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I'll start off ...
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I''m sorry to bother you, but I''m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I''ve got a better idea... just for tonight, let''s pretend we''re married."
The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.
"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I''m sorry to bother you, but I''m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I''ve got a better idea... just for tonight, let''s pretend we''re married."
The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.
"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"
Page:
Borat §agdiyev wrote:
> An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a
> s p e r m count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
> "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample
> tomorrow."
>
> The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's
> office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on
> the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man
> explained:
>
> "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right
> hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still
> nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right
> hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth,
> first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still
> nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she
> tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even
> tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
>
> The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"
>
> The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we
> still couldn't get the jar open."
Hahaha!! That was funny! :P
> An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a
> s p e r m count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
> "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample
> tomorrow."
>
> The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's
> office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on
> the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man
> explained:
>
> "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right
> hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still
> nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right
> hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth,
> first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still
> nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she
> tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even
> tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
>
> The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"
>
> The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we
> still couldn't get the jar open."
Hahaha!! That was funny! :P
Heh, some great ones there :D
Real Family Fortunes Answers
A way of toasting someone: "Over a fire.."
A Boy's name beginning with the letter J: "Gerald.."
An instrument you can play while walking in the street: "A cello.."
A type of oil: "Sewing-machine oil.."
A word beginning with Z: "Xylophone.."
An animal with horns: "A bee..."
A medieval weapon: "Hand-grenade.."
Something made of wool: "A sheep.."
Something a bridegroom might wear: "A dress.."
Someone you wouldn't expect to see in a strip club: "Animals.."
An animal with a long tail: "A rabbit.."
Something a train-spotter would have in his pocket: "A magnifying glass.."
Something you put out for the birds: "Worms.."
A way to prevent snoring: "Put a pillow over his face.."
A word used to describe a very hot day: "A very hot day.."
A song from 'The Sound Of Music': "Dancing Queen.."
(Also from the same family: "I wake up each morning..", "The skies are blue..", and "Over the hills and far away..")
Someone who works early hours: "A burglar.."
Something made to be wheeled around: "A hammer.."
A reason for kneeling: "To be beheaded.."
A nickname for a slim person: "Slimmy.."
A measurement of liquid: "Paint.."
Something that's nice to wear next to your skin: "Pants.."
A famous Dick: "Carrot.."
A wild animal that's native to Britain: "A bear.."
Something that Father Christmas does when he comes to your house: "Feeds your pets.."
Something that comes in 7's: "Fingers.."
A vocalist known by only one name: "Michael Jackson.."
A yellow fruit: "Orange.."
An animal beginning with B: "Bullfrog.."
Something associated with Liverpool: "The Yellow Brick Road.."
A boy mentioned in a nursery rhyme: "Little Red Riding Hood.."
Something associated with Queen Victoria: "Her husbands.."
Something you hide in your socks when you go swimming: "Your legs.."
A place you would keep a pen: "A zoo.."
Something you beat: "An apple.."
Something associated with rain: "Water.."
An animal that lives in the English countryside: "A lion.."
Something you make into a ball: "Eggs.."
A game that uses a black ball: "Darts.."
A popular TV soap: "Dove.."
Other than 'carrier', a type of bag: "Horse.."
Something you might find in a garage: "a grand piano.."
Something a Frenchman would say Answer: "On Garde.."
A fast animal: "A hippo.."
Something you keep in the garden: "A cat.."
Something that gives you goosebumps: "Mumps.."
A character from Little Red Riding Hood: "Hansel and Gretel.."
Something that has a shell: "Batman.."
Any dance apart from the waltz: "The ball dance.."
Something a policeman might say: "Spread 'em.."
Something that frightens Dracula: "The King of the Vampires.."
A non-living object with legs: "A plant.."
A sign of the Zodiac: "April.."
An animal associated with a nursery rhyme: "Andy Pandy.."
A mode of transport that you can walk in: "Your shoes.."
An animal with big ears: "A bear.."
Something you do on water: "Wallpaper.."
A musical instrument you can play in the bath: "A drum kit.."
Something associated with Egypt: "Cigars.."
A part of your body you only have one of: "Your big toe.."
