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"A couple of my love poems... judge at will"

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Wed 03/11/04 at 23:23
Regular
""
Posts: 2,925
This one I wrote for a girl I loved deeply, do love and will never stop loving. Sadly recently she moved about 100 miles away. Not a happy ending!

Your love is all I need to get me through,
These lonely days, where I am blue.
I yearn for you inside my heart,
For you’re unique, and thou art,
Fantastic, funny, gorgeous and sublime,
All I want is for you to be mine.
I want to hold you in my arms,
And keep you safe from any harm.
In my heart you shall be cherish’d,
In there my love shan’t be perish’d.
Strange as is my love for you,
It’s like the grass that needs the dew,
It’s like the poem that needs the rhyme,
It is my life that needs your time.
Your beauty will diminish never,
My love for you shall echo on forver and ever.

Ok, so the description in the middle lowers the tone, but I quite like it otherwise.

For valentines day:

Roses are dead,
Violets are too,
But my love's still alive,
Just for you.

(Funnily enough I wrote that for the same girl).

And for the sheer hell of it, undoubtedly the best poem ever. (I didn't write this one.... just incase you were wondering.

If by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired of waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your nerve and heart and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

Sarc

The only non-runner for SR poet laureate.
Thu 11/11/04 at 13:06
Regular
"Copyright (c) 2004"
Posts: 602
Not bad. Your style isnt very complex and it is a cliched type of poem, but youre not BAD at it. I think you should try something more complicated. Good job
Sat 06/11/04 at 11:03
Regular
""
Posts: 2,925
Mav wrote:
> Sarcasm enabled wrote:
> Why does it need to be personal.
>
> Well otherwise, what is it? A string of cliched love poem phrases
> thrown together in a few verses? Love is a word. A love poem without
> personality is just a poem about the word, not what really matters,
> which is the connection and people the word implies.

As I said before it was more personalised but I changed it to put it on here. Anyway she really liked it... and er... well thanked me for it.

Cyclone - I agree with dropping the old style language... it doesn't suit the poem, or my writing. I was doing Romeo and Juliet at the time. Kinda got stuck in my head.
Sat 06/11/04 at 00:09
Regular
"gsybe you!"
Posts: 18,825
The 'thous' and 'perish'd' must be dropped.

Sorry.
Sat 06/11/04 at 00:08
Regular
"gsybe you!"
Posts: 18,825
I disagree with Kipling.
Sat 06/11/04 at 00:07
Regular
Posts: 13,611
Sarcasm enabled wrote:
> Why does it need to be personal.

Well otherwise, what is it? A string of cliched love poem phrases thrown together in a few verses? Love is a word. A love poem without personality is just a poem about the word, not what really matters, which is the connection and people the word implies.
Fri 05/11/04 at 19:27
Regular
""
Posts: 2,925
Mav wrote:
> It's not very personal is it?
>
> It's just a cliched love poem. It could be about anyone.

It was more personal, but the girl in question tends not to like stuff about her put on the net.... I know someone that did that, not a pretty site. Any way I did actually write it for her and she liked it. Why does it need to be personal.

And in reply to Yarr... :p
Fri 05/11/04 at 17:15
Regular
Posts: 922
Terrible
Fri 05/11/04 at 17:14
Regular
Posts: 13,611
It's not very personal is it?

It's just a cliched love poem. It could be about anyone.
Wed 03/11/04 at 23:23
Regular
""
Posts: 2,925
This one I wrote for a girl I loved deeply, do love and will never stop loving. Sadly recently she moved about 100 miles away. Not a happy ending!

Your love is all I need to get me through,
These lonely days, where I am blue.
I yearn for you inside my heart,
For you’re unique, and thou art,
Fantastic, funny, gorgeous and sublime,
All I want is for you to be mine.
I want to hold you in my arms,
And keep you safe from any harm.
In my heart you shall be cherish’d,
In there my love shan’t be perish’d.
Strange as is my love for you,
It’s like the grass that needs the dew,
It’s like the poem that needs the rhyme,
It is my life that needs your time.
Your beauty will diminish never,
My love for you shall echo on forver and ever.

Ok, so the description in the middle lowers the tone, but I quite like it otherwise.

For valentines day:

Roses are dead,
Violets are too,
But my love's still alive,
Just for you.

(Funnily enough I wrote that for the same girl).

And for the sheer hell of it, undoubtedly the best poem ever. (I didn't write this one.... just incase you were wondering.

If by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired of waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your nerve and heart and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

Sarc

The only non-runner for SR poet laureate.

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