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Don't know if its any good or not. Wrote it on the spur of the moment kind of thing.. Probably too rushed but anyway I hope you like.
I'm not really sure how long I've loved Maria. Probably ever since the first time I saw her face, her happy smile and those eyes that you could get lost in. Deeply gazing and somewhat magical. I adored her, more than anyone I had ever met.
My childhood wasn't easy and any friends I met soon went and never returned, I guess I just wasn't likable to most and in turn spent too long on my own. Parents never around and television being the answer to many of lifes troubling questions that a parent really should have answered.
Then I met Maria...
Her long brown hair and soothing eyes made each day easier, as I talked she would always listen and never seemed to follow the others in leaving me to myself and joining in with their games. She was a true friend.
After my parents died Maria was all I really had, all I had and all I really needed.
Somewhere along the line I realised she was more than a friend, I was in love with her and somehow I was sure she felt the same.
We spent hours just walking hand in hand through the park, exploring all the beautiful sites and doing what any couple would do. Going to the cinema was the best, as we sat watching the film i could always feel her beautiful eyes take a glance my way and it always made me smile.
I'd often book a table in a fine restaurant and order us up something nice, the odd looks from the waiters no doubt were asking why such a woman would be there with me but that just made things even better, until they told me I was no longer welcome. Jealousy is a horrible thing in this world.
I'd often been called names in my time, from Billy no mates and smelly to all kind of vulgar ones that just couldn't be shared but now it would seem the most popular one was crazy. I couldn't work it out at first, why was I crazy? Was there something I was missing? I had a beautiful girl and that was all that really mattered. Everything else would always be second to her. Then one night as we sat alone talking I was called crazy by a set of kids and thats when it hit me.
It would seem that the world automatically assumes you are crazy when you happen to fall in love with your very own imaginary friend...
I'm not really sure how long I've loved Maria. Probably ever since the first time I saw her face, her happy smile and those eyes that you could get lost in. Deeply gazing and somewhat magical. I adored her, more than anyone I had ever met.
My childhood wasn't easy and any friends I met soon went and never returned, I guess I just wasn't likable to most and in turn spent too long on my own. Parents never around and television being the answer to many of lifes troubling questions that a parent really should have answered.
Then I met Maria...
Her long brown hair and soothing eyes made each day easier, as I talked she would always listen and never seemed to follow the others in leaving me to myself and joining in with their games. She was a true friend.
After my parents died Maria was all I really had, all I had and all I really needed.
Somewhere along the line I realised she was more than a friend, I was in love with her and somehow I was sure she felt the same.
We spent hours just walking hand in hand through the park, exploring all the beautiful sites and doing what any couple would do. Going to the cinema was the best, as we sat watching the film i could always feel her beautiful eyes take a glance my way and it always made me smile.
I'd often book a table in a fine restaurant and order us up something nice, the odd looks from the waiters no doubt were asking why such a woman would be there with me but that just made things even better, until they told me I was no longer welcome. Jealousy is a horrible thing in this world.
I'd often been called names in my time, from Billy no mates and smelly to all kind of vulgar ones that just couldn't be shared but now it would seem the most popular one was crazy. I couldn't work it out at first, why was I crazy? Was there something I was missing? I had a beautiful girl and that was all that really mattered. Everything else would always be second to her. Then one night as we sat alone talking I was called crazy by a set of kids and thats when it hit me.
It would seem that the world automatically assumes you are crazy when you happen to fall in love with your very own imaginary friend...
For a 'spur of the moment' thing it was pretty good.
I enjoyed reading it, but I must admit that at first I thought she would be a dog (until you said you walked 'hand in hand' of course...)
...hand in paw?...
I enjoyed reading it, but I must admit that at first I thought she would be a dog (until you said you walked 'hand in hand' of course...)
...hand in paw?...
Well the concept was excellent I must say.
Nice one.
Nice one.
Cheers
I guess if I had the time and a bit more effot I could have made it a bit longer and better.
Spur of the moment kind of thing that I tend not too do so much anymore.
EDIT: Oh and its not inspired by a true story :-P
I guess if I had the time and a bit more effot I could have made it a bit longer and better.
Spur of the moment kind of thing that I tend not too do so much anymore.
EDIT: Oh and its not inspired by a true story :-P
Ooooh, nice twist.
If it had have been longer, and a tad more subtle in places, perhaps with the odd hint more here and there I'd be calling it wonderful. Nevertheless, for something so short in length it was a nice read.
If it had have been longer, and a tad more subtle in places, perhaps with the odd hint more here and there I'd be calling it wonderful. Nevertheless, for something so short in length it was a nice read.
