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Dream World
Resting head upon the pillow,
Automatically, manually shut eyes firm,
Light drains from the room, dark fills me.
The darkness fills and uses my mind,
Forced to think of such, I cave,
Willingly or not, no choice this time.
But from the dark, bright burning light,
Pureness of the light, cleaning thoughts of dirty mind,
Once again mind filled, not with dark,
No not this time, but with great hope.
This dream world has me trapped, locked in,
Prisoner of my own will, iron hope.
Unpredictable world, take me,
Scooped up in a smooth operation,
Soaring through, white plain so perfect,
Looking back no longer, this place,
This place, is where I want to be?
The only flood is of hope, so simple.
Simple, wondrous, continuous plain,
All is tranquil, all perfect, no contour lines here,
Gliding so easily, freely,
Dream world live on please, I will build here,
No longer needed, you my lead.
Dream world contain me, I’ll heed.
Just before dawn, the rays touch my face,
Reality breathes a bitter cold voice, talking,
Destroying and taking me from my place,
Live on though dream world, with out me,
Maybe I will return to your bright rays,
And once again I’ll be in my paradise.
By Silent Thunder
Resting head upon the pillow,
Automatically, manually shut eyes firm,
Light drains from the room, dark fills me.
The darkness fills and uses my mind,
Forced to think of such, I cave,
Willingly or not, no choice this time.
But from the dark, bright burning light,
Pureness of the light, cleaning thoughts of dirty mind,
Once again mind filled, not with dark,
No not this time, but with great hope.
This dream world has me trapped, locked in,
Prisoner of my own will, iron hope.
Unpredictable world, take me,
Scooped up in a smooth operation,
Soaring through, white plain so perfect,
Looking back no longer, this place,
This place, is where I want to be?
The only flood is of hope, so simple.
Simple, wondrous, continuous plain,
All is tranquil, all perfect, no contour lines here,
Gliding so easily, freely,
Dream world live on please, I will build here,
No longer needed, you my lead.
Dream world contain me, I’ll heed.
Just before dawn, the rays touch my face,
Reality breathes a bitter cold voice, talking,
Destroying and taking me from my place,
Live on though dream world, with out me,
Maybe I will return to your bright rays,
And once again I’ll be in my paradise.
By Silent Thunder
Oop, missed this one.
Really very nice. Kind of floaty and just lovely.
Really very nice. Kind of floaty and just lovely.
It's a well constructed piece, it was interesting to read your later post on its origins.
Last stanza confused the hell out of me, because you refer to rays from the dream and to rays of reality. Perhaps a different choice of words would help. Also it gives the impression reality is destroying you, not your dream.
Rest was good though, Blunder.
:)
Rest was good though, Blunder.
:)
I thought maybe the bright light could refer to the big old surgery light thingy.
Having re-read it with this new information I like it a lot more, and there are a few ideas which kind of imply/hint the nature of the dream. Or maybe i'm just being stupid, but still, I really like it.
Forgot about this...
Anyway thanks for the comments. It was a new style for me to work with: I don't think I've attempted to write anything like it before, but I think it went alright like you said.
Also I had this dream/illusionation whilst under general anaesthetic, if that helps reading it and actually understanding what's going on and through my mind.
Anyway thanks for the comments. It was a new style for me to work with: I don't think I've attempted to write anything like it before, but I think it went alright like you said.
Also I had this dream/illusionation whilst under general anaesthetic, if that helps reading it and actually understanding what's going on and through my mind.
I don't know if it's quite a short story. I suppose you could just get away with it, as the poem isn't too bad. Original, in a way...
Alright I guess.
Less 'dark/light' and 'perfect world' stuff next time.
AND not every line HAS to have some pseudo-profound phrase in it. Seriously - you can overdo it at times, and while you haven't really ruined it anywhere, just be aware that too much 'I bla bla bla' and 'you bla bla bla' with lots of dark/light imagery and stuff can ruin it.
Less 'dark/light' and 'perfect world' stuff next time.
AND not every line HAS to have some pseudo-profound phrase in it. Seriously - you can overdo it at times, and while you haven't really ruined it anywhere, just be aware that too much 'I bla bla bla' and 'you bla bla bla' with lots of dark/light imagery and stuff can ruin it.
Dream World
Resting head upon the pillow,
Automatically, manually shut eyes firm,
Light drains from the room, dark fills me.
The darkness fills and uses my mind,
Forced to think of such, I cave,
Willingly or not, no choice this time.
But from the dark, bright burning light,
Pureness of the light, cleaning thoughts of dirty mind,
Once again mind filled, not with dark,
No not this time, but with great hope.
This dream world has me trapped, locked in,
Prisoner of my own will, iron hope.
Unpredictable world, take me,
Scooped up in a smooth operation,
Soaring through, white plain so perfect,
Looking back no longer, this place,
This place, is where I want to be?
The only flood is of hope, so simple.
Simple, wondrous, continuous plain,
All is tranquil, all perfect, no contour lines here,
Gliding so easily, freely,
Dream world live on please, I will build here,
No longer needed, you my lead.
Dream world contain me, I’ll heed.
Just before dawn, the rays touch my face,
Reality breathes a bitter cold voice, talking,
Destroying and taking me from my place,
Live on though dream world, with out me,
Maybe I will return to your bright rays,
And once again I’ll be in my paradise.
By Silent Thunder
Resting head upon the pillow,
Automatically, manually shut eyes firm,
Light drains from the room, dark fills me.
The darkness fills and uses my mind,
Forced to think of such, I cave,
Willingly or not, no choice this time.
But from the dark, bright burning light,
Pureness of the light, cleaning thoughts of dirty mind,
Once again mind filled, not with dark,
No not this time, but with great hope.
This dream world has me trapped, locked in,
Prisoner of my own will, iron hope.
Unpredictable world, take me,
Scooped up in a smooth operation,
Soaring through, white plain so perfect,
Looking back no longer, this place,
This place, is where I want to be?
The only flood is of hope, so simple.
Simple, wondrous, continuous plain,
All is tranquil, all perfect, no contour lines here,
Gliding so easily, freely,
Dream world live on please, I will build here,
No longer needed, you my lead.
Dream world contain me, I’ll heed.
Just before dawn, the rays touch my face,
Reality breathes a bitter cold voice, talking,
Destroying and taking me from my place,
Live on though dream world, with out me,
Maybe I will return to your bright rays,
And once again I’ll be in my paradise.
By Silent Thunder