The "Creative Writing" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
That damn city stinks. I don’t know why I didn’t move to one of those country estates somewhere. Oh, yeah, I do. They cost a fortune. More than I’d see in my lifetime anyway.
It wasn’t always this bad, I hazily remember a time in my childhood when this place wasn’t so bad, before the smoke police started patrolling and we all became more distant. Before the smoke police, we could kiss in public, imagine that! Yeah, I guess you’re too young to even consider that now.
That damned organisation. The name 'smoke' probably started off as an acronym, socially moral something or other, but the point was that the government realised we were having too many kids, that’s when the fundamentalist leader came up with one of his ‘inspired ideas’. Inspired, my @ss. He was probably high on netro 4 or something. Anyway, the upshot was that first kissing in public went, then touching and now they have bloody monitors in your house. You need a time when you can make love these days. Yeah, welcome to the 24th Century folks.
I was working for the city, doing record sweeping for our big city clients, which took me to some of the biggest corporate buildings around. I’d tell you about all the plastic people and fake air in those places, but I guess you already know about that. Yeah, well I just happened to be finishing up in one of those places, Globo Corp I think, when I saw her. She wasn’t like the rest of them, you could tell the ones that thought they were above me. Hell, they all thought they were above me, but she was different. The air around her seemed to shine and she smiled. A smile, in a place like that you never smiled, but she smiled at me. I nearly ran right into the front door, I’m not afraid to admit I was shaken that much.
I found excuses to go back there after that. It wasn’t hard, they were one of our usual clients and I had plenty of opportunities. Every time she was there and every time she gave me that same smile. Well, you know the rules, no unauthorised talking to the opposite sex, not without a permit, what could I do? I thought about this a lot, especially at night. Then I had an idea. The next time I went to the building I got myself piled up with ledgers. Those things were awkward at the best of times, but I knew what I was doing. As I walked back out of the building I took the same route as always, but then I headed straight for her. Oh, I made it look like I couldn’t see out of the pile in my arms, but I could, it was pretty convincing though.
You can guess the rest, those ledgers went everywhere (though I was careful not to throw any of those things on her). What could any gentleman do, even in this age, but to lend her a hand getting up and apologise. I felt all the security guards eyes on the back of my head, but it didn’t matter, we made contact.
“Sorry,” I said as I picked her up. “I’m Heath.” Not the best of lines, but a good start.
At first I thought she was going to brush me off or call security, or something, but then she smiled that fantastic smile. She handed me a piece of paper, motioning me to put it in my pocket, so I did.
And that was that. Well, our first meeting had gone pretty well, but I needed more. Getting home, I checked that I was out of site from the security cameras and opened the paper.
‘tonight. meet me at Contact Nightclub, lower east 7. Wear a red ribbon.’
A strange request, I’d never even heard of the Contact, but contact was what I was seeking so omens were good. I found an old parcel and tore the red wrapping off to use as a ribbon, then headed out of the door. All the way to east 7 I felt eyes on me. I put it down to being a bit paranoid, but it was un-nerving. I deliberately walked in the shadows and tried to lose whoever it was in the crowds.
Lower east 7 was harder to find than I thought. It didn’t exist on any maps and the underground didn’t have it listed. It was only by luck that I stumbled past the tatty sign leading to some half forgotten staircase. Walking cautiously down the rain drenched steps, I found another street, one that looked quite unlike anything else in this city. The nightclub was easier to find once I’d got used to the dim light down there. Two heavies stood at the door and eyed me over before motioning me inside. I didn’t know it yet, but I was in for a culture shock as those swinging doors opened.
The scene that greeted me when I walked in to the club was nothing like I could have imagined. People were touching; they were wearing clothes that revealed skin. Hell, they were even kissing and hugging each other. I walked to the bar, shocked at the foreign atmosphere. She was there.
She stood there in a shiny black dress that revealed much, my pulse began to rise and I felt the air heat up around me.
“Hi there, Heath. Do you like?”
I didn’t know whether she was talking about herself or the scene on the dancefloor, but hell, I think I liked it all.
“Er, yeah. It’s…”
“Revealing?” She asked, she smiled as she saw my reaction. “Relax, the smoke don’t know about us here, they don’t even know this place exists. Have a drink.”
