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Subject: A message from the Bolshevik Party.
Hello comrade, it has been another hard day on the front line.
We are still battling away hard against the capitalist scum but I am
confident our Red Troops will eventually be victorious.
I haven't seen you in a long time, but I trust you still pine for me
as you sit alone with our decapitated son in the streets of Petrograd.
Alas, I am not sure I can allow this to continue, as the front line
becomes weaker by the day.
Real soldiers are scarce, and not even Trotsky can inspire them to
battle powerfully these days. It is on this note that I request you
join me in the Civil War and help me to overcome the current weakness
in the Red Army and to provide me with sexual gratification to reduce
the stress levels that the battles bring.
Your mentor,
Lenin.
If you have any questions regarding the Soviet revolution, don't
hesitate to contact [email protected] or [email protected]
We'll be happy to answer any queries you may have.
Always remember, we are fighting the good fight!
From: thegerrid.
Subject: I am here to join the good fight.
I will answer your call to freedom. Provide me with enough young,
supple boys for me to use and I will general our troops to glorious
victory over our sewer-dwelling enemy. Chonkyfire
Yours,
future general kasparov
From: Calum
Subject: Reply to A Message from the Bolshevik Party.
Добрый день Comrade!
I trust that you are still fighting on the front line with the same strength
that you illustrate in your thrusting strokes. Good news, I am coming, ohhh,
that felt good. Anyway, I am being posted to the front line and will
eventually fight alongside you against the capatalist filth.
I weep for you (and not from my eyes)
Vassili Zaitsev
To: Magic: The Gathering Maghera Team
Subject: A message from Lenin.
Hello comrades, it is I, Lenin.
It has recently come to my attention that you play the game of Magic:
The Gathering.
On this note I have one thing to say: stop.
Do not sit in a room isolated from everyone else with this wicked game.
Do not spend money on furthering your personal success within it.
Give it up.
Stop it.
Forget about personal victories and begin to think about attaning
victories for the proletariat.
It is our time, the revolution is almost upon us. Come and join I,
Lenin, in the Red Battle against capitalism and against conformity.
You know this is the only way forward.
If you need any help in letting go of your worldly convictions, email
me, [email protected] and I will guide you on the path to becoming a
true communist.
We will rise!
Your comrade,
Lenin.
To: Magic: The Gathering Maghera Team
Subject: Banjo Kazooie
Comrade,
Are you in possession of Banjo Kazooie?
Do you want to provide eternal pleasure for a fellow comrade?
Share your wealth, and donate your Banjo Kazooie to my good General,
Kasparov thegerrid.
I thank you in advance, Comrades.
Lenin.
To: [email protected]
Subject: Gameaday Claim
Greetings, Special Reserve comrades.
As the leader of the communist revolution, I immediately request that
all Gameaday prizes be presented to I, Lenin, so that I may distribute
them equally among the proletariat in a true socialist manner.
Your capitalist scheme of providing Gameadays on an unequal footing is
nothing short of disgusting, and favours certain members over others.
This is not the communist way.
The revolution is at hand, and cannot be stopped.
Accept my offer now, and help bring yourself into the Red Paradise.
Yours faithfully,
Comrade Lenin.
To: The Hibernator
Subject: Anal Sex
Greetings comrade.
It is I, Lenin.
As a communist I belive in equality of every shape and form.
Therefore, men and women should be penetrated equally.
This means that a man must also receive penetration, and of course,
anal is the only way to do this.
In order to relax ourselves on the battlefield against the
capitalists, us front line troops will be without our women, so we can
use this opportunity to get to know our male comrades better, by
providing the entry passages to penetrate and by providing the
penetration.
I hope you follow through on this idea.
Comrade Lenin.
To: The Hibernator
Subject: Comrades
HELLO!!
THE BOLSHEVIK PARTY NEEDS **YOU**!!!!!
Yes, The Hibernator, you have been chosen to represent the Moscow wing
of the Bolshevik party.
As leader, you will be expected to battle Nazbols and Capitalists, and
keep the communist reign of the country intact.
I expect you'll be working closely with comrades Stalin and Bukharin.
As always you can email them at [email protected] and
[email protected].
Trotsky will provide you with further information soon.
For now, keep a close eye out at all times, as there are enemies
lurking everywhere, and with this new power upon you, you will be a
prime target.
Good luck,
Lenin.
To: The Hibernator
Subject: Nazbols
I'm sorry comrade, but this is urgent!
The Nazbols are moving in against Petrograd and the forces there have
heard rumours that a move against Moscow is imminent.
It is with this shocking news hanging over our heads that I must hand
full control of Moscow to you. I know you are not experienced, but
there is no-one who can help you, and your predecessor has been
murdered.
These are trying times, but we must unite against this enemy.
Comrade Lenin.
To: The Hibernator
Subject: Petrograd has been taken.
The forces of Petrograd have fallen.
As I hide in this building, I write what will probably be my last
correspondance.
It is only a matter of time before I am discovered and executed.
You must save the revolution.
It is all in your hands now.
Don't let Moscow fall to them,
Lenin.
To: The Hibernator
Subject: urgent message from lenin
im typin dis msg in a rush cmrde
ive just bn savd by rmainin commi frces
on our way 2 mosco now
go 2 da strnghld
mt us der
plans 4 cntinuin rvltion wil b dizcused
DIE RED, DIE!!!!!
2) China
3) North Korea
*Invokes Deep Blue*
Yours with red faith forever
General Kasparov thegerrid
Deep thought is needed.