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"FoG Story - Battle Royale"

Headteacher Tony called out the register on the school bus. He was expecting some comical replies, these being the unruliest collection of schoolchildren (and teachers) that he had ever seen, but there were none. He suspected this was because the top 100 posters table doesn’t copy and paste very well at all, and the writer was a bit pushed for time.

Ratably Skink
Grix Thrives
Goatboy
Kid Rock
Turbonutter
Ant
Er-no
Your Honor
Sniper
Wookie
FantasyMeister
Meka Dragon
Ortaga
Sheepy
Mystique
AfroJoe
Ice Blaster
Tiltawhirl
Dan2K2 (Tony thought what stupid names all these people had)
SSXpro
Bonus
Tony…Oh, that was him. Cool. It sounded like a fun trip anyway, going to the zoo and all.
Stryke
Dringo
Strafex
Starlight
Longy…Tony couldn’t pronounce the two letters on the end of his name, so he just ignored them.
Time Warp
Mattyboy
The Game
Armitage Shanks
Pb
Pro Evo
Big slow
DeltaJava
SonicRav
Jetster
The Vottanator
Venombyte
ResEvil Fan
Reaper
Triple H
Fish-e
I am The Tarrent
Seifer
Slaveunit
Edgy
Fogmaster
Aliboy
Grandprix
Beware the toast
David
Adrian
Lord Semegal…Damn rich kids.
Joe Dark…Damn secret agents in training
Talkie Toaster…Damn novelty gifts
M16
Nw Jimmy
CDouch
Sibs
Slik
Mouldy Cheese…what a handsome guy
Twain
GasMark
Natbuc
Weird Wonder
Beanz
Cookie Monster…Wookies cousin, Tony assumed.
Cooky
Little Hedgehog
Shocktrooper
Mr. Snuggly…one of the teachers
Doughnut Monster
Magma Dragoon
Slipknot…He was currently smashing his head against the wall of the bus.
Monkey With Attitude
Solskjar 24
Vai
Shadow
Nomad Soul
Mr. Nice Guy
Quazimodo
Asher D
Monkey Man
Majk
Whooo Style
Rickoss
Iguana
Ben Hodgettes...what a gimp, Tony thinks.
Willow
Cjh
Darkness 2k
Lefback
Mantis
CJC
Uncle Albert
Snoop Doggy Dan
JaCee UK
Uksgamer2002
Golden Rhino

Whoo…long list that, thinks Tony. 99 of the little schmucks, + him = 100 people. How would they all fit into the zoo? It can’t be a very big zoo…Tony, an expert in farm animals, had never heard of it. Tony ducked as Monkey With Attitude swung over his head. He was used to all these animal like humans by now.

Tony takes a long sip on his drink, handily supplied by one of the suit clad government men who had insisted they come on the trip. In fact, they were funding the whole thing, which was pretty nice of them. Reminded him of a film he once watched actually…

Tony was just thinking how goddamn nice it was that they were funding it, when the door of the bus swung open, and a figure, silhouetted by sunlight, walked in the door.

Tony sighed. Shaneo was back, despite being expelled 6 times already.

“Shaneo, what are you doing back here?”

The figure looked uneasy, and replied in a Homer Simpson Double voice “Shaneo? Who is zis Shaneo? My name is Saleeva. I have a girlfriend, and I am in a band.”

He must have a new address. Damn Microsoft, giving away houses for free.

“Alright, Saleeva, come aboard. You may as well”.

Shaneo smiled, and took the last seat on the bus.

----

Soon, the drinks drugged by the government officials started to take effect. All 101 characters fell into a deep slumber.

----

Sheepy woke up in a hut. His first attempt at thought was to try and remember how much he had drunk last night – why else would he wake up lying on the floor? Sheepy rolled over onto one side, looking for anyone else. No one there. Damn. A sudden horror rushed through Sheep’s body, prompting him to jump up and look out the hut windows. No sheep. Thank God for that. He’d never lived it down after the first time.

Then he remembered – wasn’t he supposed to be at the zoo about now? Or had he managed to get drunk before he got there? The last thing he remembered was thinking how comfortable the coach seats looked…

His questions were answered by a sheet of paper he found lying where his prone body had been. It was A4, printed in black ink.

