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I keep hitting my head on ceiling lights. My Mum has this thing about fancy light decorations, so our hallway and living room lights are chandelier-esque, which means my head clips them easily if I'm not paying attention.
Not being able to walk around own house properly + Mother's taste in light decoration = mongy son
Which leads me tastefully onto the next item:
2.
I accidentally took the p*ss out of a disabled kid at the weekend. It wasn't my fault, he had his back to me and he was dancing sensually around a wooden pole with a lady, in a crowded pub of all places. Then he turned round, and after a few seconds I realised he wasn't pulling a face at me and genuinely had Jade Goody Syndrome (Down's in Leyman's terms). I felt like such a b*stard, but he was really enjoying himself, so all is forgiven.
Word isn't infallible though, don't cane me if I'm still wrong.
Don't think, boy. KNOW.
> Insane ßartender wrote:
> "jeapordise"
If nothing else, pointing that out has finally made me look up how to actually spell the word.
"Go Snuggly, do the robot!"
"No, I look like an infant trying to walk"
"No dude, you totally do the robot!"
"Really?"
"Yeah! Do it! I'll film it!"
"You think? Am I cool when I do that?"
"Sure you are, go on"
10 mins later and everyone's laughing at the clip
"Hey, wait a minute...."
> "jeapordise"
> Yet Snuggly didn't score (I'm guessing)
> It's a cruel world
He did the robot dance though!
No wait, that's the crueler than any disability!
Health and Safety in the home is being seriously violated if you have to bend over (NO) to get through the hallway or living room.
Walk past one day, and just collapse in pain, writhing on the floor like a worm. When mother dearest comes to your aid, tell her your back "just went" and tell her to call an ambulance. In hospital, explain that you were walking through the hall, bent like a philadelphia cross-dresser, and you got shooting pains up your back.
Doctor will note that "it seems ok now", but will recommend that your mother replace the lights for something that does not "jeapordise home safety".
> It wasn't my fault, he had his back to me and he was dancing
> sensually around a wooden pole with a lady, in a crowded pub of all
> places. Then he turned round, and after a few seconds I realised he
> wasn't pulling a face at me
---
Yet Snuggly didn't score (I'm guessing)
It's a cruel world