She handed me a strange coloured drink. I’d only ever heard tales about alcohol, but that must have been what it was because I felt the effects straight away. She watched me as I drank.
“You know, you could have a different life, away from all this?” She said. The question was loaded, but I wasn’t sure what ammunition she was using, it sure sounded like some sort of fantasy at the time.
“The smoke are everywhere though, how could you live in such fear?” I asked nervously.
“Fear? What about the fear that you’ll never be able to touch, you’ll never feel a woman’s kiss? What’s fear when you have this?” She put my hand to her face. It felt like silk in my rough hand and I could feel my fingers tremble.
She noticed. “But, of course, you need time. Come with me.”
She led me to the dance floor and I found myself being swept along with her. That moment was the greatest thing I have ever experienced. I felt as if my feet weren’t even my own and as long as I live I’ll never forget my dance.
But that dream was about to end abruptly. As we danced I half-noticed a commotion just inside the door. People were running towards the floor and it didn’t take too long to see why. The unmistakable uniform of the smoke police came into view between the panicking crowd.
I felt myself being pushed. Dragged away from my dream by a screaming sea of people. Flesh swirled around me and I couldn’t return to that floor. The room was crowded and I found myself being pushed to a back door. Before long I was breathing cold night air, the raindrops sliding down my dampened hair. It was only luck that I managed to escape, others weren’t so lucky. I must have witnessed at least ten people being beaten by those brutish soldiers. Some moral guardians they were.
So now I’m here. Waiting for the train to take me away from this stinking place. You might say that I just can’t stand it here any longer, knowing what I lost that day. That one dance will remain with me forever, but I know I’ll never see her face again. I never even knew her name, but it’s too late for that. I just hope that someday I find a place where the smoke don’t patrol and the touch of skin isn’t punished. Some dream, eh? Until then, I have the memory of that girl in the black dress, for now that’s all I need.
It wasn’t always this bad, I hazily remember a time in my childhood when this place wasn’t so bad, before the smoke police started patrolling and we all became more distant. Before the smoke police, we could kiss in public, imagine that! Yeah, I guess you’re too young to even consider that now.
That damned organisation. The name 'smoke' probably started off as an acronym, socially moral something or other, but the point was that the government realised we were having too many kids, that’s when the fundamentalist leader came up with one of his ‘inspired ideas’. Inspired, my @ss. He was probably high on netro 4 or something. Anyway, the upshot was that first kissing in public went, then touching and now they have bloody monitors in your house. You need a time when you can make love these days. Yeah, welcome to the 24th Century folks.
I was working for the city, doing record sweeping for our big city clients, which took me to some of the biggest corporate buildings around. I’d tell you about all the plastic people and fake air in those places, but I guess you already know about that. Yeah, well I just happened to be finishing up in one of those places, Globo Corp I think, when I saw her. She wasn’t like the rest of them, you could tell the ones that thought they were above me. Hell, they all thought they were above me, but she was different. The air around her seemed to shine and she smiled. A smile, in a place like that you never smiled, but she smiled at me. I nearly ran right into the front door, I’m not afraid to admit I was shaken that much.
I found excuses to go back there after that. It wasn’t hard, they were one of our usual clients and I had plenty of opportunities. Every time she was there and every time she gave me that same smile. Well, you know the rules, no unauthorised talking to the opposite sex, not without a permit, what could I do? I thought about this a lot, especially at night. Then I had an idea. The next time I went to the building I got myself piled up with ledgers. Those things were awkward at the best of times, but I knew what I was doing. As I walked back out of the building I took the same route as always, but then I headed straight for her. Oh, I made it look like I couldn’t see out of the pile in my arms, but I could, it was pretty convincing though.
You can guess the rest, those ledgers went everywhere (though I was careful not to throw any of those things on her). What could any gentleman do, even in this age, but to lend her a hand getting up and apologise. I felt all the security guards eyes on the back of my head, but it didn’t matter, we made contact.
“Sorry,” I said as I picked her up. “I’m Heath.” Not the best of lines, but a good start.
At first I thought she was going to brush me off or call security, or something, but then she smiled that fantastic smile. She handed me a piece of paper, motioning me to put it in my pocket, so I did.
And that was that. Well, our first meeting had gone pretty well, but I needed more. Getting home, I checked that I was out of site from the security cameras and opened the paper.
