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A sacred moment among male friends when they give up one of their flock to a woman. Only the one being given up is The Wal's brother Mark, who's had more females than Quagmire and Goatboy put together.
True to form, he was getting off with random, drunken middle aged women (he's 31 himself) on his own stag do. Thankfully his bride to be is a few thousand miles away in Thailand. He's going there for Christmas to get hitched in an effort to get her into the country (sounds dodgy I know)
I'd been out on Monday with my team at work, out on Wednesday with my old team from work, and here I was, worse for wear, about to do it again on the Friday.
So - me, Fos, Seb, Wal and Wal's brother Mark, collectively known as the Thailand Warriors, the Bareback Crusaders, the Untouchables and probably some more "we're so macho we're probably gay" names, were out on the lash in Newcastle. After some beers in Mark's we hopped in our taxi and met a couple more people and had a laugh.
After a few bars, some poor attempts at pulling (Mark's a player, but obviously his bit doesn't work with every girl, and he managed to scare away a lass that The Wal was cracking on to) and some top quality humour (hey, when you're drunk EVERY joke is great) we ended up slashing in public and running along the motor way trying to get to a strip club. Cue lots of cars beeping at us.
Ten quid to get in? Oh alright, fair enough, not every day your mate gets married. Wal tried to pay for him and his brother with a twenty but she gave him back a tenner of it, so Mark hadn't been paid in as we went up the stairs. Cue the girl getting on the radio and bouncers running after us. So Wal gives a tenner for Mark to the bouncer, just as I'm giving a tenner for Mark to the girl at the desk. Bah. We didn't realise until we were sat down upstairs and we knew we'd never get our money back.
For Your Eyes Only is a pretty fancy place, the girls are actually attractive (mostly) but it's dark as deep space. 6 bottles of beer cost 25 quid... that's over 4 quid a bottle... Urgh.
Sitting, drinking beer with my mates, girls coming up to talk to you in an effort to get money... Thailand flashbacks, that's all I can say.
One or two of them were quite bitchy if you said "no thanks" when they ask if you want a lapdance, but the rest were understanding. Fos was straight off with the first girl that asked, and we quickly got Mark one too. Seb, one of those kids with something called "morals" just sat and talked to us, trying to ignore the girls.
Low and behold, guess who I see? Rachel from college, our very own Beyonce lookalike (sort of, just take it from me, she's fit) I knew she was a lapdancer, I knew she worked there, but I didn't think fate would be kind enough to put her there that night. I mentioned her to Wal before she disappeared, and when the next girl asked him if he wanted a dance he pointed to her. He came back a happy man. I thought if someone's gonna dance for me, I might as well a) know them, and b) wanted to see them naked for almost two years, so I asked every girl who came up to see if I wanted a dance to try and find her (like I said, it's dark in there and pretty big) Success, there she was. She was well chuffed to see me, and we went on a trip down memory lane, talking about college, the new course that she's on that I didn't bother with, who's there, what they're up to, who I still see... five minutes later she was taking her bra off. Always a good thing.
I had that dance out of curiosity... the other three dances were in the name of research... I swear! The blonde one was crap, the brunette was alright and Rachel and her sister were pretty damn fantastic.
You know who else was there? Well, Ben from Byker Grove, the one who does presenting on CBBC - the guy who used to play his older brother was working there as a bouncer. Every time he went past he got "Byker Byker Byker Grove, yeah!" I asked the blonde dancing for me if it was him and she said yeah, and she could get me his autograph... er, no thanks. Besides, Seb was on Byker Grove, that's my claim to fame.
Mark didn't want to leave, everyone else was ready to go and wanted to get in the taxi we had booked for 1am. So we ended up staying until 2 when we finally got sick and took his house key off him (since we would be kipping at his) and said we were going. He came running after us.
Damn taxi queues. Every queue we got in wasn't moving and every queue we moved on to was bigger than the last. Who do we see as we're looking for a taxi? Stone Cold Psycho Bennett, the missing Untouchable, back from uni and sporting a beard. Always great to see him, even if he was only making a cameo appearance.
