The "Freeola Customer Forum" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
After being left red with embarrassment on her Wedding Day, the Bride is out for revenge!
Formally a member of the Deadly Wiper Prank Squad, the Bride had her wedding day completely ruined by her former associates. The organist’s stool collapsed, whoopee-cushions had been placed on all of the chairs, and the wedding cake was replaced by one made from dog food.
The Groom was so shocked that he ran off, and has not been seen since.
After years spent shying away from a still laughing public, the Bride emerged from hiding, ready to unleash a fury on former friends.
Chapter 1: Vernita Green
She steps across a garden peppered with toys and peers in the window. Vernita is home, standing by the sink. The Bride smiles, knowing that it’s her chance to put her plan into action. From her pocket she pulls a brown paper bag, and peers inside. The awful stench of the mixed faeces of the local cats and dogs makes her reel back, but her smile remains constant. With stealth unknown outside of the Wipers, she crawls beneath the window, and to the front door. Here she places the back. From another pocket she pulls a match, which she lights, and throws onto the bag.
As flames begin to dance, she rings the doorbell, and slips around to the back of the house.
The patio door is open, and she slips through it. She glances down the hall to see Vernita going to stamp out the fire. Knowing she only has a second she spots what she’s looking for – the car keys. She grabs them as an almighty squelch fills the air, and in a flowing movement hides them beneath a plant pot as she slips out of the patio door.
Not satisfied that her work here is yet complete, she waits and watches. She peers through the bathroom window at the foot of filth she has created, and laughs. But this is not the end, she waits until Vernita wants to go out and she watches. She watches Vernita look in all of the usual places for keys before becoming quite distressed, and turning the whole place over to try to find them. Pleased that this will take hours to tidy up, she slips off, ready to take on the next Deadly Wiper.
Chapter 2: O’Ren-Ishi
One flight to Japan later, The Bride is in position for her second strike. O’Ren has done well in the prank work, and risen to the very top of the Japanese Prank Underworld. What’s more, she’s protected by her own unique band, the Crazy 88 Jesters.
The Bride slips into their HQ, but she’s not planning on achieving her goals by sneaking around, oh no. It’s party time, and the Crazy 88 are dancing away when The Bride walks up to the DJ stand. She offers him a can of beer nuts, which he struggles to open, and leaves the stand. As he walks away, the top comes off, and out pops a paper snake!
Before the DJ can return, she pulls a record from her personal collection. It’s The Birdie Song. The Crazy 88 dance away, flapping their arms and shaking their bums, unable to stop The Bride from making her way through to O’Ren-Ishi.
O’Ren-Ishi sits alone at a table. As The Bride enters she looks up, ready and prepared for an attack. O’Ren offers The Bride a drink, but spotting the fake fly in the ice-cube, she turns it down and breaks into song:
This is the song that never ends,
Yes it goes on and on my friend,
Some people started singing it,
Not knowing what it was,
They’ll continue singing it,
Forever just because,
This is the song that never ends,
Yes it goes on and on my friend,
Some people started singing it,
Not knowing what it was,
They’ll continue singing it,
Forever just because,
(Continued)
After 13 renditions O’Ren breaks, and runs for the toilets with her hands over her ears. Happy that the song will forever be ingrained on the brain of O’Ren, she leaves, removing the cotton wool from her ears on the way, and replacing the Birdie Song with Aga-Doo.
Chapter 3: Elle Driver
The Bride returns home to find Elle Driver waiting for her, wanting to get this over and done with. They talk trash for a while, starting off by reminiscing about pranks they pulled together, before moving on to threatening each other with famous pranks.
As Elle begins to get worn down with threats of Wedgies and Wet Willies The Bride grabs a pen, and holds it against Elle’s wrist.
“A blind man walks down the road,” says the Bride, “tell him when to stop.” She starts to draw down Elle’s arm but she soon shouts, “stop.”
“Okay” says the Bride “A deaf man walks down the road, tell him when to stop.” The Bride begins to draw.
