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"SSC17 - Fair"

The little diamond of light, the thin plank walls, the little holes in the caulking, the apple-cot.
She's lying on her back in the cot, blonde hair tangled in the straw. Her breasts are full, hidden in her crumpled dress.
He kneels down next to her, resting his chin on the straw, his mouth pressed against her hip. If she moves, I'll not be able to breathe, he thinks.
Her hand idly plays in his hair. It's blond, like hers. I love you, she says. I love you, I love you. He stays where he is, but his chest bursts with pride. She's worth more than anything in the world, and she herself wanted to do this. It's a line from a book he used to read her in the evenings.
"Kiss me". His fingers, still down by his sides, tremble slightly. He pulls up his left arm and strokes her leg, small and tanned. You're trembling, she says. No I'm not. Kiss me then.
He kisses her on her hip through the thin white dress. His hand slides up and he turns the dress inside out over her. She's giggling, her head hidden behind the white veil. She sits up and kisses him on the top of the head, and pulls him to her. He gets onto the cot, undoes her bra. Her breasts spread out slightly. He kisses her, and as he does, she undoes him.
Do it, she says. Do you mean that? It's all I've been longing for. She guides him in and he sinks into her, the little child his daughter in the apple-cot.

Don't think you'll win mate, but I quite like it in a way.

It's open to interpretation - there is more than one way to look at it. Black Glove has one way (the most obvious way)... remember it isn't supposed to be shocking.

Interesting. Disturbing. Some sort of poetic quasi-porn. An apple-cot suggests a very young child, yet it mentions her full breasts on a couple of occasions – either this is a mistake or you’re trying to portray some kind of distorted perception… I like its minimalism and delicacy of expression.

I reckon I understand why the Arctic put it there, but I can also see why it might not work for some people. The first time I read this it seriously scared me.

arctic hobo wrote:
> That's a deliberate inconsistency

For what effect?

Breaking the frame, perhaps?

Ineedsleep wrote:
> Don't think it breaks any forums rules. There are no swear words or
> starred out words. It could be me reading it wrong but I read it as
> incest. Only the ending gives the impression of a small child with
> boobs big enough to warrant her wearing a bra in bed.

That's a deliberate inconsistency

Thanks for the comments Mav : )

Well written, with echoes of Kjell Askildsen.

Controversial, provoking, and a well handled final shock, yet not something I enjoyed reading. Being such a short piece however, this fortunately didn't get in the way of its stronger aspects.

I like to write with constraints... but I never keep to them. It qualifies, doesn't it?

Very different, but not very good articulation of 'Diamond' in my opinion. As incest is really not something I have much expertise (or interest) in, I will decline to comment on the content...not really my kind of thing.

Don't think it breaks any forums rules. There are no swear words or starred out words. It could be me reading it wrong but I read it as incest. Only the ending gives the impression of a small child with boobs big enough to warrant her wearing a bra in bed.