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"Will it? - Poem"

Will it?
------------

Will it ever be the same?
When I lie in bed at night - holding on to dreams
Waiting for the morning - the wake of lost love

Burning through the dark of night, failing in the sun
If my heart were to stop would it be so grim?
Or would I get to dream again? Hold on to what's within

Music becomes a sickly vice,
The words of reason a sin to song,
A searing emotion to tell us all,

Will it ever cease? The flow of my destruction
Echoes through my life without another to hear,
My time is growing shorter, with every lost day

The time we had I cherished, the man I cherished more
The life I always wanted - never again at my door
So there I lie, a shell of what I was

To give it all is love, to lose it all is hell
Would I change the past? No.
Will the future hold more? Maybe so

But will it be the same? To watch T.V. with them
To lie in bed and have a smoke knowing I gave it all to him
Nothing left to give - noone else can give it back

If I let another be close,
They'd give me all they have to give - a foolish way to drag me in
A cold man who can't give it back

So yes I am empty - a vessel without a soul
Filled with darkness and nothing left but I don't care anymore
I want to live a dream noone else can touch

To fall asleep and never wake, never feel the human touch
To let them in would be so cruel and only I would be to blame,
Because loving them and loving you, it could never be the same.

It worked fairly well as a poem, I didn't particularly warm to the three-lines-per-stanza thing, however it was considerably well written.

However I beleive that this would be much better as lyrics, as a song or ballad, as it seems to flow off the tongue much better in a song-like context.

The rhyme is, for the most part, indirect, meaning it would be better sung as singing allows you to alter rhythmn, whilst poetry is generally restricted by tempo and pace which are supposed to even up.

I enjoyed it, though, and especially as I know the source of this it's pretty emotional. Goes to show that good can come out of bad, even if it is just a poem, or song.

ok when you think of that

well caveat why dont you write something so we can take the piece out of you?

Thanks Ash and Jesus&Co. Glad you all like:) I'm not sure if I like the fact it doesn't quite fit all the time. I just wrote it straight off and that is my first draft. I think the sort of disjointed sound of the lines reflects the lack of order and reason in my mind. But then again, I do agree it would have been nice to have really gotten a solid structure to it.

i'm a 16 year old stoner and that poem really touches me

I do appreciate the amount of pure feeling that is present throughout the poem. The repetition of words such as "touch" gave off this sense throughout. I feel that it could have been rhymed more strongly however, and only the last couple of lines really clicked as I read them rhyme-wise.

I think maybe "I'm longing to hear your voice, I'm dreaming of your touch" or something along those lines would have been nice to see fitted in somewhere. I think that, when writing poetry, it's nice not only to use ending rhymes but lines next to each other that start the same way.

Anyway, I've rambled too much about this. There were a lot of lines I liked in it, and a lot that I feel felt misplaced poetry wise; what I wouldn't knock is the feeling and thought you put into it.

And the last three lines were just excellent.

Heh ah I see, how about you Ash? What do you think of it. Or anyone for that matter, I want more comments heh

PrinceCharmin' wrote:
> Why-o-why he ignore me?
>
> *Mooches off to satisfy drugs habit*

That's all I can see.

Note that PrinceCharming is also witch-king and Gavirolox or something. I wouldn't blame you if you had ignored him either.

Hmm it says Prince Charmin' wrote something here but I can't see it. Damn my quirky imagination.

Why-o-why he ignore me?

*Mooches off to satisfy drugs habit*