The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
I’ve seen the future, and its not nice…
Stumbling back home after a night’s consumption of a heady cocktail of Al’s Cider and Walker’s Cheese and Onion crisps I managed to find my room and decided that, for the sake of my molecular brain structure, I should stimulate my brain. I turned, of course, to videogames. Nintendo 64, PC, Dreamcast. After exhausting my videogames collection I slumped in a corner and fell into a deep, deep, sleep, the sounds of Big Boo’s Haunt still ringing in my ears. Hypnotised by the melodic rumblings of Nintendo I slipped into a world where games had changed beyond all recognition. I had slipped into the future, and I did not like what I saw…
‘Behold, for what you see before you is a vintage 1995 antique, the Sony Playstation!’
‘Ooooh, aaaaah’ gasped the people around me. I looked up, trying to get a grip on my surroundings. I appeared to be in Special Reserve, but why the commotion? And just what are those strange looking chairs? (More on that later) ‘Going, going, gone! Sold to that Bill Gates model at the back for 1 trillion Sonys!’ My ears pricked up. What’s a Sony? Why is Bill Gates is here? Wait a second, Bill Gates is a model? Wow, I must have had a lot to drink. Anyway, I can’t pass this opportunity I must get his autograph! I ran over to him, Nokia 2165A Mini Mobile PC in hand, and excitedly tapped him on the back. ‘Excuse me, Mr Gates, I love your work, can I please have... your…Mr Gates?’ I suddenly spotted a green tinge in his eyes – he looked weird. I turned around and patted the person behind me on the shoulder.’ Excuse me Sir, but what is wrong with Bill?
‘What’s wrong with Bill? Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahah! *gasps for fresh air* Mwhahahahahahahahahah! Bill Gates is the biggest loser in the world! Where have you been for the last century?’
‘What!!!!!!’ I said. I could not believe the catastrophic news I had just heard. When I went to sleep the year was 2002 – but now, I’m living in…a time…in a time… when Bill Gates is a loser? I looked back at Bill. To tell you the truth he did look pretty grim. His hair was greying, his brown corduroy slacks were a little dirty and he had stupid glasses. Wait a second, that’s the Bill Gates of 2002! I needed more information. What happened?
The man turned round again and filled me in on the whole story. ‘Sometime in 2019, Bill Gates had reached the peak of his powers. The Console wars had been waged for 18 years, but unfortunately Nintendo had fallen out of the race four years earlier, eventually bought out by the megalomaniacs at Fisher Price after the Gamecube monopolised the 2-7 market. But rather than continue as before, Bill got greedy. In order to beat the forces of Sony he decided to clone himself, and banked on his superior intelligence to overcome the overwhelming coolness of Sony, who could count on Jamie Oliver and Geri Halliwell to smash the opposition. After six months of war the army of Bill Gates were winning and Bill was starting to draw up plans for world re-domination. But suddenly the clones started to malfunction! Sony destroyed the clones and eventually took over the world (hence Sonys became the currency) and Bill Gates became a tramp. That Bill Gates next to you is the only clone that survived, but he became successful after a kiss-and-tell to the newspapers'.
'Wow', I thought. 'But why did the clones malfunction?'
'They were using Windows XP', he replied.
Woah, that is some story I thought as I stumbled across to one of those chairs. I sat in it and was transported to the buying section of SR. I looked at the selection of games and gasped. It was all Sony. Shelf after shelf after shelf. I looked at the selection of games, and to put it frankly, they horrified me. Tomb Raider 12: The Search for the Lost Hairbrush, Ridge Racer XV, Fifa: Road to the Macclesfield Sunday League Cup and SuperMegaBrandSpankingNewTekkenTagTournamentTurboExtra.
‘Jesus, where has the originality gone?’ I transported back to the main hub and stepped outside. Then it struck me. I still didn’t know what year it was. I looked for a newspaper and found The Head (apparently the Sun fizzled out earlier that century and light was now made by shining a torch on Fabien Barthez’s head and reflecting it). Then I saw it…the year was 2102! What was I going to do?
To Be Continued…
Thanks for reading; I’d love to hear feedback
RM18
Stumbling back home after a night’s consumption of a heady cocktail of Al’s Cider and Walker’s Cheese and Onion crisps I managed to find my room and decided that, for the sake of my molecular brain structure, I should stimulate my brain. I turned, of course, to videogames. Nintendo 64, PC, Dreamcast. After exhausting my videogames collection I slumped in a corner and fell into a deep, deep, sleep, the sounds of Big Boo’s Haunt still ringing in my ears. Hypnotised by the melodic rumblings of Nintendo I slipped into a world where games had changed beyond all recognition. I had slipped into the future, and I did not like what I saw…
‘Behold, for what you see before you is a vintage 1995 antique, the Sony Playstation!’
