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This short guide tells young wanting movie makers how to make a good film.
(Step 1) Get some funds. Robbing banks, finding a gulliable rich man or selling your body are all good suggestions.
(Step 2) Find some good actor talent. (You may want depending on budget to get someone expensive). If your budget is pretty small you may want to get some illegal immigrants and promsie them a work permit(you can find them in the areas of Dover - look for a lorry or truck)
(Step 3) Make sure in your cast list you have at least one beautiful woman and one handsome man (i'm up for selection if you need me). If for any reason I'm not available or you can't get a girl check the streets of Soho or Amsterdam.
(Step 4) Get a good storyline. You may want to find an old novel by some dead person so you don't have to pay to use it. Other ideas are write them yourselves or maybe if you have enough funds get a decent writer. Make sure the script includes action, atmosphere, suspense and drama and maybe a slight bit of comedy. Also remember SEX SELLS (source Special Reserve chart - Erotic Witch NUmber 1, Anna Nicole Smith number 2 and Vitual Girl 2 number 3)
(Step 5) Find a studio. You could make your own one in your house. You might want to chuck your mother out of the living room, get some sand and cover the floor with it to produce a 'realistic' desert background. Use blue cloths for sky. You may also want to film in location. If your film includes sex be aware for police outside though.
(Step 6) Get some filming equipment. Electrical retailers sell it. Again if funds are low you may want to try stealing. Also why not sell your body to science? Kidneys and other parts of your body could increase funds. Also give blood! Or maybe sperm banks. Easy money. There you go buy some stuff. All you need at minimum is a camera.
(Step 7) Film... Turn on camera (consult manual) and well film all the scenes.. Quite explanatory. If you need special effects pay your cast extra to do their own stunts. Don't use computers. Too expensive do your own. IF someone needs to be set on fire, why not. Make sure you have a hose ready though. If it doesnt go out you may want to scream and run around frantically as he burns. This shouldn't happen though if you are fully prepared and have consulted the internet for research into this topic.
(Step 8) You have made the film. Go see if anyone wants it. Try sending copies in paper bags to the film companies if you don't have any luck getting them to distribute it in the cinema. If still no luck threatening phone calls, letter bombs, and bombardments of copies of your film should get the message through to them!
(Step 9) If you have suceeded without getting in trouble with the police, losing any lives, still have reasonably high funds SUCCESS! Now sit back and watch the money rolling in!
For the complete "Dummies guide to making Films" with more detailed explanations send a SAE with £10 to..
I'm a Dummy
PO Box 66
London
W52 6LE
* We accept no responsiblity for anything that has been caused by one of our books. IF you followed the advice you really are a dummy. Sort your life out. *
(Step 1) Get some funds. Robbing banks, finding a gulliable rich man or selling your body are all good suggestions.
(Step 2) Find some good actor talent. (You may want depending on budget to get someone expensive). If your budget is pretty small you may want to get some illegal immigrants and promsie them a work permit(you can find them in the areas of Dover - look for a lorry or truck)
(Step 3) Make sure in your cast list you have at least one beautiful woman and one handsome man (i'm up for selection if you need me). If for any reason I'm not available or you can't get a girl check the streets of Soho or Amsterdam.
(Step 4) Get a good storyline. You may want to find an old novel by some dead person so you don't have to pay to use it. Other ideas are write them yourselves or maybe if you have enough funds get a decent writer. Make sure the script includes action, atmosphere, suspense and drama and maybe a slight bit of comedy. Also remember SEX SELLS (source Special Reserve chart - Erotic Witch NUmber 1, Anna Nicole Smith number 2 and Vitual Girl 2 number 3)
(Step 5) Find a studio. You could make your own one in your house. You might want to chuck your mother out of the living room, get some sand and cover the floor with it to produce a 'realistic' desert background. Use blue cloths for sky. You may also want to film in location. If your film includes sex be aware for police outside though.
(Step 6) Get some filming equipment. Electrical retailers sell it. Again if funds are low you may want to try stealing. Also why not sell your body to science? Kidneys and other parts of your body could increase funds. Also give blood! Or maybe sperm banks. Easy money. There you go buy some stuff. All you need at minimum is a camera.
(Step 7) Film... Turn on camera (consult manual) and well film all the scenes.. Quite explanatory. If you need special effects pay your cast extra to do their own stunts. Don't use computers. Too expensive do your own. IF someone needs to be set on fire, why not. Make sure you have a hose ready though. If it doesnt go out you may want to scream and run around frantically as he burns. This shouldn't happen though if you are fully prepared and have consulted the internet for research into this topic.
(Step 8) You have made the film. Go see if anyone wants it. Try sending copies in paper bags to the film companies if you don't have any luck getting them to distribute it in the cinema. If still no luck threatening phone calls, letter bombs, and bombardments of copies of your film should get the message through to them!
(Step 9) If you have suceeded without getting in trouble with the police, losing any lives, still have reasonably high funds SUCCESS! Now sit back and watch the money rolling in!
For the complete "Dummies guide to making Films" with more detailed explanations send a SAE with £10 to..
I'm a Dummy
PO Box 66
London
W52 6LE
* We accept no responsiblity for anything that has been caused by one of our books. IF you followed the advice you really are a dummy. Sort your life out. *
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This short guide tells young wanting movie makers how to make a good film.