“Stop,” cries Elle, but The Bride continues to draw.
“Stop!” cries Elle again, but The Bride just looks up and begins to chant “deaf man can’t hear” over and again. Elle tries to pull her arm away, but by the time she pulls it free it’s covered in ink. She runs off to the bathroom to try to wash it off as The Bride slips away with a final laugh knowing one thing. That ink is permanent.
Chapter 4: Budd
A cross-country trip brings The Bride to Budd, who is sitting drinking a beer and reading a paper. The Bride coughs and he lowers the paper and looks up.
“Hey Budd” says The Bride as she starts to move her arms together and apart again “tell me when to stop.”
Budd studies the movement of the arms, tries to work out the erratic pattern. He shouts, “stop”, and The Bride does so, just as her arms are a mere inch apart.
“Ding-Dong, ding-dong, your willy’s that long” sings The Bride, showing Budd just how small the gap between her arms is.
“Isn’t!” says Budd.
“Is,” says The Bride.
“Isn’t,” says Budd, and he drops his pants to prove it. As he does so The Bride whips out a camera, and takes a quick snap. “Is,” she says “and everyone on the internet will see.”
Budd is speechless, and The Bride walks confidently away, ready to face her former boss, the man that ordered the attack on her wedding day. Bill was waiting, and she wasn't going to let him down. If there was one thing of which she was certain, she was going to annoy Bill.
Chapter 5: Bill
So far she had been annoying, more so than any of them would have expected of her, but if she was to annoy Bill, it would have to be something big, something more annoying than she had ever pulled off before.
She creeps to his house, and locates the phone line going in. Here she disconnects it, and attaches her very own phone. Then she calls the local pizzeria, and orders 3 large pizzas. She waits for the inevitable call back, something that would have destroyed the plan had she not cut into the phone line. She assures the pizza people that the order was correct, and then she waits.
Soon enough they arrive and knock at the door. It was at the very time that she had anticipated, mere seconds before the end of Hollyoaks. Bill would be so gutted that he missed it.
He insists that he hadn’t ordered the pizzas, but as he was quite hungry, and the delivery boy was insistent, he took them anyway. The Bride slips inside as he closes the door. Whilst he goes into the kitchen, she goes into his living room. She hears a cry, and smiles. She knows that he’s seen the toppings, and will be busy for a while picking off the anchovies and pineapple.
Whilst he’s busy, she gets to work. His video’s are first, and she removes the stickers from all of them. She knows it’ll take him forever to find his tape of Miss World 1998. Then she goes to his CD collection, and un-alphabetises it. She even swaps some of the cases the CD’s are in.
With this complete she sneaks away, her mission successful, with Bill incredibly annoyed. Especially as another delivery is scheduled for Sunday morning, and he’ll miss the Hollyoaks omnibus too!
Formally a member of the Deadly Wiper Prank Squad, the Bride had her wedding day completely ruined by her former associates. The organist’s stool collapsed, whoopee-cushions had been placed on all of the chairs, and the wedding cake was replaced by one made from dog food.
The Groom was so shocked that he ran off, and has not been seen since.
After years spent shying away from a still laughing public, the Bride emerged from hiding, ready to unleash a fury on former friends.
Chapter 1: Vernita Green
She steps across a garden peppered with toys and peers in the window. Vernita is home, standing by the sink. The Bride smiles, knowing that it’s her chance to put her plan into action. From her pocket she pulls a brown paper bag, and peers inside. The awful stench of the mixed faeces of the local cats and dogs makes her reel back, but her smile remains constant. With stealth unknown outside of the Wipers, she crawls beneath the window, and to the front door. Here she places the back. From another pocket she pulls a match, which she lights, and throws onto the bag.
As flames begin to dance, she rings the doorbell, and slips around to the back of the house.
The patio door is open, and she slips through it. She glances down the hall to see Vernita going to stamp out the fire. Knowing she only has a second she spots what she’s looking for – the car keys. She grabs them as an almighty squelch fills the air, and in a flowing movement hides them beneath a plant pot as she slips out of the patio door.