Sheepy prayed for it not to be a homework assignment.

The note read:

YOU have been selected to take part in Rattle Boyale. You have no choice about this. You will see that you have been given a weapon. The weapon is different for different people. You will not need to eat or drink, because it would just hinder the story. Basically, you all have to kill each other. The last man standing is the winner.

You cannot post more than once a day, and you cannot kill off more than one character per post. Don’t kill off people just because you don’t like them, and if you can’t remember who’s been killed off then ask me to send you a list.

Anyone can post in this story, unless I decide that you suck.

---

Sheepy looked around, and he saw his weapon. A bottle of Vodka. He decided that it would be a better weapon when empty, so he popped the top off with a *click*.

All that after giving you an arm, eh? :0)

MJSwerve - DEAD by Sniper (Shot) - 4:40pm - 20/2/02
Jester - DEAD by Nomad Soul (Sliced) - 6:07pm - 20/2/02
Sniper - DEAD by FantasyMeister (Burnt) - 10:31pm - 20/2/02
Doughnut Monster - DEAD by Turbonutter (Drowned) - 9:08am - 21/2/02
Shadow - DEAD by Wookiee Monster (Drowned) - 4:13pm - 21/2/02
GasMask - DEAD by Pb (Shot) - 6:39pm - 21/2/02
cjh - DEAD by Mouldy Cheese (Shot) - 5:02pm - 24/2/02
Ice Blaster - DEAD by a snake (Poisoned) - 7:59pm - 26/2/02
Reaper - DEAD by Iguana (Stab Wound) - 9:11pm - 26/2/02
Tony - DEAD by Mr Snuggly (Severe Papercut)- 2:09pm - 27/2/02
JaceeUK - DEAD by Cooky (Sliced) - 5:21pm - 27/2/02
Nomad Soul - DEAD by Mr Nice Guy (Battered) - 7:53pm - 27/2/02
Time Warp - DEAD by Your Honour (Decapitated) - 8:11pm - 27/2/02
Slipknot - DEAD by Turbonutter (Impact) - 7:23am - 28/2/02
Vottanator - DEAD by Your Honour (Grenade Explosion) - 6:53pm - 28/2/02
Seifer - DEAD by Salevaa (Stabbed) - 7:40am - 1/3/02
Venomyte - DEAD by Your Honour (Shot) - 4:44pm - 2/3/02
Kid Rock - DEAD by himself (Accidental Suicide) - 4:51pm - 2/3/02
Monkey Man - DEAD by Iguana (Accidental Decapitation) - 7:08pm - 2/3/02
RastaBillySkank - DEAD by Your Honour (Shot) - 2:16pm - 3/3/02
Whooo Style - DEAD by Shaneo (Decapitated) - 7:30am - 4/3/02
Tiltawhirl - DEAD by himself (Accidental Suicide) - 7:33am - 5/3/02
Salevaa - DEAD by Grix (Throat Slit) - 8:01am - 5/3/02

Grix Thraves was having a bad day. First they had given him a razor as a weapon. He was annoyed about this, but he used it to shave with first. Then he wandered out of the house, looking for trouble.

Not really, he was looking for one of his good pals to cavort with and kill somone. He hated this, and had never trusted Tony, and he bet his mum had forgotten to turn the video on to record A-Team.

Muttering under his breath about what he'd do if he was Mr T, he wondered through the undergrowth.

Suddenly he burst out of Your Honour, sitting against a rock and Salevaa, pacing the ground in front of said rock. Immediately YH snapped his gun up to face Grix, and Salevaa fell backwards. Grinning sheepishly, he got up and grabbed a leaf, and brandished it at Grix.

"TALK!"

"About what?" said Grix, is a Welsh accent.

"Can I have your Welsh accent?" asked Salevaa.

"No."

"Damn."

During all this, YH was lounging against a rock and engaging in crazy guy activities, like gibbering.

"You'll give us all your food, and weapon, WON'T HE, YH?" yelled Salevaa, still brandishing the leaf. Grix sighed, and walked up to Salevaa.

"I'm not afraid to use this!" yelled Salevaa.

Grix considered this, and then whipped the razor blade across and slit Salevaa's throat cleanly. YH got up and Salevaa's blood began to stain the grass. He chucked an Uzi to Grix.

"Shall we?"

