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It wriggles, I wince. It tenses, I tense. It seems like forever since this thing was in me, moving about under my skin, but perhaps it hasn’t really been that long. The long days pass and I worry and fret that people will see it and wonder, I already feel them looking at me.
It’s probably worse because I didn’t know what to expect. One minute I felt normal, the next all these new sensations were bombarding me. It manipulates me, my mood, the things that I do and how I feel. Such power for something so tiny, something buried deep underneath.
But there was nothing they could do. The doctors, those men who seem to know everything, well, they just didn’t know enough. And how could they? They’d never experienced anything like this, unless they were hiding some sort of secret. It made me feel alone, but strangely, at the same time, I was bonding with this thing, it was getting to me and I promised myself that it wouldn’t.
The problem started when I met this strange man. He seemed so nice, but he had a glint in his eye that I should have been more wary of. Stupid me, I just didn’t register. He promised me a good time, and for a while he was right. But he had plans, plans that didn’t involve me and I found out too late at my cost.
Anyway, I’ve made it sound like something terrible, and it isn’t. I guess I get scared at times, but that passes. All I think about is this new life under my skin, a part of me and yet something new and alive. It’s amazing and overwhelming, but I’m happy.
It’s probably worse because I didn’t know what to expect. One minute I felt normal, the next all these new sensations were bombarding me. It manipulates me, my mood, the things that I do and how I feel. Such power for something so tiny, something buried deep underneath.
But there was nothing they could do. The doctors, those men who seem to know everything, well, they just didn’t know enough. And how could they? They’d never experienced anything like this, unless they were hiding some sort of secret. It made me feel alone, but strangely, at the same time, I was bonding with this thing, it was getting to me and I promised myself that it wouldn’t.
The problem started when I met this strange man. He seemed so nice, but he had a glint in his eye that I should have been more wary of. Stupid me, I just didn’t register. He promised me a good time, and for a while he was right. But he had plans, plans that didn’t involve me and I found out too late at my cost.
Anyway, I’ve made it sound like something terrible, and it isn’t. I guess I get scared at times, but that passes. All I think about is this new life under my skin, a part of me and yet something new and alive. It’s amazing and overwhelming, but I’m happy.
A simple and effective use of the theme.
Oh, I get the point you were trying to get across now. Ignore my stupidity.
That is brill, I wouldn't be surprised if it won :D
I'm not sure if I'm entering in this one, I cant get my idea written.
I'm not sure if I'm entering in this one, I cant get my idea written.
Everpain wrote:
> This is curious. It sounds quite blatantly like a pregnancy, were
> it not for the part about doctors not experiencing anything like
> it before, which shatters the pretense entirely.
I thought it was pretty obvious, that's the problem with not having time to re-read it from a reader's point of view. Thanks for the input, but hopefully one small change of a single word might make all the difference...
> This is curious. It sounds quite blatantly like a pregnancy, were
> it not for the part about doctors not experiencing anything like
> it before, which shatters the pretense entirely.
I thought it was pretty obvious, that's the problem with not having time to re-read it from a reader's point of view. Thanks for the input, but hopefully one small change of a single word might make all the difference...
Great story for such little time.
This is curious. It sounds quite blatantly like a pregnancy, were it not for the part about doctors not experiencing anything like it before, which shatters the pretense entirely. If this is intentional, it's left me confused as to what's going on, if not, and it is indeed a pregnancy, perhaps the doctor bit might warrant a revision.
Otherise nice use of the contrasting feelings.
Otherise nice use of the contrasting feelings.
I think it was a great read pb. You say you didnt have much time so therefore you felt it was too short for a short story. However i think it was good, it had a beginning middle and an end :)
I think im going to have to take some time out and read more of this creative writing you all do!
I think im going to have to take some time out and read more of this creative writing you all do!
It wriggles, I wince. It tenses, I tense. It seems like forever since this thing was in me, moving about under my skin, but perhaps it hasn’t really been that long. The long days pass and I worry and fret that people will see it and wonder, I already feel them looking at me.
It’s probably worse because I didn’t know what to expect. One minute I felt normal, the next all these new sensations were bombarding me. It manipulates me, my mood, the things that I do and how I feel. Such power for something so tiny, something buried deep underneath.
But there was nothing they could do. The doctors, those men who seem to know everything, well, they just didn’t know enough. And how could they? They’d never experienced anything like this, unless they were hiding some sort of secret. It made me feel alone, but strangely, at the same time, I was bonding with this thing, it was getting to me and I promised myself that it wouldn’t.
The problem started when I met this strange man. He seemed so nice, but he had a glint in his eye that I should have been more wary of. Stupid me, I just didn’t register. He promised me a good time, and for a while he was right. But he had plans, plans that didn’t involve me and I found out too late at my cost.
Anyway, I’ve made it sound like something terrible, and it isn’t. I guess I get scared at times, but that passes. All I think about is this new life under my skin, a part of me and yet something new and alive. It’s amazing and overwhelming, but I’m happy.
It’s probably worse because I didn’t know what to expect. One minute I felt normal, the next all these new sensations were bombarding me. It manipulates me, my mood, the things that I do and how I feel. Such power for something so tiny, something buried deep underneath.
But there was nothing they could do. The doctors, those men who seem to know everything, well, they just didn’t know enough. And how could they? They’d never experienced anything like this, unless they were hiding some sort of secret. It made me feel alone, but strangely, at the same time, I was bonding with this thing, it was getting to me and I promised myself that it wouldn’t.
The problem started when I met this strange man. He seemed so nice, but he had a glint in his eye that I should have been more wary of. Stupid me, I just didn’t register. He promised me a good time, and for a while he was right. But he had plans, plans that didn’t involve me and I found out too late at my cost.
Anyway, I’ve made it sound like something terrible, and it isn’t. I guess I get scared at times, but that passes. All I think about is this new life under my skin, a part of me and yet something new and alive. It’s amazing and overwhelming, but I’m happy.