Not satisfied that her work here is yet complete, she waits and watches. She peers through the bathroom window at the foot of filth she has created, and laughs. But this is not the end, she waits until Vernita wants to go out and she watches. She watches Vernita look in all of the usual places for keys before becoming quite distressed, and turning the whole place over to try to find them. Pleased that this will take hours to tidy up, she slips off, ready to take on the next Deadly Wiper.
Chapter 2: O’Ren-Ishi
One flight to Japan later, The Bride is in position for her second strike. O’Ren has done well in the prank work, and risen to the very top of the Japanese Prank Underworld. What’s more, she’s protected by her own unique band, the Crazy 88 Jesters.
The Bride slips into their HQ, but she’s not planning on achieving her goals by sneaking around, oh no. It’s party time, and the Crazy 88 are dancing away when The Bride walks up to the DJ stand. She offers him a can of beer nuts, which he struggles to open, and leaves the stand. As he walks away, the top comes off, and out pops a paper snake!
Before the DJ can return, she pulls a record from her personal collection. It’s The Birdie Song. The Crazy 88 dance away, flapping their arms and shaking their bums, unable to stop The Bride from making her way through to O’Ren-Ishi.
O’Ren-Ishi sits alone at a table. As The Bride enters she looks up, ready and prepared for an attack. O’Ren offers The Bride a drink, but spotting the fake fly in the ice-cube, she turns it down and breaks into song:
This is the song that never ends,
Yes it goes on and on my friend,
Some people started singing it,
Not knowing what it was,
They’ll continue singing it,
Forever just because,
This is the song that never ends,
Yes it goes on and on my friend,
Some people started singing it,
Not knowing what it was,
They’ll continue singing it,
Forever just because,
(Continued)
After 13 renditions O’Ren breaks, and runs for the toilets with her hands over her ears. Happy that the song will forever be ingrained on the brain of O’Ren, she leaves, removing the cotton wool from her ears on the way, and replacing the Birdie Song with Aga-Doo.
Chapter 3: Elle Driver
The Bride returns home to find Elle Driver waiting for her, wanting to get this over and done with. They talk trash for a while, starting off by reminiscing about pranks they pulled together, before moving on to threatening each other with famous pranks.
As Elle begins to get worn down with threats of Wedgies and Wet Willies The Bride grabs a pen, and holds it against Elle’s wrist.
“A blind man walks down the road,” says the Bride, “tell him when to stop.” She starts to draw down Elle’s arm but she soon shouts, “stop.”
“Okay” says the Bride “A deaf man walks down the road, tell him when to stop.” The Bride begins to draw.
“Stop,” cries Elle, but The Bride continues to draw.
“Stop!” cries Elle again, but The Bride just looks up and begins to chant “deaf man can’t hear” over and again. Elle tries to pull her arm away, but by the time she pulls it free it’s covered in ink. She runs off to the bathroom to try to wash it off as The Bride slips away with a final laugh knowing one thing. That ink is permanent.
Chapter 4: Budd
A cross-country trip brings The Bride to Budd, who is sitting drinking a beer and reading a paper. The Bride coughs and he lowers the paper and looks up.
“Hey Budd” says The Bride as she starts to move her arms together and apart again “tell me when to stop.”
Budd studies the movement of the arms, tries to work out the erratic pattern. He shouts, “stop”, and The Bride does so, just as her arms are a mere inch apart.
“Ding-Dong, ding-dong, your willy’s that long” sings The Bride, showing Budd just how small the gap between her arms is.
“Isn’t!” says Budd.
“Is,” says The Bride.
“Isn’t,” says Budd, and he drops his pants to prove it. As he does so The Bride whips out a camera, and takes a quick snap. “Is,” she says “and everyone on the internet will see.”