--

23 down, 80 to go.

Someone had to do it, he had 2 characters!

Stryke is walking along, solitary, with one arm and a double-barrelled Shotgun in hand. He sees something amidst the bushes and takes a gander.

"Rasta!"

In the bushes lies Rasta's dead body, with a bullet hole in the head. Stryke lays down beside him, looks around, and takes Rasta's provisons...and his credit card. Rasta was a rich punk, you see. Stryke looks back and forth from his arm to Rasta's and has an idea. The storywriters had the forsight to give Rasta a knife. Stryke pulls out the knife and cuts at Rasta's arm. The flesh can be heard tearing and blood and gore spills all over the place. Yes, Rasta also enjoyed a bit of knitting...or so the scripters thought it would be apt for the story and so equipped him with. Stryke grabbed the needle and sewed Rasta's arm onto where his missing arm should be. Yes, it's far fetched, but hey, the entire story is! With a little wool steaming out of the "seams" of Stryke's arm, he moves on.

----------

Mystique is walking along with Tiltawhirl.

"Ooh. You make me giggle like tickle me elmo! Hehe!"

"Well Mystique, I've got something to show you."

Tilta pulls out an arrow and a bow and hands them to Mystique. Tilta pulls out a knife.

"Fire an arrow straight in my eye."

"Are you serious Tilt?"

"Totally."

Mystique fires the arrow and in three seconds flat, sawdust is flying everywhere and Tilta's knives are on fire.

"Help me Myst! Help!"

Tilt is running around frantically, unknowing of what to do.

"Maybe this will help."

Mystique unbuttons her top, to reveal manbreasts to Tilta. Tilta, traumatized by this falls off of the cliff edge, to the floor. Did I mention that it was a 70-foot high cliff? Tiltawhirl is dead.

"Oh no! Help! Help", says Mystique in a sarcastic voice, before chuckling and looking down to a fallen Tiltawhirl. She spits on him, before continuing on.

22 down - 81 to go.

I thought I was dumbing myself down really :0) I'm not trying to base the story around myself, mind you.

You sure like to make yourself hard, don't you?

Shaneo is once again isolated, but sees shelter up ahead. He arms himself with his drum sticks, and enters the room.

"Eh?", says a voice.

"Oh, Mr Nice Guy, just you! What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm trying to access the key server and edit their property transcripts, so we can get the hell outta here via the main gates."

"I see...what the hell?"

"Look, I'm gonna hack the Battle Royale computer system, Ok?"

"Got it..."

MNG taps away and Shaneo goes to stab him with the sticks, but turns away at the last second. I mean, after all, MNG had a big gun.

Gunshots accompanied with a large ammount of noise is heard.

"Get down!", says MNG.

"...well..."

"Do it!"

Shaneo begins to dance, before MNG pulls him down to the ground, narrowly missing a gunshot.

"Let's go out through the back Shaneo. Grab a laptop!"

Shaneo grabs a laptop, just as Tyla, Whooo Style, Turbonutter and Fogmaster enter the room. Shaneo throws the laptop and it flies towards Whooo Style, slicing his head off - he is dead.

"I was always good at cut and paste, ye know!"

"Guys, what the hell are you doing here?", asks MNG.

"We're gonna try and hack the computer systems", states Turbonutter.

"We're already on it. Sit your a's down and let's hack like we've never hacked before. Oh, and clean up Whooo."

They all unpack and continue hacking the computer system. So early on in the story? Bah!

----------

On the other end of the island, Salevaa is walking along, when he notices the dead body of MJSwerve hidden amidst the bushes. He goes to investigate, and finds a handy little device - a GPS tracker. He pulls out an idiots guide to the GPS tracker and reads it.

No, not everything in this story features an Idiot's guide - the Banana Launcher doesn't.

After a quick glance over, Salevaa discovers that he can monitor anyone on the island with this device. He types in "Your Honour" and the following information appears:

Name: Your Honour
Age: 20
Weight: A Square Ton
Height: 3,3
Sexual Preference: Unknown
Location: On a big rock somewhere
Vital Signs: Weak

Salevaa presses the key pad and he now has a video reception of Your Honour. He is laying on a rock somewhere, covered in blood.

"I gotta go save YH!"

He runs, only to trip a further two meters away, where YH is laying on a rock.

