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> > An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit
> > "How many children?" asks the council worker
> > "10" replies the Essex girl
> > "10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"
> > "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne
> > and Wayne"
> > "Doesn't that get confusing?"
> > "Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out
>playing
> > in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or
> > WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
> > "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the
>perturbed
> > council
> > worker.
> > "That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames"
> >
> >
> >
> > An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a
>garment
> > on
> > the counter.
> > "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she
>says.
> > "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
> > "No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
> >
> > Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
> > The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."
> > She says "I'll take the red one."
> > The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
> >
> > An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped
>and
> > bleeding.
> > The paramedics soon arrive on site.
> > Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some
> > questions?"
> > Girl: "OK" Medic: "What's your name?"
> > Girl: "Sharon."
> > Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"
> > Sharon: "Yes."
> > Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
> > Sharon: "Chelmsford, mate."
> >
> > An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang.
> > It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just
>heard on
> > the
> > news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be
> > careful!"
> >
> > "It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds
>of
> > them!"
> >
> > Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
> > everywhere.
> > The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's
>lying
> > flat out on the floor.
> > Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
> > Sharon: "Ok."
> > Medic: "What's you name?"
> > Sharon: "Sharon"
> > Medic: "Where do you live?"
> > Sharon: "Essex"
> > Medic: "Ok Sharon. How many fingers have I got up?"
> > Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
> >
> > A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive
>when
> > she accidentally cut up a truck driver.
> > The truck driver motioned for her to pull over.
> > When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk
>from
> > his
> > pocket.
> > He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to
>the
> > blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!".
> > He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.
> > When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face.
> > "Oh you think that's funny.? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat
>out of
> > His
> > truck and breaks every window in her car.
> > When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.
> > He is getting really mad
> > He gets his knife back out and slices all her tyres.
> > Now she's laughing.
> > The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to
>his
> > truck
> > and gets a can of gas, pours it
> > on her car and sets it on fire.
> > He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is almost falling
>over.
> > "What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside
>the
> > circle
> > "How many children?" asks the council worker
> > "10" replies the Essex girl
> > "10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"
> > "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne
> > and Wayne"
> > "Doesn't that get confusing?"
> > "Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out
>playing
> > in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or
> > WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
> > "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the
>perturbed
> > council
> > worker.
> > "That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames"
> >
> >
> >
> > An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a
>garment
> > on
> > the counter.
> > "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she
>says.
> > "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
> > "No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
> >
> > Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
> > The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."
> > She says "I'll take the red one."
> > The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
> >
> > An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped
>and
> > bleeding.
> > The paramedics soon arrive on site.
> > Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some
> > questions?"
> > Girl: "OK" Medic: "What's your name?"
> > Girl: "Sharon."
> > Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"
> > Sharon: "Yes."
> > Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
> > Sharon: "Chelmsford, mate."
> >
> > An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang.
> > It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just
>heard on
> > the
> > news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be
> > careful!"
> >
> > "It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds
>of
> > them!"
> >
> > Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
> > everywhere.
> > The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's
>lying
> > flat out on the floor.
> > Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
> > Sharon: "Ok."
> > Medic: "What's you name?"
> > Sharon: "Sharon"
> > Medic: "Where do you live?"
> > Sharon: "Essex"
> > Medic: "Ok Sharon. How many fingers have I got up?"
> > Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
> >
> > A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive
>when
> > she accidentally cut up a truck driver.
> > The truck driver motioned for her to pull over.
> > When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk
>from
> > his
> > pocket.
> > He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to
>the
> > blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!".
> > He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.
> > When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face.
> > "Oh you think that's funny.? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat
>out of
> > His
> > truck and breaks every window in her car.
> > When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.
> > He is getting really mad
> > He gets his knife back out and slices all her tyres.
> > Now she's laughing.
> > The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to
>his
> > truck
> > and gets a can of gas, pours it
> > on her car and sets it on fire.
> > He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is almost falling
>over.
> > "What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside
>the
> > circle
A blonde girl and a blonde guy are sitting in a bar when the blonde girl notices something strange about one of the blonde guys loafers.
She says: "excuse me mate, I’m not being funny or anything, but why does one of your loafers have an embroidered 'L' on it and the other have a 'R'?"
They guy smiles, puts down his drink and replies: "Well, I’m a little thick you see. So, to save myself any confusion the one with the 'R' on it is for my Right foot and the one with the 'L' on it is for my Left foot, do you see?"
"Cor blimey", exclaims the girl…"so, that must be why my knickers have 'C' and 'A' on them!"
She says: "excuse me mate, I’m not being funny or anything, but why does one of your loafers have an embroidered 'L' on it and the other have a 'R'?"
They guy smiles, puts down his drink and replies: "Well, I’m a little thick you see. So, to save myself any confusion the one with the 'R' on it is for my Right foot and the one with the 'L' on it is for my Left foot, do you see?"
"Cor blimey", exclaims the girl…"so, that must be why my knickers have 'C' and 'A' on them!"
