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I always use to wonder when I got on the train where the man was who use to say mind the gap please. Was he a little man in the speaker was he hiding in the roof of the train station and watching out for when to say it. Where was and why couldn't I see him.
I got on the train that day just like any normal when I was going to work. "Mind the gap please" I heard someone call as I got on to the train. I looked at everyone on the train I could see they were all tried it was six in the morning I had. Had to get up at four and I had to be to work by 7.00. It was so annoying having to wake up at that time. I looked out the window down the tunnel I saw a rat run across the tracks then ten more started running towards the train. I hated rats. The train started up and we were off I looked around as we went down the tracks I looked out the windows graffti filled walls cars were wreck and road sides with smashed windows and tramps layed in the streets well that was london for you. I heard a woman scream I looked round as a rat sped past her feet. I jumped up and ran at the rat I stamped on it. It must have jumped off the tracks on to the train. Blood splatted across the floor from the rat. "Bloody hell" called a man. It wasn't that bad but as I looked round I saw the mans face turn pale white he dropped to the floor. I heard scuring across the floor like millions of feet. I looked down the Iall running across the floor were rats blood thirsty rats I had to get off the train. People jumped up from the train and followed me.
Everybody was stamping on the rats as they came across the floor. I saw the man that had fainted was still on the floor I ran over and picked him up. I then looked out the window and got a massive shock running on the tracks were more and more rats piling up. Everyone ran and ran we ran though a door as the rat scurryed after us the man woke up that I was holding and he stood up probaly. I was so scared this had so be a nightmare. I pinched myself this was not a nightmare this was real. As we ran down the train the rats got quicker I heard someone screamed and dropped to the floor. A women layed there on the floor as the rats jumped at her and ate though her body. The flesh in the rats mouths the blood it was horrible it could be me next. I didn't wait for anyone I just ran. I had to get to the train driver and tell him to stop so we could get off this train. But what if there was no we what if there was just I going out there into the streets what if there were rats out there. As I got closer and closer to the train driver I saw people sitting in chairs dead with rats running over them and ripping them to shreds.
I smashed open the train drivers door "What are you doing sir" screamed the train driver. "Theres rats mental rats killing people eating there bodys on the train you must stop now please stop now!" I thundered. The train driver pulled down the brake lever and the train came to a halt. I jumped out the train and the train driver followed me. But we were in luck I saw other people getting off to. But the rats were following me and the train driver turned round we had to run. We run down a hill and I slid on to my back as we slid down the hill I saw the other people coming to but I was so scared there were more rats at the bottom of the hill. I stopped my self and flew up and smashed down on to the road. Other people followed I saw cars driving down the road but rats filled the streets I got the smell of rotting bodies into my nose it was horrible I stood up and looked round at the tracks. Rats still ran on the tracks I had to get out of the street. I ran down the road and a car stopped for me. I looked sideways it was my friend Billy he had came to help. "Hey mitch get in quick" I jumped in and we sped down the road driving over rats. Billy handed me a shotgun and he had a pistol. "This is to kill the rats theres loads ahead so get ready" thundered Billy. As we drove down the roads I saw a train flying off the tracks it was flying towards the train Billy quickly sped up and went up a tunnel the train smashed behind us and rats fell out of it and started chasing the car.
Billy was right there were loads here. I opened the window and dipped my head out getting ready to kill the rats. One jumped at the car and I blew it up it splatted to the ground. As we came out the tunnel a rat jumped on top of the car and twenty others followed I quickly dipped my head back inside the car I didn't want to be eaten by rats I closed my window so they couldn't get in. We're on a bridge but there was a gap in it so one had painted front of it mind the gap. Billy reversed the car and we sped up the car flew over the bridge but it didn't the other side. At least I wasn't going to be killed by rats. The car was flying towards the ground it smashed to the ground and flipped over a load of times a piece of glass went though my head. Well a least now a rat could eat me and not go hungray!
I got on the train that day just like any normal when I was going to work. "Mind the gap please" I heard someone call as I got on to the train. I looked at everyone on the train I could see they were all tried it was six in the morning I had. Had to get up at four and I had to be to work by 7.00. It was so annoying having to wake up at that time. I looked out the window down the tunnel I saw a rat run across the tracks then ten more started running towards the train. I hated rats. The train started up and we were off I looked around as we went down the tracks I looked out the windows graffti filled walls cars were wreck and road sides with smashed windows and tramps layed in the streets well that was london for you. I heard a woman scream I looked round as a rat sped past her feet. I jumped up and ran at the rat I stamped on it. It must have jumped off the tracks on to the train. Blood splatted across the floor from the rat. "Bloody hell" called a man. It wasn't that bad but as I looked round I saw the mans face turn pale white he dropped to the floor. I heard scuring across the floor like millions of feet. I looked down the Iall running across the floor were rats blood thirsty rats I had to get off the train. People jumped up from the train and followed me.
