The "Freeola Customer Forum" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Are you afraid of what people think? What the whispers beyond your shoulders are? Who is truly your friend or just another manipulating leech?
I used to think like that, care what people thought of me, wondered for hours what people would say behind my back, paranoia slowly cutting deep into my flesh. It's a part of everyday life, I don't think anyone can honestly say that they haven't experienced it. You just have to move on.
So I did. I left those who tried to control me, those who didn't love me, those who simply wanted to use me. I wasn't a loner, I just chose shed myself of those who weren't important.
My life was good. For a short time I didn't care what others thought, I could walk past groups of people and hear no sniggering, hear no whispering, no constant looking over my shoulder. I knew they didn't matter anymore. As lonely as I was, I felt so happy. My company was myself, and that's all I ever needed. Now the infestation that scuttle in my wake are nothing, forever a glint was in my eye.
Then I saw her.
I didn't know her name, I'd never seen her before, but I knew straight away. Elegantly gliding, a mystic aura clutched to her very being, her eyes would shine, hair spilling from her perfection. She was sublime. She was what I was missing in my life. I had never seen such beauty; all beyond her was but a blur, angelic in her poise, heart-breaking in her glance. A shudder shot up my spine and my body filled with ecstasy. She fell from view and left an imprint forever in my mind.
I would sit there thinking about her for hours; hours turn to weeks, which turned to months, which turned to years. Like bottled perfection she lingered in my mind.
Then I cared again.
I had lost what gave me happiness, what protected me from others. I needed her like nothing before. Obscure thoughts of both of us would litter my mind, making little sense my feeble brain, just emotions thrown together that resulted in a picture. At first I thought I was ill, I didn't understand why such thoughts polluted my mind. But it was love. It still is. I just needed to tell her.
So I approached her. Legs slowly waning, sweat slowly forming, mind slowly stuttering. She was alone. At first I just sat down and said "Hi". Sitting for a while, pondering whether I should bother, then the thoughts that were caught up within me told me. There was only one way to end this. So I asked her.
As she spoke I went numb, like everything else about her, she spoke perfectly; soft, loving, caring, always staring deep into my eyes as she did. I thought it was to turn out well, I thought she was close to accepting. But she rejected.
With a turn of her head she tore out my heart.
For a few seconds I just froze. Staring at her body slowly disappearing. Everything collapsed. I just began walking, further and further, not stopping for anyone of anything. I didn't know where I'd end up, just knew it was going to be far away from here. Musings littered my mind of love and caring, what it all meant, if it was nothing more than myth, and the more I did, my faster I moved.
After what felt like days I found myself in a small wreck of a building. I didn't know where it was, it could have been miles from my house. All that was left was a little bit of stale food, some empty bottles and a razor. An odd smell filled my lungs, and the dripping of a distant water body rung in my ears. I just sat and waited, I don't know what for, if anything. The cold air choked me as I drew in breath.
There I was exhaling, slowly impaling.
I hate myself for it, I hate myself for giving up, but I took hold of the razor and cut deep into my wrist. Hacking away at my own flesh, letting my anger out. I knew I lost what I believed in, lost all happiness, I couldn't go on without anything. Crimson swept through my clothes like a virus infecting my very presence.
Now I lie here, bathed in deep red liquid that poisoned my heart, falling out of love...
I used to think like that, care what people thought of me, wondered for hours what people would say behind my back, paranoia slowly cutting deep into my flesh. It's a part of everyday life, I don't think anyone can honestly say that they haven't experienced it. You just have to move on.
So I did. I left those who tried to control me, those who didn't love me, those who simply wanted to use me. I wasn't a loner, I just chose shed myself of those who weren't important.
My life was good. For a short time I didn't care what others thought, I could walk past groups of people and hear no sniggering, hear no whispering, no constant looking over my shoulder. I knew they didn't matter anymore. As lonely as I was, I felt so happy. My company was myself, and that's all I ever needed. Now the infestation that scuttle in my wake are nothing, forever a glint was in my eye.
Then I saw her.
I didn't know her name, I'd never seen her before, but I knew straight away. Elegantly gliding, a mystic aura clutched to her very being, her eyes would shine, hair spilling from her perfection. She was sublime. She was what I was missing in my life. I had never seen such beauty; all beyond her was but a blur, angelic in her poise, heart-breaking in her glance. A shudder shot up my spine and my body filled with ecstasy. She fell from view and left an imprint forever in my mind.
I would sit there thinking about her for hours; hours turn to weeks, which turned to months, which turned to years. Like bottled perfection she lingered in my mind.
Then I cared again.
I had lost what gave me happiness, what protected me from others. I needed her like nothing before. Obscure thoughts of both of us would litter my mind, making little sense my feeble brain, just emotions thrown together that resulted in a picture. At first I thought I was ill, I didn't understand why such thoughts polluted my mind. But it was love. It still is. I just needed to tell her.