Budd is speechless, and The Bride walks confidently away, ready to face her former boss, the man that ordered the attack on her wedding day. Bill was waiting, and she wasn't going to let him down. If there was one thing of which she was certain, she was going to annoy Bill.
Chapter 5: Bill
So far she had been annoying, more so than any of them would have expected of her, but if she was to annoy Bill, it would have to be something big, something more annoying than she had ever pulled off before.
She creeps to his house, and locates the phone line going in. Here she disconnects it, and attaches her very own phone. Then she calls the local pizzeria, and orders 3 large pizzas. She waits for the inevitable call back, something that would have destroyed the plan had she not cut into the phone line. She assures the pizza people that the order was correct, and then she waits.
Soon enough they arrive and knock at the door. It was at the very time that she had anticipated, mere seconds before the end of Hollyoaks. Bill would be so gutted that he missed it.
He insists that he hadn’t ordered the pizzas, but as he was quite hungry, and the delivery boy was insistent, he took them anyway. The Bride slips inside as he closes the door. Whilst he goes into the kitchen, she goes into his living room. She hears a cry, and smiles. She knows that he’s seen the toppings, and will be busy for a while picking off the anchovies and pineapple.
Whilst he’s busy, she gets to work. His video’s are first, and she removes the stickers from all of them. She knows it’ll take him forever to find his tape of Miss World 1998. Then she goes to his CD collection, and un-alphabetises it. She even swaps some of the cases the CD’s are in.
With this complete she sneaks away, her mission successful, with Bill incredibly annoyed. Especially as another delivery is scheduled for Sunday morning, and he’ll miss the Hollyoaks omnibus too!
Thanks guys.
Someone else suggested that I should have also had another classic trick, so tell me if you think this bit should go in at the start of the Budd section.
She arrives and watches, as he gets up to get a beer, she approaches his chair. He's clearly been waiting for her, as he has a pair of binoculars by the chair. Quickly, the Bribe pick them up and wipes black grease around the rim, before sliping back to her hiding place.
----------
Then she can approach him, and it adds a little more to the photo if he also has a big black eye.
Someone else suggested that I should have also had another classic trick, so tell me if you think this bit should go in at the start of the Budd section.
She arrives and watches, as he gets up to get a beer, she approaches his chair. He's clearly been waiting for her, as he has a pair of binoculars by the chair. Quickly, the Bribe pick them up and wipes black grease around the rim, before sliping back to her hiding place.
----------
Then she can approach him, and it adds a little more to the photo if he also has a big black eye.
That was funny.
:D
Brilliant.
Brilliant.
After being left red with embarrassment on her Wedding Day, the Bride is out for revenge!
Formally a member of the Deadly Wiper Prank Squad, the Bride had her wedding day completely ruined by her former associates. The organist’s stool collapsed, whoopee-cushions had been placed on all of the chairs, and the wedding cake was replaced by one made from dog food.
The Groom was so shocked that he ran off, and has not been seen since.
After years spent shying away from a still laughing public, the Bride emerged from hiding, ready to unleash a fury on former friends.
Chapter 1: Vernita Green
She steps across a garden peppered with toys and peers in the window. Vernita is home, standing by the sink. The Bride smiles, knowing that it’s her chance to put her plan into action. From her pocket she pulls a brown paper bag, and peers inside. The awful stench of the mixed faeces of the local cats and dogs makes her reel back, but her smile remains constant. With stealth unknown outside of the Wipers, she crawls beneath the window, and to the front door. Here she places the back. From another pocket she pulls a match, which she lights, and throws onto the bag.
As flames begin to dance, she rings the doorbell, and slips around to the back of the house.
The patio door is open, and she slips through it. She glances down the hall to see Vernita going to stamp out the fire. Knowing she only has a second she spots what she’s looking for – the car keys. She grabs them as an almighty squelch fills the air, and in a flowing movement hides them beneath a plant pot as she slips out of the patio door.