Yup. Here are some more, although they relate to Scallies in general (But then, there are lots of them in Essex...)
What do you do if you run a Scally over?
Reverse over him to make sure he's dead.
What do you do if you see a scally with half his head missing walking towards you?
Shoot the other half off.
What do you do if you run a Scally over?
Reverse over him to make sure he's dead.
What do you do if you see a scally with half his head missing walking towards you?
Shoot the other half off.
Aye, the fingers one and the last one.
The fingers one was funny.
how do you know when an essex girl has an orgasm?
she drops her pie
what's the difference between an essex girl and a walrus?
one has a moustache and stinks of fish, the other lives in the sea.
what's the difference between the titanic and an essex girl?
only 1500 men went down on the titanic
she drops her pie
what's the difference between an essex girl and a walrus?
one has a moustache and stinks of fish, the other lives in the sea.
what's the difference between the titanic and an essex girl?
only 1500 men went down on the titanic
> > An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit
> > "How many children?" asks the council worker
> > "10" replies the Essex girl
> > "10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"
> > "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne
> > and Wayne"
> > "Doesn't that get confusing?"
> > "Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out
>playing
> > in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or
> > WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
> > "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the
>perturbed
> > council
> > worker.
> > "That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames"
> >
> >
> >
> > An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a
>garment
> > on
> > the counter.
> > "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she
>says.
> > "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
> > "No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
> >
> > Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
> > The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."
> > She says "I'll take the red one."
> > The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
> >
> > An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped
>and
> > bleeding.
> > The paramedics soon arrive on site.
> > Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some
> > questions?"
> > Girl: "OK" Medic: "What's your name?"
> > Girl: "Sharon."
> > Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"
> > Sharon: "Yes."
> > Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
> > Sharon: "Chelmsford, mate."
> >
> > An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang.
> > It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just
>heard on
> > the
> > news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be
> > careful!"
> >
> > "It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds
>of
> > them!"
> >
> > Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
> > everywhere.
> > The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's
>lying
> > flat out on the floor.
> > Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
> > Sharon: "Ok."
> > Medic: "What's you name?"
> > Sharon: "Sharon"
> > Medic: "Where do you live?"
> > Sharon: "Essex"
> > Medic: "Ok Sharon. How many fingers have I got up?"
> > Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
> >
> > A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive
>when
> > she accidentally cut up a truck driver.
> > The truck driver motioned for her to pull over.
> > When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk
>from
> > his
> > pocket.
> > He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to
>the
> > blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!".
> > He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.
> > When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face.
> > "Oh you think that's funny.? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat
>out of
> > His
> > truck and breaks every window in her car.
> > When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.
> > He is getting really mad
> > He gets his knife back out and slices all her tyres.
> > Now she's laughing.
> > The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to
>his
> > truck
> > and gets a can of gas, pours it
> > on her car and sets it on fire.
> > He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is almost falling
>over.
> > "What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside
>the
> > circle
> > "How many children?" asks the council worker
> > "10" replies the Essex girl
> > "10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"
> > "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne
> > and Wayne"
> > "Doesn't that get confusing?"
> > "Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out
>playing
> > in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or
> > WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
> > "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the
>perturbed
> > council
> > worker.
> > "That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames"
> >
> >
> >
> > An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a
>garment
> > on
> > the counter.
> > "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she
>says.
> > "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
> > "No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
> >
> > Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
> > The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."
> > She says "I'll take the red one."
> > The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
> >
> > An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped
>and
> > bleeding.
> > The paramedics soon arrive on site.
> > Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some
> > questions?"
> > Girl: "OK" Medic: "What's your name?"
> > Girl: "Sharon."
> > Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"
> > Sharon: "Yes."
> > Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
> > Sharon: "Chelmsford, mate."
> >
> > An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang.
> > It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just
>heard on
> > the
> > news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be
> > careful!"
> >
> > "It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds
>of
> > them!"
> >
> > Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
> > everywhere.
> > The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's
>lying
> > flat out on the floor.
> > Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
> > Sharon: "Ok."
> > Medic: "What's you name?"
> > Sharon: "Sharon"
> > Medic: "Where do you live?"
> > Sharon: "Essex"
> > Medic: "Ok Sharon. How many fingers have I got up?"
> > Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
> >
> > A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive
>when
> > she accidentally cut up a truck driver.
> > The truck driver motioned for her to pull over.
> > When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk
>from
> > his
> > pocket.
> > He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to
>the
> > blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!".
> > He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.
> > When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face.
> > "Oh you think that's funny.? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat
>out of
> > His
> > truck and breaks every window in her car.
> > When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.
> > He is getting really mad
> > He gets his knife back out and slices all her tyres.
> > Now she's laughing.
> > The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to
>his
> > truck
> > and gets a can of gas, pours it
> > on her car and sets it on fire.
> > He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is almost falling
>over.
> > "What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside
>the
> > circle