Something you pull: "A potato.."
An animal used as a form of transport: "A turtle.."
A famous Phil or Philip: "Phil Johnson.."
A habit people try to give up: "Spitting.."
A Thunderbirds character: "Doctor Spock.."
Another TV gameshow with the word 'family' in the title: "The Generation Game.."
A seaside resort on the south coast: " Rio de Janeiro.."
Something you open other than a door: "Your bowels.."
Something with a red light on it: "a Dalek.."
Something that makes you scream: "A squirrel.."
A food than can easily be eaten without chewing: "Chips.."
A type of record: "A floppy disk.."
A type of large cat: "Persian.."
A job that a working dog does: "A slave.."
Something people might be allergic to: "Skiing.."
An occupation where you need a torch: "A burglar.."
A well known superstition: "Running in front of a car.."
Something you use a microchip in: "A fish-fryer.."
A dangerous race: "The Arabs.."
A game played in the dark: "Charades.."
Some famous brothers: "Bonnie and Clyde.."
A jacket potato topping: "Jam.."
A part of the body you have more than two of: "Arms.."
Something you find on a fire engine: "Coal.."
A famous royal: "Mail.."
Something you do before going to bed: "Sleep.."
An item of clothing worn by the Three Muskateers: "A horse.."
An animal you see at the zoo: "Dog.."
Something you might do in a power cut: "Read a book.."
A famous Parisian landmark: "Hawaii.."
One of Harry Enfield's characters: "Sooty.."
A famous Irishman: "Disraeli.."
The first place detectives look for fingerprints: "The floor.."
Something you associate with the sea: "A coffin.."
A famous Arthur: "Shakespeare.."
A type of cut: "Skull.."
A weapon in the game of Cluedo: "Dice.."
Something people take to the beach: "Turkey.."
A reason someone digs a hole in the road: "Grave digger.."
An ingredient in chicken stuffing: "Chicken.."
Something a girl should know about a man before marrying him: "His name.."
A bird with a long neck: "A blackbird.."
A bird with a long neck (2): "Naomi Campbell.."
An item of clothing a woman might borrow from a man: "Underpants.."
Something taken from a hotel as a souvenir: "The lamps.."
Something you keep in a garden shed: "A gardener.."
A song with moon in the title: "Blue Suede Moon.."
A famous cowboy: "Buck Rogers.."
A famous Wild-West character: "Wild Bill Eacock.."
Something you'd associate with the three bears: "Red Riding Hood.."
Fruit used in fruit salad: "Cucumber.."
Something you wear on the beach: "A deckchair.."
A method of cooking fish: "Cod.."
Something you borrow from your partner: "Shoes.."
A part of the body beginning with N: "Knee.."
A famous Scotsman: "Vinnie Jones.."
A famous Scotsman (2): "Jock.."
Something red: "My cardigan.."
A kind of ache: "Fillet-o-fish.."
Something you open other than a door: "Your bowels.."
Something with a hole in it: "A window.."
Something you do in the bathroom: "Decorate.."
Something you put on walls: "Roofs.."
A domestic animal: "A leopard.."
Something that floats in the bath: "Water.."
Something in the garden that's green: "The shed.."
Something a blind man might use: "A sword.."
The last thing you take off before going to bed: "Your feet.."
Something that flies without an engine: "A bicycle with wings.."
A way of toasting someone: "Over a fire.."
A Boy's name beginning with the letter J: "Gerald.."
An instrument you can play while walking in the street: "A cello.."
A type of oil: "Sewing-machine oil.."
A word beginning with Z: "Xylophone.."
An animal with horns: "A bee..."
A medieval weapon: "Hand-grenade.."
Something made of wool: "A sheep.."
Something a bridegroom might wear: "A dress.."
Someone you wouldn't expect to see in a strip club: "Animals.."
An animal with a long tail: "A rabbit.."
Something a train-spotter would have in his pocket: "A magnifying glass.."
Something you put out for the birds: "Worms.."
A way to prevent snoring: "Put a pillow over his face.."
A word used to describe a very hot day: "A very hot day.."
A song from 'The Sound Of Music': "Dancing Queen.."