‘Ooooh, aaaaah’ gasped the people around me. I looked up, trying to get a grip on my surroundings. I appeared to be in Special Reserve, but why the commotion? And just what are those strange looking chairs? (More on that later) ‘Going, going, gone! Sold to that Bill Gates model at the back for 1 trillion Sonys!’ My ears pricked up. What’s a Sony? Why is Bill Gates is here? Wait a second, Bill Gates is a model? Wow, I must have had a lot to drink. Anyway, I can’t pass this opportunity I must get his autograph! I ran over to him, Nokia 2165A Mini Mobile PC in hand, and excitedly tapped him on the back. ‘Excuse me, Mr Gates, I love your work, can I please have... your…Mr Gates?’ I suddenly spotted a green tinge in his eyes – he looked weird. I turned around and patted the person behind me on the shoulder.’ Excuse me Sir, but what is wrong with Bill?
‘What’s wrong with Bill? Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahah! *gasps for fresh air* Mwhahahahahahahahahah! Bill Gates is the biggest loser in the world! Where have you been for the last century?’
‘What!!!!!!’ I said. I could not believe the catastrophic news I had just heard. When I went to sleep the year was 2002 – but now, I’m living in…a time…in a time… when Bill Gates is a loser? I looked back at Bill. To tell you the truth he did look pretty grim. His hair was greying, his brown corduroy slacks were a little dirty and he had stupid glasses. Wait a second, that’s the Bill Gates of 2002! I needed more information. What happened?
The man turned round again and filled me in on the whole story. ‘Sometime in 2019, Bill Gates had reached the peak of his powers. The Console wars had been waged for 18 years, but unfortunately Nintendo had fallen out of the race four years earlier, eventually bought out by the megalomaniacs at Fisher Price after the Gamecube monopolised the 2-7 market. But rather than continue as before, Bill got greedy. In order to beat the forces of Sony he decided to clone himself, and banked on his superior intelligence to overcome the overwhelming coolness of Sony, who could count on Jamie Oliver and Geri Halliwell to smash the opposition. After six months of war the army of Bill Gates were winning and Bill was starting to draw up plans for world re-domination. But suddenly the clones started to malfunction! Sony destroyed the clones and eventually took over the world (hence Sonys became the currency) and Bill Gates became a tramp. That Bill Gates next to you is the only clone that survived, but he became successful after a kiss-and-tell to the newspapers'.
'Wow', I thought. 'But why did the clones malfunction?'
'They were using Windows XP', he replied.
Woah, that is some story I thought as I stumbled across to one of those chairs. I sat in it and was transported to the buying section of SR. I looked at the selection of games and gasped. It was all Sony. Shelf after shelf after shelf. I looked at the selection of games, and to put it frankly, they horrified me. Tomb Raider 12: The Search for the Lost Hairbrush, Ridge Racer XV, Fifa: Road to the Macclesfield Sunday League Cup and SuperMegaBrandSpankingNewTekkenTagTournamentTurboExtra.
‘Jesus, where has the originality gone?’ I transported back to the main hub and stepped outside. Then it struck me. I still didn’t know what year it was. I looked for a newspaper and found The Head (apparently the Sun fizzled out earlier that century and light was now made by shining a torch on Fabien Barthez’s head and reflecting it). Then I saw it…the year was 2102! What was I going to do?
To Be Continued…
Thanks for reading; I’d love to hear feedback
RM18
Page:
i like to shred paper
im going now , cya
im going now , cya
Yeah, but I'm not exactly sure what it means
(my brain's a little numb after all the tranquiliser darts)
(my brain's a little numb after all the tranquiliser darts)
lol , very nice
like mine ?
like mine ?
That sounds good, and the possibilities are endless. By the way, do you like my new tagline?
licence
what about astronauts ?
what about astronauts ?
RM18 wrote:
> Yeah but there's not as much creative liscence?
I'm sorry, how do you spell liscence?
> Yeah but there's not as much creative liscence?
I'm sorry, how do you spell liscence?
Yeah but there's not as much creative liscence?
we "pretended" (wink wink) to be secret agents , so i thought we could be something else like firefighters.
Indian-DudeY2K wrote:
> wow !!! it has hasn't it , well then we will all have to "pretend" to
> be firemen or something ;-)
"pretent to be firemen" what does that mean?
> wow !!! it has hasn't it , well then we will all have to "pretend" to
> be firemen or something ;-)
"pretent to be firemen" what does that mean?
Page: