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"The Audition"

I hurried up the stairs. The thought of the audition churned my mind into melted butter. I knew my test of faith would begin soon, as I quickly made my way through the corridors, clutching my notes so tightly under my arm. I could hear my dad’s heavy footsteps behind me. The sounds rattled into the air, slicing open the eerie silence that wafted within the corridor like a sharpened blade. I pushed hard against the door at the top of the steps. I felt so weak, so lifeless. My arms felt like paper cuttings as I summoned up all my strength to complete the relatively small task of pushing the door open. The sign ‘Auditions’ upon the door pierced through my eyes like laser beams. My stomach quivered.

As I walked into the waiting room, the eerie atmosphere crushed my body like a compressor, smothering every thought that entered my mind. I sat in the corner of the room, my dad following behind. My mind was a blur of terror. My hands trembled wildly, as I tried so desperately to convince myself there was nothing to worry about. I sat there, dumbfounded by my surroundings. My heart pounded against my chest like a caged animal, screaming to be let out. I wanted the floor to swallow me up, and let my live in a world of no worries and no fears.

I looked at my father. He turned to me and began to softly speak. I couldn’t hear what he was saying. I was enclosed in a world of terror and fear. His soft words ripped the silent atmosphere of the room to shreds. I wanted him to leave me. I wanted him to let me rot within the cruel fate I had been sentenced to.

I bit my lip until a crimson stream trickled down my chin.

I suddenly heard my name being called from inside the hall. I had been called to my fate. I rose up, my mind a blur of thoughts. I could hardly walk in a co-ordinated way as I stumbled slowly toward the door. I could here the blood rushing through my veins.

Waiting for me, inside the room, was a broad woman. Her piercing squinty eyes sat beneath her brow like two almonds cemented upon her face, and her back was arched. She mumbled my name and urged me into the hall. I felt faint. The world furiously circled around me. I felt my legs solely carrying me in, as my eyes became blurred and my mind choked in thoughts of terror.

I was impatiently urged onto the stage. As I stood, I could feel the weight of the world crashing down on top of my shoulders. I could show no form of emotion. I was lost, swallowed up within the depths of fear. I stared out across the invisible audience. A disturbing silence gently floated around the hall, as I felt I was being watched by an entire audience, angrily jeering me off the stage.

‘Begin’, a harsh voice sounded.

I was lost…

It was good, but you re-used far too many aspects from your other stories. The earth "swallowing you up" and "circling around you" and other ways of description. It just made it feel like reading a book you know so well over again. Again, there wasn't a big plot to the story either. Something that really kept you reading.

And I didn't believe the bleeding lip part, just wasn't in keeping with the story.

A good attempt that shows a lot promise but there's things to work on. It seems like you wildly blurt these stories out; try and stop and think a lot more in between sentences. I gaurentee it will help.

Is this a magical mispost?

I hurried up the stairs. The thought of the audition churned my mind into melted butter. I knew my test of faith would begin soon, as I quickly made my way through the corridors, clutching my notes so tightly under my arm. I could hear my dad’s heavy footsteps behind me. The sounds rattled into the air, slicing open the eerie silence that wafted within the corridor like a sharpened blade. I pushed hard against the door at the top of the steps. I felt so weak, so lifeless. My arms felt like paper cuttings as I summoned up all my strength to complete the relatively small task of pushing the door open. The sign ‘Auditions’ upon the door pierced through my eyes like laser beams. My stomach quivered.

As I walked into the waiting room, the eerie atmosphere crushed my body like a compressor, smothering every thought that entered my mind. I sat in the corner of the room, my dad following behind. My mind was a blur of terror. My hands trembled wildly, as I tried so desperately to convince myself there was nothing to worry about. I sat there, dumbfounded by my surroundings. My heart pounded against my chest like a caged animal, screaming to be let out. I wanted the floor to swallow me up, and let my live in a world of no worries and no fears.

I looked at my father. He turned to me and began to softly speak. I couldn’t hear what he was saying. I was enclosed in a world of terror and fear. His soft words ripped the silent atmosphere of the room to shreds. I wanted him to leave me. I wanted him to let me rot within the cruel fate I had been sentenced to.

I bit my lip until a crimson stream trickled down my chin.

I suddenly heard my name being called from inside the hall. I had been called to my fate. I rose up, my mind a blur of thoughts. I could hardly walk in a co-ordinated way as I stumbled slowly toward the door. I could here the blood rushing through my veins.

Waiting for me, inside the room, was a broad woman. Her piercing squinty eyes sat beneath her brow like two almonds cemented upon her face, and her back was arched. She mumbled my name and urged me into the hall. I felt faint. The world furiously circled around me. I felt my legs solely carrying me in, as my eyes became blurred and my mind choked in thoughts of terror.

I was impatiently urged onto the stage. As I stood, I could feel the weight of the world crashing down on top of my shoulders. I could show no form of emotion. I was lost, swallowed up within the depths of fear. I stared out across the invisible audience. A disturbing silence gently floated around the hall, as I felt I was being watched by an entire audience, angrily jeering me off the stage.

‘Begin’, a harsh voice sounded.

I was lost…