Not satisfied that her work here is yet complete, she waits and watches. She peers through the bathroom window at the foot of filth she has created, and laughs. But this is not the end, she waits until Vernita wants to go out and she watches. She watches Vernita look in all of the usual places for keys before becoming quite distressed, and turning the whole place over to try to find them. Pleased that this will take hours to tidy up, she slips off, ready to take on the next Deadly Wiper.
Chapter 2: O’Ren-Ishi
One flight to Japan later, The Bride is in position for her second strike. O’Ren has done well in the prank work, and risen to the very top of the Japanese Prank Underworld. What’s more, she’s protected by her own unique band, the Crazy 88 Jesters.
The Bride slips into their HQ, but she’s not planning on achieving her goals by sneaking around, oh no. It’s party time, and the Crazy 88 are dancing away when The Bride walks up to the DJ stand. She offers him a can of beer nuts, which he struggles to open, and leaves the stand. As he walks away, the top comes off, and out pops a paper snake!
Before the DJ can return, she pulls a record from her personal collection. It’s The Birdie Song. The Crazy 88 dance away, flapping their arms and shaking their bums, unable to stop The Bride from making her way through to O’Ren-Ishi.
O’Ren-Ishi sits alone at a table. As The Bride enters she looks up, ready and prepared for an attack. O’Ren offers The Bride a drink, but spotting the fake fly in the ice-cube, she turns it down and breaks into song:
This is the song that never ends,
Yes it goes on and on my friend,
Some people started singing it,
Not knowing what it was,
They’ll continue singing it,
Forever just because,
This is the song that never ends,
Yes it goes on and on my friend,
Some people started singing it,
Not knowing what it was,
They’ll continue singing it,
Forever just because,
(Continued)
After 13 renditions O’Ren breaks, and runs for the toilets with her hands over her ears. Happy that the song will forever be ingrained on the brain of O’Ren, she leaves, removing the cotton wool from her ears on the way, and replacing the Birdie Song with Aga-Doo.
Chapter 3: Elle Driver
The Bride returns home to find Elle Driver waiting for her, wanting to get this over and done with. They talk trash for a while, starting off by reminiscing about pranks they pulled together, before moving on to threatening each other with famous pranks.
As Elle begins to get worn down with threats of Wedgies and Wet Willies The Bride grabs a pen, and holds it against Elle’s wrist.
“A blind man walks down the road,” says the Bride, “tell him when to stop.” She starts to draw down Elle’s arm but she soon shouts, “stop.”
“Okay” says the Bride “A deaf man walks down the road, tell him when to stop.” The Bride begins to draw.
“Stop,” cries Elle, but The Bride continues to draw.
“Stop!” cries Elle again, but The Bride just looks up and begins to chant “deaf man can’t hear” over and again. Elle tries to pull her arm away, but by the time she pulls it free it’s covered in ink. She runs off to the bathroom to try to wash it off as The Bride slips away with a final laugh knowing one thing. That ink is permanent.
Chapter 4: Budd
A cross-country trip brings The Bride to Budd, who is sitting drinking a beer and reading a paper. The Bride coughs and he lowers the paper and looks up.
“Hey Budd” says The Bride as she starts to move her arms together and apart again “tell me when to stop.”
Budd studies the movement of the arms, tries to work out the erratic pattern. He shouts, “stop”, and The Bride does so, just as her arms are a mere inch apart.
“Ding-Dong, ding-dong, your willy’s that long” sings The Bride, showing Budd just how small the gap between her arms is.
“Isn’t!” says Budd.
“Is,” says The Bride.
“Isn’t,” says Budd, and he drops his pants to prove it. As he does so The Bride whips out a camera, and takes a quick snap. “Is,” she says “and everyone on the internet will see.”
Budd is speechless, and The Bride walks confidently away, ready to face her former boss, the man that ordered the attack on her wedding day. Bill was waiting, and she wasn't going to let him down. If there was one thing of which she was certain, she was going to annoy Bill.
Chapter 5: Bill
So far she had been annoying, more so than any of them would have expected of her, but if she was to annoy Bill, it would have to be something big, something more annoying than she had ever pulled off before.