Still no luck with the taxis, so we decided to walk home, thumbs out, hoping someone would take pity on us. Of course they don't want to stop for 5 lads who aren't in a queue, so Mark stayed back and flagged one down that had gone past the rest of us. Only it wasn't a 6 seater, so after a bit of noble "No, I'll stay" "No, I will, you guys get in" Mark and Wal stayed and Seb, Fos and I decided to head home, rather than going back to Mark's (for one thing, we didn't know his exact address, secondly we had no key and thirdly we had no idea how long they'd be, they might have to walk the whole way which is at least an hour) I was a bit annoyed since I'd left my iPod and the book I'm reading at Mark's since they finally convinced me to sleep at his instead of going home. Ah well.
I'd been pretty drunk when we went into the lapdancing club (I'd had to have been to go running along the motorway) but I'd sobered up due to the expensive drinks (since I ran out of money and had to borrow 30 quid) But hey, it was a good night, we had a laugh, and now I get to say "Hey, I've seen Rachel naked"
And isn't that what's important in life?
True to form, he was getting off with random, drunken middle aged women (he's 31 himself) on his own stag do. Thankfully his bride to be is a few thousand miles away in Thailand. He's going there for Christmas to get hitched in an effort to get her into the country (sounds dodgy I know)
I'd been out on Monday with my team at work, out on Wednesday with my old team from work, and here I was, worse for wear, about to do it again on the Friday.
So - me, Fos, Seb, Wal and Wal's brother Mark, collectively known as the Thailand Warriors, the Bareback Crusaders, the Untouchables and probably some more "we're so macho we're probably gay" names, were out on the lash in Newcastle. After some beers in Mark's we hopped in our taxi and met a couple more people and had a laugh.
After a few bars, some poor attempts at pulling (Mark's a player, but obviously his bit doesn't work with every girl, and he managed to scare away a lass that The Wal was cracking on to) and some top quality humour (hey, when you're drunk EVERY joke is great) we ended up slashing in public and running along the motor way trying to get to a strip club. Cue lots of cars beeping at us.
Ten quid to get in? Oh alright, fair enough, not every day your mate gets married. Wal tried to pay for him and his brother with a twenty but she gave him back a tenner of it, so Mark hadn't been paid in as we went up the stairs. Cue the girl getting on the radio and bouncers running after us. So Wal gives a tenner for Mark to the bouncer, just as I'm giving a tenner for Mark to the girl at the desk. Bah. We didn't realise until we were sat down upstairs and we knew we'd never get our money back.
For Your Eyes Only is a pretty fancy place, the girls are actually attractive (mostly) but it's dark as deep space. 6 bottles of beer cost 25 quid... that's over 4 quid a bottle... Urgh.
Sitting, drinking beer with my mates, girls coming up to talk to you in an effort to get money... Thailand flashbacks, that's all I can say.
One or two of them were quite bitchy if you said "no thanks" when they ask if you want a lapdance, but the rest were understanding. Fos was straight off with the first girl that asked, and we quickly got Mark one too. Seb, one of those kids with something called "morals" just sat and talked to us, trying to ignore the girls.
Low and behold, guess who I see? Rachel from college, our very own Beyonce lookalike (sort of, just take it from me, she's fit) I knew she was a lapdancer, I knew she worked there, but I didn't think fate would be kind enough to put her there that night. I mentioned her to Wal before she disappeared, and when the next girl asked him if he wanted a dance he pointed to her. He came back a happy man. I thought if someone's gonna dance for me, I might as well a) know them, and b) wanted to see them naked for almost two years, so I asked every girl who came up to see if I wanted a dance to try and find her (like I said, it's dark in there and pretty big) Success, there she was. She was well chuffed to see me, and we went on a trip down memory lane, talking about college, the new course that she's on that I didn't bother with, who's there, what they're up to, who I still see... five minutes later she was taking her bra off. Always a good thing.
I had that dance out of curiosity... the other three dances were in the name of research... I swear! The blonde one was crap, the brunette was alright and Rachel and her sister were pretty damn fantastic.
You know who else was there? Well, Ben from Byker Grove, the one who does presenting on CBBC - the guy who used to play his older brother was working there as a bouncer. Every time he went past he got "Byker Byker Byker Grove, yeah!" I asked the blonde dancing for me if it was him and she said yeah, and she could get me his autograph... er, no thanks. Besides, Seb was on Byker Grove, that's my claim to fame.
Mark didn't want to leave, everyone else was ready to go and wanted to get in the taxi we had booked for 1am. So we ended up staying until 2 when we finally got sick and took his house key off him (since we would be kipping at his) and said we were going. He came running after us.