(Also from the same family: "I wake up each morning..", "The skies are blue..", and "Over the hills and far away..")
Someone who works early hours: "A burglar.."
Something made to be wheeled around: "A hammer.."
A reason for kneeling: "To be beheaded.."
A nickname for a slim person: "Slimmy.."
A measurement of liquid: "Paint.."
Something that's nice to wear next to your skin: "Pants.."
A famous Dick: "Carrot.."
A wild animal that's native to Britain: "A bear.."
Something that Father Christmas does when he comes to your house: "Feeds your pets.."
Something that comes in 7's: "Fingers.."
A vocalist known by only one name: "Michael Jackson.."
A yellow fruit: "Orange.."
An animal beginning with B: "Bullfrog.."
Something associated with Liverpool: "The Yellow Brick Road.."
A boy mentioned in a nursery rhyme: "Little Red Riding Hood.."
Something associated with Queen Victoria: "Her husbands.."
Something you hide in your socks when you go swimming: "Your legs.."
A place you would keep a pen: "A zoo.."
Something you beat: "An apple.."
Something associated with rain: "Water.."
An animal that lives in the English countryside: "A lion.."
Something you make into a ball: "Eggs.."
A game that uses a black ball: "Darts.."
A popular TV soap: "Dove.."
Other than 'carrier', a type of bag: "Horse.."
Something you might find in a garage: "a grand piano.."
Something a Frenchman would say Answer: "On Garde.."
A fast animal: "A hippo.."
Something you keep in the garden: "A cat.."
Something that gives you goosebumps: "Mumps.."
A character from Little Red Riding Hood: "Hansel and Gretel.."
Something that has a shell: "Batman.."
Any dance apart from the waltz: "The ball dance.."
Something a policeman might say: "Spread 'em.."
Something that frightens Dracula: "The King of the Vampires.."
A non-living object with legs: "A plant.."
A sign of the Zodiac: "April.."
An animal associated with a nursery rhyme: "Andy Pandy.."
A mode of transport that you can walk in: "Your shoes.."
An animal with big ears: "A bear.."
Something you do on water: "Wallpaper.."
A musical instrument you can play in the bath: "A drum kit.."
Something associated with Egypt: "Cigars.."
A part of your body you only have one of: "Your big toe.."
Something you pull: "A potato.."
An animal used as a form of transport: "A turtle.."
A famous Phil or Philip: "Phil Johnson.."
A habit people try to give up: "Spitting.."
A Thunderbirds character: "Doctor Spock.."
Another TV gameshow with the word 'family' in the title: "The Generation Game.."
A seaside resort on the south coast: " Rio de Janeiro.."
Something you open other than a door: "Your bowels.."
Something with a red light on it: "a Dalek.."
Something that makes you scream: "A squirrel.."
A food than can easily be eaten without chewing: "Chips.."
A type of record: "A floppy disk.."
A type of large cat: "Persian.."
A job that a working dog does: "A slave.."
Something people might be allergic to: "Skiing.."
An occupation where you need a torch: "A burglar.."
A well known superstition: "Running in front of a car.."
Something you use a microchip in: "A fish-fryer.."
A dangerous race: "The Arabs.."
A game played in the dark: "Charades.."
Some famous brothers: "Bonnie and Clyde.."
A jacket potato topping: "Jam.."
A part of the body you have more than two of: "Arms.."
Something you find on a fire engine: "Coal.."
A famous royal: "Mail.."
Something you do before going to bed: "Sleep.."
An item of clothing worn by the Three Muskateers: "A horse.."
An animal you see at the zoo: "Dog.."
Something you might do in a power cut: "Read a book.."
A famous Parisian landmark: "Hawaii.."
One of Harry Enfield's characters: "Sooty.."
A famous Irishman: "Disraeli.."
The first place detectives look for fingerprints: "The floor.."
Something you associate with the sea: "A coffin.."
A famous Arthur: "Shakespeare.."
A type of cut: "Skull.."
A weapon in the game of Cluedo: "Dice.."
Something people take to the beach: "Turkey.."
A reason someone digs a hole in the road: "Grave digger.."
An ingredient in chicken stuffing: "Chicken.."