So I approached her. Legs slowly waning, sweat slowly forming, mind slowly stuttering. She was alone. At first I just sat down and said "Hi". Sitting for a while, pondering whether I should bother, then the thoughts that were caught up within me told me. There was only one way to end this. So I asked her.
As she spoke I went numb, like everything else about her, she spoke perfectly; soft, loving, caring, always staring deep into my eyes as she did. I thought it was to turn out well, I thought she was close to accepting. But she rejected.
With a turn of her head she tore out my heart.
For a few seconds I just froze. Staring at her body slowly disappearing. Everything collapsed. I just began walking, further and further, not stopping for anyone of anything. I didn't know where I'd end up, just knew it was going to be far away from here. Musings littered my mind of love and caring, what it all meant, if it was nothing more than myth, and the more I did, my faster I moved.
After what felt like days I found myself in a small wreck of a building. I didn't know where it was, it could have been miles from my house. All that was left was a little bit of stale food, some empty bottles and a razor. An odd smell filled my lungs, and the dripping of a distant water body rung in my ears. I just sat and waited, I don't know what for, if anything. The cold air choked me as I drew in breath.
There I was exhaling, slowly impaling.
I hate myself for it, I hate myself for giving up, but I took hold of the razor and cut deep into my wrist. Hacking away at my own flesh, letting my anger out. I knew I lost what I believed in, lost all happiness, I couldn't go on without anything. Crimson swept through my clothes like a virus infecting my very presence.
Now I lie here, bathed in deep red liquid that poisoned my heart, falling out of love...
Cyclone wrote:
> Nicely done. Again, (I'm really beggininng to sound like a
> sanctimonius little biatch) as Pb said, it's a tad expected.
>
> That is ignoring the quality of the story, and it's interesting to
> see the interpretations of the 'sublime'.
Plus, as FFF said, it's a cracking story.
> Nicely done. Again, (I'm really beggininng to sound like a
> sanctimonius little biatch) as Pb said, it's a tad expected.
>
> That is ignoring the quality of the story, and it's interesting to
> see the interpretations of the 'sublime'.
Plus, as FFF said, it's a cracking story.
Another fantastic piece.
It was expected, yes - but that did nothing to detract from the quality of writing and atmosphere.
It was expected, yes - but that did nothing to detract from the quality of writing and atmosphere.
Nicely done. Again, (I'm really beggininng to sound like a sanctimonius little biatch) as Pb said, it's a tad expected.
That is ignoring the quality of the story, and it's interesting to see the interpretations of the 'sublime'.
That is ignoring the quality of the story, and it's interesting to see the interpretations of the 'sublime'.
It's not a bad story, on it's own it would be great. It's just that there are too many others like it.
At one point it was going to be a nice story, but I'm really rubbish at writing... nice. Personally I wasn't very happy with how it turned out, but it was the same with my last two and people seemed to like them.
Don't worry pb, I'm trying my best to work on a more upbeat piece for you.
:-)
:-)
Well written, but I could see the end a mile off.
It's another teenage angst story.
It's another teenage angst story.
I liked it, but it was too similar to your Reflection piece in SSC5. Many words and phrases seemed paralleled straight from that.
Aside from that it was your usual Rickoss piece, brilliantly worded, superbly flowing and subtly described. No matter how familiar it seemed it was still a joy to read. Nice one.
Aside from that it was your usual Rickoss piece, brilliantly worded, superbly flowing and subtly described. No matter how familiar it seemed it was still a joy to read. Nice one.
Are you afraid of what people think? What the whispers beyond your shoulders are? Who is truly your friend or just another manipulating leech?
I used to think like that, care what people thought of me, wondered for hours what people would say behind my back, paranoia slowly cutting deep into my flesh. It's a part of everyday life, I don't think anyone can honestly say that they haven't experienced it. You just have to move on.
So I did. I left those who tried to control me, those who didn't love me, those who simply wanted to use me. I wasn't a loner, I just chose shed myself of those who weren't important.
My life was good. For a short time I didn't care what others thought, I could walk past groups of people and hear no sniggering, hear no whispering, no constant looking over my shoulder. I knew they didn't matter anymore. As lonely as I was, I felt so happy. My company was myself, and that's all I ever needed. Now the infestation that scuttle in my wake are nothing, forever a glint was in my eye.
Then I saw her.
I didn't know her name, I'd never seen her before, but I knew straight away. Elegantly gliding, a mystic aura clutched to her very being, her eyes would shine, hair spilling from her perfection. She was sublime. She was what I was missing in my life. I had never seen such beauty; all beyond her was but a blur, angelic in her poise, heart-breaking in her glance. A shudder shot up my spine and my body filled with ecstasy. She fell from view and left an imprint forever in my mind.
I would sit there thinking about her for hours; hours turn to weeks, which turned to months, which turned to years. Like bottled perfection she lingered in my mind.
Then I cared again.
