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It must have been at least quarter to twelve in the evening and like most at that time, I was delighting in the warmth of my bed, in one of those ‘half awake, half not’ fixes – this is why when I heard the ridiculous ‘BANG BANG .. CRASH’ I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. Of course, when I felt the cold air rush in through the newly formed hole on my door I was startled and arose to find that those stupid guards had only gone and knocked a hole through it. So of course I said ‘What did you do that for you stupid man – That is a newly baked door and it came with a cream filled Cadbury button for a door knob… It’s special and needs to be treated delicately!’ Ignorant as the palace guards are, they replied with a grunt and ‘Never mind the door, on Kings Orders we are to fetch and bring you in gingerbread man’.
Obviously, I played it cool… I gathered my robe in a controlled fashion then ran like a mad man for a while until my leg broke off again and I was left on the floor surrounded by metal cladded soldiers. ‘Your running days are over ginger – we have caught you and the fox is suing you for grievous bodily harm’.
Well, to let you in I am in a spot of bother. When that old hag poured her tender loving care into my making, kneading through the dough with her arthritic fingers – using the finest of ingredients and richest butters… she had been dribbling of the thought of that one moment when she could pop me into her mouth, let me crumble on her tongue and delight all her senses, her wicked senses as she got off on the fact she could eat me limbless, working her way up the body till I was a smiling head ready to meet a growling digestive system.
This time – things were different though! For all my forefathers dreams had come true in me, the ‘chosen bread’. You should be careful when licking the remnants of your cookies or shortbreads direct from the bowl – especially if you are suffering with some kind of cold. This hag, lost in a fixation of wonder to my tasting, dribbled directly into that mixing bowl and that’s when all the laws were proved wrong and her vile glob combined with the cosmic dough giving life to... ME!
This explains the long tale you see, of the gingerbread so cocky he could run from anything. When I was freshly baked to perfection with just the right crunch back then, I hopped off that tray and ran screaming in succession ‘Run Run as fast as you can! You can’t catch me – I’m the gingerbread maaaaaaaan’
All the animals and people could do nothing, I out ran them all… until I got to that river. That is where you all grew up crying or laughing of my fatal end? Yes, when that sly fox nicely suggested to swim me across that river so I didn’t fall apart like a digestive in Tetley! But only till I could run no further in the middle of a river on that fox’s nose, did he swallow me whole to my bitter end.
My friends, it’s all a conspiracy as the tale did not continue to tell the truth behind the ‘GINGERBREAD MAN!’ No – When he swallowed me whole I clung onto his tonsils and kicked and kicked inside him… running through his body at the speed of light till eventually, with the help of a farmer and the Heimlich I was spewed through the air like a missile, landing on two feet to run across the lands to where the fairytale kingdom exists.
That’s until today. In which the Fox has placed a law suit against me. Even though, he swallowed me with the intension to kill. The fact that I am made of ingredients and the hands of an arthritic old lady, not an almighty creator means I am completely and utterly food under the ‘edible things’ act.
I think in my defence – I will spit this leg back together and continue to run. It’s what I do best.
Obviously, I played it cool… I gathered my robe in a controlled fashion then ran like a mad man for a while until my leg broke off again and I was left on the floor surrounded by metal cladded soldiers. ‘Your running days are over ginger – we have caught you and the fox is suing you for grievous bodily harm’.
Well, to let you in I am in a spot of bother. When that old hag poured her tender loving care into my making, kneading through the dough with her arthritic fingers – using the finest of ingredients and richest butters… she had been dribbling of the thought of that one moment when she could pop me into her mouth, let me crumble on her tongue and delight all her senses, her wicked senses as she got off on the fact she could eat me limbless, working her way up the body till I was a smiling head ready to meet a growling digestive system.
This time – things were different though! For all my forefathers dreams had come true in me, the ‘chosen bread’. You should be careful when licking the remnants of your cookies or shortbreads direct from the bowl – especially if you are suffering with some kind of cold. This hag, lost in a fixation of wonder to my tasting, dribbled directly into that mixing bowl and that’s when all the laws were proved wrong and her vile glob combined with the cosmic dough giving life to... ME!