Damn taxi queues. Every queue we got in wasn't moving and every queue we moved on to was bigger than the last. Who do we see as we're looking for a taxi? Stone Cold Psycho Bennett, the missing Untouchable, back from uni and sporting a beard. Always great to see him, even if he was only making a cameo appearance.
Still no luck with the taxis, so we decided to walk home, thumbs out, hoping someone would take pity on us. Of course they don't want to stop for 5 lads who aren't in a queue, so Mark stayed back and flagged one down that had gone past the rest of us. Only it wasn't a 6 seater, so after a bit of noble "No, I'll stay" "No, I will, you guys get in" Mark and Wal stayed and Seb, Fos and I decided to head home, rather than going back to Mark's (for one thing, we didn't know his exact address, secondly we had no key and thirdly we had no idea how long they'd be, they might have to walk the whole way which is at least an hour) I was a bit annoyed since I'd left my iPod and the book I'm reading at Mark's since they finally convinced me to sleep at his instead of going home. Ah well.
I'd been pretty drunk when we went into the lapdancing club (I'd had to have been to go running along the motorway) but I'd sobered up due to the expensive drinks (since I ran out of money and had to borrow 30 quid) But hey, it was a good night, we had a laugh, and now I get to say "Hey, I've seen Rachel naked"
And isn't that what's important in life?
Y'big hom.
OK, if I went and saw someone I knew it would actually freak me out. Morals are a booger.
:-)
stfu
:'{
:'{
Azul's room is now only slightly less creamy than mine was last night after the most joyous Pro Evo 4 goal ever.
Azul 3 - 4 Merm
119th minute.
Golden goal.
45 yards.
:' }
Azul 3 - 4 Merm
119th minute.
Golden goal.
45 yards.
:' }
I read it two hours ago, and had been out of it since.
I've only just recovered from the overwhelming joy of it all.
"Azul is going to get a hard on reading this."
And that's a slight understatement.
(I so sound like a perv.)
I've only just recovered from the overwhelming joy of it all.
"Azul is going to get a hard on reading this."
And that's a slight understatement.
(I so sound like a perv.)
Azul is going to get a hard on reading this.
The Wal AND Stone Cold Psycho Bennett. wow.
The Wal AND Stone Cold Psycho Bennett. wow.
Yeh, I agree.
These stories always amuse me, perhaps you should write some into a kind of book or online compilation.
'The Rambalings of a Pi**ed Jordie'
:D
These stories always amuse me, perhaps you should write some into a kind of book or online compilation.
'The Rambalings of a Pi**ed Jordie'
:D
Sounds like fun.
I've worked out that your stories reminds me a bit of the Tuckermax ones. You're a good storyteller.
Make a Tuckermax style website www.tuckermax.com with all your drunken debauchery on them. It always makes a good read.
Yessir.
I've worked out that your stories reminds me a bit of the Tuckermax ones. You're a good storyteller.
Make a Tuckermax style website www.tuckermax.com with all your drunken debauchery on them. It always makes a good read.
Yessir.
A sacred moment among male friends when they give up one of their flock to a woman. Only the one being given up is The Wal's brother Mark, who's had more females than Quagmire and Goatboy put together.
True to form, he was getting off with random, drunken middle aged women (he's 31 himself) on his own stag do. Thankfully his bride to be is a few thousand miles away in Thailand. He's going there for Christmas to get hitched in an effort to get her into the country (sounds dodgy I know)
I'd been out on Monday with my team at work, out on Wednesday with my old team from work, and here I was, worse for wear, about to do it again on the Friday.
So - me, Fos, Seb, Wal and Wal's brother Mark, collectively known as the Thailand Warriors, the Bareback Crusaders, the Untouchables and probably some more "we're so macho we're probably gay" names, were out on the lash in Newcastle. After some beers in Mark's we hopped in our taxi and met a couple more people and had a laugh.
After a few bars, some poor attempts at pulling (Mark's a player, but obviously his bit doesn't work with every girl, and he managed to scare away a lass that The Wal was cracking on to) and some top quality humour (hey, when you're drunk EVERY joke is great) we ended up slashing in public and running along the motor way trying to get to a strip club. Cue lots of cars beeping at us.
