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Spare Tears
I sat there. Under the comforting shade of the broad Oak tree. My reflection in the Autumn-drenched stream, so pale, so heart-beaten. The wafting winds of the mountain-side brushed against me gently, like the delicate skin of a wavering hand. The fawn tainted leaves of the mid-Autumn harvest glide gently past me, like petals from a summer flower. The sky lay pale, its coat of royal blue swallowed within the murky depths of the grey tinges.
As I stand up, the world swirls furiously around me. I feel as if hundred’s of others have gathered, just to see me suffer in despair. The gushing waters of the stream splash against the bank-side, like a vicious beast desperate to clasp its claws around me. I walk along the beaten path. Lost in despair, and hopelessness. My mind is a blur of memories and sorrow. I hold out my hand, and unravel the crumpled up note within the palm. As I read those daunting words again, the rain begins to fall. Tiny droplets of water patter against me, as I walk slowly, ever so slowly, along the path.
Whilst the sky becomes a blotch of dismay, I continue along the path. Why me? Why did it end like this? I can see her burning smile, which used to warm my soul every time I glanced. I can see her hazel eyes, gleaming so brightly, like a diamond ring. I can hear her soft voice that paralysed me every time I heard it. I can see her, running from me, gently breaking from my grip with ease. I am lost.
The heavens look down upon me, staring hard at me, telling me to forget about everything. But I can’t. The enormous task of letting go is beyond me. Her face is cemented into my mind like a picture upon a wall. I can see her soft, beautiful features. Sorrow plunges through me like a knife to my heart. I keep walking, and walking. I walk past the farmer’s fields, dripping from the freshly fallen rain and bearing their green shades proud. The flowers blaze like a burning fire, illuminating the dark, cold landscape with their glorious pallet of colours. But I keep walking, past the eternal beauty, and walk on.
Why did this happen to me? Why was this my fate? Why does she leave such a huge, gaping hole in my soul; a hole no-one else can fill. Her soft, delicate hands fitted mine so perfectly. Her touching, gentle voice breathed happiness into my bare flesh. I remember how we used to walk across the fields, laughing happily to each other. I would hold her close, not letting the cold, mountain breeze take her away from me. I remember how we would run through the city streets, as the rain poured down. We would scream with laughter, as she held my hand in hers, and we ran. The cold, piercing splinters of rainwater not affecting us in the slightest. And I remember how I would walk with her, through the dark, velvet coated nights. Holding her closely, as we exchanged jokes and stories. Our laughter would pierce the silence of the mid-night air.
Now, I walk on. My heart throbbing with despair. I am beaten, and bruised, like a boxer being defeated in the ring. I can feel a fire blazing inside me. Blazing with anger, yet despair. I walk into the streets of the inner city. I feel so helpless, so depressed.
All I want to do is walk. Walk further, and further, until eventually I see her face again. I am unfazed by the bright lights that burn through me like a winter’s fire, and the blearing noise of the rush-hour traffic that pierces my ears like a sharpened blade. I’ll keep walking though, into the distance and beyond.
Today was the day my life came crashing down on top of me…
I sat there. Under the comforting shade of the broad Oak tree. My reflection in the Autumn-drenched stream, so pale, so heart-beaten. The wafting winds of the mountain-side brushed against me gently, like the delicate skin of a wavering hand. The fawn tainted leaves of the mid-Autumn harvest glide gently past me, like petals from a summer flower. The sky lay pale, its coat of royal blue swallowed within the murky depths of the grey tinges.
As I stand up, the world swirls furiously around me. I feel as if hundred’s of others have gathered, just to see me suffer in despair. The gushing waters of the stream splash against the bank-side, like a vicious beast desperate to clasp its claws around me. I walk along the beaten path. Lost in despair, and hopelessness. My mind is a blur of memories and sorrow. I hold out my hand, and unravel the crumpled up note within the palm. As I read those daunting words again, the rain begins to fall. Tiny droplets of water patter against me, as I walk slowly, ever so slowly, along the path.
Whilst the sky becomes a blotch of dismay, I continue along the path. Why me? Why did it end like this? I can see her burning smile, which used to warm my soul every time I glanced. I can see her hazel eyes, gleaming so brightly, like a diamond ring. I can hear her soft voice that paralysed me every time I heard it. I can see her, running from me, gently breaking from my grip with ease. I am lost.
