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You read in the news about performance issues in London and some other places and you nodded, thought "Bloody post" and swapped stories about waiting for 3 days for a letter that should have arrived tomorrow.
You complain because your dvd doesn't arrive within 3 days from play.com, or Amazon hasn't arrived even though you requested special delivery.
Or you whinge to your family when the postie hasn't arrived by 10am and you've been hanging about waiting for that letter and blah blah blah blah.
Some of these are fair comment, some of them are tedious noise that nobody cares about or pays attention to.
However, we detest you as much as you moan about us.
Not all of you, don't get me wrong. But an awful lot of you.
Why? Here's a few inside secrets for you.
And obviously I don't speak for Royal Mail, or anybody else except for myself, so it's not potentially slanderous.
Special Delivery
These are those letters/packets with the grey sticker that says "Before 12pm", these are the packets you pay extra for because they're extremely important and you have to recieve it.
Fair enough.
SO GODDAM BE IN WHEN I DELIVER IT THEN.
9 times in the past 3 weeks this has happened. "Before 12". I arrive between 9am and 11:30am. And each and every single time nobody has been in.
You assfaces. If you pay the extra, then be in to sign for it. We've all done it, expecting a delivery of something so you take the morning off work or get up early if you're off. And you wait.
As soon as it's 12pm, go off and do stuff, I failed in my duty to deliver before the appointed time. But nooooooooooo, you have to be out don't you?
Magazines
You're invalid or lazy and can't be arsed to go to the shop to buy your Motorcycle News Monthly or FHM or Caravan World or Radio Times.
So I have the pleasure of 117 houses with heavy-ass mags I can buy in WHSmiths. And, this is the real redfacer, oftentimes a house will have 3-4 copies of the Radio Times, all addressed to different people.
WHY? WHY ARE YOU SO GODDAMN STUPID YOU NEED 3 COPIES? There is no excuse to need multiple copies of the same magazine delivered. Get in your SUV, drive the 110 yards to the local shops and. Buy. A. Magazine.
Massive Packets
Use your water-filled heads here people, some things will not go through your front door and chances are you'll be at work anyway.
So the following articles, all personally witnessed by myself, shall no longer be eligible for your weary Postman to lug around for 4hrs:
Footballs - Buy one and kick it you monger
Exhaust System - I'd like to shoot your children for that one you ass
Yukka Plant - I am not David Bellamy or Ray Mears
A Kite - Yep, a fully-extended Kite wrapped in newspaper.
Think to yourself, "Do I dabble in physics?" before you attempt to post something to your retard relatives in some vast concrete toilet in Essex
Correct Address
Seems obvious doesn't it? You learn this stuff at school, "Name. Address. Town. Postcode". Simple.
So don't just put "Sanjay Seervajingh, Church Langley, Harlow" you clown.
Try, before you squash that letter through the postbox with your flippers, to think "Now have I put all the details down?" before monging off to watch Casualty and Eastenders.
Or, my favourite so far, "Bill. Harlow. Esexx"
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh
Crap jokes about the weather
We've heard them. All of them. Every variation. If you must speak, nod and say "Morning Postie", this is fine and very welcome in fact.
Don't say "Nice weather for ducks", because that's nonsensical.
Don't say "Rather you than me", because Postie will stop in his tracks, make a note of your door number and forget to deliver your post for the next day.
Don't say "Hope you can swim! Hahahahaha!"
Don't say "Cor, you'll be home in time for neighbours wontcha?"
Don't say "Where's Bill/Sam/Steve then? On holiday?", or if you must, then don't look puzzled when Postie says "Nope, stolen by gypsies. Or dead. I forget which" before walking across your front lawn and on to the next house.
Don't say "Oh, my post is wet" when it's thumping down and your Postman looks bedraggled and very, very angry at your jawdropping stupidity.
Of course it's wet, I've been carrying it in my arm for 20 mins whilst water falls out the sky onto it and me.