"Come on man! I'll help ye!"

"Ok, do tha...", replies YH.

Salevaa pulls out a bandage from his supplies and wraps YH in it.

"Mister Honour, I have a proposal for you. A partnership, if you will."

"Interesting..."

----------

MJSwerve - DEAD by Sniper (Shot) - 4:40pm - 20/2/02
Jester - DEAD by Nomad Soul (Sliced) - 6:07pm - 20/2/02
Sniper - DEAD by FantasyMeister (Burnt) - 10:31pm - 20/2/02
Doughnut Monster - DEAD by Turbonutter (Drowned) - 9:08am - 21/2/02
Shadow - DEAD by Wookiee Monster (Drowned) - 4:13pm - 21/2/02
GasMask - DEAD by Pb (Shot) - 6:39pm - 21/2/02
cjh - DEAD by Mouldy Cheese (Shot) - 5:02pm - 24/2/02
Ice Blaster - DEAD by a snake (Poisoned) - 7:59pm - 26/2/02
Reaper - DEAD by Iguana (Stab Wound) - 9:11pm - 26/2/02
Tony - DEAD by Mr Snuggly (Severe Papercut)- 2:09pm - 27/2/02
JaceeUK - DEAD by Cooky (Sliced) - 5:21pm - 27/2/02
Nomad Soul - DEAD by Mr Nice Guy (Battered) - 7:53pm - 27/2/02
Time Warp - DEAD by Your Honour (Decapitated) - 8:11pm - 27/2/02
Slipknot - DEAD by Turbonutter (Impact) - 7:23am - 28/2/02
Vottanator - DEAD by Your Honour (Grenade Explosion) - 6:53pm - 28/2/02
Seifer - DEAD by Salevaa (Stabbed) - 7:40am - 1/3/02
Venomyte - DEAD by Your Honour (Shot) - 4:44pm - 2/3/02
Kid Rock - DEAD by himself (Accidental Suicide) - 4:51pm - 2/3/02
Monkey Man - DEAD by Iguana (Accidental Decapitation) - 7:08pm - 2/3/02
RastaBillySkank - DEAD by Your Honour (Shot) - 2:16pm - 3/3/02
Whooo Style - DEAD by Shaneo (Decapitated) - 7:30am - 4/3/02

21 dead, 82 to go

AliBoy was sitting under a tree, playing cats cradle. He was determined as a steely thing made of steel to win this game, and his weapon was an M16, which gave him an advantage over the monkeys who had a spoon. So he thought he'd hide in this clearing that was overshadowed by cliffs for strategic shooting into the clearing. No-one would think him stupid enough to look for him here...

Damn.

"Don't move, AliBoy." Said a high voice. AliBoy looked up. It was RastaBillySkank, clutching a semi-automatic, trying to hide a soup stain on his shirt. AliBoy dived for his weapon. Then he realised he had tangled himself up in the cats cradle. AliBoy wondered why he was playing cats cradle when he didn't have any idea of the rules. Instead, he managed to tie himself up in a ball and roll gently across the clearing, whimpering.

RastaBillySkank laughed, and stepped out of the bushes. AliBoy rolled past very slowly. Rasta kicked him a bit, because he felt cruel. AliBoy was rolling circles around the clearing. Every time he rolled past the M16, he tried to grab it, but every time he just missed.

Then YH jumped out, grabbed the M16 and shot Rasta in the head.

Minutes later AliBoy managed to untangle himself. He shrugged and picked up the semi-automatic.

A somewhat shaky and delerious Sheepy is walking through the island, unaware of what is actually going on. Smash.

"Oh s'it. That was my last bottle of Smirnoff. Ah well..."

He observes his bottle of Smirnoff and pulls out a bottle with a black substance in. He then pulls out a straw and sucks some of the Smirnoff up. He spits it into the bottle and takes a sip.

"Smirnoff Coke! Not bad!"

A loud, yet subtle noise rings in Sheepy's ears like a thousand bell chimes over. There is something coming for him. Through the bushes emerges a...

----------

Monkey Man swings through the branches, when he is suddenly shocked by the noise of smashing glass, and loads his gun as a protectional/pleasure precaution.

"Spit out ninja coco."

English Translation: Big baboon is retarded. Bear in mind that some words may be slightly inaccurate.

