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"Titanic. Thar she blows"

Apart from the fact that Titanic was a complete and utter chick flick in every sense of the word, I found it grossly offensive on just about every level.
A pretty mean achievement from the guy that gave us The Terminator, an exercise in cinema perfection.

Where to start?
2hrs of sub-Upstairs Downstairs romance that sticks in the throat for all the wrong reasons.
“Hello, I’m Kate Winslet. I am pretend rich but feel stifled by society’s expectations of me. I long for a charming pauper to show me the meaning of life without money”
“Hello, I’m Billy Zane. I am rich and therefore evil and controlling. Mwah hah hah”
“Hello, I’m Leonardo. I am poor with a golden heart and a nice sketch book.”
“Hello, we’re the stereo-typical Oirish steerage passengers. We dance and get drunk and all have red hair”

Rich bloke controls longing-to-be-free woman that just wants a nice lad with foppish hair and the face of a 12yr old.
That’s the plot.
Oh, and there’s something about a boat sinking, but not for 2hrs into this movie which is odd considering the title.

Characters are one-dimensional and stereotype of the worst possible degree.
Oirish dancing red-heads, stiff upper lip evil people and golden hearted poor people.
DeCaprio spends the movie looking like he’s trying to work out a really hard math problem, even when drawing a naked woman he looks uncomfortable.
Billy Zane menaces people with his evil eyebrow action and Winslet runs about being all repressed with life.

But, to me, the worst thing about this movie is that it took the single worst maritime disaster and used it as a backdrop to a 3rd rate love story.
And nobody minded because it is a while ago now.
Would you have cried if this was a touching love story set in Hillsborough or the Zebrugge Ferry disaster? It’s no different, the families were appalled and boycotted it, quite rightly.
According to the film, the Titanic sunk because the look-out posts were watching two people kiss and didn’t see a HUGE iceberg coming.
Offensive and juvenile.

And that song. That travesty of musical ability and one of the single worst crimes against melody ever committed in recent history.
Celine Dion warbling about her heart going on.
Yeah, not as long as your song though eh love? A song that has become the soundtrack to housewives cleaning and shabby weddings the world over.

The old woman. That selfish old bint that spent so long boring us stupid, and did she give the diamond to Bill Paxton? Did she treasure it as the only memento of the man she loves? Nope, she threw it in the briny and smiled. You daft old beggar! Sell it and buy digestives or more of those little dogs that grow out of old lady’s armpits and yap incessantly.

And my final moan, the biggest and best yet.
This film is called Titanic. We know the plot, that’s why we went to see it.
Don’t make us wait 2hrs before the boat starts to sink, slowly.
And that touching, throughout the ages declaration of love?

Jack floating in the ocean whilst Rose clings to the raft.
Rose: “I will never let you go”
Jack “Thanks”
Rose prises him off the raft and pushes him away so he sinks and dies.

Titanic is, ironically, one of the biggest floaters I have ever come across.

Thanks for the advice, ill tri to keep it in mind. Where would we be without your guidance? rotting in the gutter whilst you flourish at the height of your profession: correcting peoples Grammer on a discussiong board... but i suppose that there is a role for everybody in society, congratulations,

spare some Cutter?

'(.)'

Michael Corleone wrote:
> A strange fixation with DeCaprio? well im afraid to say, once again,
> you miss quote me, typical for a 2nd rate journalist so i wont hold
> it against you.
I would agree that Titanic was a rather disaster -
> in more then one sense of the word - and DeCaprio wasnt half crap in
> it either, but some of the films he has done previously he was
> rather very good in them, all which i have previously listed. Just
> because he make a few merde films doesnt make him a poor actor. it
> really is jelousy on your syde, no matter how much you lot deny it,
> you cant handle the fact that this lad dominates your dreams and
> meanly tanuts you everytime you go to the toilet.

I dont see any
> of you complaining about Kate Winslets performance in Titanic, which
> was in no way better then DeCaprio, but because she is rather nice
> to look at she recieves no critism and you would kindly think of her
> every time you go to the toilet.


I would like to thank you for giving me the best laugh I've had in ages.
A complete lack of humour, irony of sense of self-importance.

My simple friend, one simple rule:
If you are going to flame, spell correctly, have a point and at least try to be amusing, not end up with people giggling at childish comebacks

Oh yeh and that film had one of the greatest quotes ever:
Whatshisname: "YOU'RE STUPID ROSE YOU'RE STUPID!"
Rose: hhuuh????

It's so true..

I think you are forgetting Titanic made millions in the box office. When you have a film you need a center point. No one wants to just watch the entire thing see everyone die - you need a main character and the titanic disaster in the background. Romance was the only thing you could put into the storyline to make it work. Comedy doesn't exactly go with the mood. Action film? I don't think so that isn't faithful to the storyline. Horror again no way. And many people like romance so no wonder it sold well. IT was like a modern day Romeo and Juliet - two people in different social classes - one a poor guy and one a rich bi.. woman. They fall in love secretly. Then their love is doomed just like in Romeo and Juliet. Romeo and Juliet is without a doubt one excellent piece of literature despite the old language many people can't adapt to and this film is pretty much the same. No wonder it did so well in the box office.

I dont see any
> of you complaining about Kate Winslets performance in Titanic, which
> was in no way better then DeCaprio, but because she is rather nice
> to look at she recieves no critism and you would kindly think of her
> every time you go to the toilet.


Actually, I like to take top gear magazine into the toilet most times.

Jeremy Clarkson - GRRRRRRRRR TIGER!

A strange fixation with DeCaprio? well im afraid to say, once again, you miss quote me, typical for a 2nd rate journalist so i wont hold it against you.
I would agree that Titanic was a rather disaster - in more then one sense of the word - and DeCaprio wasnt half crap in it either, but some of the films he has done previously he was rather very good in them, all which i have previously listed. Just because he make a few merde films doesnt make him a poor actor. it really is jelousy on your syde, no matter how much you lot deny it, you cant handle the fact that this lad dominates your dreams and meanly tanuts you everytime you go to the toilet.

I dont see any of you complaining about Kate Winslets performance in Titanic, which was in no way better then DeCaprio, but because she is rather nice to look at she recieves no critism and you would kindly think of her every time you go to the toilet.


'(.)'

'(.)'

"Raise The Titanic" is almost as tasteless.

But that had Paul Micheal Glaser in it,so it's ok.

But I think we can all agree (except Snuggly) that this movie is best left to girls and those with a strange fixation on DeCaprio (eh Corleone?).

Oh, and Mr Snuggly, who enjoyed it.

Never seen the film.
Never want to see the film regardless of a promise!

Yes the amount of money chucked at the production is ridiculous and the idea to make money from the loss of people lives (except war films 'controversial subject again') should have been ditched to where the Titanic now rests in peace.....ie the bottom of the sea!!!

Each to their own Snuggly.

I'm guessing you went with a lady on a promise?
I know I did, and even the reward couldnt ease the pain of that movie.

Or,you're very VERY in touch with your feminine side.

But hey, if it feels good, go for it.

*s*

It wasn't that bad.

*Expects huge amount of abuse and unruly behaviour directed at him*