Something a girl should know about a man before marrying him: "His name.."
A bird with a long neck: "A blackbird.."
A bird with a long neck (2): "Naomi Campbell.."
An item of clothing a woman might borrow from a man: "Underpants.."
Something taken from a hotel as a souvenir: "The lamps.."
Something you keep in a garden shed: "A gardener.."
A song with moon in the title: "Blue Suede Moon.."
A famous cowboy: "Buck Rogers.."
A famous Wild-West character: "Wild Bill Eacock.."
Something you'd associate with the three bears: "Red Riding Hood.."
Fruit used in fruit salad: "Cucumber.."
Something you wear on the beach: "A deckchair.."
A method of cooking fish: "Cod.."
Something you borrow from your partner: "Shoes.."
A part of the body beginning with N: "Knee.."
A famous Scotsman: "Vinnie Jones.."
A famous Scotsman (2): "Jock.."
Something red: "My cardigan.."
A kind of ache: "Fillet-o-fish.."
Something you open other than a door: "Your bowels.."
Something with a hole in it: "A window.."
Something you do in the bathroom: "Decorate.."
Something you put on walls: "Roofs.."
A domestic animal: "A leopard.."
Something that floats in the bath: "Water.."
Something in the garden that's green: "The shed.."
Something a blind man might use: "A sword.."
The last thing you take off before going to bed: "Your feet.."
Something that flies without an engine: "A bicycle with wings.."
Someone should just list Jim Bowen quotes and jokes from Bullseye on here, so crap yet so funny.
My favourite joke this week:
"A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
My favourite joke this week:
"A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
Don't forget:
Eye drops off shelf
Typhoon rips through cemetary, hundreds dead
Eye drops off shelf
Typhoon rips through cemetary, hundreds dead
A few real newspaper headlines:
Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
House passes gas tax onto senate
Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
William Kelly was fed secretary
Milk drinkers are turning to powder
Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
Farmer bill dies in house
Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
House passes gas tax onto senate
Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
William Kelly was fed secretary
Milk drinkers are turning to powder
Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
Farmer bill dies in house
How did Bob Marley like his donuts?
With jam in
What did Bob Marley say to his friends when he asked them they wanted a donut?
I hope you like jam in too
How did Good King Wencelas (sp) like his pizza
Deep pan, crisp and even
Sad, I know, but listen to songs to make up the jokes!
With jam in
What did Bob Marley say to his friends when he asked them they wanted a donut?
I hope you like jam in too
How did Good King Wencelas (sp) like his pizza
Deep pan, crisp and even
Sad, I know, but listen to songs to make up the jokes!
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a s p e r m count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"
The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"
The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."
Found a few more US Laws :D
Alabama:
You cannot chain your alligator to a fire hydrant.
Alaska:
You can't look at a moose from an aeroplane.
Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time.
Even though it is legal to hunt a bear, it is illegal to wake a bear and take a picture for photo opportunities.
It is an offence to push a live moose out of a moving aeroplane.
It is State Policy that all emergencies are held to a minimum.
California
A city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone who detonates a nuclear device within city limits.
Florida:
It is illegal to fart in a public place after 6:00pm on a Thursday.
Illinois:
It is illegal to eat in a restaurant if it is on fire.
You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.
You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.
It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe's neck.
In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb.
A rooster must step back three hundred feet from any residence if he wishes to crow.
Indiana:
Bathing is prohibited during the winter.
Citizens are not allowed to attend a cinema or theatre nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.
Iowa:
In Dubuque any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.
In Fort Madison the fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.
In Marshalltown horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.
Kansas:
In Wichita, at the intersection of Douglas and Broadway, all motorists are required to stop at the intersection, exit their vehicles, and fire three shotgun rounds, before continuing on their way.
Maine:
After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up.
You may not step out of a plane in flight.
Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.
In Augusta to stroll down the street playing a violin is against the law.
Michigan:
There is a 10 cent bounty for each rat's head brought into a town office.
It is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday.
It is illegal to paint sparrows to sell them as parakeets.
All bathing suits must have been inspected by the head of police.
Anyone can keep their cow on Main Street downtown at a cost of 3 cents per day.
