The "Freeola Customer Forum" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
“Hi guys thanks for coming”
Daniel, Susie, Eric, and Carmen enter Darwin’s house as he greets them politely. Darwin’s smile seemed permanent as he saw that Susie had decided to join the others in coming this day. Days before he had had an argument with her concerning her father and it didn’t end very well. She is an average girl that in the past got beat by her dad. When someone brings up the subject she saddens and that’s how she got a little mad with Darwin. Everyone seemed happy to be there but you could see that they knew they were probably going to have a boring time at a party with only 5 people in it. Darwin wasn’t much of the social type. He didn’t have many friends and he didn’t actually want many according to his actions at school. His only friends were kind though. They have been through everything together.
“Hey lets go to my room guys I got a new video game”
As they all marched upstairs to Darwin’s room they knew this was going to be even more boring than they expected. No one was at the house and all he wanted to do was play video games. They all loved playing them but not at perfect opportunities to reek havoc like this one. They all walked into Darwin’s room to behold a huge bed in the middle of a tiny room that overtook anything else in the small space. In front of that was a pretty good entertainment center with his television and GameCube laying on it. Besides these things his room was empty. He didn’t even have a closet! His walls were bare and boring and his floor was tattered with junk and laundry.
“You guys act like you have never seen my room before. What’s wrong?”
Everyone looked around Darwin’s room thinking. Was something missing? They didn’t know what they were looking for but they felt a weird presence. Eric closed the door behind him because he was the last one in. The noise that the door made when it shut was louder than usual. Eric tried to open the door again to see if he had done something wrong but it wouldn’t budge. He informed Darwin of what happened and Darwin tried to open the door as well. It didn’t move. It didn’t feel like the door was being blocked by the other side nor did it feel like it was locked. It felt different. Eric, Daniel, Carmen and Darwin thought this was fun. They were closed in Darwin’s room. This could be the one thing to lighten up the party. How exciting! Susie seemed to think different though. She looked confused and somewhat scared. As the other 4 talked she silently sat on the bed, looked ahead, and started to scream an ear-piercing yell that surprised the others.
“Susie! Susie Stop! Susie what’s wrong!”
Susie always is the first to think things are funny and adventurous. She has been through a lot in her life and she loves action. Why was she screaming? Could being locked in a room be this freighting to her? Carmen started to shake her because she didn’t stop yelling. After what seemed like 2 minutes she stopped. When Darwin asked what was wrong she just looked at him with tears in her eyes. Everyone was mighty confused but they reframed from paying more attention to her because she didn’t want help supposedly. They continued to talk as Susie stayed on the bed looking all around the room. Susie sometimes does things to get attention but she has never cried in front of friends. Out of nowhere small tremors fill the room.
“Haha, first we get stuck in my room now we get an earthquake. Today is going great! Haha”
Darwin made a horrible joke but the other’s still laughed. Susie started to shake as if she was scared. Daniel looked to her and said that everything would turn out fine but she just continued to look around the room. Everyone was jumping up and down to make the tremors fun when suddenly the walls began to shake wildly.
“That’s weird. This has never happened before”
Everyone began to get frightened at this moment. They all stood next to the door trying to free themselves from the room. It didn’t work. The door was motionless. After a while of trying the kids stood where they were and began yelling help. They didn’t yell franticly like Susie, who was still on the bed silent, but they yelled help nervously. The walls weren’t getting better.
“My mom should have been here hours ago. Where is she?”
The walls abruptly stopped shaking. Susie’s eyes opened wide. The others gave a sigh of relief thinking that it was over. But it wasn’t. The walls quickly shifted and began to close in quickly!
“Everyone get on top of my bed in the middle of the room. We will have more time there!”
The walls closed in tighter and tighter. The four kids stood crunched together in the middle of the bed screaming their lungs off. Susie got up. She jumped onto Darwin’s shoulders as if she had been planning to for a long time. As Darwin flinched she stood up and pushed up a ventilation pipe lid that was on the ceiling. She struggled up with her eyes closed in fear. As soon as she got her whole body out of the compact room she heard a loud CRASH and the screams of horror ended automatically. Susie felt emptiness around her. She opened her eyes and looked down the pipe hole that was now….a floor tile. She got up quickly and looked around. She was in Darwin’s room with but no one else was there and the door was wide open. She hears Darwin’s mother cooking dinner while crying downstairs like she had been doing so for a few hours. Susie cried in fear.
“Darwin are you up there!!! Darwin I have been looking for you for days!!! DARWIN IS THAT YOU UP THERE!!!!”
THE END
Drunk
Daniel, Susie, Eric, and Carmen enter Darwin’s house as he greets them politely. Darwin’s smile seemed permanent as he saw that Susie had decided to join the others in coming this day. Days before he had had an argument with her concerning her father and it didn’t end very well. She is an average girl that in the past got beat by her dad. When someone brings up the subject she saddens and that’s how she got a little mad with Darwin. Everyone seemed happy to be there but you could see that they knew they were probably going to have a boring time at a party with only 5 people in it. Darwin wasn’t much of the social type. He didn’t have many friends and he didn’t actually want many according to his actions at school. His only friends were kind though. They have been through everything together.
“Hey lets go to my room guys I got a new video game”
As they all marched upstairs to Darwin’s room they knew this was going to be even more boring than they expected. No one was at the house and all he wanted to do was play video games. They all loved playing them but not at perfect opportunities to reek havoc like this one. They all walked into Darwin’s room to behold a huge bed in the middle of a tiny room that overtook anything else in the small space. In front of that was a pretty good entertainment center with his television and GameCube laying on it. Besides these things his room was empty. He didn’t even have a closet! His walls were bare and boring and his floor was tattered with junk and laundry.
“You guys act like you have never seen my room before. What’s wrong?”
Everyone looked around Darwin’s room thinking. Was something missing? They didn’t know what they were looking for but they felt a weird presence. Eric closed the door behind him because he was the last one in. The noise that the door made when it shut was louder than usual. Eric tried to open the door again to see if he had done something wrong but it wouldn’t budge. He informed Darwin of what happened and Darwin tried to open the door as well. It didn’t move. It didn’t feel like the door was being blocked by the other side nor did it feel like it was locked. It felt different. Eric, Daniel, Carmen and Darwin thought this was fun. They were closed in Darwin’s room. This could be the one thing to lighten up the party. How exciting! Susie seemed to think different though. She looked confused and somewhat scared. As the other 4 talked she silently sat on the bed, looked ahead, and started to scream an ear-piercing yell that surprised the others.
“Susie! Susie Stop! Susie what’s wrong!”
Susie always is the first to think things are funny and adventurous. She has been through a lot in her life and she loves action. Why was she screaming? Could being locked in a room be this freighting to her? Carmen started to shake her because she didn’t stop yelling. After what seemed like 2 minutes she stopped. When Darwin asked what was wrong she just looked at him with tears in her eyes. Everyone was mighty confused but they reframed from paying more attention to her because she didn’t want help supposedly. They continued to talk as Susie stayed on the bed looking all around the room. Susie sometimes does things to get attention but she has never cried in front of friends. Out of nowhere small tremors fill the room.
“Haha, first we get stuck in my room now we get an earthquake. Today is going great! Haha”
Darwin made a horrible joke but the other’s still laughed. Susie started to shake as if she was scared. Daniel looked to her and said that everything would turn out fine but she just continued to look around the room. Everyone was jumping up and down to make the tremors fun when suddenly the walls began to shake wildly.
“That’s weird. This has never happened before”
Everyone began to get frightened at this moment. They all stood next to the door trying to free themselves from the room. It didn’t work. The door was motionless. After a while of trying the kids stood where they were and began yelling help. They didn’t yell franticly like Susie, who was still on the bed silent, but they yelled help nervously. The walls weren’t getting better.
“My mom should have been here hours ago. Where is she?”
The walls abruptly stopped shaking. Susie’s eyes opened wide. The others gave a sigh of relief thinking that it was over. But it wasn’t. The walls quickly shifted and began to close in quickly!
“Everyone get on top of my bed in the middle of the room. We will have more time there!”
The walls closed in tighter and tighter. The four kids stood crunched together in the middle of the bed screaming their lungs off. Susie got up. She jumped onto Darwin’s shoulders as if she had been planning to for a long time. As Darwin flinched she stood up and pushed up a ventilation pipe lid that was on the ceiling. She struggled up with her eyes closed in fear. As soon as she got her whole body out of the compact room she heard a loud CRASH and the screams of horror ended automatically. Susie felt emptiness around her. She opened her eyes and looked down the pipe hole that was now….a floor tile. She got up quickly and looked around. She was in Darwin’s room with but no one else was there and the door was wide open. She hears Darwin’s mother cooking dinner while crying downstairs like she had been doing so for a few hours. Susie cried in fear.
“Darwin are you up there!!! Darwin I have been looking for you for days!!! DARWIN IS THAT YOU UP THERE!!!!”
THE END
Drunk
Page:
mikelar wrote:
>
> I didn't get this bit though, once she gets through the pipe...has she
> climbed UP into Darwins room from BEING in Darwins room - like a
> freaky sci-fi thing or something?? And why does she ask "Are you
> up there!!?" Up where?! It might just be your dream so you might
> not know yourself but if you do.....
She was downstairs and heard someone crying upstairs....UPstairs.
And yes it's very sci-fi wierdish:-)
>
> I didn't get this bit though, once she gets through the pipe...has she
> climbed UP into Darwins room from BEING in Darwins room - like a
> freaky sci-fi thing or something?? And why does she ask "Are you
> up there!!?" Up where?! It might just be your dream so you might
> not know yourself but if you do.....
She was downstairs and heard someone crying upstairs....UPstairs.
And yes it's very sci-fi wierdish:-)
Drunk Cow wrote:
> She got up
> quickly and looked around. She was in Darwin’s room with but no one
> else was there and the door was wide open.
>
> “Darwin are you up there!!! Darwin I have been looking for you for
> days!!! DARWIN IS THAT YOU UP THERE!!!!”
Great story Drunk Cow, for some reason i really like to hear about people's dreams - don't know why, but it was cool anyway.
I didn't get this bit though, once she gets through the pipe...has she climbed UP into Darwins room from BEING in Darwins room - like a freaky sci-fi thing or something?? And why does she ask "Are you up there!!?" Up where?! It might just be your dream so you might not know yourself but if you do.....
> She got up
> quickly and looked around. She was in Darwin’s room with but no one
> else was there and the door was wide open.
>
> “Darwin are you up there!!! Darwin I have been looking for you for
> days!!! DARWIN IS THAT YOU UP THERE!!!!”
Great story Drunk Cow, for some reason i really like to hear about people's dreams - don't know why, but it was cool anyway.
I didn't get this bit though, once she gets through the pipe...has she climbed UP into Darwins room from BEING in Darwins room - like a freaky sci-fi thing or something?? And why does she ask "Are you up there!!?" Up where?! It might just be your dream so you might not know yourself but if you do.....
My name is Joe. Darwin is my brother's friend's name. Haha.:-D
The things that go through that Cow's head...
Oh, and Drunky, you didn't answer my question about being called Darwin. is this a sign?
Oh, and Drunky, you didn't answer my question about being called Darwin. is this a sign?
Damn you Iguano, you do watch films :D We read a poem by Carol Anne Duffy called Stealing, and we are asked to either base a small story around that, or make up a new story. The poem was alright, but i can't see how you could make a decent story out of it. I thought that the film i had seen a while ago was really good, and did slightly link in with the poem. I just hope the markers haven't seen the film...
This is actually a dream I had. I wrote it down on a paper and i decided to post it here. In my dream there was no talking though. Only screaming.:-D
*freaked out*
.... and that's a good thing
:0)
.... and that's a good thing
:0)
( . )Juicy Melons( . ) wrote:
> As for my story, if you are interested, it's about a schizophrenic.
> When he goes to his "bad side", he becomes a murderer. His
> laywer believes that he hasn't done anything, because his normal side
> is so convincing.
If you don't mind me saying, it sounds a lot like a film called "Primal Fear"
Priest gets murdered. "Nice" kid goes on trail. His lawyer thinks he's completely innocent. Then discovers he has an alter 'bad' ego, who actually did murder the priest, but the 'good' side had nothing to do with it (in a manner of speaking)
Lawyer gets him off on insanity, then discovers that the guy isn't schizo. He just made up his 'good' side to get off on insanity, and did infact commit the murder in his right state of mind.
Just thought you'd want to be aware of the simularities..
> As for my story, if you are interested, it's about a schizophrenic.
> When he goes to his "bad side", he becomes a murderer. His
> laywer believes that he hasn't done anything, because his normal side
> is so convincing.
If you don't mind me saying, it sounds a lot like a film called "Primal Fear"
Priest gets murdered. "Nice" kid goes on trail. His lawyer thinks he's completely innocent. Then discovers he has an alter 'bad' ego, who actually did murder the priest, but the 'good' side had nothing to do with it (in a manner of speaking)
Lawyer gets him off on insanity, then discovers that the guy isn't schizo. He just made up his 'good' side to get off on insanity, and did infact commit the murder in his right state of mind.
Just thought you'd want to be aware of the simularities..
Look I'm special. I helped Juicy.:-D
Cheers dudes!
Cheers dudes!
Meh, that was excellent. For my English coursework, i have to write a short stroy. But for some strange reason, my teacher hasn't showed us any of the short stories he has been ranting on about. Oh, and the room sounded a bit like yours would, so are you called Darwin? When i've finished my story, i'll be posting it on SR, so i hope a few people will read it and give me advice and stuff. Top stuff Mr. Cow, and i have to say, better than your spoofs. This may be something to help me on my story, you used alot of good vocabulary in the story and all.
As for my story, if you are interested, it's about a schizophrenic. When he goes to his "bad side", he becomes a murderer. His laywer believes that he hasn't done anything, because his normal side is so convincing. But i'm still trying to find a decent twist for the ending. so far, if i can't think of anything. i'll have to use a Minority Report styley ending.
As for my story, if you are interested, it's about a schizophrenic. When he goes to his "bad side", he becomes a murderer. His laywer believes that he hasn't done anything, because his normal side is so convincing. But i'm still trying to find a decent twist for the ending. so far, if i can't think of anything. i'll have to use a Minority Report styley ending.
Page: