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A hail of sleet garnished the icy path to the point that it was barely possible to stand up, I pushed on praying for shelter but to my disappointment I only found more endless paths of ice. The weather grew worse if I didn’t get to some cover soon I’d be done for. Advancing up the mountain with all my strength I found a small crevice about the size of doorway. Hmm I thought back those months ago, when a ham sandwich wasn’t a luxury and excreting wasn’t a chore. “This will have to do I thought” and set up my now tattered tent, my tent was now my best friend and I found myself talking to it at night. Some might say I’m mad but when you’ve spent three months alone in one of the most dire places on earth your perceptions of mad change most significantly.
I never thought that this day would be my last but a big part of me was glad, why I even wanted to climb this beast is beyond me but I knew everyone down at the summit would of given up now. Somehow I thought it would be easier than this I trained for months and months and I had the strength for it but something that I never contemplated was the mental will I would need for something like this. Sometimes I would look down a cliff edge and just wonder is life worth living anymore? I could just stand there for hours running it through my head never getting a final decision through my weak brain. But now it wasn’t down to me, luck was now the decider of my fate and from past experience it was never on my side. 2 hours into my conversation with rag boy the tent when the above glacier crumbled under the weight collapsing onto what I thought was my “safe place” suddenly turned into my doom. I was in hell and had just met the devil his faced appeared as a thousand falling diamonds cutting my skin as they hit the floor a day later I lay here waiting for something whether it be death or my saviour I just lay here.
“Save me”
I never thought that this day would be my last but a big part of me was glad, why I even wanted to climb this beast is beyond me but I knew everyone down at the summit would of given up now. Somehow I thought it would be easier than this I trained for months and months and I had the strength for it but something that I never contemplated was the mental will I would need for something like this. Sometimes I would look down a cliff edge and just wonder is life worth living anymore? I could just stand there for hours running it through my head never getting a final decision through my weak brain. But now it wasn’t down to me, luck was now the decider of my fate and from past experience it was never on my side. 2 hours into my conversation with rag boy the tent when the above glacier crumbled under the weight collapsing onto what I thought was my “safe place” suddenly turned into my doom. I was in hell and had just met the devil his faced appeared as a thousand falling diamonds cutting my skin as they hit the floor a day later I lay here waiting for something whether it be death or my saviour I just lay here.
“Save me”
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A hail of sleet garnished the icy path to the point that it was barely possible to stand up, I pushed on praying for shelter but to my disappointment I only found more endless paths of ice. The weather grew worse if I didn’t get to some cover soon I’d be done for. Advancing up the mountain with all my strength I found a small crevice about the size of doorway. Hmm I thought back those months ago, when a ham sandwich wasn’t a luxury and excreting wasn’t a chore. “This will have to do I thought” and set up my now tattered tent, my tent was now my best friend and I found myself talking to it at night. Some might say I’m mad but when you’ve spent three months alone in one of the most dire places on earth your perceptions of mad change most significantly.
I never thought that this day would be my last but a big part of me was glad, why I even wanted to climb this beast is beyond me but I knew everyone down at the summit would of given up now. Somehow I thought it would be easier than this I trained for months and months and I had the strength for it but something that I never contemplated was the mental will I would need for something like this. Sometimes I would look down a cliff edge and just wonder is life worth living anymore? I could just stand there for hours running it through my head never getting a final decision through my weak brain. But now it wasn’t down to me, luck was now the decider of my fate and from past experience it was never on my side. 2 hours into my conversation with rag boy the tent when the above glacier crumbled under the weight collapsing onto what I thought was my “safe place” suddenly turned into my doom. I was in hell and had just met the devil his faced appeared as a thousand falling diamonds cutting my skin as they hit the floor a day later I lay here waiting for something whether it be death or my saviour I just lay here.
“Save me”
I never thought that this day would be my last but a big part of me was glad, why I even wanted to climb this beast is beyond me but I knew everyone down at the summit would of given up now. Somehow I thought it would be easier than this I trained for months and months and I had the strength for it but something that I never contemplated was the mental will I would need for something like this. Sometimes I would look down a cliff edge and just wonder is life worth living anymore? I could just stand there for hours running it through my head never getting a final decision through my weak brain. But now it wasn’t down to me, luck was now the decider of my fate and from past experience it was never on my side. 2 hours into my conversation with rag boy the tent when the above glacier crumbled under the weight collapsing onto what I thought was my “safe place” suddenly turned into my doom. I was in hell and had just met the devil his faced appeared as a thousand falling diamonds cutting my skin as they hit the floor a day later I lay here waiting for something whether it be death or my saviour I just lay here.
“Save me”
Just read it, thought it was better than my other one but I also feel I dragged some of this a bit too far. Oh well getting better. :)
A few of the sentences didn't quite sit right for me, but overall, pretty good. The use of diamonds was a little fleeting.
It was rushed. The start was built up nicely but you got to the end and the describing really lacked some punch.
Mistake here too:
“This will have to do I thought”
And, "better than your other one"? Are you a previous regular?
Mistake here too:
“This will have to do I thought”
And, "better than your other one"? Are you a previous regular?
Yus I thought it was obvious but oh well. I'd prefere not to reveal my previous name to anyone lets just say your still trying to steal him from me you deceiver.
Yeah, I thought it was you.
im lost :|
I like the first paragraph but then it just got.. well, short :)
It seems my general feedback is that my beggining sentances/paragragh is good then it seems rushed, Hmm I mthink im gonna right my first paragragh then leave it for a bit for my next one. Cheers for the feedback peoples.
This is completely off topic, but I'd prefer not to start an entire new thread. What's the difference between Wink and Wink's Lament, are you the same person or what?
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