Fozz wrote:
> hmmm..interesting topic, very similar I thought to A Smile by Meka. It
> does make me wonder if thats a true story or not..hmm..?
It's not really very similar - it just uses a reflective tense which makes it seem realistic, whilst Meka's was (probably) realistic. I wholly doubt Aliboy is a schitzo.
> hmmm..interesting topic, very similar I thought to A Smile by Meka. It
> does make me wonder if thats a true story or not..hmm..?
It's not really very similar - it just uses a reflective tense which makes it seem realistic, whilst Meka's was (probably) realistic. I wholly doubt Aliboy is a schitzo.
You really didnt need the last line there mate, but the premise was excellent - I also liked the imagery conjoured up by "soothing eyes".
Perhaps you could have ended with the protagonist staring back at an empty chair where Maria sat - you dont need to be so blatant - the reader will usually get the ending or at least assume it before you actually reveal it.
Good read man.
Perhaps you could have ended with the protagonist staring back at an empty chair where Maria sat - you dont need to be so blatant - the reader will usually get the ending or at least assume it before you actually reveal it.
Good read man.
hmmm..interesting topic, very similar I thought to A Smile by Meka. It does make me wonder if thats a true story or not..hmm..?
Don't know if its any good or not. Wrote it on the spur of the moment kind of thing.. Probably too rushed but anyway I hope you like.
I'm not really sure how long I've loved Maria. Probably ever since the first time I saw her face, her happy smile and those eyes that you could get lost in. Deeply gazing and somewhat magical. I adored her, more than anyone I had ever met.
My childhood wasn't easy and any friends I met soon went and never returned, I guess I just wasn't likable to most and in turn spent too long on my own. Parents never around and television being the answer to many of lifes troubling questions that a parent really should have answered.
Then I met Maria...
Her long brown hair and soothing eyes made each day easier, as I talked she would always listen and never seemed to follow the others in leaving me to myself and joining in with their games. She was a true friend.
After my parents died Maria was all I really had, all I had and all I really needed.
Somewhere along the line I realised she was more than a friend, I was in love with her and somehow I was sure she felt the same.
We spent hours just walking hand in hand through the park, exploring all the beautiful sites and doing what any couple would do. Going to the cinema was the best, as we sat watching the film i could always feel her beautiful eyes take a glance my way and it always made me smile.
I'd often book a table in a fine restaurant and order us up something nice, the odd looks from the waiters no doubt were asking why such a woman would be there with me but that just made things even better, until they told me I was no longer welcome. Jealousy is a horrible thing in this world.
I'd often been called names in my time, from Billy no mates and smelly to all kind of vulgar ones that just couldn't be shared but now it would seem the most popular one was crazy. I couldn't work it out at first, why was I crazy? Was there something I was missing? I had a beautiful girl and that was all that really mattered. Everything else would always be second to her. Then one night as we sat alone talking I was called crazy by a set of kids and thats when it hit me.
It would seem that the world automatically assumes you are crazy when you happen to fall in love with your very own imaginary friend...
I'm not really sure how long I've loved Maria. Probably ever since the first time I saw her face, her happy smile and those eyes that you could get lost in. Deeply gazing and somewhat magical. I adored her, more than anyone I had ever met.
My childhood wasn't easy and any friends I met soon went and never returned, I guess I just wasn't likable to most and in turn spent too long on my own. Parents never around and television being the answer to many of lifes troubling questions that a parent really should have answered.
Then I met Maria...
Her long brown hair and soothing eyes made each day easier, as I talked she would always listen and never seemed to follow the others in leaving me to myself and joining in with their games. She was a true friend.
After my parents died Maria was all I really had, all I had and all I really needed.
Somewhere along the line I realised she was more than a friend, I was in love with her and somehow I was sure she felt the same.
We spent hours just walking hand in hand through the park, exploring all the beautiful sites and doing what any couple would do. Going to the cinema was the best, as we sat watching the film i could always feel her beautiful eyes take a glance my way and it always made me smile.
I'd often book a table in a fine restaurant and order us up something nice, the odd looks from the waiters no doubt were asking why such a woman would be there with me but that just made things even better, until they told me I was no longer welcome. Jealousy is a horrible thing in this world.
I'd often been called names in my time, from Billy no mates and smelly to all kind of vulgar ones that just couldn't be shared but now it would seem the most popular one was crazy. I couldn't work it out at first, why was I crazy? Was there something I was missing? I had a beautiful girl and that was all that really mattered. Everything else would always be second to her. Then one night as we sat alone talking I was called crazy by a set of kids and thats when it hit me.
It would seem that the world automatically assumes you are crazy when you happen to fall in love with your very own imaginary friend...