Everybody was stamping on the rats as they came across the floor. I saw the man that had fainted was still on the floor I ran over and picked him up. I then looked out the window and got a massive shock running on the tracks were more and more rats piling up. Everyone ran and ran we ran though a door as the rat scurryed after us the man woke up that I was holding and he stood up probaly. I was so scared this had so be a nightmare. I pinched myself this was not a nightmare this was real. As we ran down the train the rats got quicker I heard someone screamed and dropped to the floor. A women layed there on the floor as the rats jumped at her and ate though her body. The flesh in the rats mouths the blood it was horrible it could be me next. I didn't wait for anyone I just ran. I had to get to the train driver and tell him to stop so we could get off this train. But what if there was no we what if there was just I going out there into the streets what if there were rats out there. As I got closer and closer to the train driver I saw people sitting in chairs dead with rats running over them and ripping them to shreds.
I smashed open the train drivers door "What are you doing sir" screamed the train driver. "Theres rats mental rats killing people eating there bodys on the train you must stop now please stop now!" I thundered. The train driver pulled down the brake lever and the train came to a halt. I jumped out the train and the train driver followed me. But we were in luck I saw other people getting off to. But the rats were following me and the train driver turned round we had to run. We run down a hill and I slid on to my back as we slid down the hill I saw the other people coming to but I was so scared there were more rats at the bottom of the hill. I stopped my self and flew up and smashed down on to the road. Other people followed I saw cars driving down the road but rats filled the streets I got the smell of rotting bodies into my nose it was horrible I stood up and looked round at the tracks. Rats still ran on the tracks I had to get out of the street. I ran down the road and a car stopped for me. I looked sideways it was my friend Billy he had came to help. "Hey mitch get in quick" I jumped in and we sped down the road driving over rats. Billy handed me a shotgun and he had a pistol. "This is to kill the rats theres loads ahead so get ready" thundered Billy. As we drove down the roads I saw a train flying off the tracks it was flying towards the train Billy quickly sped up and went up a tunnel the train smashed behind us and rats fell out of it and started chasing the car.
Billy was right there were loads here. I opened the window and dipped my head out getting ready to kill the rats. One jumped at the car and I blew it up it splatted to the ground. As we came out the tunnel a rat jumped on top of the car and twenty others followed I quickly dipped my head back inside the car I didn't want to be eaten by rats I closed my window so they couldn't get in. We're on a bridge but there was a gap in it so one had painted front of it mind the gap. Billy reversed the car and we sped up the car flew over the bridge but it didn't the other side. At least I wasn't going to be killed by rats. The car was flying towards the ground it smashed to the ground and flipped over a load of times a piece of glass went though my head. Well a least now a rat could eat me and not go hungray!
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Ok thanks for the advise!
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't entertained.
This was like a film - it's all action. Maybe you'd be good as a screenplay writer, but with stories you need a bit more progression. Suspense, tension, carving a picture of the scene - simply saying what's happening may briefly excite people but it's not much of an experience.
Sorry to almost repeat what I said in reply to your other story, but I think it's your overall style that needs considering.
This was like a film - it's all action. Maybe you'd be good as a screenplay writer, but with stories you need a bit more progression. Suspense, tension, carving a picture of the scene - simply saying what's happening may briefly excite people but it's not much of an experience.
Sorry to almost repeat what I said in reply to your other story, but I think it's your overall style that needs considering.
Thank you!
Ok, that was cruel. I kinda have to skim read things, so when I encounter the really long posts that tend to pop up here, I just go and hide under my desk.
crossbob's stories are short and funny.
crossbob's stories are short and funny.
I was going to post that I wish I could keep the attention of a staffie long enough to warrant a reply but....
Kilgore Trout wrote:
> This is the first time I've ventured into this room and not been bored to
> tears.
Ouch!
:D
Kilgore Trout wrote:
> This is the first time I've ventured into this room and not been bored to
> tears.
Ouch!
:D
[URL]http://www.james-herbert.co.uk/rats.htm[/URL]
You have a hell of an imagination. This is the first time I've ventured into this room and not been bored to tears.
But, learn to love the comma.
You have a hell of an imagination. This is the first time I've ventured into this room and not been bored to tears.
But, learn to love the comma.
How?
I wouldn't say it was imagination, just stealing other people's. This idea has been floating around the world for ages.
It is slightly random...
I just thought he would know about it and I just thought it would sound good that way and the mind the gap man I just wanted to do a little introduction!
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