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Dodo died, Dodi died, Di died, Dando died ... surely Dido's looking a bit worried?
I saw Lee Majors, the Bionic Man, the other day on the Royal Mile. He looked a million dollars ... he's really let himself go.
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, "All right, but we won't get much done."
Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.
You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "S###, I wasn't listening ... Self-raising?"
The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the girl out of Cork ...
The Butler Report is the political equivalent of saying, "Leave it out lads, we've all had a drink".
A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "Well, what would the circus want with a plumber?"
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.
I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it.
If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.
I saw Lee Majors, the Bionic Man, the other day on the Royal Mile. He looked a million dollars ... he's really let himself go.
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, "All right, but we won't get much done."
Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.
You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "S###, I wasn't listening ... Self-raising?"
The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the girl out of Cork ...
The Butler Report is the political equivalent of saying, "Leave it out lads, we've all had a drink".
A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "Well, what would the circus want with a plumber?"
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.
I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it.
If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.
I was expecting a Terminator 3 reference, such as "relieves the fear of death."
mattributé wrote:
> Let me guess - this was an e-mail, correct?
No, no - I wrote them all myself ... honest.
When are you gonna update your blog, bumhole?
> Let me guess - this was an e-mail, correct?
No, no - I wrote them all myself ... honest.
When are you gonna update your blog, bumhole?
Let me guess - this was an e-mail, correct?
bar wicth one
Lol at all of them bar one.
The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face
dude this made my day
dude this made my day
Dodo died, Dodi died, Di died, Dando died ... surely Dido's looking a bit worried?
I saw Lee Majors, the Bionic Man, the other day on the Royal Mile. He looked a million dollars ... he's really let himself go.
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, "All right, but we won't get much done."
Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.
You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "S###, I wasn't listening ... Self-raising?"
The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the girl out of Cork ...
The Butler Report is the political equivalent of saying, "Leave it out lads, we've all had a drink".
A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "Well, what would the circus want with a plumber?"
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.
I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it.
If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.
I saw Lee Majors, the Bionic Man, the other day on the Royal Mile. He looked a million dollars ... he's really let himself go.
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, "All right, but we won't get much done."
Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well.
You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "S###, I wasn't listening ... Self-raising?"
The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the girl out of Cork ...
The Butler Report is the political equivalent of saying, "Leave it out lads, we've all had a drink".
A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "Well, what would the circus want with a plumber?"
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.
I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it.
If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.