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I find myself in a new city, the wonderful picturesque city of Edinburgh. So how do I choose to explore it on my own? A few glasses of vodka and coke later and suddenly I’m in an adventurous mood: I set out into the unexplored city that is Edinburgh.
“Just remember you’re near a school with black railings” I tell myself, “you’ll be fine, this place isn’t that big”.
Ah the sweet confidence of those who have too much alcohol in their system.
So I head off to find some-sort of club, which won’t play what I want to hear but I’m out to explore, I’m on an adventure, I’m a big kid with a new toy and it’s name is Edinburgh.
So where does my alcohol-pickled brain decide to go to look for a club? Why the centre of Edinburgh! “And why not?” my overconfident thoughts converge “All the clubs are central where I used to live, back in Jersey” but for some reason over here you can’t find a nice big club one hundred metres away from the Royal Bank of Scotland. Curse those town planners and they’re zoning ideas! Why should all the banks be separate from the clubs? They’re both based on charging obscene amount of money for very little service, although feeling screwed after visiting a club might be vastly more preferable to visiting the bank.
Anyway, to my drunken surprise there was very little life to be found in the centre of Edinburgh, even though I knew all the banks were there.
I wandered around looking at all the tall buildings, wondering why people would pay so much for what is basically a normal flat with windows twice the size. One place even had a security camera inside the front door! This was not was I was looking for, I was an over-confident young drunk and I needed adventure, or failing that to get quite lost!
On the way home I saw a foreboding pathway leading into a park. ‘Nice shortcut’ I thought, in my hat and jumper I looked the part of someone who could take care of himself, so why not go and have a look? After all it’s not Central Park!
A short walk later, I find one kid playing basketball and reams and reams of fences built to keep him out of some form of, by the numbers, estates. Scary stuff this basketball.
One dead-end successfully explored and returned from, I ventured into a street I thought would lead me home. No, this is Edinburgh! It’s not that straightforward to an island dwelling person like myself where everything is contained in a thimble-sized area of buildings and roads.
Now I really need to go to the bathroom. This is not good, I haven’t even found the mystical black railings yet! Black railings are everywhere, somehow in my drunken state this surprises me: as if before I thought most railings were pink.
I wander into what appears to be a main road but is in-fact a huge circular estate. “Look another dark shortcut!” my brain says and I dumbly bludgeon my way through the night air towards what could be certain death. I break up some activity in my passing, perhaps some sort of drug deal, as one man leaves the path and another shortly follows looking slightly lost and uncomfortable in that way that says ‘If you’re CID I ain’t done nothing guv, honest!’
I put my lucky escape from getting mugged down to my choice of dark clothes and a hat.
Accidentally doubling back, and passing the same churches, takeaways and yes the same bloody circular estate(!): I finally find a road I recognise, but only because I’d travelled on it that afternoon in my first visit to TESCO. Once again I had found my way home through sheer luck and perhaps some sense of direction. Pride had not let me take a taxi home and somehow I had made it back from my tiny little adventure.
Thank god for TESCO!
Some good pubs and clubs. I recommened Firewater and The Garage.
Before long you'll know the city like the back of your hand.
Of course, it depends on how well you know the back of your hand...
some b*tch ass fly keeps flying near my head though.
zero tolerance for those things.
This thing needs editing, but not now.
how many beers you got, I'm nearly out
*offers cigarette*