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In a mansion on Niddle Island, off the coast of Bognor Regis, a young billionaire talks to his counsellor.
HHAT: Hello, I’m Ritchie Rich, and despite having everything a young man could possibly wish for, I am sad.
FFF: Well, I am sensing a deep and embedded problem within your life. Something you have probably repressed since childhood.
HHAT types this into the ipod that his parents bought his as a happy Tuesday present and sits up on the leather couch he bought from Northern Upholstery on the one day they didn’t have an ‘everything must go!!!!!!!’ sale.
HHAT: What do you think it is that I have repressed? Could it be that being a millionaire has left me lonely and detached from the world? Could it be jealousy that provokes people to write malicious spoofs about me? Could it be…
FFF: When did you last get laid?
HHAT: Erm…
FFF: Ahh it’s the sex thing… it’s always the sex thing. You’re unhappy because you feel unloved.
HHAT: I had sex last Wednesday, actually!
FFF looks shocked.
HHAT: Yes indeedy, I watched DW beating his meat over the web cam and spurted all over my Gucci trousers. I had to get Graham the butler to wash them for me.
FFF looks disgusted
HHAT: Ahh it was a good night
FFF adjusts his bowler hat and fixes his gaze upon HHAT and a smile spreads across his face.
FFF: You’re gay!
HHAT looks queasy
FFF: A real life homosexual, hahaha! Finally a real gay to mock and ridicule as if there was no tomorrow!
HHAT: I’m not paying you £10,000 an hour to mock me
FFF: *sniggers* sorry
HHAT: So, what can I do to overcome this embedded gayness?
FFF: Well, perhaps invite some limp wrested friends over and listen to village people?
HHAT: Village People are SOOOO passé
FFF: Well, I can invite Barrymore over for you – just don’t go swimming with him!
HHAT: No, it just wouldn’t feel right.
FFF: Hold on, I know just the person.
FFF picks up the phone and talks briefly to someone before adding “Alright, see you soon”
HHAT: Who’ve you invited?
FFF: You’ll see, you’ll see.
After a few minutes of FFF reading a copy of Hustler and HHAT darning some socks, the door to the room creaks open slowly and inside steps none other than English Bloke with nothing but a police hat, a gun holster and a badge clipped onto his bleeding nipple.
HHAT: E-English Bloke?
EB: You’ve been a bad boy, HHAT.
HHAT: Have I?
EB: Yes, and now I’m going to punish you with my truncheon.
FFF stands up and smugly smiles before running to the bathroom to vomit profusely.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
HHAT found his place in life and with the help of FFF found true happiness. It goes to show you can have all the money in the world, but you won’t necessarily be happy – unless you visit a GAY BAR, GAY BAR!
-------- -------
:: Many thanks to HHAT (hope I didn’t offend you), English Bloke (Hope you don’t arrest me) and FFF (This is a living tribute to your gay jokes) ::
------- --------
Thanks for reading.
HHAT: Hello, I’m Ritchie Rich, and despite having everything a young man could possibly wish for, I am sad.
FFF: Well, I am sensing a deep and embedded problem within your life. Something you have probably repressed since childhood.
HHAT types this into the ipod that his parents bought his as a happy Tuesday present and sits up on the leather couch he bought from Northern Upholstery on the one day they didn’t have an ‘everything must go!!!!!!!’ sale.
HHAT: What do you think it is that I have repressed? Could it be that being a millionaire has left me lonely and detached from the world? Could it be jealousy that provokes people to write malicious spoofs about me? Could it be…
FFF: When did you last get laid?
HHAT: Erm…
FFF: Ahh it’s the sex thing… it’s always the sex thing. You’re unhappy because you feel unloved.
HHAT: I had sex last Wednesday, actually!
FFF looks shocked.
HHAT: Yes indeedy, I watched DW beating his meat over the web cam and spurted all over my Gucci trousers. I had to get Graham the butler to wash them for me.
FFF looks disgusted
HHAT: Ahh it was a good night
FFF adjusts his bowler hat and fixes his gaze upon HHAT and a smile spreads across his face.
FFF: You’re gay!