She creeps to his house, and locates the phone line going in. Here she disconnects it, and attaches her very own phone. Then she calls the local pizzeria, and orders 3 large pizzas. She waits for the inevitable call back, something that would have destroyed the plan had she not cut into the phone line. She assures the pizza people that the order was correct, and then she waits.
Soon enough they arrive and knock at the door. It was at the very time that she had anticipated, mere seconds before the end of Hollyoaks. Bill would be so gutted that he missed it.
He insists that he hadn’t ordered the pizzas, but as he was quite hungry, and the delivery boy was insistent, he took them anyway. The Bride slips inside as he closes the door. Whilst he goes into the kitchen, she goes into his living room. She hears a cry, and smiles. She knows that he’s seen the toppings, and will be busy for a while picking off the anchovies and pineapple.
Whilst he’s busy, she gets to work. His video’s are first, and she removes the stickers from all of them. She knows it’ll take him forever to find his tape of Miss World 1998. Then she goes to his CD collection, and un-alphabetises it. She even swaps some of the cases the CD’s are in.
With this complete she sneaks away, her mission successful, with Bill incredibly annoyed. Especially as another delivery is scheduled for Sunday morning, and he’ll miss the Hollyoaks omnibus too!
Formally a member of the Deadly Wiper Prank Squad, the Bride had her wedding day completely ruined by her former associates. The organist’s stool collapsed, whoopee-cushions had been placed on all of the chairs, and the wedding cake was replaced by one made from dog food.
The Groom was so shocked that he ran off, and has not been seen since.
After years spent shying away from a still laughing public, the Bride emerged from hiding, ready to unleash a fury on former friends.
Chapter 1: Vernita Green
She steps across a garden peppered with toys and peers in the window. Vernita is home, standing by the sink. The Bride smiles, knowing that it’s her chance to put her plan into action. From her pocket she pulls a brown paper bag, and peers inside. The awful stench of the mixed faeces of the local cats and dogs makes her reel back, but her smile remains constant. With stealth unknown outside of the Wipers, she crawls beneath the window, and to the front door. Here she places the back. From another pocket she pulls a match, which she lights, and throws onto the bag.
As flames begin to dance, she rings the doorbell, and slips around to the back of the house.
The patio door is open, and she slips through it. She glances down the hall to see Vernita going to stamp out the fire. Knowing she only has a second she spots what she’s looking for – the car keys. She grabs them as an almighty squelch fills the air, and in a flowing movement hides them beneath a plant pot as she slips out of the patio door.
Not satisfied that her work here is yet complete, she waits and watches. She peers through the bathroom window at the foot of filth she has created, and laughs. But this is not the end, she waits until Vernita wants to go out and she watches. She watches Vernita look in all of the usual places for keys before becoming quite distressed, and turning the whole place over to try to find them. Pleased that this will take hours to tidy up, she slips off, ready to take on the next Deadly Wiper.
Chapter 2: O’Ren-Ishi
One flight to Japan later, The Bride is in position for her second strike. O’Ren has done well in the prank work, and risen to the very top of the Japanese Prank Underworld. What’s more, she’s protected by her own unique band, the Crazy 88 Jesters.
The Bride slips into their HQ, but she’s not planning on achieving her goals by sneaking around, oh no. It’s party time, and the Crazy 88 are dancing away when The Bride walks up to the DJ stand. She offers him a can of beer nuts, which he struggles to open, and leaves the stand. As he walks away, the top comes off, and out pops a paper snake!
Before the DJ can return, she pulls a record from her personal collection. It’s The Birdie Song. The Crazy 88 dance away, flapping their arms and shaking their bums, unable to stop The Bride from making her way through to O’Ren-Ishi.
