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I had to write a two hundred word piece using similies and metaphors for English. Any comments very welcome. So:
The (untitled) Journey
The rust coloured, slim sides of the ever-fastening beast were almost at their final destination. The mountains that had once haunted and covered the train in a thick blanket of darkness, which looked like something a child had thrown across the track, had now been put behind. They were mere peaks in the distance now, disappearing as quickly as a flushed out rabbit. The mountains were but the first obstacle this train had encountered. Next, slightly beyond the mountains was a river. It was twisted like a snake in the grass, it also appeared to dance like a snake too, riveting and splashing among the rocks with much anger and frustration. The train was just a passer-by, a witness to the violence against the rocks. But by seeing the look on the water’s face it was quick to move on. Finally the train met a forest of thick roots and branches as dark as the very hair off a black wolf’s back. Eyes watched the train as it was slowly pulling out of the forest, like a snail with a meaning. At last it had arrived; the train was at its destination. Then the hand, tanned as sand, scooped up the wooden train like a spoon on heated ice cream and placed it amongst the wooden trees and geometric cone shapes in the toy box.
The (untitled) Journey
The rust coloured, slim sides of the ever-fastening beast were almost at their final destination. The mountains that had once haunted and covered the train in a thick blanket of darkness, which looked like something a child had thrown across the track, had now been put behind. They were mere peaks in the distance now, disappearing as quickly as a flushed out rabbit. The mountains were but the first obstacle this train had encountered. Next, slightly beyond the mountains was a river. It was twisted like a snake in the grass, it also appeared to dance like a snake too, riveting and splashing among the rocks with much anger and frustration. The train was just a passer-by, a witness to the violence against the rocks. But by seeing the look on the water’s face it was quick to move on. Finally the train met a forest of thick roots and branches as dark as the very hair off a black wolf’s back. Eyes watched the train as it was slowly pulling out of the forest, like a snail with a meaning. At last it had arrived; the train was at its destination. Then the hand, tanned as sand, scooped up the wooden train like a spoon on heated ice cream and placed it amongst the wooden trees and geometric cone shapes in the toy box.
Sweet work for such a compact piece. Well done.
Thanks a lot, Ashman. :-)
Also I've got it marked now, and got an +A. :-)
Also I've got it marked now, and got an +A. :-)
Heh, I enjoyed that a lot, some lovely descriptions that often flowed, and often were a little richer.
Great stuff, sorry for the immense poppage, but I missed it the first time.
:^)
Great stuff, sorry for the immense poppage, but I missed it the first time.
:^)
Thanks. Some parts I'm still not sure about though.
I don't think I have ever seen so many metaphors and similies in a compact piece of text! Wasn't a bad read either =P
Takes me back to last year's A-Level English, so much of that in poetry.
Takes me back to last year's A-Level English, so much of that in poetry.
I had to write a two hundred word piece using similies and metaphors for English. Any comments very welcome. So:
The (untitled) Journey
The rust coloured, slim sides of the ever-fastening beast were almost at their final destination. The mountains that had once haunted and covered the train in a thick blanket of darkness, which looked like something a child had thrown across the track, had now been put behind. They were mere peaks in the distance now, disappearing as quickly as a flushed out rabbit. The mountains were but the first obstacle this train had encountered. Next, slightly beyond the mountains was a river. It was twisted like a snake in the grass, it also appeared to dance like a snake too, riveting and splashing among the rocks with much anger and frustration. The train was just a passer-by, a witness to the violence against the rocks. But by seeing the look on the water’s face it was quick to move on. Finally the train met a forest of thick roots and branches as dark as the very hair off a black wolf’s back. Eyes watched the train as it was slowly pulling out of the forest, like a snail with a meaning. At last it had arrived; the train was at its destination. Then the hand, tanned as sand, scooped up the wooden train like a spoon on heated ice cream and placed it amongst the wooden trees and geometric cone shapes in the toy box.
The (untitled) Journey
The rust coloured, slim sides of the ever-fastening beast were almost at their final destination. The mountains that had once haunted and covered the train in a thick blanket of darkness, which looked like something a child had thrown across the track, had now been put behind. They were mere peaks in the distance now, disappearing as quickly as a flushed out rabbit. The mountains were but the first obstacle this train had encountered. Next, slightly beyond the mountains was a river. It was twisted like a snake in the grass, it also appeared to dance like a snake too, riveting and splashing among the rocks with much anger and frustration. The train was just a passer-by, a witness to the violence against the rocks. But by seeing the look on the water’s face it was quick to move on. Finally the train met a forest of thick roots and branches as dark as the very hair off a black wolf’s back. Eyes watched the train as it was slowly pulling out of the forest, like a snail with a meaning. At last it had arrived; the train was at its destination. Then the hand, tanned as sand, scooped up the wooden train like a spoon on heated ice cream and placed it amongst the wooden trees and geometric cone shapes in the toy box.