Viewing Thread:
"My V@gina"

Contains OMG WTF BBQ sexual references that aren't intended to offend anyone - if you're a feminist or are likely to be offended don't read on, instead you may like to put your hand in a blender and switch the setting to "pulverise".

For those of you brave enough to venture on, enjoy.


My V@gina

God I love being a lady. My favorite part is my v@gina. Mine is incredibly wide and dizzyingly deep. My favorite part about having a v@gina is menstruating. Sometimes when I'm putting in my tampon, I look at the little string hanging out and pretend it's a mouse's tail. I run out of the bathroom naked and yell, "Help! Help! There's a mouse in my v@gina! This usually gets a big laugh- especially if I'm at the office, or the mall, or on an airplane.

Sometimes I pretend the string is a fuse, and that if I light it a special
bomb will go off in my v@gina and my period will be over. For any of you
who are curious, this is not what happens when you light the string on your
tampon. Even if you have soaked the tampon in kerosene overnight.
Trust me.

I've tried it almost a dozen times without success. It does however work
when you use a combination of potassium chlorate, table sugar and a small
drop of sulfuric acid.

I like to employ my used tampons to make "vampire soup". I got the recipe
from 'Martha Stewart's Living'- although I use fresh basil. We bring it
down to the homeless shelter and they lap it up! I also serve it at slumber
parties when my girlfriends come over to watch 'Angel'. It just makes
everything so much more authentic. After that we normally run around the
house in our bras and panties and have tickle fights. Then we practice our
French kissing on each other.
I don't let any of the girls go down on me during my period. They have to
settle for tonguing my brown starfish. But my boyfriend is another story.

I like to keep my boyfriend guessing about when I'm actually on the rag.
That way I can act completely irrational whenever I want. He gets mad
when he goes down on me and finds out I'm having my period. But he
gets me back by coating my vibrator with chopped glass. Ouch!

But in spite of all of the ups and downs, I love being a lady. Recently,
I've been trying to get pregnant by stuffing my v@gina with sperm I find on
the floor of the porno theatre behind my house. Wish me luck, I'll keep you
posted.

well shall I tell you mine :p

I don't particularly want to give it out mate. I don't feel I particularly know you enough to take you into the afterlife in my flaming ship to valhalla.

Haha.

Paradox: wrote:
> Just to clear it up, I was warned then unwarned, then re-warned for
> this.

The staffies changing their minds faster then a lass when she sobers up

Oh why were you unwarned?
Anyway what's your msn paradox?

Just to clear it up, I was warned then unwarned, then re-warned for this.

Oh right, I just thought you did because you apologised to paradox in the goodbye topic.

I didn't get him warned. He got him warned.

peon child?
I thought he was warned for this, anyway it doesn't matter, english_bloke said something like sorry for getting you warned to paradox.

He didn't get a warning for this, peon child.