The heavens look down upon me, staring hard at me, telling me to forget about everything. But I can’t. The enormous task of letting go is beyond me. Her face is cemented into my mind like a picture upon a wall. I can see her soft, beautiful features. Sorrow plunges through me like a knife to my heart. I keep walking, and walking. I walk past the farmer’s fields, dripping from the freshly fallen rain and bearing their green shades proud. The flowers blaze like a burning fire, illuminating the dark, cold landscape with their glorious pallet of colours. But I keep walking, past the eternal beauty, and walk on.
Why did this happen to me? Why was this my fate? Why does she leave such a huge, gaping hole in my soul; a hole no-one else can fill. Her soft, delicate hands fitted mine so perfectly. Her touching, gentle voice breathed happiness into my bare flesh. I remember how we used to walk across the fields, laughing happily to each other. I would hold her close, not letting the cold, mountain breeze take her away from me. I remember how we would run through the city streets, as the rain poured down. We would scream with laughter, as she held my hand in hers, and we ran. The cold, piercing splinters of rainwater not affecting us in the slightest. And I remember how I would walk with her, through the dark, velvet coated nights. Holding her closely, as we exchanged jokes and stories. Our laughter would pierce the silence of the mid-night air.
Now, I walk on. My heart throbbing with despair. I am beaten, and bruised, like a boxer being defeated in the ring. I can feel a fire blazing inside me. Blazing with anger, yet despair. I walk into the streets of the inner city. I feel so helpless, so depressed.
All I want to do is walk. Walk further, and further, until eventually I see her face again. I am unfazed by the bright lights that burn through me like a winter’s fire, and the blearing noise of the rush-hour traffic that pierces my ears like a sharpened blade. I’ll keep walking though, into the distance and beyond.
Today was the day my life came crashing down on top of me…
I was enjoying that but it just didn't seem to end right. It just seemed to come to a sudden full stop.
Oh, well now we have a Creative Writing forum you don't need to throw "SS" ahead of the title. I assumed you'd just got confused between SS and SSC. Ah well...
Cheers for that Ash :)
By the way, this isn't a SSC entry.
By the way, this isn't a SSC entry.
Hmmm, very nice that, but one or two things are needed.
The link with the topic was somewhat weak, indeed past the first couple of paragraphs you didn't even mention the smoke. Sure you mentioned "burning" through you, and such, but I felt that, over the course of the piece, this did not help it.
Also, a couple of tense changes confused my mind. "I sat there" becomes "I stand up". It doesn't quite fit together for me. How about "I sit here" or "I stood up".
Otherwise, I enjoyed a lot of the vivid descriptions, and the relationship between the two characters seemed very natural.
Well done.
The link with the topic was somewhat weak, indeed past the first couple of paragraphs you didn't even mention the smoke. Sure you mentioned "burning" through you, and such, but I felt that, over the course of the piece, this did not help it.
Also, a couple of tense changes confused my mind. "I sat there" becomes "I stand up". It doesn't quite fit together for me. How about "I sit here" or "I stood up".
Otherwise, I enjoyed a lot of the vivid descriptions, and the relationship between the two characters seemed very natural.
Well done.
Spare Tears
I sat there. Under the comforting shade of the broad Oak tree. My reflection in the Autumn-drenched stream, so pale, so heart-beaten. The wafting winds of the mountain-side brushed against me gently, like the delicate skin of a wavering hand. The fawn tainted leaves of the mid-Autumn harvest glide gently past me, like petals from a summer flower. The sky lay pale, its coat of royal blue swallowed within the murky depths of the grey tinges.
As I stand up, the world swirls furiously around me. I feel as if hundred’s of others have gathered, just to see me suffer in despair. The gushing waters of the stream splash against the bank-side, like a vicious beast desperate to clasp its claws around me. I walk along the beaten path. Lost in despair, and hopelessness. My mind is a blur of memories and sorrow. I hold out my hand, and unravel the crumpled up note within the palm. As I read those daunting words again, the rain begins to fall. Tiny droplets of water patter against me, as I walk slowly, ever so slowly, along the path.
Whilst the sky becomes a blotch of dismay, I continue along the path. Why me? Why did it end like this? I can see her burning smile, which used to warm my soul every time I glanced. I can see her hazel eyes, gleaming so brightly, like a diamond ring. I can hear her soft voice that paralysed me every time I heard it. I can see her, running from me, gently breaking from my grip with ease. I am lost.
The heavens look down upon me, staring hard at me, telling me to forget about everything. But I can’t. The enormous task of letting go is beyond me. Her face is cemented into my mind like a picture upon a wall. I can see her soft, beautiful features. Sorrow plunges through me like a knife to my heart. I keep walking, and walking. I walk past the farmer’s fields, dripping from the freshly fallen rain and bearing their green shades proud. The flowers blaze like a burning fire, illuminating the dark, cold landscape with their glorious pallet of colours. But I keep walking, past the eternal beauty, and walk on.