Ten quid to get in? Oh alright, fair enough, not every day your mate gets married. Wal tried to pay for him and his brother with a twenty but she gave him back a tenner of it, so Mark hadn't been paid in as we went up the stairs. Cue the girl getting on the radio and bouncers running after us. So Wal gives a tenner for Mark to the bouncer, just as I'm giving a tenner for Mark to the girl at the desk. Bah. We didn't realise until we were sat down upstairs and we knew we'd never get our money back.
For Your Eyes Only is a pretty fancy place, the girls are actually attractive (mostly) but it's dark as deep space. 6 bottles of beer cost 25 quid... that's over 4 quid a bottle... Urgh.
Sitting, drinking beer with my mates, girls coming up to talk to you in an effort to get money... Thailand flashbacks, that's all I can say.
One or two of them were quite bitchy if you said "no thanks" when they ask if you want a lapdance, but the rest were understanding. Fos was straight off with the first girl that asked, and we quickly got Mark one too. Seb, one of those kids with something called "morals" just sat and talked to us, trying to ignore the girls.
Low and behold, guess who I see? Rachel from college, our very own Beyonce lookalike (sort of, just take it from me, she's fit) I knew she was a lapdancer, I knew she worked there, but I didn't think fate would be kind enough to put her there that night. I mentioned her to Wal before she disappeared, and when the next girl asked him if he wanted a dance he pointed to her. He came back a happy man. I thought if someone's gonna dance for me, I might as well a) know them, and b) wanted to see them naked for almost two years, so I asked every girl who came up to see if I wanted a dance to try and find her (like I said, it's dark in there and pretty big) Success, there she was. She was well chuffed to see me, and we went on a trip down memory lane, talking about college, the new course that she's on that I didn't bother with, who's there, what they're up to, who I still see... five minutes later she was taking her bra off. Always a good thing.
I had that dance out of curiosity... the other three dances were in the name of research... I swear! The blonde one was crap, the brunette was alright and Rachel and her sister were pretty damn fantastic.
You know who else was there? Well, Ben from Byker Grove, the one who does presenting on CBBC - the guy who used to play his older brother was working there as a bouncer. Every time he went past he got "Byker Byker Byker Grove, yeah!" I asked the blonde dancing for me if it was him and she said yeah, and she could get me his autograph... er, no thanks. Besides, Seb was on Byker Grove, that's my claim to fame.
Mark didn't want to leave, everyone else was ready to go and wanted to get in the taxi we had booked for 1am. So we ended up staying until 2 when we finally got sick and took his house key off him (since we would be kipping at his) and said we were going. He came running after us.
Damn taxi queues. Every queue we got in wasn't moving and every queue we moved on to was bigger than the last. Who do we see as we're looking for a taxi? Stone Cold Psycho Bennett, the missing Untouchable, back from uni and sporting a beard. Always great to see him, even if he was only making a cameo appearance.
Still no luck with the taxis, so we decided to walk home, thumbs out, hoping someone would take pity on us. Of course they don't want to stop for 5 lads who aren't in a queue, so Mark stayed back and flagged one down that had gone past the rest of us. Only it wasn't a 6 seater, so after a bit of noble "No, I'll stay" "No, I will, you guys get in" Mark and Wal stayed and Seb, Fos and I decided to head home, rather than going back to Mark's (for one thing, we didn't know his exact address, secondly we had no key and thirdly we had no idea how long they'd be, they might have to walk the whole way which is at least an hour) I was a bit annoyed since I'd left my iPod and the book I'm reading at Mark's since they finally convinced me to sleep at his instead of going home. Ah well.
I'd been pretty drunk when we went into the lapdancing club (I'd had to have been to go running along the motorway) but I'd sobered up due to the expensive drinks (since I ran out of money and had to borrow 30 quid) But hey, it was a good night, we had a laugh, and now I get to say "Hey, I've seen Rachel naked"
And isn't that what's important in life?
True to form, he was getting off with random, drunken middle aged women (he's 31 himself) on his own stag do. Thankfully his bride to be is a few thousand miles away in Thailand. He's going there for Christmas to get hitched in an effort to get her into the country (sounds dodgy I know)
I'd been out on Monday with my team at work, out on Wednesday with my old team from work, and here I was, worse for wear, about to do it again on the Friday.
So - me, Fos, Seb, Wal and Wal's brother Mark, collectively known as the Thailand Warriors, the Bareback Crusaders, the Untouchables and probably some more "we're so macho we're probably gay" names, were out on the lash in Newcastle. After some beers in Mark's we hopped in our taxi and met a couple more people and had a laugh.