I had lost what gave me happiness, what protected me from others. I needed her like nothing before. Obscure thoughts of both of us would litter my mind, making little sense my feeble brain, just emotions thrown together that resulted in a picture. At first I thought I was ill, I didn't understand why such thoughts polluted my mind. But it was love. It still is. I just needed to tell her.
So I approached her. Legs slowly waning, sweat slowly forming, mind slowly stuttering. She was alone. At first I just sat down and said "Hi". Sitting for a while, pondering whether I should bother, then the thoughts that were caught up within me told me. There was only one way to end this. So I asked her.
As she spoke I went numb, like everything else about her, she spoke perfectly; soft, loving, caring, always staring deep into my eyes as she did. I thought it was to turn out well, I thought she was close to accepting. But she rejected.
With a turn of her head she tore out my heart.
For a few seconds I just froze. Staring at her body slowly disappearing. Everything collapsed. I just began walking, further and further, not stopping for anyone of anything. I didn't know where I'd end up, just knew it was going to be far away from here. Musings littered my mind of love and caring, what it all meant, if it was nothing more than myth, and the more I did, my faster I moved.
After what felt like days I found myself in a small wreck of a building. I didn't know where it was, it could have been miles from my house. All that was left was a little bit of stale food, some empty bottles and a razor. An odd smell filled my lungs, and the dripping of a distant water body rung in my ears. I just sat and waited, I don't know what for, if anything. The cold air choked me as I drew in breath.
There I was exhaling, slowly impaling.
I hate myself for it, I hate myself for giving up, but I took hold of the razor and cut deep into my wrist. Hacking away at my own flesh, letting my anger out. I knew I lost what I believed in, lost all happiness, I couldn't go on without anything. Crimson swept through my clothes like a virus infecting my very presence.
Now I lie here, bathed in deep red liquid that poisoned my heart, falling out of love...
I used to think like that, care what people thought of me, wondered for hours what people would say behind my back, paranoia slowly cutting deep into my flesh. It's a part of everyday life, I don't think anyone can honestly say that they haven't experienced it. You just have to move on.
So I did. I left those who tried to control me, those who didn't love me, those who simply wanted to use me. I wasn't a loner, I just chose shed myself of those who weren't important.
My life was good. For a short time I didn't care what others thought, I could walk past groups of people and hear no sniggering, hear no whispering, no constant looking over my shoulder. I knew they didn't matter anymore. As lonely as I was, I felt so happy. My company was myself, and that's all I ever needed. Now the infestation that scuttle in my wake are nothing, forever a glint was in my eye.
Then I saw her.
I didn't know her name, I'd never seen her before, but I knew straight away. Elegantly gliding, a mystic aura clutched to her very being, her eyes would shine, hair spilling from her perfection. She was sublime. She was what I was missing in my life. I had never seen such beauty; all beyond her was but a blur, angelic in her poise, heart-breaking in her glance. A shudder shot up my spine and my body filled with ecstasy. She fell from view and left an imprint forever in my mind.
I would sit there thinking about her for hours; hours turn to weeks, which turned to months, which turned to years. Like bottled perfection she lingered in my mind.
Then I cared again.
I had lost what gave me happiness, what protected me from others. I needed her like nothing before. Obscure thoughts of both of us would litter my mind, making little sense my feeble brain, just emotions thrown together that resulted in a picture. At first I thought I was ill, I didn't understand why such thoughts polluted my mind. But it was love. It still is. I just needed to tell her.
So I approached her. Legs slowly waning, sweat slowly forming, mind slowly stuttering. She was alone. At first I just sat down and said "Hi". Sitting for a while, pondering whether I should bother, then the thoughts that were caught up within me told me. There was only one way to end this. So I asked her.
As she spoke I went numb, like everything else about her, she spoke perfectly; soft, loving, caring, always staring deep into my eyes as she did. I thought it was to turn out well, I thought she was close to accepting. But she rejected.
With a turn of her head she tore out my heart.
For a few seconds I just froze. Staring at her body slowly disappearing. Everything collapsed. I just began walking, further and further, not stopping for anyone of anything. I didn't know where I'd end up, just knew it was going to be far away from here. Musings littered my mind of love and caring, what it all meant, if it was nothing more than myth, and the more I did, my faster I moved.
After what felt like days I found myself in a small wreck of a building. I didn't know where it was, it could have been miles from my house. All that was left was a little bit of stale food, some empty bottles and a razor. An odd smell filled my lungs, and the dripping of a distant water body rung in my ears. I just sat and waited, I don't know what for, if anything. The cold air choked me as I drew in breath.
There I was exhaling, slowly impaling.
I hate myself for it, I hate myself for giving up, but I took hold of the razor and cut deep into my wrist. Hacking away at my own flesh, letting my anger out. I knew I lost what I believed in, lost all happiness, I couldn't go on without anything. Crimson swept through my clothes like a virus infecting my very presence.
Now I lie here, bathed in deep red liquid that poisoned my heart, falling out of love...