‘tonight. meet me at Contact Nightclub, lower east 7. Wear a red ribbon.’
A strange request, I’d never even heard of the Contact, but contact was what I was seeking so omens were good. I found an old parcel and tore the red wrapping off to use as a ribbon, then headed out of the door. All the way to east 7 I felt eyes on me. I put it down to being a bit paranoid, but it was un-nerving. I deliberately walked in the shadows and tried to lose whoever it was in the crowds.
Lower east 7 was harder to find than I thought. It didn’t exist on any maps and the underground didn’t have it listed. It was only by luck that I stumbled past the tatty sign leading to some half forgotten staircase. Walking cautiously down the rain drenched steps, I found another street, one that looked quite unlike anything else in this city. The nightclub was easier to find once I’d got used to the dim light down there. Two heavies stood at the door and eyed me over before motioning me inside. I didn’t know it yet, but I was in for a culture shock as those swinging doors opened.
The scene that greeted me when I walked in to the club was nothing like I could have imagined. People were touching; they were wearing clothes that revealed skin. Hell, they were even kissing and hugging each other. I walked to the bar, shocked at the foreign atmosphere. She was there.
She stood there in a shiny black dress that revealed much, my pulse began to rise and I felt the air heat up around me.
“Hi there, Heath. Do you like?”
I didn’t know whether she was talking about herself or the scene on the dancefloor, but hell, I think I liked it all.
“Er, yeah. It’s…”
“Revealing?” She asked, she smiled as she saw my reaction. “Relax, the smoke don’t know about us here, they don’t even know this place exists. Have a drink.”
She handed me a strange coloured drink. I’d only ever heard tales about alcohol, but that must have been what it was because I felt the effects straight away. She watched me as I drank.
“You know, you could have a different life, away from all this?” She said. The question was loaded, but I wasn’t sure what ammunition she was using, it sure sounded like some sort of fantasy at the time.
“The smoke are everywhere though, how could you live in such fear?” I asked nervously.
“Fear? What about the fear that you’ll never be able to touch, you’ll never feel a woman’s kiss? What’s fear when you have this?” She put my hand to her face. It felt like silk in my rough hand and I could feel my fingers tremble.
She noticed. “But, of course, you need time. Come with me.”
She led me to the dance floor and I found myself being swept along with her. That moment was the greatest thing I have ever experienced. I felt as if my feet weren’t even my own and as long as I live I’ll never forget my dance.
But that dream was about to end abruptly. As we danced I half-noticed a commotion just inside the door. People were running towards the floor and it didn’t take too long to see why. The unmistakable uniform of the smoke police came into view between the panicking crowd.
I felt myself being pushed. Dragged away from my dream by a screaming sea of people. Flesh swirled around me and I couldn’t return to that floor. The room was crowded and I found myself being pushed to a back door. Before long I was breathing cold night air, the raindrops sliding down my dampened hair. It was only luck that I managed to escape, others weren’t so lucky. I must have witnessed at least ten people being beaten by those brutish soldiers. Some moral guardians they were.
So now I’m here. Waiting for the train to take me away from this stinking place. You might say that I just can’t stand it here any longer, knowing what I lost that day. That one dance will remain with me forever, but I know I’ll never see her face again. I never even knew her name, but it’s too late for that. I just hope that someday I find a place where the smoke don’t patrol and the touch of skin isn’t punished. Some dream, eh? Until then, I have the memory of that girl in the black dress, for now that’s all I need.
um, wow. My first GAD in around a year. Wasn't expecting that!
I find it ironic that he wona GAD because he posted it late.
Probably good enough to win on the 3rd as well though.
Probably good enough to win on the 3rd as well though.
Congrats. First person to win SSC and GAD with a story.
And its deserved. Top stuff pb.
And its deserved. Top stuff pb.
It's not very often you get a proper story in these here parts - reminds me of them far-off times when they were all you got. And you were writing regularly.
Guess this should stop me getting ahead of myself in the might-I-win stakes. Definite winner.
Guess this should stop me getting ahead of myself in the might-I-win stakes. Definite winner.
That was just wonderful. Best so far.
Nice idea. Fabulous story. It made me laugh and then think. This really isn't as far fetched as it sounds :)
In fact, it should win.
Go you!
Go you!