Why did this happen to me? Why was this my fate? Why does she leave such a huge, gaping hole in my soul; a hole no-one else can fill. Her soft, delicate hands fitted mine so perfectly. Her touching, gentle voice breathed happiness into my bare flesh. I remember how we used to walk across the fields, laughing happily to each other. I would hold her close, not letting the cold, mountain breeze take her away from me. I remember how we would run through the city streets, as the rain poured down. We would scream with laughter, as she held my hand in hers, and we ran. The cold, piercing splinters of rainwater not affecting us in the slightest. And I remember how I would walk with her, through the dark, velvet coated nights. Holding her closely, as we exchanged jokes and stories. Our laughter would pierce the silence of the mid-night air.
Now, I walk on. My heart throbbing with despair. I am beaten, and bruised, like a boxer being defeated in the ring. I can feel a fire blazing inside me. Blazing with anger, yet despair. I walk into the streets of the inner city. I feel so helpless, so depressed.
All I want to do is walk. Walk further, and further, until eventually I see her face again. I am unfazed by the bright lights that burn through me like a winter’s fire, and the blearing noise of the rush-hour traffic that pierces my ears like a sharpened blade. I’ll keep walking though, into the distance and beyond.
Today was the day my life came crashing down on top of me…
I sat there. Under the comforting shade of the broad Oak tree. My reflection in the Autumn-drenched stream, so pale, so heart-beaten. The wafting winds of the mountain-side brushed against me gently, like the delicate skin of a wavering hand. The fawn tainted leaves of the mid-Autumn harvest glide gently past me, like petals from a summer flower. The sky lay pale, its coat of royal blue swallowed within the murky depths of the grey tinges.
As I stand up, the world swirls furiously around me. I feel as if hundred’s of others have gathered, just to see me suffer in despair. The gushing waters of the stream splash against the bank-side, like a vicious beast desperate to clasp its claws around me. I walk along the beaten path. Lost in despair, and hopelessness. My mind is a blur of memories and sorrow. I hold out my hand, and unravel the crumpled up note within the palm. As I read those daunting words again, the rain begins to fall. Tiny droplets of water patter against me, as I walk slowly, ever so slowly, along the path.
Whilst the sky becomes a blotch of dismay, I continue along the path. Why me? Why did it end like this? I can see her burning smile, which used to warm my soul every time I glanced. I can see her hazel eyes, gleaming so brightly, like a diamond ring. I can hear her soft voice that paralysed me every time I heard it. I can see her, running from me, gently breaking from my grip with ease. I am lost.
The heavens look down upon me, staring hard at me, telling me to forget about everything. But I can’t. The enormous task of letting go is beyond me. Her face is cemented into my mind like a picture upon a wall. I can see her soft, beautiful features. Sorrow plunges through me like a knife to my heart. I keep walking, and walking. I walk past the farmer’s fields, dripping from the freshly fallen rain and bearing their green shades proud. The flowers blaze like a burning fire, illuminating the dark, cold landscape with their glorious pallet of colours. But I keep walking, past the eternal beauty, and walk on.
Why did this happen to me? Why was this my fate? Why does she leave such a huge, gaping hole in my soul; a hole no-one else can fill. Her soft, delicate hands fitted mine so perfectly. Her touching, gentle voice breathed happiness into my bare flesh. I remember how we used to walk across the fields, laughing happily to each other. I would hold her close, not letting the cold, mountain breeze take her away from me. I remember how we would run through the city streets, as the rain poured down. We would scream with laughter, as she held my hand in hers, and we ran. The cold, piercing splinters of rainwater not affecting us in the slightest. And I remember how I would walk with her, through the dark, velvet coated nights. Holding her closely, as we exchanged jokes and stories. Our laughter would pierce the silence of the mid-night air.
Now, I walk on. My heart throbbing with despair. I am beaten, and bruised, like a boxer being defeated in the ring. I can feel a fire blazing inside me. Blazing with anger, yet despair. I walk into the streets of the inner city. I feel so helpless, so depressed.
All I want to do is walk. Walk further, and further, until eventually I see her face again. I am unfazed by the bright lights that burn through me like a winter’s fire, and the blearing noise of the rush-hour traffic that pierces my ears like a sharpened blade. I’ll keep walking though, into the distance and beyond.
Today was the day my life came crashing down on top of me…