HHAT looks queasy
FFF: A real life homosexual, hahaha! Finally a real gay to mock and ridicule as if there was no tomorrow!
HHAT: I’m not paying you £10,000 an hour to mock me
FFF: *sniggers* sorry
HHAT: So, what can I do to overcome this embedded gayness?
FFF: Well, perhaps invite some limp wrested friends over and listen to village people?
HHAT: Village People are SOOOO passé
FFF: Well, I can invite Barrymore over for you – just don’t go swimming with him!
HHAT: No, it just wouldn’t feel right.
FFF: Hold on, I know just the person.
FFF picks up the phone and talks briefly to someone before adding “Alright, see you soon”
HHAT: Who’ve you invited?
FFF: You’ll see, you’ll see.
After a few minutes of FFF reading a copy of Hustler and HHAT darning some socks, the door to the room creaks open slowly and inside steps none other than English Bloke with nothing but a police hat, a gun holster and a badge clipped onto his bleeding nipple.
HHAT: E-English Bloke?
EB: You’ve been a bad boy, HHAT.
HHAT: Have I?
EB: Yes, and now I’m going to punish you with my truncheon.
FFF stands up and smugly smiles before running to the bathroom to vomit profusely.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
HHAT found his place in life and with the help of FFF found true happiness. It goes to show you can have all the money in the world, but you won’t necessarily be happy – unless you visit a GAY BAR, GAY BAR!
-------- -------
:: Many thanks to HHAT (hope I didn’t offend you), English Bloke (Hope you don’t arrest me) and FFF (This is a living tribute to your gay jokes) ::
------- --------
Thanks for reading.
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Azul wrote:
> Ready wrote:
> That's funny but a bit long, try shortening it!
>
> What?
> Are you plankton or something?
> Do you have an attention span of 0.2412 seconds?
> Foo'
Only when i'm reading something on an internet chatroom that never seems to end Foo'!
> Ready wrote:
> That's funny but a bit long, try shortening it!
>
> What?
> Are you plankton or something?
> Do you have an attention span of 0.2412 seconds?
> Foo'
Only when i'm reading something on an internet chatroom that never seems to end Foo'!
Ready wrote:
> Only when i'm reading something on an internet chatroom that never
> seems to end Foo'!
you = fap-face
> Only when i'm reading something on an internet chatroom that never
> seems to end Foo'!
you = fap-face
That was good Kyzy boy.
Ready wrote:
> TART? I'm a man!
well you LOOK like one anyway!
ba boom tsch!
*kicks drummer*
> TART? I'm a man!
well you LOOK like one anyway!
ba boom tsch!
*kicks drummer*
Ready wrote:
> Only when i'm reading something on an internet chatroom that never
> seems to end Foo'!
...
Watchu talkin' 'bout, foo'/Willis?
> Only when i'm reading something on an internet chatroom that never
> seems to end Foo'!
...
Watchu talkin' 'bout, foo'/Willis?
UrkiE-UK wrote:
> ba boom tsch!
>
> *kicks drummer*
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.
ba boom tisch!
> ba boom tsch!
>
> *kicks drummer*
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.
ba boom tisch!
Azul wrote:
> Ready wrote:
> Only when i'm reading something on an internet chatroom that never
> seems to end Foo'!
>
> ...
>
> Watchu talkin' 'bout, foo'/Willis?
WATCHU TALKIN' 'BOUT, FOO'/WILLIS?!
> Ready wrote:
> Only when i'm reading something on an internet chatroom that never
> seems to end Foo'!
>
> ...
>
> Watchu talkin' 'bout, foo'/Willis?
WATCHU TALKIN' 'BOUT, FOO'/WILLIS?!
Paradox wrote:
> I love quoting messages
> I love quoting messages
Azul wrote:
> Ready wrote:
> Only when i'm reading something on an internet chatroom that never
> seems to end Foo'!
>
> ...
>
> Watchu talkin' 'bout, foo'/Willis?
What language are you speaking
> Ready wrote:
> Only when i'm reading something on an internet chatroom that never
> seems to end Foo'!
>
> ...
>
> Watchu talkin' 'bout, foo'/Willis?
What language are you speaking
You're an, um, talking advert?
Page: