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Cara begged her body to provide the strength she needed as she slowly pulled herself up from the darkness. The DMM Rebel ice-axe was firmly planted into the wet rock, her right arm clinging to it for dear life. Every sinew burned with fatigue, but there was no room for weakness. The light on her moulded helmet played shadows over the wall of smooth rocks as her head bobbed with the strain of holding her own weight.
From somewhere below, the sound of scratching, of something brutal and forgotten scraping against slick stone. Cara didn't look down, she forced herself to stare upwards. Upwards towards the light above that seemed so close, yet might as well have been miles distant. A surge of adrenalin, and the fingers of her left hand were curving over the head of the axe. Slowly, too slowly, she pulled herself upwards, reaching with numb toes for a grip.
Something barked down in the abyss underneath her. That was how they saw. Cara prayed silently as her feet found a small hole that the filth caking what skin was exposed would hide her. She pulled the ice axe out from the rock, and was momentarily dazzled as the pick end was suddenly bathed in white light. Cara caught her breath. The light was closer than she had dared imagine.
Risking a glance downwards which revealed nothing but gaping dark, Cara slammed the axe into the rock above her head and began hauling herself up once more. Just a few more feet. A few more steps.
There was a sound beyond her right ear like something scuttling past, she ignored it, and continued the climb. Her arms felt like they should surely cease to function soon, her numb legs little more than dangling now, and bleeding slowly as they did so. With an effort that should have moved a mountain, Cara heaved herself up and her heart nearly burst out of her chest as daylight washed over her grime covered face.
She could see the cave exit, barely metres away. The bright blue sky beyond, where the rainclouds had disappeared; the beautiful, wonderful sun she had feared was lost to her forever. With tears forming in her eyes, she moved quickly with the strength afforded by a sudden sense of hope. In moments, she would step free into the light of the world, rid of this dark and terrible nightmare.
As she stood, a sharp pain ran down her thigh, and she slumped as her body felt suddenly heavier. Gripping the axe as it held her fast to the rock wall, she turned carefully to see what she had done. But she heard before she saw what had caught her leg. An ungodly hissing filled her ears as her helmet light revealed the ebony monstrosity, a face full of teeth as it surged in for the kill.
From somewhere below, the sound of scratching, of something brutal and forgotten scraping against slick stone. Cara didn't look down, she forced herself to stare upwards. Upwards towards the light above that seemed so close, yet might as well have been miles distant. A surge of adrenalin, and the fingers of her left hand were curving over the head of the axe. Slowly, too slowly, she pulled herself upwards, reaching with numb toes for a grip.
Something barked down in the abyss underneath her. That was how they saw. Cara prayed silently as her feet found a small hole that the filth caking what skin was exposed would hide her. She pulled the ice axe out from the rock, and was momentarily dazzled as the pick end was suddenly bathed in white light. Cara caught her breath. The light was closer than she had dared imagine.
Risking a glance downwards which revealed nothing but gaping dark, Cara slammed the axe into the rock above her head and began hauling herself up once more. Just a few more feet. A few more steps.
There was a sound beyond her right ear like something scuttling past, she ignored it, and continued the climb. Her arms felt like they should surely cease to function soon, her numb legs little more than dangling now, and bleeding slowly as they did so. With an effort that should have moved a mountain, Cara heaved herself up and her heart nearly burst out of her chest as daylight washed over her grime covered face.
She could see the cave exit, barely metres away. The bright blue sky beyond, where the rainclouds had disappeared; the beautiful, wonderful sun she had feared was lost to her forever. With tears forming in her eyes, she moved quickly with the strength afforded by a sudden sense of hope. In moments, she would step free into the light of the world, rid of this dark and terrible nightmare.
As she stood, a sharp pain ran down her thigh, and she slumped as her body felt suddenly heavier. Gripping the axe as it held her fast to the rock wall, she turned carefully to see what she had done. But she heard before she saw what had caught her leg. An ungodly hissing filled her ears as her helmet light revealed the ebony monstrosity, a face full of teeth as it surged in for the kill.
Cara begged her body to provide the strength she needed as she slowly pulled herself up from the darkness. The DMM Rebel ice-axe was firmly planted into the wet rock, her right arm clinging to it for dear life. Every sinew burned with fatigue, but there was no room for weakness. The light on her moulded helmet played shadows over the wall of smooth rocks as her head bobbed with the strain of holding her own weight.
From somewhere below, the sound of scratching, of something brutal and forgotten scraping against slick stone. Cara didn't look down, she forced herself to stare upwards. Upwards towards the light above that seemed so close, yet might as well have been miles distant. A surge of adrenalin, and the fingers of her left hand were curving over the head of the axe. Slowly, too slowly, she pulled herself upwards, reaching with numb toes for a grip.
Something barked down in the abyss underneath her. That was how they saw. Cara prayed silently as her feet found a small hole that the filth caking what skin was exposed would hide her. She pulled the ice axe out from the rock, and was momentarily dazzled as the pick end was suddenly bathed in white light. Cara caught her breath. The light was closer than she had dared imagine.
Risking a glance downwards which revealed nothing but gaping dark, Cara slammed the axe into the rock above her head and began hauling herself up once more. Just a few more feet. A few more steps.
There was a sound beyond her right ear like something scuttling past, she ignored it, and continued the climb. Her arms felt like they should surely cease to function soon, her numb legs little more than dangling now, and bleeding slowly as they did so. With an effort that should have moved a mountain, Cara heaved herself up and her heart nearly burst out of her chest as daylight washed over her grime covered face.
She could see the cave exit, barely metres away. The bright blue sky beyond, where the rainclouds had disappeared; the beautiful, wonderful sun she had feared was lost to her forever. With tears forming in her eyes, she moved quickly with the strength afforded by a sudden sense of hope. In moments, she would step free into the light of the world, rid of this dark and terrible nightmare.
As she stood, a sharp pain ran down her thigh, and she slumped as her body felt suddenly heavier. Gripping the axe as it held her fast to the rock wall, she turned carefully to see what she had done. But she heard before she saw what had caught her leg. An ungodly hissing filled her ears as her helmet light revealed the ebony monstrosity, a face full of teeth as it surged in for the kill.
From somewhere below, the sound of scratching, of something brutal and forgotten scraping against slick stone. Cara didn't look down, she forced herself to stare upwards. Upwards towards the light above that seemed so close, yet might as well have been miles distant. A surge of adrenalin, and the fingers of her left hand were curving over the head of the axe. Slowly, too slowly, she pulled herself upwards, reaching with numb toes for a grip.
Something barked down in the abyss underneath her. That was how they saw. Cara prayed silently as her feet found a small hole that the filth caking what skin was exposed would hide her. She pulled the ice axe out from the rock, and was momentarily dazzled as the pick end was suddenly bathed in white light. Cara caught her breath. The light was closer than she had dared imagine.
Risking a glance downwards which revealed nothing but gaping dark, Cara slammed the axe into the rock above her head and began hauling herself up once more. Just a few more feet. A few more steps.
There was a sound beyond her right ear like something scuttling past, she ignored it, and continued the climb. Her arms felt like they should surely cease to function soon, her numb legs little more than dangling now, and bleeding slowly as they did so. With an effort that should have moved a mountain, Cara heaved herself up and her heart nearly burst out of her chest as daylight washed over her grime covered face.
She could see the cave exit, barely metres away. The bright blue sky beyond, where the rainclouds had disappeared; the beautiful, wonderful sun she had feared was lost to her forever. With tears forming in her eyes, she moved quickly with the strength afforded by a sudden sense of hope. In moments, she would step free into the light of the world, rid of this dark and terrible nightmare.
As she stood, a sharp pain ran down her thigh, and she slumped as her body felt suddenly heavier. Gripping the axe as it held her fast to the rock wall, she turned carefully to see what she had done. But she heard before she saw what had caught her leg. An ungodly hissing filled her ears as her helmet light revealed the ebony monstrosity, a face full of teeth as it surged in for the kill.
Dark...
It reminds me of a film, can't remember the title, I think it was The Cave.
It reminds me of a film, can't remember the title, I think it was The Cave.
I was thinking more like The Descent, but ya, this is far from original, and not my usual standard.
Well, the descriptive writing is excellent, but it feels more like the teaser on the inside cover of a book than a whole story. More would have been good.
Alas, this is the typical way I write short stories. I try to evolve a single image in my mind, and use that as the basis for events that surround it. Here, I had the por lady's head bathing in the sunlight, looking out from the mouth of a cave into the morning sunshine. A beautiful moment, taken alone.
Then I ruin it with flesh-eating monsters etc etc. I had considered taking this in a different direction, but in the end, the focus of my attention right now is the next chapter of Artemis, which needs to be correctly thought out.
Thanks for the compliment on the descriptives though. I've seriously seen this as the weakpoint in my writing (verbosity aside). It's easy to visualise something in your head, but conveying that so that the reader can see what you're imagining is really challenging. The challenge in this piece was to describe what she was experiencing without saying 'rock' two dozen times.
Then I ruin it with flesh-eating monsters etc etc. I had considered taking this in a different direction, but in the end, the focus of my attention right now is the next chapter of Artemis, which needs to be correctly thought out.
Thanks for the compliment on the descriptives though. I've seriously seen this as the weakpoint in my writing (verbosity aside). It's easy to visualise something in your head, but conveying that so that the reader can see what you're imagining is really challenging. The challenge in this piece was to describe what she was experiencing without saying 'rock' two dozen times.
The moment-by-momentness of the situation is described well. I kind of guessed where it was going - that at the last she would be snared by the unseen mostrosity, but it was nicely played out and I enjoyed the atmosphere.