Very good, and if it weren't for the slightly abrupt police ambush scene, it would have been my pick to win. I got this Futuramaey feel throughout, but the only thing I could pick at is the way the whole touching thing felt a little unbelievable, yet the story between the two characters felt very believable. This contrast worked at stages (their meeting) but didn't at others.
Still, top stuff, I really enjoyed reading it and it sucked me in. At one point I thought it was going to turn out that she was a smoke member undercover but I'm glad it didn't go in this direction.
Great to have you back, pb.
Still, top stuff, I really enjoyed reading it and it sucked me in. At one point I thought it was going to turn out that she was a smoke member undercover but I'm glad it didn't go in this direction.
Great to have you back, pb.
Yeah, 12:01, I know, but I had to change some of the words, they weren't allowed. You're gonna let it in though, right Grix?!
Ah, go on...
Ah, go on...
That damn city stinks. I don’t know why I didn’t move to one of those country estates somewhere. Oh, yeah, I do. They cost a fortune. More than I’d see in my lifetime anyway.
It wasn’t always this bad, I hazily remember a time in my childhood when this place wasn’t so bad, before the smoke police started patrolling and we all became more distant. Before the smoke police, we could kiss in public, imagine that! Yeah, I guess you’re too young to even consider that now.
That damned organisation. The name 'smoke' probably started off as an acronym, socially moral something or other, but the point was that the government realised we were having too many kids, that’s when the fundamentalist leader came up with one of his ‘inspired ideas’. Inspired, my @ss. He was probably high on netro 4 or something. Anyway, the upshot was that first kissing in public went, then touching and now they have bloody monitors in your house. You need a time when you can make love these days. Yeah, welcome to the 24th Century folks.
I was working for the city, doing record sweeping for our big city clients, which took me to some of the biggest corporate buildings around. I’d tell you about all the plastic people and fake air in those places, but I guess you already know about that. Yeah, well I just happened to be finishing up in one of those places, Globo Corp I think, when I saw her. She wasn’t like the rest of them, you could tell the ones that thought they were above me. Hell, they all thought they were above me, but she was different. The air around her seemed to shine and she smiled. A smile, in a place like that you never smiled, but she smiled at me. I nearly ran right into the front door, I’m not afraid to admit I was shaken that much.
I found excuses to go back there after that. It wasn’t hard, they were one of our usual clients and I had plenty of opportunities. Every time she was there and every time she gave me that same smile. Well, you know the rules, no unauthorised talking to the opposite sex, not without a permit, what could I do? I thought about this a lot, especially at night. Then I had an idea. The next time I went to the building I got myself piled up with ledgers. Those things were awkward at the best of times, but I knew what I was doing. As I walked back out of the building I took the same route as always, but then I headed straight for her. Oh, I made it look like I couldn’t see out of the pile in my arms, but I could, it was pretty convincing though.
You can guess the rest, those ledgers went everywhere (though I was careful not to throw any of those things on her). What could any gentleman do, even in this age, but to lend her a hand getting up and apologise. I felt all the security guards eyes on the back of my head, but it didn’t matter, we made contact.
“Sorry,” I said as I picked her up. “I’m Heath.” Not the best of lines, but a good start.
At first I thought she was going to brush me off or call security, or something, but then she smiled that fantastic smile. She handed me a piece of paper, motioning me to put it in my pocket, so I did.
And that was that. Well, our first meeting had gone pretty well, but I needed more. Getting home, I checked that I was out of site from the security cameras and opened the paper.
‘tonight. meet me at Contact Nightclub, lower east 7. Wear a red ribbon.’
A strange request, I’d never even heard of the Contact, but contact was what I was seeking so omens were good. I found an old parcel and tore the red wrapping off to use as a ribbon, then headed out of the door. All the way to east 7 I felt eyes on me. I put it down to being a bit paranoid, but it was un-nerving. I deliberately walked in the shadows and tried to lose whoever it was in the crowds.
Lower east 7 was harder to find than I thought. It didn’t exist on any maps and the underground didn’t have it listed. It was only by luck that I stumbled past the tatty sign leading to some half forgotten staircase. Walking cautiously down the rain drenched steps, I found another street, one that looked quite unlike anything else in this city. The nightclub was easier to find once I’d got used to the dim light down there. Two heavies stood at the door and eyed me over before motioning me inside. I didn’t know it yet, but I was in for a culture shock as those swinging doors opened.
