Viewing Thread:
"Titanic. Thar she blows"

Apart from the fact that Titanic was a complete and utter chick flick in every sense of the word, I found it grossly offensive on just about every level.
A pretty mean achievement from the guy that gave us The Terminator, an exercise in cinema perfection.

Where to start?
2hrs of sub-Upstairs Downstairs romance that sticks in the throat for all the wrong reasons.
“Hello, I’m Kate Winslet. I am pretend rich but feel stifled by society’s expectations of me. I long for a charming pauper to show me the meaning of life without money”
“Hello, I’m Billy Zane. I am rich and therefore evil and controlling. Mwah hah hah”
“Hello, I’m Leonardo. I am poor with a golden heart and a nice sketch book.”
“Hello, we’re the stereo-typical Oirish steerage passengers. We dance and get drunk and all have red hair”

Rich bloke controls longing-to-be-free woman that just wants a nice lad with foppish hair and the face of a 12yr old.
That’s the plot.
Oh, and there’s something about a boat sinking, but not for 2hrs into this movie which is odd considering the title.

Characters are one-dimensional and stereotype of the worst possible degree.
Oirish dancing red-heads, stiff upper lip evil people and golden hearted poor people.
DeCaprio spends the movie looking like he’s trying to work out a really hard math problem, even when drawing a naked woman he looks uncomfortable.
Billy Zane menaces people with his evil eyebrow action and Winslet runs about being all repressed with life.

But, to me, the worst thing about this movie is that it took the single worst maritime disaster and used it as a backdrop to a 3rd rate love story.
And nobody minded because it is a while ago now.
Would you have cried if this was a touching love story set in Hillsborough or the Zebrugge Ferry disaster? It’s no different, the families were appalled and boycotted it, quite rightly.
According to the film, the Titanic sunk because the look-out posts were watching two people kiss and didn’t see a HUGE iceberg coming.
Offensive and juvenile.

And that song. That travesty of musical ability and one of the single worst crimes against melody ever committed in recent history.
Celine Dion warbling about her heart going on.
Yeah, not as long as your song though eh love? A song that has become the soundtrack to housewives cleaning and shabby weddings the world over.

The old woman. That selfish old bint that spent so long boring us stupid, and did she give the diamond to Bill Paxton? Did she treasure it as the only memento of the man she loves? Nope, she threw it in the briny and smiled. You daft old beggar! Sell it and buy digestives or more of those little dogs that grow out of old lady’s armpits and yap incessantly.

And my final moan, the biggest and best yet.
This film is called Titanic. We know the plot, that’s why we went to see it.
Don’t make us wait 2hrs before the boat starts to sink, slowly.
And that touching, throughout the ages declaration of love?

Jack floating in the ocean whilst Rose clings to the raft.
Rose: “I will never let you go”
Jack “Thanks”
Rose prises him off the raft and pushes him away so he sinks and dies.

Titanic is, ironically, one of the biggest floaters I have ever come across.

As you may have predicted, I don't like this film either. It's not just because of Leo though - I actually felt sickened by the amount of money thrown at it.

We all knew what was going to happen, it was quite clear from the fact that the movie is called 'Titanic'

What they needed was something to bring a bit of life into the film. Perhaps another film stealing role from Bill Murray.

Aye but guess what happens in the sequal, it SINKS!!

Yes.

But I got there and convinced them it would be the worst film ever since "Mighty Ducks 3"

What really left a sickening taste in the back of my throat was the use of real film clips of people waving the Titanic off.

Obviously only there to draw on peoples emotions and remind them that it was a true disaster.

Then we get 2 hours of absolute tedium. People remember the opening credits and think that this tale is somehow relevant.

Then the boat sinks like we were expecting.

And wasn't there talk of a sequel?

Here, Here!!

Apart from the fact that Titanic was a complete and utter chick flick in every sense of the word, I found it grossly offensive on just about every level.
A pretty mean achievement from the guy that gave us The Terminator, an exercise in cinema perfection.

Where to start?
2hrs of sub-Upstairs Downstairs romance that sticks in the throat for all the wrong reasons.
“Hello, I’m Kate Winslet. I am pretend rich but feel stifled by society’s expectations of me. I long for a charming pauper to show me the meaning of life without money”
“Hello, I’m Billy Zane. I am rich and therefore evil and controlling. Mwah hah hah”
“Hello, I’m Leonardo. I am poor with a golden heart and a nice sketch book.”
“Hello, we’re the stereo-typical Oirish steerage passengers. We dance and get drunk and all have red hair”

Rich bloke controls longing-to-be-free woman that just wants a nice lad with foppish hair and the face of a 12yr old.
That’s the plot.
Oh, and there’s something about a boat sinking, but not for 2hrs into this movie which is odd considering the title.

Characters are one-dimensional and stereotype of the worst possible degree.
Oirish dancing red-heads, stiff upper lip evil people and golden hearted poor people.
DeCaprio spends the movie looking like he’s trying to work out a really hard math problem, even when drawing a naked woman he looks uncomfortable.
Billy Zane menaces people with his evil eyebrow action and Winslet runs about being all repressed with life.

But, to me, the worst thing about this movie is that it took the single worst maritime disaster and used it as a backdrop to a 3rd rate love story.
And nobody minded because it is a while ago now.
Would you have cried if this was a touching love story set in Hillsborough or the Zebrugge Ferry disaster? It’s no different, the families were appalled and boycotted it, quite rightly.
According to the film, the Titanic sunk because the look-out posts were watching two people kiss and didn’t see a HUGE iceberg coming.
Offensive and juvenile.

And that song. That travesty of musical ability and one of the single worst crimes against melody ever committed in recent history.
Celine Dion warbling about her heart going on.
Yeah, not as long as your song though eh love? A song that has become the soundtrack to housewives cleaning and shabby weddings the world over.

The old woman. That selfish old bint that spent so long boring us stupid, and did she give the diamond to Bill Paxton? Did she treasure it as the only memento of the man she loves? Nope, she threw it in the briny and smiled. You daft old beggar! Sell it and buy digestives or more of those little dogs that grow out of old lady’s armpits and yap incessantly.

And my final moan, the biggest and best yet.
This film is called Titanic. We know the plot, that’s why we went to see it.
Don’t make us wait 2hrs before the boat starts to sink, slowly.
And that touching, throughout the ages declaration of love?

Jack floating in the ocean whilst Rose clings to the raft.
Rose: “I will never let you go”
Jack “Thanks”
Rose prises him off the raft and pushes him away so he sinks and dies.

Titanic is, ironically, one of the biggest floaters I have ever come across.