You spastic.
----
That'll do for now.
Royal Mail - We loathe you more than you do us.
But it's still the most fun job I've had in 31 years.
You complain because your dvd doesn't arrive within 3 days from play.com, or Amazon hasn't arrived even though you requested special delivery.
Or you whinge to your family when the postie hasn't arrived by 10am and you've been hanging about waiting for that letter and blah blah blah blah.
Some of these are fair comment, some of them are tedious noise that nobody cares about or pays attention to.
However, we detest you as much as you moan about us.
Not all of you, don't get me wrong. But an awful lot of you.
Why? Here's a few inside secrets for you.
And obviously I don't speak for Royal Mail, or anybody else except for myself, so it's not potentially slanderous.
Special Delivery
These are those letters/packets with the grey sticker that says "Before 12pm", these are the packets you pay extra for because they're extremely important and you have to recieve it.
Fair enough.
SO GODDAM BE IN WHEN I DELIVER IT THEN.
9 times in the past 3 weeks this has happened. "Before 12". I arrive between 9am and 11:30am. And each and every single time nobody has been in.
You assfaces. If you pay the extra, then be in to sign for it. We've all done it, expecting a delivery of something so you take the morning off work or get up early if you're off. And you wait.
As soon as it's 12pm, go off and do stuff, I failed in my duty to deliver before the appointed time. But nooooooooooo, you have to be out don't you?
Magazines
You're invalid or lazy and can't be arsed to go to the shop to buy your Motorcycle News Monthly or FHM or Caravan World or Radio Times.
So I have the pleasure of 117 houses with heavy-ass mags I can buy in WHSmiths. And, this is the real redfacer, oftentimes a house will have 3-4 copies of the Radio Times, all addressed to different people.
WHY? WHY ARE YOU SO GODDAMN STUPID YOU NEED 3 COPIES? There is no excuse to need multiple copies of the same magazine delivered. Get in your SUV, drive the 110 yards to the local shops and. Buy. A. Magazine.
Massive Packets
Use your water-filled heads here people, some things will not go through your front door and chances are you'll be at work anyway.
So the following articles, all personally witnessed by myself, shall no longer be eligible for your weary Postman to lug around for 4hrs:
Footballs - Buy one and kick it you monger
Exhaust System - I'd like to shoot your children for that one you ass
Yukka Plant - I am not David Bellamy or Ray Mears
A Kite - Yep, a fully-extended Kite wrapped in newspaper.
Think to yourself, "Do I dabble in physics?" before you attempt to post something to your retard relatives in some vast concrete toilet in Essex
Correct Address
Seems obvious doesn't it? You learn this stuff at school, "Name. Address. Town. Postcode". Simple.
So don't just put "Sanjay Seervajingh, Church Langley, Harlow" you clown.
Try, before you squash that letter through the postbox with your flippers, to think "Now have I put all the details down?" before monging off to watch Casualty and Eastenders.
Or, my favourite so far, "Bill. Harlow. Esexx"
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh
Crap jokes about the weather
We've heard them. All of them. Every variation. If you must speak, nod and say "Morning Postie", this is fine and very welcome in fact.
Don't say "Nice weather for ducks", because that's nonsensical.
Don't say "Rather you than me", because Postie will stop in his tracks, make a note of your door number and forget to deliver your post for the next day.
Don't say "Hope you can swim! Hahahahaha!"
Don't say "Cor, you'll be home in time for neighbours wontcha?"
Don't say "Where's Bill/Sam/Steve then? On holiday?", or if you must, then don't look puzzled when Postie says "Nope, stolen by gypsies. Or dead. I forget which" before walking across your front lawn and on to the next house.
Don't say "Oh, my post is wet" when it's thumping down and your Postman looks bedraggled and very, very angry at your jawdropping stupidity.
Of course it's wet, I've been carrying it in my arm for 20 mins whilst water falls out the sky onto it and me.