Minnesota:
It is illegal to walk across the Minnesota-Wisconsin border with a duck on your head.
Montana:
It is a law that "When you get out of prison you are granted a horse and $100 or a bus ticket to anywhere."
Nebraska:
A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.
North Carolina:
Elephants may not be used to plough cotton fields.
If a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married.
It's against the law to sing off key.
Ohio:
It is legal to throw a snake at someone but it is illegal to shake a snake at someone.
You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street.
Pennsylvania:
In the Mount Pocono region any group of 5 or more Native Americans are to be considered a raiding party and may be killed on the spot.
Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.
All fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires.
Rhode Island:
Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void.
South Dakota
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.
Tennessee:
It is illegal to catch a fish with a lasso.
Driving is not to be done while asleep.
It is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.
It's illegal for frogs to croak after 11 p.m.
Texas:
It is legal to commit a homicide as long as you tell the person when, and how you are going to kill them.
If two trains going in opposite directions on the same track meet each other, one can't move until the other does.
Washington:
A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town".
It is illegal to deflower a virgin even on their wedding day.
In Seattle it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over 6 feet in length.
Alabama:
You cannot chain your alligator to a fire hydrant.
Alaska:
You can't look at a moose from an aeroplane.
Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time.
Even though it is legal to hunt a bear, it is illegal to wake a bear and take a picture for photo opportunities.
It is an offence to push a live moose out of a moving aeroplane.
It is State Policy that all emergencies are held to a minimum.
California
A city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone who detonates a nuclear device within city limits.
Florida:
It is illegal to fart in a public place after 6:00pm on a Thursday.
Illinois:
It is illegal to eat in a restaurant if it is on fire.
You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.
You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.
It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe's neck.
In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb.
A rooster must step back three hundred feet from any residence if he wishes to crow.
Indiana:
Bathing is prohibited during the winter.
Citizens are not allowed to attend a cinema or theatre nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.
Iowa:
In Dubuque any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.
In Fort Madison the fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.
In Marshalltown horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.
Kansas:
In Wichita, at the intersection of Douglas and Broadway, all motorists are required to stop at the intersection, exit their vehicles, and fire three shotgun rounds, before continuing on their way.
Maine:
After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up.
You may not step out of a plane in flight.
Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.
In Augusta to stroll down the street playing a violin is against the law.
Michigan:
There is a 10 cent bounty for each rat's head brought into a town office.
It is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday.
It is illegal to paint sparrows to sell them as parakeets.
All bathing suits must have been inspected by the head of police.
Anyone can keep their cow on Main Street downtown at a cost of 3 cents per day.
Minnesota:
It is illegal to walk across the Minnesota-Wisconsin border with a duck on your head.
Montana:
It is a law that "When you get out of prison you are granted a horse and $100 or a bus ticket to anywhere."
Nebraska:
A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.
North Carolina:
Elephants may not be used to plough cotton fields.
If a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married.
It's against the law to sing off key.
Ohio:
It is legal to throw a snake at someone but it is illegal to shake a snake at someone.
You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street.
Pennsylvania:
In the Mount Pocono region any group of 5 or more Native Americans are to be considered a raiding party and may be killed on the spot.
Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.
All fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires.
Rhode Island:
Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void.
South Dakota
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.
Tennessee:
It is illegal to catch a fish with a lasso.
Driving is not to be done while asleep.
It is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.
It's illegal for frogs to croak after 11 p.m.
Texas:
It is legal to commit a homicide as long as you tell the person when, and how you are going to kill them.
If two trains going in opposite directions on the same track meet each other, one can't move until the other does.
Washington:
A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town".
It is illegal to deflower a virgin even on their wedding day.
In Seattle it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over 6 feet in length.
And a few weird US laws:
Alabama
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.
California
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
Florida
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
Indiana
It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.
Liquor stores may not sell milk.
Nebraska
It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.
New York
A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
North Dakota
Beer and pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
Texas
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
It is illegal to milk another person's cow.
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
Alabama
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.
California
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
Florida
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
Indiana
It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.
Liquor stores may not sell milk.
Nebraska
It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.
New York
A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
North Dakota
Beer and pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
Texas
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
It is illegal to milk another person's cow.
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
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