This explains the long tale you see, of the gingerbread so cocky he could run from anything. When I was freshly baked to perfection with just the right crunch back then, I hopped off that tray and ran screaming in succession ‘Run Run as fast as you can! You can’t catch me – I’m the gingerbread maaaaaaaan’
All the animals and people could do nothing, I out ran them all… until I got to that river. That is where you all grew up crying or laughing of my fatal end? Yes, when that sly fox nicely suggested to swim me across that river so I didn’t fall apart like a digestive in Tetley! But only till I could run no further in the middle of a river on that fox’s nose, did he swallow me whole to my bitter end.
My friends, it’s all a conspiracy as the tale did not continue to tell the truth behind the ‘GINGERBREAD MAN!’ No – When he swallowed me whole I clung onto his tonsils and kicked and kicked inside him… running through his body at the speed of light till eventually, with the help of a farmer and the Heimlich I was spewed through the air like a missile, landing on two feet to run across the lands to where the fairytale kingdom exists.
That’s until today. In which the Fox has placed a law suit against me. Even though, he swallowed me with the intension to kill. The fact that I am made of ingredients and the hands of an arthritic old lady, not an almighty creator means I am completely and utterly food under the ‘edible things’ act.
I think in my defence – I will spit this leg back together and continue to run. It’s what I do best.
thankyou mav! :)
Um... Critism anyone? This may be handed in as part of my first semester so if anyone could be brutal with me do!
Um... Critism anyone? This may be handed in as part of my first semester so if anyone could be brutal with me do!
Refreshingly straightforward and light-hearted.
:-)
:-)
'When he swallowed me whole I clung onto his tonsils and kicked and kicked inside him… running through his body at the speed of light till eventually, with the help of a farmer and the Heimlich I was spewed through the air like a missile, landing on two feet to run across the lands to where the fairytale kingdom exists.'
Had me in absolute hysterics, seriously, brought a tear to the eye.
Good stuff Ginge, if that doesn't get you a good portfolio, I dunno what will.
Had me in absolute hysterics, seriously, brought a tear to the eye.
Good stuff Ginge, if that doesn't get you a good portfolio, I dunno what will.
*sobs*
You guys!
Well this is probably going to be re edited and re edted until its good enough to put into my portfolio for first semester at uni...
Scary stuff.
It is a bit wacked up huh? Well, I would really love your comments and critism to make it better of course. Hope you enjoyed Ginge coming back and slamming childhood down your throats again! Its all moan and groan on this forum.
You guys!
Well this is probably going to be re edited and re edted until its good enough to put into my portfolio for first semester at uni...
Scary stuff.
It is a bit wacked up huh? Well, I would really love your comments and critism to make it better of course. Hope you enjoyed Ginge coming back and slamming childhood down your throats again! Its all moan and groan on this forum.
Very nice work, Lil Ginge.
I miss you :(
I miss you :(
Another classic from Lil Ginge :D
Though I think I'll stay clear of the gingerbreadmen in Safeways next time I fancy a snack...urgh...granny dribble.
Though I think I'll stay clear of the gingerbreadmen in Safeways next time I fancy a snack...urgh...granny dribble.
Are you on drugs?
:D
Nar, I liked it. It wasn't dark or disturbing but original and light, a rare thing here. Good to see you back anyway, even if its only for one post. Got to keep up appearances.
:D
Nar, I liked it. It wasn't dark or disturbing but original and light, a rare thing here. Good to see you back anyway, even if its only for one post. Got to keep up appearances.
It must have been at least quarter to twelve in the evening and like most at that time, I was delighting in the warmth of my bed, in one of those ‘half awake, half not’ fixes – this is why when I heard the ridiculous ‘BANG BANG .. CRASH’ I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. Of course, when I felt the cold air rush in through the newly formed hole on my door I was startled and arose to find that those stupid guards had only gone and knocked a hole through it. So of course I said ‘What did you do that for you stupid man – That is a newly baked door and it came with a cream filled Cadbury button for a door knob… It’s special and needs to be treated delicately!’ Ignorant as the palace guards are, they replied with a grunt and ‘Never mind the door, on Kings Orders we are to fetch and bring you in gingerbread man’.
Obviously, I played it cool… I gathered my robe in a controlled fashion then ran like a mad man for a while until my leg broke off again and I was left on the floor surrounded by metal cladded soldiers. ‘Your running days are over ginger – we have caught you and the fox is suing you for grievous bodily harm’.