The scene that greeted me when I walked in to the club was nothing like I could have imagined. People were touching; they were wearing clothes that revealed skin. Hell, they were even kissing and hugging each other. I walked to the bar, shocked at the foreign atmosphere. She was there.
She stood there in a shiny black dress that revealed much, my pulse began to rise and I felt the air heat up around me.
“Hi there, Heath. Do you like?”
I didn’t know whether she was talking about herself or the scene on the dancefloor, but hell, I think I liked it all.
“Er, yeah. It’s…”
“Revealing?” She asked, she smiled as she saw my reaction. “Relax, the smoke don’t know about us here, they don’t even know this place exists. Have a drink.”
She handed me a strange coloured drink. I’d only ever heard tales about alcohol, but that must have been what it was because I felt the effects straight away. She watched me as I drank.
“You know, you could have a different life, away from all this?” She said. The question was loaded, but I wasn’t sure what ammunition she was using, it sure sounded like some sort of fantasy at the time.
“The smoke are everywhere though, how could you live in such fear?” I asked nervously.
“Fear? What about the fear that you’ll never be able to touch, you’ll never feel a woman’s kiss? What’s fear when you have this?” She put my hand to her face. It felt like silk in my rough hand and I could feel my fingers tremble.
She noticed. “But, of course, you need time. Come with me.”
She led me to the dance floor and I found myself being swept along with her. That moment was the greatest thing I have ever experienced. I felt as if my feet weren’t even my own and as long as I live I’ll never forget my dance.
But that dream was about to end abruptly. As we danced I half-noticed a commotion just inside the door. People were running towards the floor and it didn’t take too long to see why. The unmistakable uniform of the smoke police came into view between the panicking crowd.
I felt myself being pushed. Dragged away from my dream by a screaming sea of people. Flesh swirled around me and I couldn’t return to that floor. The room was crowded and I found myself being pushed to a back door. Before long I was breathing cold night air, the raindrops sliding down my dampened hair. It was only luck that I managed to escape, others weren’t so lucky. I must have witnessed at least ten people being beaten by those brutish soldiers. Some moral guardians they were.
So now I’m here. Waiting for the train to take me away from this stinking place. You might say that I just can’t stand it here any longer, knowing what I lost that day. That one dance will remain with me forever, but I know I’ll never see her face again. I never even knew her name, but it’s too late for that. I just hope that someday I find a place where the smoke don’t patrol and the touch of skin isn’t punished. Some dream, eh? Until then, I have the memory of that girl in the black dress, for now that’s all I need.
It wasn’t always this bad, I hazily remember a time in my childhood when this place wasn’t so bad, before the smoke police started patrolling and we all became more distant. Before the smoke police, we could kiss in public, imagine that! Yeah, I guess you’re too young to even consider that now.
That damned organisation. The name 'smoke' probably started off as an acronym, socially moral something or other, but the point was that the government realised we were having too many kids, that’s when the fundamentalist leader came up with one of his ‘inspired ideas’. Inspired, my @ss. He was probably high on netro 4 or something. Anyway, the upshot was that first kissing in public went, then touching and now they have bloody monitors in your house. You need a time when you can make love these days. Yeah, welcome to the 24th Century folks.
I was working for the city, doing record sweeping for our big city clients, which took me to some of the biggest corporate buildings around. I’d tell you about all the plastic people and fake air in those places, but I guess you already know about that. Yeah, well I just happened to be finishing up in one of those places, Globo Corp I think, when I saw her. She wasn’t like the rest of them, you could tell the ones that thought they were above me. Hell, they all thought they were above me, but she was different. The air around her seemed to shine and she smiled. A smile, in a place like that you never smiled, but she smiled at me. I nearly ran right into the front door, I’m not afraid to admit I was shaken that much.
I found excuses to go back there after that. It wasn’t hard, they were one of our usual clients and I had plenty of opportunities. Every time she was there and every time she gave me that same smile. Well, you know the rules, no unauthorised talking to the opposite sex, not without a permit, what could I do? I thought about this a lot, especially at night. Then I had an idea. The next time I went to the building I got myself piled up with ledgers. Those things were awkward at the best of times, but I knew what I was doing. As I walked back out of the building I took the same route as always, but then I headed straight for her. Oh, I made it look like I couldn’t see out of the pile in my arms, but I could, it was pretty convincing though.
You can guess the rest, those ledgers went everywhere (though I was careful not to throw any of those things on her). What could any gentleman do, even in this age, but to lend her a hand getting up and apologise. I felt all the security guards eyes on the back of my head, but it didn’t matter, we made contact.
“Sorry,” I said as I picked her up. “I’m Heath.” Not the best of lines, but a good start.
At first I thought she was going to brush me off or call security, or something, but then she smiled that fantastic smile. She handed me a piece of paper, motioning me to put it in my pocket, so I did.
And that was that. Well, our first meeting had gone pretty well, but I needed more. Getting home, I checked that I was out of site from the security cameras and opened the paper.
‘tonight. meet me at Contact Nightclub, lower east 7. Wear a red ribbon.’
A strange request, I’d never even heard of the Contact, but contact was what I was seeking so omens were good. I found an old parcel and tore the red wrapping off to use as a ribbon, then headed out of the door. All the way to east 7 I felt eyes on me. I put it down to being a bit paranoid, but it was un-nerving. I deliberately walked in the shadows and tried to lose whoever it was in the crowds.
Lower east 7 was harder to find than I thought. It didn’t exist on any maps and the underground didn’t have it listed. It was only by luck that I stumbled past the tatty sign leading to some half forgotten staircase. Walking cautiously down the rain drenched steps, I found another street, one that looked quite unlike anything else in this city. The nightclub was easier to find once I’d got used to the dim light down there. Two heavies stood at the door and eyed me over before motioning me inside. I didn’t know it yet, but I was in for a culture shock as those swinging doors opened.
The scene that greeted me when I walked in to the club was nothing like I could have imagined. People were touching; they were wearing clothes that revealed skin. Hell, they were even kissing and hugging each other. I walked to the bar, shocked at the foreign atmosphere. She was there.
She stood there in a shiny black dress that revealed much, my pulse began to rise and I felt the air heat up around me.
“Hi there, Heath. Do you like?”
I didn’t know whether she was talking about herself or the scene on the dancefloor, but hell, I think I liked it all.
“Er, yeah. It’s…”
“Revealing?” She asked, she smiled as she saw my reaction. “Relax, the smoke don’t know about us here, they don’t even know this place exists. Have a drink.”
She handed me a strange coloured drink. I’d only ever heard tales about alcohol, but that must have been what it was because I felt the effects straight away. She watched me as I drank.
“You know, you could have a different life, away from all this?” She said. The question was loaded, but I wasn’t sure what ammunition she was using, it sure sounded like some sort of fantasy at the time.
“The smoke are everywhere though, how could you live in such fear?” I asked nervously.
“Fear? What about the fear that you’ll never be able to touch, you’ll never feel a woman’s kiss? What’s fear when you have this?” She put my hand to her face. It felt like silk in my rough hand and I could feel my fingers tremble.
She noticed. “But, of course, you need time. Come with me.”
She led me to the dance floor and I found myself being swept along with her. That moment was the greatest thing I have ever experienced. I felt as if my feet weren’t even my own and as long as I live I’ll never forget my dance.
But that dream was about to end abruptly. As we danced I half-noticed a commotion just inside the door. People were running towards the floor and it didn’t take too long to see why. The unmistakable uniform of the smoke police came into view between the panicking crowd.
I felt myself being pushed. Dragged away from my dream by a screaming sea of people. Flesh swirled around me and I couldn’t return to that floor. The room was crowded and I found myself being pushed to a back door. Before long I was breathing cold night air, the raindrops sliding down my dampened hair. It was only luck that I managed to escape, others weren’t so lucky. I must have witnessed at least ten people being beaten by those brutish soldiers. Some moral guardians they were.
So now I’m here. Waiting for the train to take me away from this stinking place. You might say that I just can’t stand it here any longer, knowing what I lost that day. That one dance will remain with me forever, but I know I’ll never see her face again. I never even knew her name, but it’s too late for that. I just hope that someday I find a place where the smoke don’t patrol and the touch of skin isn’t punished. Some dream, eh? Until then, I have the memory of that girl in the black dress, for now that’s all I need.