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Consciousness, a state of awareness. A pure blinding white light envelops everything. Images flicker everywhere I turn. Memories. Are they mine? Are they real? How can I be sure? Time distorts and twists past events.
Emotions connected to pictures and remembered snippets of conversations. A kaleidoscope of events. The day we met etched clearly ahead of me. A mumbled hello, a gentle smile, a flash of blue eyes.
I turn my head slightly and months have passed. Now there is a small boat on a lake. I can see me curled into your body and a touch of the happiness we experienced passes by me. Fleeting, ephemeral. Your scent, your gentleness, stays with me.
A slight tilt of my head and I can see a wedding. A joining of us, surrounded and celebrated by people. Too many people. Were they friends? Where are they now?
Another turn and years have passed. A house, our home. A place of lightness and happiness. Built by us, dreams and ambitions shared. They drain into its foundations to cement our life together; as we always planned to be.
The next image also shows the house but now it is just a house; a home no longer. Boredom and suffocating mundanity enshroud it.
Another image but you are not the man with me. A feeling of guilt quickly suppressed by sheer pleasure. A ride that takes me as high as you used to. And then you are there as well. In the background, watching, knowing. Oh please don’t see this.
The images slow, move agonisingly near to the end. I’m behind the wheel of a car, late night, a body falls from the bridge in front of me. So perfectly timed that I cannot miss it. Cannot miss you.
Betrayal, heartbreak, loneliness.
The light shatters, driving shards deep into my body. Ripping at the flesh, again and again. Darkness envelops me. Cocooning and protecting me. Tears of self-hatred stream from my eyes. Burning but never cleansing.
Ahead of me is a sliver of light. Hope and forgiveness beckon from beyond it. To reach it I have to take your hand. You who would lead me back and let me go after your death as you could not in life. I cannot go there yet.
I turn my back on you and painstakingly piece back together the shards of light until brightness once again envelops everything.
I don't know what pace I was meant to read it at, but when I read it fast it just felt like being inside the character's mind.
Top stuff.
Thanks for taking the time to read it.
Like Paradox said, some of the lines were great.
"Built by us, dreams and ambitions shared. They drain into its foundations to cement our life together; as we always planned to be."
really captivated me.
The entry I did had been waiting a while to be written so I just adapted it for the comp. I started this in the wee hours on Monday morning. Of the two I definitely prefer this but I'd already entered :(
Well you should have.
:^)
Top Stuff :D