Viewing Thread:
"SSC13 - The Train Journey"

Carole sat alone in the train carriage. This wasn't unusual, even if the train was full she often found that she sat alone. People were cruel, often unintentionally and unwittingly, but that didn't stop Carole from wanting to scream at them occassionally. Not that she was allowed to travel alone very often but this was a special occasion.

She laid her warm forehead against the cold window and gazed longingly at the towns they travelled through. It was dark outside the carriage and if she looked past her reflection she could see houses with lights burning bright, hundreds of them. Carole pictured the families inside. All cosy, laughing. Families sharing the experience of watching television. Of fathers playing with their children while mothers cooked the tea or washed up the evening dishes. Children being lovingly put to bed and told a last story for the evening. She sighed inside. She used to have that until her parents were cruelly taken from her in a car accident. She was mentally old enough to understand her loss and the consequences. In fact she was old enough at 32 to do a lot of things for herself.

Inside Carole, hidden by the outside shell that most people only glimpsed at before turning away, was a beautiful person. Her simple emotions encompassed the brighter side of life. She was always laughing, loving people without prejudice. A happy person who longed sometimes in a moment of clarity for acceptance from people in general. Simplicity was the key to her inner person.

Her eyes focused on her reflection in the glass but she was used to her own reflection and rarely thought anything about it. Tonight though she experienced one of her rare moments of honesty. Tonight, right at that moment, she wished that the inner Carole could hatch out. That people could see beyond the genetic defects that marked her as a person to shun to the real person inside.

Her train pulled into the station. Her stop. Waiting for Carole was her sister and brother-in-law. She loved them dearly and was going to live with them now. The train journey was forgotten in an instance as they collected her and her suitcase. They never saw the outside Carole. All they ever saw was the real Carole inside.

Just got round to reading it - curse English essays.

Anyway, I liked it but I'm definitely not sure it was your best piece. I would have liked to have seen more of it developing.

It was a nice enough piece, but perhaps a little too short, I wanted a little more of Carole's back-story, I guess.

I was a little dissapointed, to be honest. You write wonderfully usually ... but this seemed a little off somehow.

First thoughts were 'mmmm, okay, not bad, a bit all-and-nothing'.
Second thoughts were 'hm, subtle, concise and endearing'.

Third thoughts: all the above is about right.

Sorry for being unspecific.

It seemed fairly bland and empty and too "ahh but theres good in everything", which for me didnt work in such a short story. I'm not entirely convinced I know what happened, if anything, in the story. You write much better about broken hearts than, well, trains.

Paradox: wrote:
> Disliked it.

Sorry :(

That's a bit of a short comment compared to your usual ones.

> And your leads are always women, sexist.

Not always. I can think of two where the lead was male :)

I just thought it seemed out of place cos most of the other essays in here are really disturbing etc. lol. Thats not to day its not welcome

Disliked it.

And your leads are always women, sexist.

It could have been a little more flowing, but it was still superb. I particularly liked the concept of her failing to hatch out of her exterior, and felt the emotion of the train ride. I just feel that some parts could have been put across more intricately.

Really good stuff though, Sleepy.

Erm... how is it out of place, exactly? And how is it an essay?

I really liked it. Wonderfully subtle.