Well, to let you in I am in a spot of bother. When that old hag poured her tender loving care into my making, kneading through the dough with her arthritic fingers – using the finest of ingredients and richest butters… she had been dribbling of the thought of that one moment when she could pop me into her mouth, let me crumble on her tongue and delight all her senses, her wicked senses as she got off on the fact she could eat me limbless, working her way up the body till I was a smiling head ready to meet a growling digestive system.
This time – things were different though! For all my forefathers dreams had come true in me, the ‘chosen bread’. You should be careful when licking the remnants of your cookies or shortbreads direct from the bowl – especially if you are suffering with some kind of cold. This hag, lost in a fixation of wonder to my tasting, dribbled directly into that mixing bowl and that’s when all the laws were proved wrong and her vile glob combined with the cosmic dough giving life to... ME!
This explains the long tale you see, of the gingerbread so cocky he could run from anything. When I was freshly baked to perfection with just the right crunch back then, I hopped off that tray and ran screaming in succession ‘Run Run as fast as you can! You can’t catch me – I’m the gingerbread maaaaaaaan’
All the animals and people could do nothing, I out ran them all… until I got to that river. That is where you all grew up crying or laughing of my fatal end? Yes, when that sly fox nicely suggested to swim me across that river so I didn’t fall apart like a digestive in Tetley! But only till I could run no further in the middle of a river on that fox’s nose, did he swallow me whole to my bitter end.
My friends, it’s all a conspiracy as the tale did not continue to tell the truth behind the ‘GINGERBREAD MAN!’ No – When he swallowed me whole I clung onto his tonsils and kicked and kicked inside him… running through his body at the speed of light till eventually, with the help of a farmer and the Heimlich I was spewed through the air like a missile, landing on two feet to run across the lands to where the fairytale kingdom exists.
That’s until today. In which the Fox has placed a law suit against me. Even though, he swallowed me with the intension to kill. The fact that I am made of ingredients and the hands of an arthritic old lady, not an almighty creator means I am completely and utterly food under the ‘edible things’ act.
I think in my defence – I will spit this leg back together and continue to run. It’s what I do best.
Obviously, I played it cool… I gathered my robe in a controlled fashion then ran like a mad man for a while until my leg broke off again and I was left on the floor surrounded by metal cladded soldiers. ‘Your running days are over ginger – we have caught you and the fox is suing you for grievous bodily harm’.
Well, to let you in I am in a spot of bother. When that old hag poured her tender loving care into my making, kneading through the dough with her arthritic fingers – using the finest of ingredients and richest butters… she had been dribbling of the thought of that one moment when she could pop me into her mouth, let me crumble on her tongue and delight all her senses, her wicked senses as she got off on the fact she could eat me limbless, working her way up the body till I was a smiling head ready to meet a growling digestive system.
This time – things were different though! For all my forefathers dreams had come true in me, the ‘chosen bread’. You should be careful when licking the remnants of your cookies or shortbreads direct from the bowl – especially if you are suffering with some kind of cold. This hag, lost in a fixation of wonder to my tasting, dribbled directly into that mixing bowl and that’s when all the laws were proved wrong and her vile glob combined with the cosmic dough giving life to... ME!
This explains the long tale you see, of the gingerbread so cocky he could run from anything. When I was freshly baked to perfection with just the right crunch back then, I hopped off that tray and ran screaming in succession ‘Run Run as fast as you can! You can’t catch me – I’m the gingerbread maaaaaaaan’
All the animals and people could do nothing, I out ran them all… until I got to that river. That is where you all grew up crying or laughing of my fatal end? Yes, when that sly fox nicely suggested to swim me across that river so I didn’t fall apart like a digestive in Tetley! But only till I could run no further in the middle of a river on that fox’s nose, did he swallow me whole to my bitter end.
My friends, it’s all a conspiracy as the tale did not continue to tell the truth behind the ‘GINGERBREAD MAN!’ No – When he swallowed me whole I clung onto his tonsils and kicked and kicked inside him… running through his body at the speed of light till eventually, with the help of a farmer and the Heimlich I was spewed through the air like a missile, landing on two feet to run across the lands to where the fairytale kingdom exists.
That’s until today. In which the Fox has placed a law suit against me. Even though, he swallowed me with the intension to kill. The fact that I am made of ingredients and the hands of an arthritic old lady, not an almighty creator means I am completely and utterly food under the ‘edible things’ act.
I think in my defence – I will spit this leg back together and continue to run. It’s what I do best.