You spastic.
----
That'll do for now.
Royal Mail - We loathe you more than you do us.
But it's still the most fun job I've had in 31 years.
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He may not have paid for the service himself, but as a recipient of mail, he is still a Royal Mail Customer.
Just like, for example, every tax payer in the Uk is a customer of the Inland Revenue.
Just like car dealers are customers for car finance companies.
Etc.
Just like, for example, every tax payer in the Uk is a customer of the Inland Revenue.
Just like car dealers are customers for car finance companies.
Etc.
ßulle†† wrote:
> The sender pays for the service by buying stamps/recorded or special
> delivery.
Yes I know that!
I mean, If Edgy was replying to Totti's post about not receiving his mail because they have to climb the stairs. What ever mail Totti has, he hasn't paid anything to receive it, correct? Unless it's something he bought.
> The sender pays for the service by buying stamps/recorded or special
> delivery.
Yes I know that!
I mean, If Edgy was replying to Totti's post about not receiving his mail because they have to climb the stairs. What ever mail Totti has, he hasn't paid anything to receive it, correct? Unless it's something he bought.
I can't beleive I moaned about elastic bands
None of the points in the original post apply to me therefore the Royal Mail loves me.
gamesfreak wrote:
> This might be a really stupid question, and will probably degrade my
> forum respect from 0 to -1, but Edgy, you state "As a service
> being paid for is deliberately not being given.", but do we
> actually pay to receive mail?
>
> Does it come from taxes or something?
>
> Or are you answering monkey_man's post?
The sender pays for the service by buying stamps/recorded or special delivery.
> This might be a really stupid question, and will probably degrade my
> forum respect from 0 to -1, but Edgy, you state "As a service
> being paid for is deliberately not being given.", but do we
> actually pay to receive mail?
>
> Does it come from taxes or something?
>
> Or are you answering monkey_man's post?
The sender pays for the service by buying stamps/recorded or special delivery.
Just days before this report came out I found things arriving much sooner than they should. For instance, my wife sent an SAE off on the Tuesday, and had it back, with free gift inside on Thursday morning. I was impressed.
People like to moan, I guess, rather than say 'nice one' when it all goes well.
People like to moan, I guess, rather than say 'nice one' when it all goes well.
This might be a really stupid question, and will probably degrade my forum respect from 0 to -1, but Edgy, you state "As a service being paid for is deliberately not being given.", but do we actually pay to receive mail?
Does it come from taxes or something?
Or are you answering monkey_man's post?
Does it come from taxes or something?
Or are you answering monkey_man's post?
If that were the case with me I would be demanding some sort of compensation. As a service being paid for is deliberately not being given.
However you'd need to be able to prove such a thing first.
However you'd need to be able to prove such a thing first.
I live above a shop and the postmen dont like those very long stairs. So they only drop my mail two or three times a week regardless of when they were sent.
I've had a few bad experiences with the Posties round here...possibly Goaty.
First was when a cheque for £3000 from my Grandma's will got lost. Sent recorded and everything - simply vanished. We had to ask my Aunt to write another one out for us.
Then there was the amusing incident where they sent a package containing my girlfriend's graduation pictures to another house, their excuse being: "It had the same postcode". About 400 houses in this area have the same postcode. The door numbers weren't even similar. Figure that one out.
And then, they managed to lose my Hero DVD between my house and the collection place. Found it eventually, but c'mon, they lost Hero!
First was when a cheque for £3000 from my Grandma's will got lost. Sent recorded and everything - simply vanished. We had to ask my Aunt to write another one out for us.
Then there was the amusing incident where they sent a package containing my girlfriend's graduation pictures to another house, their excuse being: "It had the same postcode". About 400 houses in this area have the same postcode. The door numbers weren't even similar. Figure that one out.
And then, they managed to lose my Hero DVD between my house and the collection place. Found it eventually, but c'mon, they lost Hero!
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