(Step 1) Get some funds. Robbing banks, finding a gulliable rich man or selling your body are all good suggestions.
(Step 2) Find some good actor talent. (You may want depending on budget to get someone expensive). If your budget is pretty small you may want to get some illegal immigrants and promsie them a work permit(you can find them in the areas of Dover - look for a lorry or truck)
(Step 3) Make sure in your cast list you have at least one beautiful woman and one handsome man (i'm up for selection if you need me). If for any reason I'm not available or you can't get a girl check the streets of Soho or Amsterdam.
(Step 4) Get a good storyline. You may want to find an old novel by some dead person so you don't have to pay to use it. Other ideas are write them yourselves or maybe if you have enough funds get a decent writer. Make sure the script includes action, atmosphere, suspense and drama and maybe a slight bit of comedy. Also remember SEX SELLS (source Special Reserve chart - Erotic Witch NUmber 1, Anna Nicole Smith number 2 and Vitual Girl 2 number 3)
(Step 5) Find a studio. You could make your own one in your house. You might want to chuck your mother out of the living room, get some sand and cover the floor with it to produce a 'realistic' desert background. Use blue cloths for sky. You may also want to film in location. If your film includes sex be aware for police outside though.
(Step 6) Get some filming equipment. Electrical retailers sell it. Again if funds are low you may want to try stealing. Also why not sell your body to science? Kidneys and other parts of your body could increase funds. Also give blood! Or maybe sperm banks. Easy money. There you go buy some stuff. All you need at minimum is a camera.
(Step 7) Film... Turn on camera (consult manual) and well film all the scenes.. Quite explanatory. If you need special effects pay your cast extra to do their own stunts. Don't use computers. Too expensive do your own. IF someone needs to be set on fire, why not. Make sure you have a hose ready though. If it doesnt go out you may want to scream and run around frantically as he burns. This shouldn't happen though if you are fully prepared and have consulted the internet for research into this topic.
(Step 8) You have made the film. Go see if anyone wants it. Try sending copies in paper bags to the film companies if you don't have any luck getting them to distribute it in the cinema. If still no luck threatening phone calls, letter bombs, and bombardments of copies of your film should get the message through to them!
(Step 9) If you have suceeded without getting in trouble with the police, losing any lives, still have reasonably high funds SUCCESS! Now sit back and watch the money rolling in!
For the complete "Dummies guide to making Films" with more detailed explanations send a SAE with £10 to..
I'm a Dummy
PO Box 66
London
W52 6LE
* We accept no responsiblity for anything that has been caused by one of our books. IF you followed the advice you really are a dummy. Sort your life out. *
(Step 1) Get some funds. Robbing banks, finding a gulliable rich man or selling your body are all good suggestions.
(Step 2) Find some good actor talent. (You may want depending on budget to get someone expensive). If your budget is pretty small you may want to get some illegal immigrants and promsie them a work permit(you can find them in the areas of Dover - look for a lorry or truck)
(Step 3) Make sure in your cast list you have at least one beautiful woman and one handsome man (i'm up for selection if you need me). If for any reason I'm not available or you can't get a girl check the streets of Soho or Amsterdam.
(Step 4) Get a good storyline. You may want to find an old novel by some dead person so you don't have to pay to use it. Other ideas are write them yourselves or maybe if you have enough funds get a decent writer. Make sure the script includes action, atmosphere, suspense and drama and maybe a slight bit of comedy. Also remember SEX SELLS (source Special Reserve chart - Erotic Witch NUmber 1, Anna Nicole Smith number 2 and Vitual Girl 2 number 3)
(Step 5) Find a studio. You could make your own one in your house. You might want to chuck your mother out of the living room, get some sand and cover the floor with it to produce a 'realistic' desert background. Use blue cloths for sky. You may also want to film in location. If your film includes sex be aware for police outside though.
(Step 6) Get some filming equipment. Electrical retailers sell it. Again if funds are low you may want to try stealing. Also why not sell your body to science? Kidneys and other parts of your body could increase funds. Also give blood! Or maybe sperm banks. Easy money. There you go buy some stuff. All you need at minimum is a camera.
(Step 7) Film... Turn on camera (consult manual) and well film all the scenes.. Quite explanatory. If you need special effects pay your cast extra to do their own stunts. Don't use computers. Too expensive do your own. IF someone needs to be set on fire, why not. Make sure you have a hose ready though. If it doesnt go out you may want to scream and run around frantically as he burns. This shouldn't happen though if you are fully prepared and have consulted the internet for research into this topic.
(Step 8) You have made the film. Go see if anyone wants it. Try sending copies in paper bags to the film companies if you don't have any luck getting them to distribute it in the cinema. If still no luck threatening phone calls, letter bombs, and bombardments of copies of your film should get the message through to them!
(Step 9) If you have suceeded without getting in trouble with the police, losing any lives, still have reasonably high funds SUCCESS! Now sit back and watch the money rolling in!
For the complete "Dummies guide to making Films" with more detailed explanations send a SAE with £10 to..
I'm a Dummy
PO Box 66
London
W52 6LE
* We accept no responsiblity for anything that has been caused by one of our books. IF you followed the advice you really are a dummy. Sort your life out. *