O’Ren-Ishi sits alone at a table. As The Bride enters she looks up, ready and prepared for an attack. O’Ren offers The Bride a drink, but spotting the fake fly in the ice-cube, she turns it down and breaks into song:
This is the song that never ends,
Yes it goes on and on my friend,
Some people started singing it,
Not knowing what it was,
They’ll continue singing it,
Forever just because,
This is the song that never ends,
Yes it goes on and on my friend,
Some people started singing it,
Not knowing what it was,
They’ll continue singing it,
Forever just because,
(Continued)
After 13 renditions O’Ren breaks, and runs for the toilets with her hands over her ears. Happy that the song will forever be ingrained on the brain of O’Ren, she leaves, removing the cotton wool from her ears on the way, and replacing the Birdie Song with Aga-Doo.
Chapter 3: Elle Driver
The Bride returns home to find Elle Driver waiting for her, wanting to get this over and done with. They talk trash for a while, starting off by reminiscing about pranks they pulled together, before moving on to threatening each other with famous pranks.
As Elle begins to get worn down with threats of Wedgies and Wet Willies The Bride grabs a pen, and holds it against Elle’s wrist.
“A blind man walks down the road,” says the Bride, “tell him when to stop.” She starts to draw down Elle’s arm but she soon shouts, “stop.”
“Okay” says the Bride “A deaf man walks down the road, tell him when to stop.” The Bride begins to draw.
“Stop,” cries Elle, but The Bride continues to draw.
“Stop!” cries Elle again, but The Bride just looks up and begins to chant “deaf man can’t hear” over and again. Elle tries to pull her arm away, but by the time she pulls it free it’s covered in ink. She runs off to the bathroom to try to wash it off as The Bride slips away with a final laugh knowing one thing. That ink is permanent.
Chapter 4: Budd
A cross-country trip brings The Bride to Budd, who is sitting drinking a beer and reading a paper. The Bride coughs and he lowers the paper and looks up.
“Hey Budd” says The Bride as she starts to move her arms together and apart again “tell me when to stop.”
Budd studies the movement of the arms, tries to work out the erratic pattern. He shouts, “stop”, and The Bride does so, just as her arms are a mere inch apart.
“Ding-Dong, ding-dong, your willy’s that long” sings The Bride, showing Budd just how small the gap between her arms is.
“Isn’t!” says Budd.
“Is,” says The Bride.
“Isn’t,” says Budd, and he drops his pants to prove it. As he does so The Bride whips out a camera, and takes a quick snap. “Is,” she says “and everyone on the internet will see.”
Budd is speechless, and The Bride walks confidently away, ready to face her former boss, the man that ordered the attack on her wedding day. Bill was waiting, and she wasn't going to let him down. If there was one thing of which she was certain, she was going to annoy Bill.
Chapter 5: Bill
So far she had been annoying, more so than any of them would have expected of her, but if she was to annoy Bill, it would have to be something big, something more annoying than she had ever pulled off before.
She creeps to his house, and locates the phone line going in. Here she disconnects it, and attaches her very own phone. Then she calls the local pizzeria, and orders 3 large pizzas. She waits for the inevitable call back, something that would have destroyed the plan had she not cut into the phone line. She assures the pizza people that the order was correct, and then she waits.
Soon enough they arrive and knock at the door. It was at the very time that she had anticipated, mere seconds before the end of Hollyoaks. Bill would be so gutted that he missed it.
He insists that he hadn’t ordered the pizzas, but as he was quite hungry, and the delivery boy was insistent, he took them anyway. The Bride slips inside as he closes the door. Whilst he goes into the kitchen, she goes into his living room. She hears a cry, and smiles. She knows that he’s seen the toppings, and will be busy for a while picking off the anchovies and pineapple.
Whilst he’s busy, she gets to work. His video’s are first, and she removes the stickers from all of them. She knows it’ll take him forever to find his tape of Miss World 1998. Then she goes to his CD collection, and un-alphabetises it. She even swaps some of the cases the CD’s are in.
With this complete she sneaks away, her mission successful, with Bill incredibly annoyed. Especially as another delivery is scheduled for Sunday morning, and he’ll miss the Hollyoaks omnibus too!