibly because an essay can be a short story?
>
> .. and I read from the beginning.
Hmmm, I'll have to writing make the story more interesting next time...
*Takes note of this in panner*
*shuts the planner*
*begins to think real hard*
OK, but how was the epilogue?