Fed up with wasting valuable story space, the narator was promptly shot and a new one hired.

AND DEN MUNKY MAN SWUNG FRU...

Bang. We re-hired again. Luckily for us, we got lucky and found a good one.

And so Monkey man continued to swing through the bushes to the disturbance. Upon arrival, he notices a...

----------

...monkey, armed with a gun, with a sleek, yellow thingy pointing out the end. He could outsmart this monkey easily, or so he thought.

----------

...homosapien, armed with a bottle, with a black substance inside. He could outsmart this idiot easily, or so he thought.

----------

"Who the hell be you mate?", asked Sheepy in a rather bohemian accent :0)

"I am Monkey Man. Respect me...or die!"

"What are you gonna kill me with?"

"This here gun!"

"Heh. That's not a gun - look! It's got a darn nerf rocket stuffed up the end!"

Monkey chuckles before firing his gun, In three seconds flat, Sheepy is on the floor, with three bananas sticking in his chest, and blood pooring out.

"So much for nerf rockets eh? Their manufacturer went bust, so the morons gave us bananas. Ah well, you're dead - I'm 'ungry. Excuse me."

Man leans over Sheepy and pulls the bananas out of Sheepy's chest, leaving him screaming in agony. Monkey man takes a bit into one.

"Hmmmm. A little dry. Maybe a bit more blood could help."

He dips the bananas into Sheep's chest, soaking them in blood. Sheepy, who is tightly gripping his Smirnoff Coke bottle as he fades away, lets go and the bottle goes all over the floor, covering Monkey Man.

----------

Iguana is walking through some large plants, when she sees a Rocket Launcher, and parts of a human brain splattered randomly over the area. She lifts it up, and she begins to scan over the idiot's guide.

"F'ck this knife - I have a Rocket Launcher!"

She discars the knife, throwing it as hard as possible.

----------

"What the hell!?", says MM.

MM realises that he can no longer move, and that his feet are stuck to the floor, thanks to the liquid. Iguana's knife comes flying through the air. In seconds, Monkey Man is like a midget in a urinal, cut down in life.

----------

From high atop a tower, Wookiee Monster grabs his phone once again makes an ever-so-urgent call to the Comedy Police, after attending to a testicle-moment, of course.

19 dead, 84 to go

MJSwerve - DEAD by Sniper (Shot) - 4:40pm - 20/2/02
Jester - DEAD by Nomad Soul (Sliced) - 6:07pm - 20/2/02
Sniper - DEAD by FantasyMeister (Burnt) - 10:31pm - 20/2/02
Doughnut Monster - DEAD by Turbonutter (Drowned) - 9:08am - 21/2/02
Shadow - DEAD by Wookiee Monster (Drowned) - 4:13pm - 21/2/02
GasMask - DEAD by Pb (Shot) - 6:39pm - 21/2/02
cjh - DEAD by Mouldy Cheese (Shot) - 5:02pm - 24/2/02
Ice Blaster - DEAD by a snake (Poisoned) - 7:59pm - 26/2/02
Reaper - DEAD by Iguana (Stab Wound) - 9:11pm - 26/2/02
Tony - DEAD by Mr Snuggly (Severe Papercut)- 2:09pm - 27/2/02
JaceeUK - DEAD by Cooky (Sliced) - 5:21pm - 27/2/02
Nomad Soul - DEAD by Mr Nice Guy (Battered) - 7:53pm - 27/2/02
Time Warp - DEAD by Your Honour (Decapitated) - 8:11pm - 27/2/02
Slipknot - DEAD by Turbonutter (Impact) - 7:23am - 28/2/02
Vottanator - DEAD by Your Honour (Grenade Explosion) - 6:53pm - 28/2/02
Seifer - DEAD by Salevaa (Stabbed) - 7:40am - 1/3/02
Venomyte - DEAD by Your Honour (Shot) - 4:44pm - 2/3/02
Kid Rock - DEAD by himself (Accidental Suicide) - 4:51pm - 2/3/02

18 down - 85 to go

After five more deaths, I'll update.

Your Honour wrote:
>
"Hmm,
> he seems pretty 'armless now." Chuckled Dogsnuts.


Oh dude that was lame

Oh gawd I said 'lame'