After a few bars, some poor attempts at pulling (Mark's a player, but obviously his bit doesn't work with every girl, and he managed to scare away a lass that The Wal was cracking on to) and some top quality humour (hey, when you're drunk EVERY joke is great) we ended up slashing in public and running along the motor way trying to get to a strip club. Cue lots of cars beeping at us.
Ten quid to get in? Oh alright, fair enough, not every day your mate gets married. Wal tried to pay for him and his brother with a twenty but she gave him back a tenner of it, so Mark hadn't been paid in as we went up the stairs. Cue the girl getting on the radio and bouncers running after us. So Wal gives a tenner for Mark to the bouncer, just as I'm giving a tenner for Mark to the girl at the desk. Bah. We didn't realise until we were sat down upstairs and we knew we'd never get our money back.
For Your Eyes Only is a pretty fancy place, the girls are actually attractive (mostly) but it's dark as deep space. 6 bottles of beer cost 25 quid... that's over 4 quid a bottle... Urgh.
Sitting, drinking beer with my mates, girls coming up to talk to you in an effort to get money... Thailand flashbacks, that's all I can say.
One or two of them were quite bitchy if you said "no thanks" when they ask if you want a lapdance, but the rest were understanding. Fos was straight off with the first girl that asked, and we quickly got Mark one too. Seb, one of those kids with something called "morals" just sat and talked to us, trying to ignore the girls.
Low and behold, guess who I see? Rachel from college, our very own Beyonce lookalike (sort of, just take it from me, she's fit) I knew she was a lapdancer, I knew she worked there, but I didn't think fate would be kind enough to put her there that night. I mentioned her to Wal before she disappeared, and when the next girl asked him if he wanted a dance he pointed to her. He came back a happy man. I thought if someone's gonna dance for me, I might as well a) know them, and b) wanted to see them naked for almost two years, so I asked every girl who came up to see if I wanted a dance to try and find her (like I said, it's dark in there and pretty big) Success, there she was. She was well chuffed to see me, and we went on a trip down memory lane, talking about college, the new course that she's on that I didn't bother with, who's there, what they're up to, who I still see... five minutes later she was taking her bra off. Always a good thing.
I had that dance out of curiosity... the other three dances were in the name of research... I swear! The blonde one was crap, the brunette was alright and Rachel and her sister were pretty damn fantastic.
You know who else was there? Well, Ben from Byker Grove, the one who does presenting on CBBC - the guy who used to play his older brother was working there as a bouncer. Every time he went past he got "Byker Byker Byker Grove, yeah!" I asked the blonde dancing for me if it was him and she said yeah, and she could get me his autograph... er, no thanks. Besides, Seb was on Byker Grove, that's my claim to fame.
Mark didn't want to leave, everyone else was ready to go and wanted to get in the taxi we had booked for 1am. So we ended up staying until 2 when we finally got sick and took his house key off him (since we would be kipping at his) and said we were going. He came running after us.
Damn taxi queues. Every queue we got in wasn't moving and every queue we moved on to was bigger than the last. Who do we see as we're looking for a taxi? Stone Cold Psycho Bennett, the missing Untouchable, back from uni and sporting a beard. Always great to see him, even if he was only making a cameo appearance.
Still no luck with the taxis, so we decided to walk home, thumbs out, hoping someone would take pity on us. Of course they don't want to stop for 5 lads who aren't in a queue, so Mark stayed back and flagged one down that had gone past the rest of us. Only it wasn't a 6 seater, so after a bit of noble "No, I'll stay" "No, I will, you guys get in" Mark and Wal stayed and Seb, Fos and I decided to head home, rather than going back to Mark's (for one thing, we didn't know his exact address, secondly we had no key and thirdly we had no idea how long they'd be, they might have to walk the whole way which is at least an hour) I was a bit annoyed since I'd left my iPod and the book I'm reading at Mark's since they finally convinced me to sleep at his instead of going home. Ah well.
I'd been pretty drunk when we went into the lapdancing club (I'd had to have been to go running along the motorway) but I'd sobered up due to the expensive drinks (since I ran out of money and had to borrow 30 quid) But hey, it was a good night, we had a laugh, and now I get to say "Hey, I've seen Rachel naked"
And isn't that what's important in life?